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 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 51
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borderline personality disorder-any info?Page 3 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
for op and others involved with others afflicted with bpd:

please realize that, regardless what the bpd says, you do not have to take responsibility for their emotional states. you may, at times, feel like what you have going on in your own life doesn't matter, that you should put your 'self' on the back burner while you focus your best energy on the bpd. but you can only do this for so long. none of us have the patience or, ultimately, the disregard for ourselves to allow another to consume our spirit.

while i believe in simple loving kindness, i've learned to establish boundaries. only boundaries can liberate us.
 mickuandme
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 52
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:38:17 AM
You summed it up very well I lived with my partner for 20 years went through hell with her I have three children to the relation-ship which now they are in my care yes I suffered a lot been blamed as the villan for all her doings yes she had neumerous accounts of affairs whilist in the relation-ship not relising what is been happening she can hide very well and the lies she tells very convincing that it is very true I took her back so many times about 28 times even though when she formed a relation-ship with another guy I still took her back thinking that she will get better and hoping one day our lives will return for the better. Iwas wrong I rescued her so many times even stuck by her when addmited to hospital on three ocassions every day I was along side of her I nursed her I looked after her I gave a lot of T.L.C hoping that she will recover from the illness.Yet again I was wrong again . The worst thing about the whole affair is that she is denial of all the distruction. It so sad to see some one destroy their live and yet turn to people who encourages them in doing so she idolize friends who support her doing and yet have no values for family I lived with all those years not knowing the truth about her nor her family which been kept secret and very well.Until now the truth starting to come out into the open.some times people say they to leave her on her own and start a new relation-ship with some one else .i afree to acertain degree but I start wondering how can she survive with this mentall ilness on her own .therefore I assured that I will always be for her she is part of my limbs I tell her .I keep asking my self why do I keep rescuing her enough is enough but i keep going back on my words.I realy don't have an answer at all.But some times I do tell my self if some thing bad is to happen to her that my children will blame me for not been there for her she is there mother after all.I did post a topic about what I had experienced with her over those years .some people critisize me for taking her back .Which may effect the children in the future.Because of my weakness and soft heart I simply can't say no more rescuing her.some people may say that Iam sick or mental for taking her back .Iam sorry to say to those people they have no idea what I have suffered living with her.Yes she does take drugs Weed and very heavy and drinks alcahol .But what frustate me is that I keep telling that we are suffering from the drugs she is taking And yet she says she is not hurting any-one but her self by taking drugs And it is hard to live with .It has been 2 years since she formed a relation-ship with this guy and already she had 5 fall outs with him. It has been hard for me to let go and Iam still in greif 20 years in a relation-ship it is very hard to turn away from and get over it.Every day I go to sleep with a headache and wake up with a headache.I did get proffesional help at the begining ,of last 2 years and now I suffer from anxiety attacks and depresion I am still on medication and can not live with out it I tried very hard to give up the medication but was unable to function properly at times I couldn't fell to sleep for three days .
 mickuandme
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 53
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:39:47 AM
You summed it up very sassy .well I lived with my partner for 20 years went through hell with her I have three children to the relation-ship which now they are in my care yes I suffered a lot been blamed as the villan for all her doings yes she had neumerous accounts of affairs whilist in the relation-ship not relising what is been happening she can hide very well and the lies she tells very convincing that it is very true I took her back so many times about 28 times even though when she formed a relation-ship with another guy I still took her back thinking that she will get better and hoping one day our lives will return for the better. Iwas wrong I rescued her so many times even stuck by her when addmited to hospital on three ocassions every day I was along side of her I nursed her I looked after her I gave a lot of T.L.C hoping that she will recover from the illness.Yet again I was wrong again . The worst thing about the whole affair is that she is denial of all the distruction. It so sad to see some one destroy their live and yet turn to people who encourages them in doing so she idolize friends who support her doing and yet have no values for family I lived with all those years not knowing the truth about her nor her family which been kept secret and very well.Until now the truth starting to come out into the open.some times people say they to leave her on her own and start a new relation-ship with some one else .i afree to acertain degree but I start wondering how can she survive with this mentall ilness on her own .therefore I assured that I will always be for her she is part of my limbs I tell her .I keep asking my self why do I keep rescuing her enough is enough but i keep going back on my words.I realy don't have an answer at all.But some times I do tell my self if some thing bad is to happen to her that my children will blame me for not been there for her she is there mother after all.I did post a topic about what I had experienced with her over those years .some people critisize me for taking her back .Which may effect the children in the future.Because of my weakness and soft heart I simply can't say no more rescuing her.some people may say that Iam sick or mental for taking her back .Iam sorry to say to those people they have no idea what I have suffered living with her.Yes she does take drugs Weed and very heavy and drinks alcahol .But what frustate me is that I keep telling that we are suffering from the drugs she is taking And yet she says she is not hurting any-one but her self by taking drugs And it is hard to live with .It has been 2 years since she formed a relation-ship with this guy and already she had 5 fall outs with him. It has been hard for me to let go and Iam still in greif 20 years in a relation-ship it is very hard to turn away from and get over it.Every day I go to sleep with a headache and wake up with a headache.I did get proffesional help at the begining ,of last 2 years and now I suffer from anxiety attacks and depresion I am still on medication and can not live with out it I tried very hard to give up the medication but was unable to function properly at times I couldn't fell to sleep for three days .
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 54
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/10/2008 6:52:49 PM
Glen Close did an excellent job portraying a person with Borderline Personality
Disorder in Fatal Attraction.

Diagnosis is not as simple as reading through a list of symptoms in the DSM-IV-TR. It's a tad more complicated and should be left to qualified diagnosticians. With that said, I choose not work with individuals with this disorder and I refer them to therapists who specialize in this area and are willing to deal with the drama and games.

It is a very challenging disorder and a difficult one to negotiate within a relationship.

Best,

ACP
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 55
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/12/2008 6:15:29 PM

just reading through these posts and i thought id add a comment personality disorders i dont believe in them some silly psyciatrist dude has made all this bullshit up what has really happened is they have come up with these labels for ppl who they think arnt normal when i actul fact they are they just behave in a different way to what ppl think is normal for instance a child who is a bit hyper oh he has adhd a person who suffers from up and downs oh bi polar a person who talks to themselves oh lets see scizophrenia maybe just maybe if ppl started being a bit more open mined and stopped looking down their noses at ppl who act differently ppl wouldnt be given these terms and labels i work in mental health and some of the ones i work with are the most amazing people i have ever met in my life and i value their thoughts and opinions more than some of the ppl i class as normal who gives a flying **** if your partner is a bit possessive or jealous maybe its because they really love you and the problem doesnt lie with them its you i would love to look thorugh the mind and eyes of a person who is classed as abnormal cause i bet ya their having a ball EVERYONE SHOULD GET ON WITH THEIR LIVES AND STOP LABELING PEOPLE THERE IS NO ****ING NORMAL PEOPLE BEHAVE IN DIFFERENT WAYS BECAUSE THEY ARE DIFFERENT GET ****ING OVER IT


While your enthusiasm is very refreshing, and like Argentum Crinis Philogus, I work toward social justice, not social exclusion-unfortunately, labels are required for "afflicted" individuals to receive the level of services that they require.

I am borderline, and have been pronounced "recovered" by my therapist an MSW. Does that mean I'm no longer borderline...nope....it means, that with the help of special "services", I should be able to lead a productive life. Without these services, I would founder in deep water.

I embraced my LABEL and decided to change the meaning of it. I work with borderlines and the SO's of borderlines, trying to help them make sense of nonsense.

As my Mother was borderline, I have been on the giving, and receiving ends of the nonsense. While relationships are a give and take venture, I can tell people when they are getting something that they don't deserve.....nonsense.

I am also bi-polarII and I can tell you that bi-polar, and borderline are very different illnesses, although they can mimic each other so closely, that for a physician who is classically trained, sometimes the differentiation is nearly impossible. The secret is to discover the "intent" of the thinking.

The secret for success for a borderline to overcome their illness, is to embrace the diagnosis, and change their thinking patterns (behaviour modification). Medications can help with anxiety and depression, but the "personality" will overpower the medications if the borderline feels threatened.

Bi-polar is much more amenable to medication, although finding the right dosage and/or****ail of medications can sometimes be a challenge. Another secret...behaviour modification can also be very helpful with bi-polar disorder.

My personal choice for behaviour modification is CBT. I have evolved from having "frequent" suicidal ideation, to being virtually free of any suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation uses an enormous amount of energy....I am more than happy to be free of that.

Don't ever lose your enthusiasm, lil miss love armagh!
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 56
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:19:12 AM

Only a shrink can dx someone. BP is complicated, it's hard to dx as it encompasses bi-polar disorder and well as nariccism. And then within it that they have different functioning levels. That is why it's called Borderline...because it borders on many other other disorders.


from information presented on the forums, medical doctors have a hard time diagnosing bpd, and very few willingly work with them. bpds can present quite well and tend to mask their condition due to their own denial.


The BP must always be on meds and under a doctors care....but it's only somewhat treateable.


we've also learned that prescription drugs do little to alleviate the symptoms.


Make no mistake about it, you will never be able to have a mature healthy realtionship with one.


also untrue. if the bpd has the motivation to seek help and the diligence to work with the advised therapy, they can enjoy the same sort of relationships as the rest of us. no one claims it would be easy, but it certainly is possible.

i posted this link earlier because it offers insight into the condition and dispels some of the myths:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1078702.aspx
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 57
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 9:18:22 AM

Only a shrink can dx someone. BP is complicated, it's hard to dx as it encompasses bi-polar disorder and well as nariccism. And then within it that they have different functioning levels. That is why it's called Borderline...because it borders on many other other disorders.

Basically the BP is forever 2 years old. They are incapable of having an emotionally mature relationship. Unlike King Midas who turned everything he touched into gold, the BP turns everything they touch into shit. That is why I call them King Feces.

The BP must always be on meds and under a doctors care....but it's only somewhat treateable. Some can not hold certain high stress jobs. Children are not advisable for them to have. It's always all about the person with BP. They can't help it, but after dealing with them, the disease and the person are very hard to seperate.

If you like constant drama and chaos, then a BP is for you. But it will always be all about them. To them you are only as good or bad as your last deed.

Make no mistake about it, you will never be able to have a mature healthy realtionship with one. They get very mad to hear that, but it's true. They not are not capable of seeing themselves as they really are. Again, it's the nature of the disease.

Unfortunately, the disease is toxic and bleeds on over to their partners. They will make your life a white knuckle roller coaster ride and a living hell. BP is a terrible disease and it can and does destroy a health person who has to live with them.


I'm assuming that you aren't a shrink, since your profile says that you have a masters degree.....I see what looks like diagnosing going on in your post. Inaccurate diagnosing at that.....the term Borderline was actually derived from the disorder appearing to be on the "borderline" of "neurosis and psychosis". Borderline is an Axis I personality disorder, while Bi-polar disorder is an Axis II mood disorder.....One does not "encompass" the other, and as I stated above, while the two "look" similar on the outside, the thinking patterns are very different.

I've just made the first paragraph of your post accurate.....although I realize that borderlines make the lives of their SO's hell ( I have been on the receiving end of this as well)....stigma and inaccuracies are one of the main reasons that some un-diagnosed borderlines will not come forward, and ask for help. They know that something is "really wrong", but are afraid of a diagnosis that might even have a hint of the word "crazy" attached to it.

Here's another secret....if the borderline can very closely acquaint themselves with the word "reasonable"...and gear their thinking along the same line, even if triggered....numerous times.....we can respond "reasonably". We can still get angry....just "reasonably" angry.

Bad intentions....have to go....if we have a very bad experience, we can play out any scenario....in our head.....that we want. The scenario stays in the head. Any "redress" of a situation is to be done appropriately.....even if that means writing a scathing, dirt filled, vile letter, and then deleting it.

With time, even these emotions have diminished, in my case.....my "natural" reactions are much different than they were a few years ago.

This all looks very easy written in this small space....it isn't easy....at all. But because I have done the work, and been successful (so far), I am willing to try to help others, and not worry about the "stigma" or "tonguelashings" of people who have been hurt by a borderline....I've been hurt by a borderline too.
 ceaser_73
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 58
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 2:02:09 PM
Just wanted to comment on your very informative post. I was in a realtionship with a person for 4 years on and off. And I to knew that she had to have a mental disorder or maybe bi_polar. She was very controlling,self centered,pocessive,through tantrums,was never at fault,always blamed others,never apologized for anything (except maybe once) I caught her cheating several times,never sorry,(would blame me for her actions) had a problem with cocaine. She would binge use and would do large quanities. Like 4 teiners with no stopping. Had problems sleeping alot, would take other prescription drugs from her mother (who would give them to her) she was verbally abusive alot, and liked to hit. I will admit that stating all the above you ask to yourself why was I with her or stuck around. I did have feelings for her. And well I would always argue with logic and express my feelings only to have them used against me.When things were good there were good, and sometimes great. I did make stands at times, and kept myself at a distance, and just take things day by day. When she wasen't hanging around a couple of her POS friends ,she would be ok but had her moods. But when she did hang with friends her behavior traits changed and then it would start. It was like a was dating 2 people, and the drugs finally won. I went through alot of abuse with her and it ended really bad, I blame myself for never getting away from her a longf time ago, it would have save me alot of problems,but when I was away from her i felt like I was lost without her as well. Somehow and don't ask me how or why I care, I am afraid she is headed to self destruction and maybe will die from it. Is this what she wants? Is her self destruction so great that she wants to die? I thought I would ask and maybe get some answers.
thanks for reading
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 59
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:37:36 PM
Jazzythecat...

I don't believe that I got on the defensive any more than a member of any "group" that was being misrepresented would be. I think I was very "reasonable" with my response.

Easy Read....

I stand corrected....mood disorders are Axis I... personality disorders are Axis II

I'm with Lil Brooker on the male BPD thing....I know a couple of them.
Both with pretty big BPD pathology. One is diagnosed, one isn't.

When a 200 pound man, who is a bit "tipsy" tells me to "get out of his house" and backs it up by threatening me with an ax......over something I said that he "misunderstood" .........I'm calling that borderline, over bi-polar or narcissism. (This is only one example of his behaviour)
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 60
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:17:38 PM

Somehow and don't ask me how or why I care, I am afraid she is headed to self destruction and maybe will die from it. Is this what she wants? Is her self destruction so great that she wants to die? I thought I would ask and maybe get some answers.


Your ex-girlfriend sounds like she is borderline to me.

Drugs like cocaine, just make things sooo much worse.

Is she headed for self destruction, and might she die from it.....it's possible.

The thing that you need to know....is that IF she is determined to self destruct, you won't be able to stop her. I'm telling you this, so that if something happens, you won't blame yourself. I understand that you care, but you can't save her. The only person that can save her is.....her.....
 ceaser_73
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 61
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 8:14:34 PM
Thanks Quazi, Sunscapes and Cindyslooking. You all gave some good input. I have spent some time reseaching this on line, and reading threads in here. The one thing I am questioning to myself is something someone said, "it takes a crazy person to be with a crazy person." I ask myself some questions. she did leave some damage behind, and it was malicious and intentfull. I liked what Cindyslooking had to say that we all have something wrong with us. That is the absolute truth of reality. I always tell people no one is perfect, and we as humans try to get as close to it as we can or think that we are. I know that nothing will stop here but herself, I just know that I will be to blame in her creative mind and manipulating personality. I do believe in Karma though. I was in in another thread about "hating exes" and read some of the things people has to say in there. I don't have hate, life is too short to hate. I suppose I am just looking for answers that I ask myself,and try not to feel at blame for everything. I ain't perfect.
 ceaser_73
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 62
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:37:56 AM
No history of sex abuse in childhood that I ever knew of or ever seen her demonstrate. Her parents well, they are rich. Her mother enables her in everything,is always there ,there, have a pill to calm you down. Her father well he just stays out of everything, they both drink about 2 to 4 martiniti shakers after 5pm just depends on the day. Her brother is a complete alcoholic, drinks 1 to 2 5ths of vodka a day, and is on some pretty heavy meds. I have see him go from 1 to 5 in like 20mins and can't even talk straight and just be ****ed. He has a 1 year old son that he really doesn't touch, and when he does his wife is afraid he will fall down with him, and I am pretty sure he has.They know about her brothers problem and just kinda dance around it,talk shit when he isn't around and the mother bibs and burbs him, have for a long time. And as for the her I always suspected that they know that she has the privleged princess syndrome as that they created it, but Arent' to sure they really know about her drug problem. She has always been very illusive about it. (thus the 2 personalities I mentioned) I always used to think highly of them, and always tried to have my own friendship with them and bond, but she did not allow that, always wanted me focused on her and no one else. So I just kinda withdrew and figured I was in a lions den, you know the rest.
Looking back I blame myself for never having the strength to leave entirely and just run. That I polluted my mind with all the thoughts of good times and good things, trying to outweigh the obvious, and alot of the times thought maybe it was me.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 63
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:39:54 AM

Some personality disorders don't respond to medications or therapy. My ex was diagnosed with NPD and he's gotten worse as he has gotten older. The only thing he used therapy for was to become more manipulative if that was possible. He only went because he was court ordered to and when he got there he took the approach to convince the therapist everyone else was wrong about him. When she didn't tell him what he wanted to hear..he went on an all out attack on her character. (Its everyone elses fault not his ). She called him out and he then went therapist shopping...only because the courts ordered it...all told him the same things so he stopped trying to find someone that would enable his thinking. ( they wouldn't supply him). NPD/BPD's stop at nothing to get what they want. He is now in contempt of a court order, but when you deal with the narcissist you have to pick and choose your battles wisely. I want to go with him to court again like I want a sharp stick in the eye. He will just get even afterwards.


firegurl....

When I was diagnosed with BPD.....I ended up on the psych ward for two weeks....I had been on the internet, and read the sites about BPD, and couldn't see "myself" in what they were describing and I fought them on it.....and then, I could see it. And I wasn't real happy with the whole thing, and became suicidal.

At that point, I realized that I could do one of two things. I could let things continue as they were, and be a person that I really didn't much like the sounds of, and continue to live in chaos, and wreak havoc.....or I could work, to change the things that I didn't like, and that weren't "acceptable" to me. I chose the latter.

I'd be very surprised if your ex ever accepts his diagnosis. Hopefully, with his megalomania fully intact, he'll manipulate himself into a corner that he can't get out of someday.......
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 64
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/15/2008 4:43:15 PM

Also to teach them how to deal with others like this because there are more than we know with these disorders out there. I don't want them to choose someone like this later on for a partner because it felt familiar to them...


Hi firegurl....

Thanks for the kind words. I can understand your concern for your children....

Borderline/Narcissistic thinking is obviously distorted, and dysfunctional...what an understatement.

Based on that, I set out to weed out the distortions, and dysfunctions from my thinking.

I swear by Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. There are many good books on the subject. It's a little difficult at first, but once you get the hang of it, it can become almost automatic. I still use it every day....if I catch a distorted thought...."that guy on POF never e-mailed me back....I bet he thinks I'm fat."......that's called "mind reading" I'm assuming what the man is thinking with no basis whatsoever in fact.

It forces me to look at my thoughts from a more reality based, logical perspective.

Perspective...if I'm pretty sure my perspective of something is off kilter...um....ok...if my Mom was sick, I HAD to stay with her until she got better 24/7. When I was younger, if I was sick, I expected my SO to stay with me until I got better 24/7. Not a very realistic perspective/expectation....learned quickly on that one.

I am very willing to ask someone I trust for their perspective on something, if I think my perspective is skewed....and I will work with it from there.

When I started doing CBT, I saw all kinds of distortions in my thinking that I had been taught as a child. This actually can provide a warning if I start hearing familiar distortions from a potential SO. Some distortions are part of the "mask" and will be very apparent very quickly.

I hope this helps firegurl....it's not that hard for me to write, but I hope you understand what I'm saying....
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 65
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/16/2008 5:10:15 AM

There's also a thread on the "Dating Experiences" where, if you sift through the chaff, has some real insights into this:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1078702.aspx


we've posted this link three times on this thread. i strongly encourage those hoping to learn more to check out the existing thread on bpd. that would prevent those with knowledge of the condition from having to type the same things over and over.
 ChicagoStevey
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 66
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:08:24 PM
Yes run! Heres my brief story. My ex is boderline personality yet she claimed she just had bipolar. She was completely self absorbed, always some sort of drama going on. When I first met her she came across as normal, exciting, fun, attractive, confident, secure, and simply just hadn't met the right guy to settle down with. The first month or two was great, I thought she was a dream come true. But after that I had found out it was more like a nightmare. Where do I start. Supposively she had been broken up with her ex boyfriend for a few months when I started seeing her which I figured to be enough time for her to have moved on. Apparently they were very co-dependant on eachother, and kept in contact. Now I have no issues with ex's being friends or staying in touch but this was taken alot further. He would sleep over frequently, supposively as just friends. I once read an emai she sent to him how she wanted his big well you know, and she needed it asap and for him to come over. I confronted her on this and she simply said nothing had been going on and she was mad at me that day for no reason basically so she wrote him that. She claimed when he saw it he was like why did you send me that since they were just friends. So I let that go but that shoulda been a warning sign. She had so many issues, depression, manic episodes, problems with drinking, gambling, relationships in the past, suicide attempts/threats, self mutilating, eating disorders, prescription medications, u name it. I supposed some of this was partially my fault since I stayed so long and was always trying to be supportive in hopes she would change and things would get better and maybe she was just having a phase. Things would be great one day, then the next she would fight with me, break up with me, then tell her never to contact her again for no reason. We wouldnt talk for a few days then one of us would contact the other, more times than not it was me feeling lonely and sad and perhaps some misunderstanding, but it was all her mental illness. This woman hurt me so bad I really did love her, and I woulda done anything for her. I saw this women go from over 100k in the bank to broke with over 50k in credit card debt all from gambling, and ofcourse nothing was her fault. Everything was always my fault, I didnt do this or I said this or why cant I be more caring like her ex who constantly hung around her. This woman almost ruined my life, she stole money from me, got me fired from my job, gave me a black eye, threating to blackmail me in certain ways if I didnt do what she wanted or give her money, used sex to manipulate me, always pouted and fought with me if she didnt get her way, manipulated me to pay some of her bills etc.. She would repeatedly verbally abuse me out of her own pain, destroying my self confidence. Ofcourse it was my fault she acted this way. Eventually after 3 years I left her for good, and it wasnt easy, I was addicted to this person for whatever reason, but I knew in the longrun I had to go, I think after 3 years I had a good idea of if we could be together down the road or not. She used other men to make me jealous, Im sure she cheated on me just never found the proof, she never trusted me probably because she didnt trust herself. Its been 2 years now and we have no contact. I emailed her recently simply asking her to take my cat since I had to move and I know they were close, ofcourse she says no and asks me not to contact her again, completely wrote me off since Im of no use to her anymore. Like Im the one that did something wrong lol. Shes a miserable person no matter what front she puts up to others. She has all the symptoms of boderline personality disorder, and hasnt had a relationship since I have been gone, unless you count the ex boyfriend which kept falling for her abuse and games and kept believing she would get better, yet she never did. People like her are a blackhole, they suck you in and drain you emotionally, financially, pretty much anyway they can, and theres no return on your investment. One day they will leave you if you dont leave them first, and it will be real cold when she does trust me. Sometimes I miss the 5% of her which was good but I definately dont miss the other 95% of pure evil and selfishness. The morale of the story, run! You cant fix some people you just cant. If they arent happy by themselves, dont ever think they will be happy with you. I gave this woman my heart and everything I could just to be screwed over and over with nothing but bad memories to show for it. So if you meet someone like this, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 67
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:41:34 PM

A little about me, up until the economy has declined I was a corporate recruiter for a fortune 500 company, but now I just play poker professionaly until the market gets back going again. I consider myself drama free.....


ohmozzie

If you're playing poker professionally, you aren't drama free....you're playing russian roulette with your life, every day....pun intended.

I have four cats, each one was sick, when I got it. I understand that you wanted to find the cat a good home. Will you trust me when I say that she would not have provided a good home?

If everything that you've said is true, DON'T PHONE HER....for any reason.

You can't get rid of a problem, if you keep PHONING it.
 ChicagoStevey
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 68
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/14/2009 2:43:22 AM
I dont phone her, my only contact with her in 2 years since the breakup was the email. I know better than to get involved again, she was a last ditch effort for the cat. I have no intentions or contacting this person again believe me!
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 69
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/14/2009 5:01:24 AM

I have no intentions or contacting this person again believe me!


good.

i think of people like your ex as 'active-mode borderlines.' over a year ago, i cut off all contact with the one i knew. plus, i moved and have an unlisted phone number.

you now have become acquainted with borderline behaviors and will recognize them should another one find you.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 70
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/14/2009 4:41:58 PM
Here's some general info, because this thread seems to be talking about both bipolar, and borderline personality disorder.

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder, and can sometimes be effectively controlled with drugs. Just like the name suggests, the lows are devastating, and the highs are intoxicating. Depending on the individual, yoga, meditation....anything that promotes deep relaxation can also be beneficial. Diet can make a difference...large quantities of sugar and caffeine wouldn't be a good idea.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is also a useful tool to examine distorted thoughts and perspectives. Replacing distorted thoughts with alternative thoughts helps to "level" out moods, for me.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a personality disorder. Moods can change in the blink of an eye, numerous times in a day...it's exhausting. For me, it doesn't respond well to drugs, as it is part of my personality.....example: Say I am a very generous person....that is a personality trait. If I were given drugs, would I become less, or even more generous?.....not likely. Borderline Personality Disorder has to be dealt with with "thought therapy" CBT, or Dialectical Therapy etc. Changing thinking does not cure BPD, but along with other measures....boundaries, structure, routine etc. we can lead fairly "normal" lives. I have BPD traits that I am well aware of, but haven't overcome as yet. I will never overcome my BPD, but I can work on problem areas that will improve my quality of life.

I'm not even going to address "unstable interpersonal relationships" here, because I could write a book on that topic.

Diet and exercise...meditation, and yoga apply to BPD as well.

Hormones, especially for women, can play a part in both BPD, and bipolar disorder.
 justbry
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 71
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:43:01 AM
Counsellortroi , you said it perfectly .
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 72
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:05:54 PM
Sounds like a good plan to me, citizen joe....

I like Counsellortroi's post too....I was laughing, because some of what is written is sooo accurate........start relationship.....stop relationship.....rinse....repeat......

Anyhow....I'm gonna do an oxymoronish thing, and hop the fence for a minute or so.....

Being BPD, as I am....I am still including myself in what I'm about to say....

It's up to US, to protect ourselves from being treated in an unacceptable manner. If "we" are being told that "we" are the problem, and "we" suspect that we aren't, "we" have to look at our behaviour, and if we are convinced that "we" are not the MAJORITY of the problem, "we" should trust our instincts.

Because borderline's are "larger than life", and can be really convincing, breaking up is very hard to do.....

Unfortunately, most of the time, unless one is very skilled and can keep up, (which is still incredibly draining) or the borderline sees the light and makes HUGE changes to their thinking, "we" may win some battles, but we will lose the war.

As the song says..."it's a sad, sad, situation...and it's getting more and more absurd"song by Sir Elton John

Goin' back over the fence now.....

 day off pilot
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 73
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/22/2009 3:52:36 PM
My ex suffers from BPD. It's a very difficult illness to deal with if you don't understand it. That is how I ended up with a divorce...I wasn't equipped to deal with it then as bpd's are very abusive and then docile and have a hard time owning up to thier behavior. One of my friends who is a therapist and helped me understand this disorder after the fact put it in very simple terms...I love you I hate you **** me get out. That is bpd in a nutshell. It is treatable but it takes a big heart and the patience of Job to deal with a person with it. If you find yourself in a relationship like that and can get them help great...if not I recomend running the other way...you'll be glad you did.
 baseballbry
Joined: 3/28/2010
Msg: 74
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/5/2010 1:24:06 PM
Thank GOD! I'm not the only one dealing with this! I absolutely love this woman. I don't know why either. We've only known each other 4 months and only 2 1/2 of them were any good. Met her in December. She's very attractive, intelligent and fun. I started talking to her off of facebook. She told me she had just gotten out of a relationship a few weeks earlier.

When I met her she instantly became attached to me. That very night she came home with me and she slept over. Nothing happened that night really, I didn't want to screw things up by doing anything too quickly. She was so very shy though and wouldn't let me look at her face when we were cuddling. I thought that was weird. She also tried to like cuddle so hard that she it was like she wanted me to smother her or something. Odd but cute at the same time.

Well she basically never left my side and if I said I was going to go do something she got sad that I wasn't with her. I said, oh go out with your friends tonight, and she snapped at me and said, fine! if you don't want to be with me then I will! Or something to that affect. That was the first red flag. To make this extremely long story short, after a month she moved in with me, brought all her things. I told her I would quit drinking and I did but I had some one night and she caught me and took the opportunity to move all her things out in the middle of that night. I woke up and all of her stuff was gone. Yet later that afternoon she's like, "I'm going to the mall, want to come?" If you're that upset, who says that?

She eventually came back and would stay the night almost everynight but wouldn't move back in or even say we're boyfriend/girlfriend, we were only "dating" although we acted like nothing had changed, she just wouldn't move back in.

I made the changes I need to make. I stopped drinking, even went to classes about drinking and finished all the classes. She didn't even say, "I'm proud of you". Only, well it's only been two months, when it's a year you can say that you've beaten it. The drinking ws just her excuse to bail and move out because we were getting too close, I think.

So I move closer to her like I said I would and she stayed over for about a week after moving into the new house and then conveniently says, "My daughter doesn't have a bed to sleep in and so we're not staying here anymore until the bedrooms are finished" She got mad at me like there was something I did or it was my fault that I didn't put my son to bed at 9:30, I put him to bed at 10pm and her daughter was acting out that night. I said, okay, I'll get a bed this weekend and get it done. Nope, she never came back. She's only been to the house once since that night.

What she did was go to her single friend's house and she's been there every night since. Her daughter doesn't have a bed there either! Now she's become more distant with each day that passes. Things that have happened while she's been over at her single alcoholic friend's house include: Going out to the bar to flirt with guys even on weekdays when her Daughter needs to get to school in the morning and she misses school from time to time. She has other guys now hanging out with her, she won't call it dating. Now there are a bunch of double standards as well. She can date or hang out with guys since I'm the one that screwed up and the reason we're not together anymore but if I start talking to girls she flips the F out! Even if I go with my friends to play cards, it's, "we're done! Don't call me or text me again!" I'm like WTF??? Then an hour later it's, "what doin?" like nothing happened.

She told me she wanted to be a wife, a mom, someone who has fun doing the family type thing. Cooking dinner, playing with the kids, etc. Well now she flips out and is at the bars all the time flirting with guys. She got drunk one night and took naked pictures of her and her friend she's staying with making out and sent them to me. I was shocked! I asked her if she was sleeping with her and she got mad and said no. Then gave me a bunch of crap for saying that. I find out later that the person who was taking the pictures was the 13 yr old female babysitter. This from a girl who I once said, "it'd be funny if you kissed so and so, I'll take a picture" She got upset saying, is that how you want your gf, your wife to act? Then goes out and does it, for show, she says.

Anyway, she told me she had this condition and I didn't bother to take it seriously. She told me she pushes people away easy. She was almost proud of it! She has to be number one to whoever is with her. She is and has always been addicted to texting on her phone. I'll go spend time with her and she can't not answer a text she receives. She has dozens of guys flirting with her wanting to spend time with her. She's says she can have any one of them and that if I don't treat her like she's number one and be there for her when she needs me, she just has to make a call or text and a guy will be there who will. She was drunk when she said that. She talks to all her ex boyfriends saying I love you to them and such. She says she's the best girlfriend any of them have had and they all want her back and chase her. She seems to really like this. I once scoffed at what she said about being the best ever and it was one of the first blow ups on me I'd experienced from her. She told me to f-off! and f-you and I've never been talked to like that from a girlfriend or someone I was dating.

I can go on and on and on and on. You can see that this is something out of a soap opera but I'm just spent. Last night was the pinnacle. She posted something on facebook that I didn't like and I made some comments on there that I've since deleted but I text her last night, NOT to text/email/call me anymore and whenever I say, I'm done. Leave me alone, she reels me back in to keep me around for whatever reason. I don't know. All her ex boyfriends are still talking to her. She keeps them all on a line. She's trying it with me but I haven't responded to her. She's pushing all the buttons trying to get me to respond and in the past pushing those buttons did get me to respond. I want to respond, I love her but I know she's playing me for a fool and will tell me whatever I want to hear and it's just got to stop now. I'm really heart broken and depressed but I'm trying to stand tough because this has effected my entire life. My relationship with my son and family and friends. My health. I'm losing hair and breaking out because of the stress. I have high blood pressure too because of this. I've been working out and eating better and it's helped a bit. It's also causing me to lose focus at work and at times when I'm depressed, I don't do the things I need to get done. I'm just done with it all! She's never going to change back to the person I fell in love with.

She said all her boyfriends have said that line, "I want the girl I fell in love with, the old version of you". Now she's getting tattoos at age 27/28 when she's never had them before and she just got 5 of them in the last 3 weeks! Not normal. She's in love with the tattoo artist too that did them and instead of seeing me who she says she loves and misses, she bails on coloring easter eggs with her daughter or spending time with me to go to the tattoo artist's place and give him cookies and then stay there drinking rum and don't get back until 1:30am and tells me they were talking about piercings in private regions if you know what I mean? I told her we are completely different people and she says she's just going through a crazy cycle and that it's almost over. blah blah blah, she'll say anything to keep me strung along. Oh and by the way, again, this is all my fault because I screwed up and lied to her about drinking one night. One night defines me as a person and I now get to live a life sentence if I continue to know her. Why would I want to live my life this way??? Am I wrong to run away when I love this woman as much as I do? I miss her horribly and would stand by her side with this is she wanted me. I asked her if she wanted treatment for it. That there are a few medications that can help and she should look into it. She said, thanks, but probably not. I like who I am and I like being unique. Crazy, must be crazy to think that way.

bg
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 75
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/5/2010 4:05:14 PM

Oh and by the way, again, this is all my fault because I screwed up and lied to her about drinking one night.


Yep, that'll do it...

This is an old thread, so I might be repeating stuff.

I'm borderline...

In short, because of childhood abuse, trauma, etc. etc. we have trouble trusting people, except at first, when we idealize them. For the most part, we are convinced that they are going to leave.

Idealization is that wonderful "honeymoon" period at the beginning of a relationship, when everything is rosy. Then, the NON does SOMETHING (it doesn't matter what it is), and total lack of trust, and devaluation set in.

We will go back and forth with idealization, and devaluation, we want to trust, but because of that first "betrayal", trust won't be forthcoming any time soon.

I wouldn't want to live my life that way, if I were you.


I like who I am and I like being unique. Crazy, must be crazy to think that way.


You're the one who will end up crazy if you stay in this situation. Take it from someone who knows......
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