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Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 163
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girlPage 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Most men don't know sign language. It's not a written language, but it's a lot like learning a foreign language. As any dating and relationship guru will tell you, good communication is a key to a successful relationship. It's really hard to communicate well when you can't even understand each other. To me, it has nothing to do with the mere fact that one is deaf. It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but I'd have to consider the communication barriers much as I would with a woman who only spoke Chinese, or only Russian, etc.

Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 164
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:33:18 PM

why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl

W H A T ???
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 165
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:46:41 PM
Ok, Uhmm.... I need to add, that if any man knows sign language however, then that gives this relationship a chance to work. Sign language is a wonderful thing, and maybe more people can try to learn it, for situations like this.
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 166
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/11/2010 5:08:39 PM
How the hell did I miss this thread?

I'm deaf. Have had very little trouble dating. You'll find us deaf folks a LOT more attentive to what you're saying. Sure , you may have to repeat yourself a few times, may have to keep a pen and paper handy, but oi, deaf people are no different than hearing folks, other than the fact that we don't hear...

but we sure do LISTEN.

Also, my mother is deaf as well, but she'll fool you into thinking she's hearing because she's a damn good lip reader. Another perk ! Can "hear" what you're saying clear across the room ! Better hide that mouth, yo.

But pffft. Hot lady, awesome personality, awesome and effective communicator, ATTENTIVE, and some would pass just because she's deaf. *shrugs* Cool with me, more for us guys in the know ! ;)
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 167
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/11/2010 5:37:40 PM
My best friend for 15 years parents are deaf and till this day I know very little sign language. I've always wanted to learn but he claims I never ask him to teach me. Till this day I know a couple of signs but I really want to know more so I can communicate with his parents.
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 168
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:01:33 PM
Plenty of sign language resources out there, just google "Learning American Sign Language", pick up some basic ones, just like you would any other language, and then go be in a place where it's used as the primary form of communication. You'll pick it up fast. Some deaf people and groups are very closed off from hearing people. No different than a racial or cultural group, actually, very exclusive but there are a lot that would be more than happy to help you learn and work on it simply by having a sign conversation with you.

Learn the signs for "WHAT SIGN FOR" and then fingerspell the word and that person can show you the sign for it.

Much like English, ASL relies heavily on context, body language, and facial expression. One sign can mean many different things depending on how it's used. The trick is to keep in mind that it is NOT English, ASL is a separate language that conveys MEANING.

It's also awesome to teach your kids, children can pick it up starting from 5 months and it helps a ton with their communication (what with mispronouncing words and all) with their parents.

Just take the initiative. I'm fairly sure that many colleges also offer courses in ASL.
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 169
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why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/12/2010 4:37:55 PM
Give us some credit there!! I had a cousin who was not deaf,but taught me some,I would not think less of a woman,and It would make communication a little more difficult at first, but if you care for someone,there would be no obstacle high enough to stop you from being there for them,and treating them as if there were no disability to contend with in the first place.
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 170
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why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/12/2010 4:53:49 PM
It would mean communicating with your heart!! And you have already shown that you are not willing to go the extra mile for someone.In a relationship you express your feelings in different ways.So if she can't hear your feelings,then you show her with your heart.You find ways to tell her how you feel.If you feel for someone who hears,do you not also buy flowers,cards,write little notes for her to find daily.Look at her and communicate your love with your eyes,They are the window to your soul. I'm just saying...
 ~Pedro Sanchez~
Joined: 10/5/2009
Msg: 171
WARNING 56k modem and low attention span
Posted: 1/27/2010 2:58:49 AM
Be careful what you wish for.

Note my last post on this thread on the 8th of January 2010. I had about 4 weeks prior of messaging back and forth with this lovely, highly articulate and intelligent woman. She made some comment about the film Play Misty for Me. I think it took me two weeks to respond…I dunno…slack **stard would be appropriate, but hold on to that piece of solid granite and brick yet.

Anyhow, after my slack ass got into gear we were communicating fairly regularly. Little comments here and there….Christmas greetings, then New Years. Swapping messages while on holidays, she in Torquay, Victoria and Tasmania, and I in various bars in Melbourne and Adelaide.

Anyway, 40th coming up. She asked me what I was up to for the big 4-0. Nothing. All my friends were all over the country spending their hard earned dosh. I asked if she’d fancy a drink on the weekend. Sure, why not. And its my birthday, wink wink, nudge nudge. Meet me at the Mirka Bar. I have a lovely suite booked at the Hotel Tolarno.

She asked how would she recognise me. I said look for the dude slumped in the bar that would be me. She asked if I needed identifying features to recognise her. I said…I dunno…I’ll take a hazard in spotting a woman with blazing orange and blood red hair (giggle).

D-Day comes. Holy mother of god.

In walks a beautiful red haired woman in a black dress in a daintly laced detailed embroidered stockings and bright red mary jane flat shoes, wearing a 1960’s Italian vintaged Audrey Hepburn style sunglasses. A big turquoise ring. Handmade tote canvas bag. Handmade earings. Big splash of colour…I think I might have developed ADD right on the spot. I got sidelined by this colour combination. You have to understand St. Kilda, let alone the Tolarno Hotel is big on colour….saturated with this bombardment on all my senses……in the flicker of the candlelight, I asked if she’d care for a drink.

Big smile and a polite nod. Hand on my forearm. Please….whiskey. I thought I’d try and impress with that goofy, first date tone of voice and pretense…and like some expert high on lust…irish or scotch?

Big smile and an eager nod. Dunno…must be my accent…and I do have an accent. A mix of Spanglish, Afrikaan, Bahasa Indonesia, American and Australian twang….Jamesons it is then. Silence. I caught her touching up her lipstick and mascara while I was at the bar.

Minutes passed into hours….she asked me if I knew how to roll tobacco. No. I suck at rolling anything…I offered my clove flavoured tobacco instead…reputedly a lady killer on its own, but you know and I know that that is a whole lot of um, baloney.

I lost track of time, listening to her voice and diction….soothing and regal at the same time. Conversation ranged from the banal to the intricate…we noticed we both placed a great painstaking deal to attention to detail. She, an artist and jeweler. Exhibitions in parts of the country. One or two works being shipped to Norway or Denmark. Me, just a fussy twit.

Dinner. Up for some Japanese? Very much. Eyes locked in over some eel, abalone and other many others. I think it was an 8 course meal or something crazy like that. Much laughter.

Let’s have a break in between these meals. Tipsy on sake, out comes the clove tobacco. She leans closer for me to light the cigarette…I thought I caught a waft of Jean Patou’s Joy (it was).

Accidentally kissed over the little Japanese pond…accidental as in only Pedro Sanchez can execute such a childish and devilish plan. Then, again. And again. Big smile on both faces. Surrounded by lilies and a Shinto/Zen meditation sand pit. She explained to me what it was….god I’m such an ignorant n00b.

6th on the course, we both had enough. We sat there as the final course was brought over…grabbed her hand into the night…in the carpark. Kissed…gentle kisses…none of this aggressive posturing…gentle and soft…the lilies and the meditative trance must have done it…or the sake.

I asked her to stay the night with me. Polite nod and a gentle kiss. She held on to my arm like Suze Rotolo on Bob’s The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan album cover. Pausing every few metres for a kiss. Got into the car, minutes felt like hours. Turned a corner, straight into a booze bus. Reading was below the minimum level...sweet. Thank goodness or that would have ruined an otherwise perfect evening. My mind was singing along to Modest Mouse's One Chance from the album Good News for People Who Love Bad News. Perfect I thought.

We made love.

Again. And again....and again. 109 times. Kidding.

And you would not believe this my friends...I noticed something I never have.

A bionic ear.

My baby is deaf.

The most elegant, striking, genteel, sexiest woman in the world is tone deaf.

So tiny these devices, and so invisible.

I didn't notice it until I could hear it calibrate to sound. Or when she'd wake up to put it on, because she wanted to hear my accent as we made love.

I thought of those times when she was hoping to raise it up with me but feared rejection. The little hints dropped here and there. Silence can be beautiful she said. Twice. I remember the times she'd eagerly say yes, nod her head and smile. At anything. One time I said, darling, will you marry a scumbag like me? Big smile. Eager nodding.

Afraid of judgement. Because we fvcking do.

On Tuesday night we went to a concert...I watched her graceful movements...goddammit, a truly beautiful woman. She danced without a care in the world. The weekend prior to that, caught a foreign language film. Almodovar. Broken Embraces. Stayed over at Prahran. We had Spanish tapas. Locked ourselves in our little rented one bedroom apartment staring at each other.

She bought me a little handmade belated 40th present. I wear it nearly everyday...a little white inconspicious butterfly pin/brooch. Except wearing it in uniform would be frowned upon.

We text every 5 minutes. On the tram, she'd put her arms around me, head on my shoulders and kiss like teenagers in love. When she cannot read my lips, she pulls out her notepad. My love notes to this beautiful woman who I have since adored. And everyday I fall in love with her. Today, greater than yesterday.

I had hoped for a unicorn. I got it.

If I push my luck even further, maybe a pitter patter of feet. With red hair. Yelling and screaming. 23 times 7 times 52.

Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 172
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why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/28/2010 7:57:40 PM
To throw in another opinion into this long thread, I would date a deaf girl, but only if she met the same standards I apply to every woman. She would have to be smart, good at writing, well read, have interesting thoughts to communicate about, be very passionate and physical when we were alone, be kind and supportive, and all the other qualities my dream woman would have.
In other words, if I met a _wonderful_ girl who happened to be deaf, then I would put in the effort to make it work and learn sign language. She would be a challenge, no doubt, but truthfully any woman worth being with is a challenge in some way or other.
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 173
WARNING 56k modem and low attention span
Posted: 1/28/2010 10:00:51 PM
Pedro Sanchez...

That was the most beautiful thing I ever read.

Thanks so much for sharing...

You rekindled the fires of romance in my heart again, it was truly inspiring.
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 174
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why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/29/2010 11:17:53 PM

why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl?

..if I can hear her panties hit the floor, then I'm fairly confident she hears well enough
for our impending 'communication'.
Joined: 1/16/2010
Msg: 175
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why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 1/29/2010 11:47:43 PM
I don't think it's hard at all..If there something about her you just love being around,then all else comes naturally..Love is a powerful tool.I think people in the world are allways looking for approval from friends/family.You get over that and you will not have a problem at all.

Remember,your the only 2 that matters...and i bet you live a happy life =)
Joined: 11/18/2009
Msg: 176
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 2/20/2010 10:27:37 PM
Well not being able to communicate with someone would pose a challenge. If one is fluent in ASL (American Sign Language) that helps otherwise makes it challenging for most guys. Same for why men have rough time dating handicapped women in wheelchairs, single mothers, etc.
Joined: 12/19/2009
Msg: 177
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 2/21/2010 6:27:19 AM
that would be a little hard would anyone want to learn sign language...but there writing,texting if she was cute and creative in the way she showed me how much she cared the yes i would date a deaf girl if it worked out
Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 178
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 10/6/2011 6:11:19 PM
I agree I would love to date a def girl. For me this would also be kind of exotic. It's really a turn on. I know some signs (about 200) and would love to continue my learning experince, she could help.
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 179
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why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 10/7/2011 8:07:54 AM
I think that it boils down to the individual person. I knew someone who taught himself ASL just so he could go out with this one girl he knew. She could lipread and had an implant so she could talk, but he wanted to learn how to be closer with her.

In a way, it is sort of like dating someone from another country who speaks a different language. It is difficult at first, but learning how to communicate can actually bring two people closer together and give them shared memories.

Good luck.
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 180
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 12/18/2011 10:03:33 PM
i would date a deaf girl :) i am patient
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 181
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 12/19/2011 12:16:36 PM
I would be too lazy to try and learn sign language.
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 182
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 12/19/2011 1:00:51 PM

hey all you guys out there tell me why its hard to date a deaf girl???

harder to lie to them, especially if we don't know sign language LOL
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 183
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 12/20/2011 4:55:28 AM
This took a little thought, but I'm thinking it might be easier. I see it this way. Both people would have to work a little harder to communicate and would therefore try a little harder to "LISTEN." Since false positives happen ALOT in conversaion...You know, ASSUME you know what the other person is trying to communicate to you so you take off with you own thoughts and quit listening, it seems like it would be easier... Or perhaps it would be exactly the same... What I DO know is this, If the spark IS there, communication WILL happen in one form or another. A certain look combined with a certain smile speaks volumes. When that happens, words would just screw it up anyway.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 184
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 12/20/2011 3:01:32 PM
I see another problem that may arise with dating a deaf person. Learning sign language and being able to read her body gestures to have basic communication is fine between you two. But there might be settings when you gather with friends, co-workers, and/or family-especially this time of year-and will be with people who don't know sign language. Some people might be uncomfortable in that type of situation. If you're at a gathering where 3 or 4 people are talking at the same time, some people are cracking jokes, there's constant chatter, etc., how do you get the deaf friend involved in everything that's going on?
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 185
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 5/26/2012 4:49:27 AM
i would totaly date a deaf woman. I, for some reason I am not sure of have always wanted to learn ASL. What better motivation to study :) lol and if the chemistry's there im sure that communicating as i learn wouldnt be that difficult, thats what texting is for i guess.
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 186
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:48:20 AM
I think the real issue would be, a deaf girl dating a hearing guy. Men are all about the trophies and I am sorry to say but most would treat this as such. Like the Blonde or the one with an accent. Also it is hard enough to communicate for most of us, to put up such a boundary between two people would be huge.

I could see it if the other person actually even knew basic ASL, but if not I could see this turning out well not very well for either party. Being fluent in ASL, and growing up in deaf culture. I do know more than the average bear, I have watched people get interested in it. Stop and walk away and have seen how that hurts the other person.

I am in no way saying that it is impossible, I would just think more times than not it would come with to many problems.
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 187
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why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 5/28/2012 1:23:28 AM
Learning sign language is not that tough, the more you sign, the better you get at it. As with all people, there are many different types of deaf people. Some deaf spend their whole lives attempting to integrate into the hearing world, while others reject it and stay within the deaf community. People always say they'd rather be deaf than blind, but after having been around a lot of deaf people, I'd rather be blind. Neither are any good, but one thing about being deaf, you're always alone inside your head. You can sign, read lips, closed captioning, but when you're deaf you never really know if what you're feeling or what others are feeling about you is being expressed correctly, so much of communication is in the tone of what's said.
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