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 baseballbry
Joined: 3/28/2010
Msg: 76
borderline personality disorder-any info?Page 4 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Thank you Quazi. I mean it, thank you. I've been an emotional wreck now for a month since she found the excuse not to stay over anymore and distance herself completely with the exception of the thread she keeps me on. I haven't replied to her text messages (the last one I got was over 24 hours ago which I ignored) I haven't posted any type of reaction to what she posts on her facebook either. We haven't gone a full 24 hours not talking or texting since knowing each other. Perhaps she's moved on or she's waiting for me to "cave in" and text her or call her so she can reel me back into friend's status with the act that things could go back to the way they were when we first met. I don't know. She probably just has someone new occupying her time and she isn't thinking of me at all. Heartbroken about it, even with all the things I know. I'm just weak I guess lol.
 baseballbry
Joined: 3/28/2010
Msg: 77
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/6/2010 4:57:15 PM
Also, even with all this info about her and she's the one that told me she has the disorder but I don't think it was actually told to her by a doctor. I'm not sure if she does actually have Borderline Personality Disorder. I would think she does because everything fits but based on what I typed before, the long story I recently typed, she does have it doesn't she? I mean, I'm not a doctor and I'm guessing you're not either but she definitely has the symptoms, correct? It's not just my imagination?
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 78
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/6/2010 5:08:29 PM

I mean, I'm not a doctor and I'm guessing you're not either but she definitely has the symptoms, correct? It's not just my imagination?


apparently, doctors have a difficult time diagnosing bpd. and many of them (so i've heard) refuse to deal with it because those who have it tend to abusiveness and lack of co-operation. according to what i've read here and from other sources, the diagnoses tend to take a long, long time and occur most effectively when the practitioner can get to know the sufferer over time. even then, the professional doesn't see how the person behaves from day to day.

but in the end, the behaviors can become obvious. it might help, if you suspect someone suffers with this, to help them research a practitioner who specializes. if they refuse to seek treatment, you can't force them. you'll only end up frustrating yourself.
 baseballbry
Joined: 3/28/2010
Msg: 79
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/7/2010 9:15:33 AM
Yes, I've tried a handful of time to talk to my "ex" girlfriend and all she does is gets angry that I bring it up and says to me, "I like who I am, I like being unique". I tell her the meds probably won't make her into a zombie and change her being sociable and such but she never responds. She won't seek the help she needs and if I push the topic she just becomes agitated and then yells at me. Typical trait of a borderline from what I hear.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 80
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/8/2010 5:31:09 AM

Yes, I've tried a handful of time to talk to my "ex" girlfriend and all she does is gets angry that I bring it up and says to me, "I like who I am, I like being unique". I tell her the meds probably won't make her into a zombie and change her being sociable and such but she never responds. She won't seek the help she needs and if I push the topic she just becomes agitated and then yells at me. Typical trait of a borderline from what I hear.


In my opinion your girlfriend is probably BPD....she might possibly have Histrionic disorder, I haven't really read enough.....but very simply put, the difference is that Histrionic personality ENJOYS the havoc they are causing. BPD behaviour is more geared to avoid rejection or abandonment at any price...but the behaviour CAN look very similar.

I'm sorry to say, that even with the help of meds, your "ex" girlfriend wouldn't improve that much.

The reason that I'm telling you so directly to stay away is because if she likes who she is, she's not likely to try to change anything....(suggests histrionic disorder).

For me to "manage" my BPD, it took a couple of very intense years to change my "attitude" about numerous things, and mostly to overcome devaluing people when I had no proof that their intentions weren't honorable. That was a big job.

She has been honest, and said "what you see, is what you get"....if it were me, I would be grateful, and move on......
 baseballbry
Joined: 3/28/2010
Msg: 81
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/8/2010 8:18:16 AM
Again, thank you Quazi. Out of all the advice and caring that my friends and family have shown me over the last month or so, your words for some reason carry more weight and I don't even know you. It's probably because you're a female and you actually know what I'm going through because you have the same disorder.

This has been one of the most trying times of my life and I've already been through some very tough times (ie. death of a child, divorce, finances). I also have depression and the med that used to work no longer does (paxil) so I'm not on anything and I think it's time I do find something because I'm really not handling this well at all.

Scary times
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 82
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/8/2010 3:02:56 PM

Again, thank you Quazi. Out of all the advice and caring that my friends and family have shown me over the last month or so, your words for some reason carry more weight and I don't even know you. It's probably because you're a female and you actually know what I'm going through because you have the same disorder.

This has been one of the most trying times of my life and I've already been through some very tough times (ie. death of a child, divorce, finances). I also have depression and the med that used to work no longer does (paxil) so I'm not on anything and I think it's time I do find something because I'm really not handling this well at all.

Scary times


I've read your profile, and from reading your posts, you seem like a really nice guy. From the sounds of what you've been through, I don't doubt that you have some depression.

I can tell you "for sure" that what you've gone through with your "ex" is not an isolated case, and more importantly, it really isn't personal....she would do the same thing with/to anyone she is with. Although she probably has "understandable" (I would understand it, you may not) reason for her attitude, it sucks as far as a commited relationship is concerned.

I really hope that you find a med that works for you...I normally wouldn't go this far, but I hope that you can benefit from me suggesting that you get some grief counselling....it could help you deal with your losses....including the loss of your "ex".

Get well.....
 baseballbry
Joined: 3/28/2010
Msg: 83
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/8/2010 4:29:58 PM
Thanks Quazi. I've been looking into it. I contacted a couple therapists today but haven't heard back yet and I have no idea if they're any good. I've gone to a couple in the past but one was horrible and the last one, well she was nice but all we did was BS for an hour and I had to pay to do that. I can BS about the same things with my friends and family and not have to pay so I didn't really get anything out of that/those experiences. Where do you go to find a good therapist who'll help? For some reason I don't think I'd do well talking to a guy therapist. Just the guy in me, I don't think I could open up as much. haha
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 84
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/8/2010 5:01:25 PM

Thanks Quazi. I've been looking into it. I contacted a couple therapists today but haven't heard back yet and I have no idea if they're any good. I've gone to a couple in the past but one was horrible and the last one, well she was nice but all we did was BS for an hour and I had to pay to do that. I can BS about the same things with my friends and family and not have to pay so I didn't really get anything out of that/those experiences. Where do you go to find a good therapist who'll help? For some reason I don't think I'd do well talking to a guy therapist. Just the guy in me, I don't think I could open up as much. haha


For the most part, a therapist is as good as what you give them to work with.

If you BS with them, they'll BS back. They don't know you, and can't help you unless you tell them what you need help with.

It's hard to open up to a stranger at first, but the first time you have a 'lightbulb moment' (you'll understand when it happens) you'll get more motivated to go further.......;)
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 85
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/9/2010 3:58:34 AM
Well. I am in 2 plus years divorce to mine, all money is gone, I have a judgement against me for twice more then I make (bad economy). I just spent 4 days in hospital I have been diagnosed with stress caused cerebral microvascular diesease, a direct result of living with a BPD spouse for 28 years. The are mini strokes of the brain caused by continious high blood pressure and STRESS..............
If I eliminate the stress and keep pressure down, I got a 33% chance that the disease will not progress, the other 67% has me either suffering massive stroke or severe diementia.

Moral of story, do not be a hero and stay with your mate, it may be your own demise.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 86
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/9/2010 3:17:51 PM
If it amounts to a hill of beans to you, DragNFly....

I'm sorry to hear about your health condition

You must be pretty angry at the moment....I'm not suggesting to forgive and forget....but John and Paul were very wise when they said.....let it be.....
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 87
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/9/2010 6:30:22 PM
Ya know Quasi, , those beans make coffee and yes, your words do matter, your a human being who took a moment to recognize another humans dilema. so it does matter, and thank you

Am I angry, yes I am, for now, but you know, I will still endure everything to shield or teach my son how to survive his mothers onslaught. My son said She is quite chipper that I stroked out. When she heard I was home, all the outstanding bills were faxed and emailed in a attempted to set me off. She momentarily pushed my buttons in my moment of weakness, but logic won out.

I'm trying to adjust to new BP meds, once I do, my anger will go away and I will survive this divorce and live a quality life, . Karma is real, in the end karma will get her.

I do not regret or second guess my decision to stay. If I knew the outcome in advance I would still make the same decision. She was never raising my son alone.
I'm more than a survivor, I am a liver, although I was just knocked down and scared because now I'm looking at mortality or worse, altztimers. I will make every effort to bury my bitterness and live what time I have with quality. I will not allow hate to consume me,

So kind words to me by anybody are taken to heart these days.

The sun will rise tomorrow and this DragNFly will ride the air currents happy again.
 SmartAlec
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 88
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/10/2010 1:28:14 PM
10% of the population - I don't think so!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 89
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/10/2010 5:29:25 PM
Thanks for the kind words again, Sans...as always, they make my day!


<div class="quote">you must show the personality and its' disorder.

Shall we go through the DSM criteria word by word, defining all words to make sure we agree on the definition....and dissect every phrase and nuance for legitimacy?

I can tell you right now, that the DSM is not completely correct...although considering it was written by individuals who don't have the disorder (I assume, anyway), and they are working with "patients" who have unstable identities to begin with, and sometimes have trouble picking what colour socks to wear in the morning, (the trick is to get all the same colour), I think they did a pretty good job.

You want a consciousness altering personality manifestation.....taking responsibility for myself, making my own decisions, making lemonade out of lemons....and not relying on anyone else for "help" (which translates to, if it's a bad decision, I blame the person "helping" me....good decision....it was all my idea.) I trust my own judgment now, and if things go bad, I'm the one that fixes them.

To a BPD, this is a very scary, but empowering proposition.......
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 90
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/12/2010 5:32:18 AM
Quazi...choices of mind within diverse culture or the difficulties of do not presuppose illness. Please show some characterisms which point to behaviour of consciousness and please show mind-brain relationship which pharmaceuticals is intended to address in your particular case.


I don't really have time for this, so I'll make it quick....

Quazi...choices of mind within diverse culture or the difficulties of do not presuppose illness

Tell me more about that....because I'm not buyin'....oh, and in English please.

There are no pharmaceuticals intended to address my case.....I had to think my way out of it......
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 91
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/12/2010 11:53:48 AM

Exiledbyabusers: Your use of semi-intelligible language does not exactly present you as being in the "top 5%" of anything.

Who do you think you are to tell people like Quazi here what the "truth" is about themselves? What do you know? Share the sources of your expertise, and either brush up on your grammar and sentence structure or get a really good translator, if English is not your first language, if you would like anyone to even think about taking you seriously.

Quazi - you seem like a very evolved person, BPD or not. Please don't take what I am about to post personally.

My brother has BPD and has almost destroyed our whole family. He still might succeed. I have never encountered a more toxic person or one more dangerous. He is probably more so because of his extremely high intelligence. ANY information he has, any communication or situation he gets involved with, he is able to twist around into some kind of conspiracy against him, evil and underhanded goings-on, and the like. His powers of manipulation are tremendous. He has always been comfortable resorting to self destructive behavior (suicide attempts, property destruction, perfectly timed auto crashes, etc.) when things are not going his way, beginning at about the age of 7. In his case, things not going his way are tantamount to a truly dangerous threat.

He has done pretty serious violence to others - in my case, stabbed me and broken my face with his fist as a teenager.

He wreaked some havoc with the care of our poor mother, who had Alzheimer's at the end of her life. He ended up in her home with her and I can't begin to describe here the HELL we had getting that ended.

My siblings and me are all middle aged now and our parents are dead; there are estate matters unsettled and my brother is using all of his energy and resources in efforts to hinder them from ever getting settled. He is very litigious. He is successful in convincing lawyers that terrible improprieties have gone on and doesn't mind wasting his money trying to "prove" this. Once his veneer is shattered and his lawyer sees the real situation (which usually includes a literal temper tantrum with bawling and throwing things in the lawyer's office), and disengages from him, he has been able to get a new lawyer - and sue the former two for malpractice, or whatever you call it in law.

Our family's circumstances have become the ultimate fertile ground for ALL the BPD behaviors to explode - his fear of being cheated, certainty that everyone else is evil, and most of all, his fear of abandonment. When the estate matters are at last settled, he will be without any further connection with the rest of his family.

BPD certainly exists and I would like to keep a very large distance between myself and people who have it for the rest of my life. That being said, I am an absolute believer in the human potential to consciously change. This takes, first, the acknowledgment that one NEEDS to change in order to improve their life ... that the change has to happen with THEM and NOT with all those around them, and that the responsibility for their life, their happiness and other emotions falls upon the shoulders of that person themselves. It sounds like Quazi has been to that place and chosen to change herself. I myself have been there with regards to addiction. I know that it is EXTREMELY rare for a BPD person to go there. It is completely counter to the traits of the disorder.


No offence taken whatsoever....you speak the truth.

I'm very sorry about the situation with your brother...I can think of almost nothing worse than dealing with a 'devaluing' BPD....and you're right, the potential for danger is very high.

I wish I could offer you some advice...but you know already that nothing I could tell you would make a difference.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope your ordeal is over soon.

I just re-read the paragraph about the litigation....I am so grateful that I somehow managed to get away from THAT, and your post has shown me how FAR from that I am. Thank you.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 92
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/13/2010 3:28:05 PM
^exiledbyabusers^^^^^^^^^^^ hey you with the tinfoil hat, are you shielding your brain from cosmic rays?

There are people that try to gain insight as to various behaviors of of there soon to be ex's or family and friends. Your dribble and WAY OUT there comments are not helpful and detract from what some of us find to be a helpful forum.
Its a pity that your life is so shallow that you have to continaually post such crap.

May karma find you and deal with you the way only karma can. You have added nothing to this thread that could remotely help any of us lay people who are conversing observations of ex's or family members. Pretty pittiful that you just won't move along without ruining it for those of us that are getting something positive from a thread.

Quasi, sans thanks gang..............for trying

You all stay well
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 93
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/13/2010 6:21:41 PM

I am sure this illness is environment and can be reversed if the individual really wants to get well.


I agree that a large part of BPD is environmental....my Mom was BPD, so it's not a big stretch that I am BPD.
BUT
My problems with the environment started when I was a newborn (from what my family has said) Apparently, I hated to be held...I would squirm and make an "ek ek ek" noise. To be fed, I would be propped up against the back of the couch, and my bottle propped up on blankets, and put in my mouth.

I was also sent away to a facility for "troubled families" three times, for a week each time, because I cried too much. I was 9 weeks old the first time.

I always knew about these things, but was only given details since I have been diagnosed.

These things lead me to believe that BPD is hereditary. Had I only "made strange" with my Mom, I would say that it was her, and the environment...but I did it with anyone, no matter where I was....
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 94
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/14/2010 1:47:40 PM

Actually, I have come to know Quazi as an extremely intelligent, compassionate, straightforward human being, who is not only continually growing personally, but strives to assist others in thier journey as well, which is why I choose to offer her my friendship and support.


Wow...anonymouslyme, thanks for your support.

I've gotten a lot of support here....I really appreciate it....it makes talking about the hard stuff worthwhile.

I'm a little speechless.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 95
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/14/2010 11:09:38 PM
in any adult/mutual relationship, you need to focus on yourself and take your own inventory. if you cannot do that, then instead of looking up borderline, try looking up codependency. second, one of the tactics of bpd is to "split". not sure why, but i've been the object of it working with teens with serious abuse histories. maybe it helps to make them feel safer and in control. bpd's have a pattern of turning one person against the other and vice versa--aka splitting. if you are wanting to be the expert or always right or need your ego/fragility tended (aka codependent to get/keep your mate), then you are a ripe and likely target for splitting. s/he will feed your ego and turn you against others in your life or you against others--or do the same with those in the bpd's life. capeesh?

what to do with ones (bpd's) you love? discuss this openly and take measures to not let this happen, due to your "own" needs/expectations.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 96
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/17/2010 7:41:37 AM
Sans,
Are you cycling this week?
Hang in there lady, your private life and position on that island is understandable, your relationships with agencies because of location is believable, but I recommend editing that post, not really something that should be posted.

I applaud your defense of the different humans on this site, we are all human, and someone who defends others should be applauded.
but, that post will bring a tidal wave of negative to this thread, thats already ruined.

Stay well
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 97
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/24/2010 1:12:16 PM
^^^^^ What he said. AND it's *always* someone else's fault.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 98
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/24/2010 5:01:41 PM

For a Borderline, this is life as they have always known it. I imagine all Borderlines are aware there is something VERY wrong with them...from a young age....whether they are aware of what it is exactly or not. Their brains are wired differently.


Ummm....not really.

I was diagnosed with several anxiety disorders (which I did have) MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) (which I did have) Bipolar II which I do have, all before I was diagnosed with BPD....over a span of 15 years.

All of my family members are dysfunctional to the point that I did think, and they still do think that they are "normal".

I'm a student of CBT, and the distortions I hear are actually shocking...now....but they aren't any different than when I was growing up....and beyond.

Since being diagnosed, I have pieced "abnormal" behaviour back to early infancy...but this behaviour was related to me as "amusing".

So, yes, our brains are wired differently, but until we're told that we have BPD, and accept responsibility for our illness, we think there's something wrong with YOU.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 99
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/24/2010 6:30:06 PM
CBT/DBT therapy may help them deal better with the behaviour, but won't illuminate the dysregulated emotions that cause it in the first place.


CBT Cognitive Behaviour Therapy deals with distorted thoughts, not emotions. CBT doesn't require an emotion to be identified, it requires that a distorted thought be replaced with an alternative thought.

Thought: I phoned Susie three days ago, and she hasn't returned my call....she's mad/hates me.

Alternative thought: I phoned Susie three days ago, and she hasn't returned my call....maybe she's on vacation OR maybe her power went out, and the message was lost...if she hasn't called me by Friday, I'll call her again.

I haven't had any experience with DBT.

Science is looking at the "amaygdala" as a possible contributor to dysregulated emotions. As I stated earlier in this thread, I believe that my emotions were dysregulated in early infancy, which suggests factors other than environmental also play a role in BPD.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amygdala
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 100
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 4/25/2010 8:08:28 AM

Ummm....not really. until we're told that we have BPD, and accept responsibility for our illness, we think there's something wrong with YOU.


I'm happy to talk to you, you seem to have some knowledge of BPD, however, please don't splice my quotes, as it tends to lead to misunderstandings. I have dealt with that all my life, and have learned how to communicate clearly to try to avoid misunderstandings.



Yes...I agree that this is what is projected as part of the pathology of the illness, but although Borderlines spend a lot of energy propping up this false sense of self as a way of surviving, they do have lucid moments where they realize the massive amounts of emotional pain, emptiness and suffering they have is not something "normal" people go through.


My life wasn't normal from the second I was born (before actually, no fetal heartbeat was felt after my Mom's sixth month of pregnancy) I didn't have a 'false' sense of self...I copied what everyone else was doing...if I was with the "cool" people I was cool...if I was with the "nerds", I was a nerd (I believe when it comes to intimate relationships this turns into "mirroring") I usually had legitimate reasons for my emotional pain, emptiness and suffering (my Dad's suicide and my Mom's drinking topping the list), and I realized that these were situations that most other people didn't have....I didn't link my pain and suffering to mental illness, until after age 30.


This is what I mean. All the blame and devaluation they throw at everyone around them, is just projected feelings about themselves which they go to great lengths to hide from themselves....and not very well. Borderlines quite often feel great guilt, shame or regret for their actions/feelings, whereas say a malignant narcissist would rarely, if ever feel these things. This is the bain of the Borderline, and at least partially explains the high suicide rate.


In CBT terms, this statement is what I would call a "generalization".....a really big one. When I was a child, I often (and some BPD's often) get blamed for things we haven't done. And we are made to accept the blame....when devaluation occurred, for me anyway, it was often triggered by resentment, triggered by someone pointing a finger at me for something I had nothing to do with (dysfunctional families are wonderful at doing this) I used to often wonder "what did I do".....often (not always) the answer was....nothing.

I could also get resentment, triggered by the smell of Vodka, which was what my Mom drank when she devalued me......
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