Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Florida  > Do women really want a nice guy?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 TampaNewbie
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 226
Do women really want a nice guy?Page 10 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Yikes... Nice guys... Women very seldom look for the nice guy, and most often attracted to the bad boy or even dysfunctional boy. I suspect there are two simple reasons for this: 1) Women see the bad boy as fun and exciting. I think some have posted that they like that the bad boy has a wild side, and will spank them. Nice guys have the image that they will be stable, but boring. 2) Women like to be needed, and if a guy is bad (or dysfunctional), she can "fix him." Bad boys can have crap jobs, take drugs, and live with their parents and still be attracted. Better yet, he is someone who can be helped, and "changed" into the "one."

Case in point: I am new to Tampa, been here almost 5 months now. I have made some friends, but given my short time here, there are few people I know and call friends. I know three women who are spinning their wheels in a bad/dysfunctional relationship with a "bad boy." One is a masters level medical professional, who dates a guy who rents jet skis on the beach... never mind the fact that he gets stoned from time to time, and only calls her about once a week. She also fears that he will embarrass her in social settings, and she does not bring him to work functions. I think she pays most of the time too when they go out. Despite the hours of heartbreak, they are still together.

Another women I know works in finance, owns a condo, and has a comfortable lifestyle. She met a guy, feel in love with him, and within a short time they are making long term plans. However, after a couple of months (and she lending him several thousand dollars), she learned that he has another girlfriend, and they were in the process of buying a home together. Turns out he is unemployed, and is a convicted felon too. My fiend leaves him, and after a week apart, she misses him and he calls her to tell her that he misses her.... she wants to see him again. Never mind the fact that he scammed her for thousands, lied, is unemployed, has another girlfriend, and has a criminal history.

Case number three: A personal trainer, with an amazing body and personality; dating the bad boy who in here words "he drives me crazy" and "I cant stand him." Breaks up because all he ever wants to do is stay home and watch movies. He is a couch potato, she is a non-stop work-out machine and yet she is drawn to him. They broke up, he stalked her, and she took him back. Ten days later, she calls me for advice, I make some suggestions, the break up, and he begs... and here they are again. I got tired of the phone calls and asking me what she should do.... annoying....

So here I am, 37 y.o., extremely outgoing, above average looks, work with kids, have a stable career and a doctoral degree.... and I am single. I would be better off if I quite my job, move back home with mom, and stop returning phone calls.... I would get more attention I am sure. I suppose in the long run I may be better off, but in the short term it is very frustrating.
 army-guy35
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 227
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:35:48 PM
Its funny...they say i am wrong about the guys going for barbie doll types, yres i do go to clubs, and I see ALL women having guys hit on them, regardless of size. But i dont see any of you women who claim that nice guys are hard to find, approaching any of us
 recon4
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 228
Not generalizing.
Posted: 11/28/2006 12:39:42 AM
I am not generalizing or saying that all wemen fit into a neat little category. I am simply stating the facts that I have personally witnessed and the situations I have been through and seen. I do not believe that either gender can be summed up and out into neat little categories. While I am not saying that all wemen are the way previously described. I am simply stating that I have not witnessed anything other than what I have said. If there are really wemen out there that truely want a "nice" guy I simply haven't met one yet.
 recon4
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 229
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 11/28/2006 12:46:15 AM
Wisdom doesn't necessarily have to come from some one with age behind them. If you take what you see in life and factor everything together you will come up with the same conclusion, no matter what age you are. I am only 24 yet I have realized things that people in their 50's still refuse to admit or accept. I have to disagree with the statement about friendship. I have plenty of friends that are girls that I have absolutely no attraction to. Life is far to short to not fill your life with as many friends as you can before it ends, male or female.
 recon4
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 230
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 11/29/2006 1:55:09 AM
Ernst. To state that wemen from other countries are simply nicer is an incorrect statement. I have been to plenty of other countries while in the Marines and I have found that every country has wemen that simply want to complain about the very same things. They simply complain in different languages. Anywhere in the worl you will find the same things that we have in the country I fought to defend. The only difference is the language in which it is spoken.
 gailrose39
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 231
view profile
History
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 11/29/2006 3:26:22 AM
Yes I really want a nice guy. I been with the bad boy type and they are no fun and coult care less about you. I care to much I think. I don't want to be second fiddle. I don't date married men. A really nice guy would be a breath of fresh air.

Gail
 Ernst896
Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 232
view profile
History
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:49:40 AM
To the Phoenix witch (a.k.a. phoenixwych)...well, there you are!
Your "name" says it all!

Truth be known, you do not even know the difference between 'anger' and "righteous indignation". I make my views known, because "that's the way it is".

I have not had bad experiences: I learn from the mistakes of others.

I encourage American men who are finally fed up with shallow "Western" (America is entirely part of "the West", from a European point of view) mindsets to look in other parts of the world, too: broaden your horizens and you won't regret it.
 SouthFloridaDude
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 233
Not generalizing.
Posted: 1/17/2007 3:13:48 PM
If there are really wemen out there that truely want a "nice" guy I simply haven't met one yet.


You have to search really really hard. Admittedly, they are hard to find. The Internet is probably not a good place. Most folks who come here have very lofty expectations, though they don't always express them in their profiles.
 mr_intelligent
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 234
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:49:32 PM
I'm a nice guy, and I usually don't attract nice girls. I have met two exceptional women in my lifetime, and had pretty good long-term relatiionships with them, although they eventually didn't pan out. My problem is I attract the wrong type of girl. No matter where I am, what I'm wearing or who I'm with, I seem to meet girls that don't have the common sense they were born with. I've tried to find that "girl next door" type, but I have absolutely no luck when it comes to those types. I do seem to attract alot of older women though....

Rob=Nice guy
 Loveme622
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 235
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/20/2007 3:09:12 PM
I know that there are nice guys out there just have to be patient and see if one of them notices this nice woman. Do you remember the song by Charlie Rich 'Behind Close Doors' -- that is he type of woman I am. A lady on the outside but, baby, you better watch out when that door closes......... hugs and kisses
 artist333
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 236
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/20/2007 3:14:27 PM
The reality is this; if a woman has never dated a nice guy before (bad relationships), then that is what they want. I never let people fix me up with women who have had bad relationships (it is a bad character flaw). Ted Bundy preyed on very weak minded people.

What is difficult is to find someone who actually has a life going for them (somebody better than average with actual goals in their life). Because of my career and my passion, I find these people more so than off this site or any other site.

So the answer, women who are use to nice guys, date them; the others are actually attracted to the Ted Bundys of the World.
 ligonmaximus
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 237
view profile
History
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/20/2007 11:27:19 PM
JC made a lot of great points the only point I would disagree on is what she said about wealth.

I have researched this topic quite a bit over the past couple of years. For years I use to wonder why is it me as the nice guy was so unsuccessful with women? Why was it such a stuggle even to just get a date? Why did I see some college educated women hook up with gang members, ex cons, drug addicts, abusive men, etc. Why was it the nicer I was to women on dates the LESS they seemed to be attracted to me? Why was it when I e-mailed 100 different women from dating sites I would get like two responces back if I was lucky? Why is that some men who were not as tall as me, had as much money, were in less shape than me, who were never in the military, could date as many women as they wanted? Why is that this men (who are called naturals) so much more successful with women than what I was? What was it they were doing that I wasn't? How were they communicating with women to get women attracted to them? What were these men doing on dates to make them the most fun dates ever for women that naturally created their attraction to them. What was I doing wrong that failed to get repeat dates with women? Why did I still appear to be needy to women even though I would only call them once every few days?

I learned for me to answer many of these questions and several others that I first had to accept the fact that it wasn't the women who were at fault it was me. Once I accepted the fact that it wasn't the women who were at fault that it was me. I started to really research this topic and really figure out just why it appeared that nice guys were finishing last. I learned that it's important for nice guys to observe just exactly how naturals (naturals meaning men who are naturally good with women) attract women to get a full understanding why we don't attract women. Along with this understaind of how naturals attract women as a nice guy we have to understand how attraction works exactly between men and women. I came to several conclusions in my research that I posted in some of the other forum threads below:



The most important thing I have ever learned about women and dating is very simply for women ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE. Yes you read that right attraction isn't a choice for women. Back in the 1950's women as a whole were more inclined to settle for guy who had the cars, stable jobs, and all that yada yada. Now you have more and more women who aren't settling. So what does this mean? This means that the men who are naturals with women will ALWAYS have the first pick of the litter. What are naturals? Naturals are men who are naturally good at attracting women. We have all known these guys or observed them operate in clubs, bars, malls, or wherever.

As men we can create chemistry with women......Yes you read that correctly as men we can create chemistry with women. Naturals create chemistry with women all time.....I have observed them do with my own eyes several times. Have you ever heard a woman say, "I went out with this really nice guy BUT I didn't FEEL anything" Lets say you take the same woman and she goes out with a natural two weeks later and if you were to ask her description about the guy she would probably say, "OH he was just so much fun, so wonderful, all that yada yada" Why such the big difference? EASY the natural created attraction with the woman. Naturals are masters a flirting with women, humor,(not always) teasing them, busting their balls, and using sexual communication with them. Naturals have more confidence than most nice guys, they don't come off as being clingy, they have a life, they are mysterious, they know how to make deep emotional connections with women, are just a few of several traits that they have that I could list. DO YOU see where I am going with all of this?

For nice guys to learn how to attract women because obviously we aren't. I will be the first nice guy to raise my hand we first must educate ourselves and have an understanding why some men are more successful than others. When you first study how attraction works between men and women you will be shocked to learn that looks doesn't matter as much as we thought it did for women. Nice guys we must learn how to attract women like the naturals do. So we must first work on our self esteem, any insecurity about our self, which will help us boost our confidence. Once that's take care of thru therapy and/or personal self growth we must then work on getting such a fantastic happy single life that we PREFER to be single first then if we chose bring a woman into our life. It's silly for us as nice guys to even try to date when our self confidence is not up there like the naturals. I should KNOW I wasted many years and tons of money struggling to get dates both offline and online. I know it sucks that women who are attractive can date tons of guys and they can have low self confidence but men can't. That's just the way it is we have to deal with this. Lot more to it than what I am talking about here. The bottom line is ALL women just want REAL men and I hate to tell you most nice guys aren't real men. On the positive side it isn't our fault though. We were taught to be nice to girls as boys growing up by our mothers and we are never introduced into manhood by our fathers. If you study ancient tribal cultures there is one thing they have in common it's they all had initiation rites that ALL teenage boys went thru to go from being boys to a man.

More proof that attraction isn't a choice for women: Have you ever known a woman stay with an abusive jerk and wonder why in the world she keeps staying with him? She can't help it......For women attraction is mainly controlled by their sub conscious mind. We all know women are usually more emotional than men correct? see what I mean? As men we have to unlock the key to their attraction door. Women are naturally ten times more prespective then men are. They know within the first 30 seconds usually of meeting a guy rather he is confident or not. If their conscious mind doesn't know this their sub conscious sure does. It all dates back to prehistoric days. Women always selected the strongest men of the tribe who were leaders.

Anywho I am going on and on this is just the tip of the iceberg. I learned most of this from Dr. Paul and David Deangelo


Nice men usually put women on a higher social status than themselves. Naturals NEVER DO which makes them naturally more of a challenge to women which makes them harder to get so of course more women are going to flock to naturals. This is proven when you just listen to nice men ask women out. Nice guy says, "Would you like to go out with me sometimes?" "Do you want to go out with me sometimes?" "Can I take you out sometimes" Were as a natural will just say, "I am going to this party tonight at 9pm and I think you should join me if you like to have fun" (something to that effect but usually smoother than what I am typing) IF the girl says NO to the natural he might say something like "OH come on you must not like to have fun" If she still says NO and doesn't give in to his challenge he just moves on to the next girl. WHY? because naturals don't get caught up on just a few girls like a nice guy does. MOST importantly they don't SEEK anyones approval especially the womans.

Couple of other things that naturals do that nice guys don't. Natural DON'T try to bore women into liking them. Naturals could CARE less what women think about them. Nice guys try to bore women into liking them by seeking their approval (to the point of sometimes turning the date into a job interview, i.e. boring conversation trying to build rapport with the woman or worse yet buying them gifts in courtship behavior) Naturals on the other hand are so naturally masculine and comfortable in their own skin that they can just sit there and litreally attract women just with their body lingo. Because naturals have ZERO fear of what women think of them they tease them, flirt with them, make them laugh, and bust their balls to know end and most importantly the create natural sexual tenison with women without coming off as being a pervert. Naturals never talk to women like they are their buddies like nice guys do.

All nice guys we should at the least go out to our favorite sports bar and just lean back and observe. See if you can spot any men who are naturals. Observe exactly how they interact with women. You will notice the difference right away. Observe how the guy dresses how he walks and how he talks to women.

Tons more to it than this but that's the basics
 maureeng945
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 238
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/21/2007 2:41:57 AM
"Seemly nice guys" can sometimes end up being jerks too! I met, what I thought was a very nice guy from here....and come to find out? TOTAL LIAR! Ends up being married and just wanted "something on the side".....Treated me like gold when we were together....until I did a search on him and found out he was married....

Nice guys? R there still any out there? THAT DON'T LIE OR TAKE ADVANTAGE OF A GOOD HEARTED WOMAN!?

Thats my question.....u wonder why woman have reservations about dating. But I will never give up hope
 ScottCBR1000
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 239
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:04:34 PM
I wish a girl I was attracted to would truely mean it when she says in her profile she is after a nice guy. Unfortuately, it usually happens after the line "I'm tired of liars, cheaters, and blah blah blah." How many times have you guys read that in a profile? At least 30% of the ones I read have something to that affect in them.

Why are these girls only interested in nice guys after they have been screwed over? Are nice guys doomed with, and please excuse my crude terminology, "sloppy seconds?"

I would appreciate an intelligent and honest answer that would explain the logic behind this mystery? Should I start acting like an arrogant, "I own the world", manly man in order to get the girl?

I would like to just be me...if that is ok.
 looking for love 2nd x
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 240
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/22/2007 7:11:47 PM
We all want a nice guy............just seems to go like this...........for both sexes

good looking people are arrogant, can and will look for better, can be picky etc.

not so nice looking people, are sweet, loving, and truely nice.

but we skip over the NICE GUYS/GALS because we are not physically attracted to them.

Then history repeats itself.
 TampaLady
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 241
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:56:14 PM
I just heard a great piece of advice for women who are disappointed by meeting truly nice guys who then end up as friends because there seems to be no chemistry.

The advice: Start dating Bad Boys. The chemistry will be outrageous and after you’ve had your heart and soul trampled a couple of times, you’ll learn to appreciate and be attracted to nice guys, again.

Remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It what you're doing isn't working - quit doing it. Shake up your world and try something different. The worst thing that's going to happen is you'll come away from the experience with a fresh outlook and appreciation for nice guys.

 AgedtoPerfection
Joined: 12/3/2006
Msg: 242
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/25/2007 3:50:07 PM
Hello all:

I'm an older woman who used to be attracted to the "bad boy type," but thank God this is now behind me. I came to understand that excitement is either "good" or "bad," and because I wasn't right within myself then, I got attracted to the "bad" excitement.

I think women's attraction to bad guys is that they themselves aren't in touch with their own needs and wants, and often find they pick the wrong men due to their own insecurities or unhealed pasts. In a strange way, we may think, "if I can get the "bad" guy to love me, them I'm okay, i.e., I'm really loveable." Also, if you weren't loved by your parents, then you forever seek out men who's excitement is mistaken for manhood.

Finally, after years of hurting from these "bad," but "exciting" men, I realized that they weren't exciting at all, but merely my own need to prove I was loveable, and you know what, I never got to that point of feeling loveable from a man, but now within myself I've resolved my own stuff.

While I want a "nice guy," I don't want a man without life, that is -- a nice guy that accepts his manhood, knows how to love, and laughs within himself and has the confidence to be himself is the greatest kind of man. Most women just don't want a boring guy -- we want a guy who's strong enough within himself to be the man we need and want. Being a real man isn't boring at all, but real manhood, being nice and loving, being supportive, being open and enjoying life, having a deep inner strength that draws us into his masculinity is the biggest turn over. The "bad" boy persona is nothing more than a filler and disguise a man wears due to his own insecurities, and when a woman is insecure, we are drawn to this kind of a man, thinking his bad boy exterior is real manhood. WRONG!

REAL EXCITEMENT is a man who knows who he is, is strong in handling his affairs, and is open to truly loving and treating his woman with respect. Thus, kindness is never boring, for he is continually learning how to love in a way that a woman knows she is cherised and valued above himself. Now hear me out -- it's called selfless love, and I read once that it's only an angry woman that would not be excited by this kind of man, for her issues lie deep, and she won't open her heart to a man, when she is angry at men in general.

So, guys remain nice, but also learn to love on a deep level and look into the deep. tender heart of a woman, and this is where not only will you not appear boring, but a woman will respect you (your greatest need) for we see in you as man who is wise -- after all, when a woman knows her man loves her, then both get their needs met and all shine. When a woman feels loved, what can be boring about this?

Being nice doesn't mean being a dormat, but loving yourself enough to stand up for what is right and putting boundaries around anything that would sacrifice the manhood God gave you to use as the greatest strength of protector and provider of a woman you adore.

It's time we stop paying each other back for our own internal struggles.

It sure would love to meet a man who was exciting in love and boring in his bad boy fake persona.
 lilsweet
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 243
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/25/2007 5:36:47 PM
I have been looking for that nice down to earth type guy (aka-nice guy)but i have meet only ones that are into lookings or girls who are easy (in which im not a barbie type or easy sexually)..the way i see it ,most guys pick looks or easy girls over anyone else (not saying all guys are like this)i just wish a guy would approach me wanting to get to know me and we go from there. there is still some nice women out there looking for nice guys too.
 jiggajames78
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 244
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/25/2007 5:40:37 PM
well yes, but many nice guys rush into relationships and then they become emotional roller coaster rides. but i say take it day to day and let nature take its course and when it does it happends for many reasons. and i think many people rush into things because some people are afraid of being alone. but if you take youre time and hang out as friends and take youre time it will come just be patient and i know people will spend alot of valueble time and even years finding that someone soo take youre time..
 SweetSouthFlGurl
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 245
view profile
History
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/25/2007 5:50:04 PM
Sorry guys i disagree with you. I would take a nice guy over an a-hole any day of the week. But i mean im a nice girl and ya know i can never seem to find me a nice guy. No wonder why i am still single.. Then again not all nice guys like to talk to girls with kids.
 GENUINE LOVER
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 246
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:18:31 PM
THE STORY I GET IS MOST MEN ARE DOGS TWO TIMING TO BE EXACT THER ARE A FEW THAT ARE NICE BUT WE SEEM TO FIND THE WRONG ONE TO DATE IT SEEMS LIKE MOST WOMEN THESE DAY WANT EVERY THING ON A SILVER PLATER BUT DONT WANT TO PUT THE WORKING IN TO HAVE A GOOD AND HAPPY LIFE . IAM NOT SAY MEN ARE PERFECT I LIKE TO F--- UP SOME TO THOSE F------ WHO HAVE MADE THING SO HARD FOR SOME OF US GUYS THAT ARE TRULLY NICE .REMEMBER IT TAKES ONE GUY OR GIRL TO DO GREAT HARM OR DAMAGE TO ONES HEART AND START THE VISIOUS CHAIN OF DAMAGE . THERE HAS TO BE A BETER WAY TO MEET A MATE FOR LIFE I DONT THINK DOCTOR PHILI HAS THE ANWSER. WHAT EVER HAPPEN TO THE OLD VALUES FROM THE THE 1960S .WHEN COUPLES WERE TRUE TO EACH OTHER 4 LIFE THERES GOT TO BE SOME ONE THAT FEELS THE SAME SOME WHERE I WOULD HOPE THAT THER IS STILL A LADY OUT THERE THAT WANTS TO WORK TOGETHER IN LIFE AND ALL OF ITS UPS AND DOWNS:
 GENUINE LOVER
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 247
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:25:55 PM
THAT NOT TRUE I DATE A YOUNG LADY WITH THREE KIDS IT SEEMS THEY DONT WANT A MAN THAT WORKS HARD IN LIFE FOR WHAT HE WANTS . I ALWAY THOUGHT YOU WERE SUSPOST TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY WHEN DID THIS ALL CHANGE WAS I A SLEEP WHEN THIS HAPPENED
 GENUINE LOVER
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 248
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:39:22 PM
SO DOES POSTING A HALF NAKE PICTRUE MAKE YOU A NICE GIRL I WOULD SAY YOUR VALUES ARE SLIGHTY ?AT BEST IF YOU DID 4 OUT OF 10 WOMEN POST PICTURES LIKE THAT WE JUST SKIP THOSE PROFILES 6 OT OF 10 DONT EVEN LIVE CLOSE TO YOU AND AND THE ONES THAT DO LIVE CLOSE AND HAVE A NICE PICTURE LEAVE THERE PROFILE AS BLA BLA BLA WHAT THAT ALL ABOUT
 Dovestreasure
Joined: 1/19/2005
Msg: 249
view profile
History
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/26/2007 10:15:22 AM
Misc. Deva I could not have said that better myself. I have encountered men hiding behind that "Nice" label and in reality not being nice at all. Case in point is a man who claims he is a christian and a very nice guy. He is articulate, romantic, knows all the right things to say. However in actuality he has power issues and feels her world needs to revolve around him. On the surface anyone meeting him would find him charming and kind. In time he cannot keep the facade going and his needs to control come to the surface. Yes I want a nice guy over a bad guy.. but at least the bad guy does not pretend to be something he is not.
 LadyNZ
Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 250
Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:04:47 AM
I definitely prefer nice guys. I think the problem is that nice guys are often a wee bit shy and are less likely to come over and say hi.
Show ALL Forums  > Florida  > Do women really want a nice guy?