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 aquaplane
Joined: 9/22/2006
Msg: 2
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funny text messagesPage 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
In regret to say it but there is no such thing as a funny text message. Text messaes are not in english, they are not a viable means of comunication. When not talking face to face you loose non verbal communiication. When not talking voice to voice you lose verbal inflection and dialect/accent, therefore texting is not a form of viable comunication, for now.
 DeusXMachina
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 78
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Posted: 1/24/2007 3:45:40 PM
Women, like toilet cubicles, come in 3 basic varieties:

Vacant, engaged or full of shît
 cuddlyjock
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 143
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Posted: 9/5/2007 11:40:56 AM
3 irish guys having speech therapy.the woman therapist says"if yuo can say where you're from without stuttering i'll give you a blow job".Sean says "D,D,D,Dublin".Mick says "C,C,C,Cork".Paddy says "London" .she drops to her knees and starts sucking his c**k.as he cums he shouts "d,d,d,derry"
 cuddlyjock
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 145
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Posted: 9/5/2007 11:53:02 AM
"Give it here!!!"."No it's mine!!"."Let me have it!!"."It's my turn!!"."You had it last!!"."F**k off!!"."Come on gimme it!!"."NO WAY!!"...........Siamese twins having a wank.

Ann and Joe were out for a walk when Annsaid " I need a p**s" and goes behind a bush.Joe hears her knickers come down and feeling a bit kinky puts his hand through between her legs and feels something hanging."Ann have you changed your sex?"he asked."No" she replies "I've changed my mind i'm having a poo".

Wee boy in a Celtic strip gets run over outside Parkhead."Do you want me to get you a priest???"asks a passer by.the boy replies "I'M f**king dying pal ; sex is the last thing on my mind!!!!"
 cuddlyjock
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 146
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Posted: 9/5/2007 12:06:43 PM
A woman married and had 13 kids.Her husband died so she married again and had 7 more children and again her husband died.She married once more and had 5 more children then finally died.Standing at her coffin the priest prayed for her and said "Lord they're finally together!".One mourner asked her friend "Do you think he means her first,second or third husband?".to which the friend replies "I think he means her legs!!".

I'm buying a racehorse and calling it "My Face".Just imagine it on Ladies Day ; him running round the last bend and all the women screaming "Come on My F ace!!!"

Tax inspector asks a prostitute why she describes herself as a poultry farmer on her tax returns.she replies !I raised 5000 c**ks last year".
 cuddlyjock
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 147
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Posted: 9/5/2007 12:20:02 PM
A convict breaks into a house and ties up the couple who live there.he jumps on the woman,kisses her ear then runs to the bathroom.The man whispers to her "Satisfy him or he'll kill us.i saw the way he kissed you ;just be strong.i love you".The woman replies "He didn't kiss my ear,he whispered he's gay,horny and looking for vaseline.i told him it's in the bathroom ; let's see who's f***ing strong now!!".

Paddy was in the pub telling his mate about his first parachute jump when he joined the army.he said they were at 30.00 ft and 1 by 1 they started to jump.when it came to his turn he couldn't do it.then the big sergeant pulled out his 12 inch penis and said "Paddy if you don't jump i'll stick this up your a**e!!"Paddys mate asked if he jumped to which Paddy replied "Just a little when he first put it in".
 cuddlyjock
Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 148
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Posted: 9/5/2007 12:30:05 PM
A couple out driving see a wounded skunk lying by the side of the road.the wife gets out and brings it back to the car."I'ts shivering what should i do?"." she asks."Put it between your legs and keep it warm" he replies.thw wife says "OK but its bloody stinking!" "Well hold the poor wee buggers nose" the husband says.

Woman goes to the doctor complaining of a bad discharge.the doctor asks her to drop her panties and after a good rummage in her p***y asks how she feels.she says it was very nice but the discharge is coming from her ear.

Paddy and Mick go to a sperm bank in London.the day was a total disaster though ; Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus.

Doctors have just warned of a food that can cause pain and suffering years after it's been eaten....it's called wedding cake!!!!!!
 xx_trouble
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 168
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Posted: 1/21/2008 10:19:06 AM
A man is told he has only 24 hours to live. He tells his wife & asks if they can make love one last time. Crying & upset she agrees & they have mind blowin sex. After 12 hours he asks again & she gives him the best blow job he's ever had. 4 hours to go & he begs for one last go.
" FU CK OFF she said. "I'M NOT BEING FUNNY BUT I HAVE TO GET UP IN THE MORNING YOU DON'T!"
 rugby_man
Joined: 12/15/2007
Msg: 171
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Posted: 1/22/2008 6:15:10 PM
spider spider on the wall,
you think your smart you know **** all,
your on the wall that's just been plastered
now your stuck you stupid **stard
 busbybabe
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 174
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Posted: 1/24/2008 7:33:33 AM
Too often we lose sight of lifes simple pleasures. Remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and slap the tw*t!

**********************************************************************
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the Hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT" said the Hypnotist............

..............It took three days to clean up the Senior Center
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