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 goldn
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 26
Justice for the good Fathers!!!Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
yes, but heres the thing guys....bottom line.....there is no amount of inconvenience, injustice, money, time, aggravation, or anything else in this world that could EVER EVER EVER make me walk away from my children...being a parent means NEVER giving up.....forever....no matter how much pain, financial stress, or whatever i had to go through to see them.....no matter how little time....there is NO valid excuse to ever ever give up your children....period....end of story....its not about either parent....its about the kids.....and do you think any of these "difficulties" would make a difference to them? they want to and should feel that BOTH their parents would NEVER give up on them for ANY reason
 mrbk
Joined: 11/29/2006
Msg: 27
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/7/2006 3:59:46 PM
What about the kid?..it seems to me everything is about you and your ex...you are missing the point...it goes both ways...alot of man are not saints...so...think about your kid and what you are giving him..thats all that matters...take a deep breath and think again...takes more than just money to raise a kid
 mrbk
Joined: 11/29/2006
Msg: 28
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/7/2006 4:25:33 PM
What about the kid?..it seems to me everything is about you and your ex...you are missing the point...it goes both ways...alot of man are not saints...so...think about your kid and what you are giving him..thats all that matters...take a deep breath and think again...takes more than just money to raise a kid
 goldn
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 29
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/7/2006 6:17:36 PM
If you don't give your ex every last penny the federal government has determined they should get, then you don't care about your child.

lets face it....most amounts determined by the courts dont even come CLOSE to half of what it costs to raise a child properly.....if i spent per month what my ex does....id be laughing.....i spend a hell of a lot more....his amount barely covers what i i give for school per month
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 30
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History
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/8/2006 3:40:07 AM
The problem with the receipt idea is that it doesn't take into account the opportunity costs. CP's often have to pass on higher paying jobs because of child related responsibilities. I know that I've had to.
 vick99
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 31
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/8/2006 4:15:37 AM
Wow, I'm disgusted at some of the things I'm reading here. Like this :

-If you don't give your ex every last penny the federal government has determined they should get, then you don't care about your child-

So the amount of money the goverment says we have to pay, which is just a graph/chart, is what determines how much we care about our kids? What a joke!

I've got 2 kids and my ex and I worked it out between us. We just simply sat down and figure out realistically what she would need and what was good for the kids. Taking everybody involved interests into account financially and it was easy.
Why is everything about money?

Any conflict is caused by the parents not the kids, just about everything I read in your thread was all anger. If you channel that anger and use that energy to be with your kids, you can, it's that simple. Only we can determine how big a role we will play in our childrens lives.
You may find that the anger you have may be fear. Of what? Being alone? Deal with the situation man, in a positive way before it leaves a scar.

take care..........
 vick99
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 32
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/8/2006 5:44:13 AM
Wow Brandi, your ex must be a terrible driver, lol.
If 25% of his income is less than his insurance payment, he should look into a bus pass. That's insane. What exactly is the moral of this story?
Money? Kids? Betrayal? Revenge?
I believe the system is flawed as well, it makes you pay to pay, if you're male anyway.
Sad but true.. All I'm saying is that it's easy to get caught up in all the negative things. Most of which are unavoidable, right? It's just how it is. It sucks for everyone involved. We can't let ourselves lose focus of the important things that have nothing to do with money or possessions.
I'm not in anyway saying we shouldn't get upset with these kind of things and they are not issues but our actions during these times go further than dollars when it comes to our kids.
I really do hope things get better for everyone, including myself. I wonder what it would be like to be with my family over Christmas again. I believe things like this make some people better people, stronger people.
Best of luck......
 IMjustnotin2U
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 33
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/8/2006 6:45:54 AM
I've been following this post to my amusement for the past couple days. As always, when a man has a gripe or complaint about this issue, it doesn't take long for the estrogen-fest to kick in. They all seem to be complaining about how their ex's have somehow gotten off the hook from their responsibilities. The title of the thread is "Justice for the good Fathers." Not, look what my ex did to me. This guy is looking for answers for a subject that is tearing at his soul. Don't you think he deserves some sage advice? My hat is off to all you single mothers who have stepped up to the plate and have raised your children with little or no help. That is awesome! I know how you feel. I've been the one to step to the plate for my children for the past dozen years. I recieved no child support during this period, but I hold no malice towards their mother for that fact. Because the real justice for a good father is when your child grows up and says thank you for what you've done. My advice to Singledaddy is this, be the example that your child will look up to, because in the end it's all you can really give a child that they take with them through their adult life.
 Matt Adore
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 34
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/8/2006 6:27:27 PM
From: The saddest man in the world...
To:Anyone who'll listen...

I met my dream girl a few years ago, and we had an awesome first year. We had a honeymoon baby which was a difficult pregnancy. Shortly after our beautiful daughter was born, my 11 year old step daughter was hit by a golf cart on her fathers property at a party. We ended up spending 5 weeks in Scottish Rite Childrens Hospital watching her fight for her life. She had multiple seizure disorder as a result of the accident an also the most severe knee injury anybody could have. Durin' our stay in Atlanta I had to go accross the street to Northside Hospital because of Celluitus; staph and strepp infection of the lymphnodes from a cat bite that almost killed me. We celebrated our first anniversary with my wife walkin' back and forth accross the street to see the both of us; all the while our newborn baby was watched by family and friends all over the state. When you are a great mother and wife, you can imagine how terrible this had to be on her...
The day that we finally left Atlanta, our second car was totaled by some boys that tried to steal it. We bagan to have money problems also. We began to fight often and all the time; it became the only way we ever communicated. For some reason she started to accuse me of adultery, insanity, cultism and drug abuse; none of which are true. Ultimately, we found out that my wife had eveloped fluid on her brain called a pseudo tumor. We started marriage counciling where I let her have all the say thinking that she was getting the weight off her chest, and I also reckond that the councilor ought to obviously realize that what she was sayin' about me wasn't the truth. In our last session, I went by myself and told him that I could not get her to look at herself as the cause of our problems, due not only to her fluid on the brain; not only to the year of hell described above, which is just the tip of the iceberg; but because she was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia. My research on fibromyalgia resulted in finding out that that can also cause you to not think right...
All of this has culmulated in the fact that she has kicked me out, filed a restraining order on me to keep me away from her and the children, and her filing for divorce. Shortly after I was kicked out my father died. I was in a little shock I think. The judge decided in the restraining order hearing that I get 2 hours every other saturday supervised visitation with my baby at the local library. And it's been over a month since I've seen my baby...
I feel as though I've been abused. Sometimes I don't know how to feel. I'm a sworn officer of the law, and now , basically, she has criminalized me by lying about me when she filled out for the restraining order. I take pride in the fact that I am a good man...

Where is the justice for this good father?
 MtLoopHiker
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 35
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/8/2006 7:47:57 PM
singledaddy demands:
I would like to here a story where a women fought to have sole custody and did not get it and why?


I'm your huckleberry.

It all boils down to one sentence: The one with the most documentation wins.

Simple, huh?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 36
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History
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/9/2006 11:49:37 AM
I must agree with everything that Brandi has said.

I just have one question for Brandi though...

Are you sure that we don't have the same ex?
 scoobyem21
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 37
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/9/2006 1:44:49 PM
i have never heard something so crazy. if you want something bad enough then you FIGHT for it! if you really want joint custody then do whatever you can to prove it's deserved. i'm not quite sure why but i wanted to scream and cry at the same time when reading that. i have an almost 3 year old and i'm the one who's gotten f'd over in this situation. i've been the one workin my butt off while her father goes out and does whatever he wants whenever he wants. to the point that he now has a 4 month old with another girl now. all he says is how much he loves our daughter and wants to see her but he's so busy he just doesn't have the time...that's why the good fathers get crap because it's the not so perfect ones who make you guys look bad.
i'd like to know how any single mother can take a YEAR off for maturnity leave??!! i almost had to go back after 6 weeks! it sucks to see that there are women out there like that. ones who will just sit back and take all they can get from the fathers. i've been too understanding towards my daughter's father to the point i'm not getting child support from him because i know he's goin through a tough time. i'm sorry i'm kinda rambling now. i just wanted to get to the part where you said women drive men to leave...WOW! that's the part that makes me wanna scream!!! it works both ways hunny and you're just makin it sound like all women are like that. i'm sure you're one of those guys who have said that it's wrong that women make all guys sound bad, so don't turn around and make all women sound bad, it's not fair either way.
just keep in mind that if you really want something bad enough you need to fight for it. you sound like you truly love your son and already feel the same about your daughter on the way. you deserve to be a big part in your children's lives so just keep doing the right thing and you'll get what you deserve!
 romanticnfun2
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 38
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/9/2006 1:56:20 PM
Not to reply to anyone in particular
but my ex walked out 5 Christmases ago, out of the blue....
whoevers' fault it was is irrelevant at this point...though I know who she blames lol
I have been the custodial parent ever since and doing a damn fine job if i may say so myself! She is in the Tropics now and I'm sure she is quite tanned!
Occasionally she graces them with her presence.........

I do agree that perhaps men are less likely to win their day in court, but that's because they are less prepared for their day in court. The defeatist attitude that they are not given a snowballs chance in Hell...gives them a snowballs chance in Hell.
Any decent and caring human is capable of raising a child..be them male or female.
It's not whether you can do it, or have the right to do it..it's the fact that it must be done!
Getting caught up in the politics of it all, bending to peer pressure, doubting yourself from the very beginning, and ****ing about the troubles you incur along the way will only show you to be a lesser parent.

My children are straight A students, good responsible kids and will contribute to society in a positive manner.
So this is one single Dad who can honestly say...rise above the crap and get the job done right, no matter what the courts or your ex say about you.
It's about the kids...
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 39
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History
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/9/2006 2:21:46 PM
Every situation is different. Whether the CP is the father or the mother, they should be given as much help as possible from the NCP. I have little sympathy for NCPs who shirk their financial responsibilities in regards to their children.
 hotttmama
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 40
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/10/2006 10:31:28 AM
I feel what your saying but if you were having that much trouble with your first child then why did you not wrap it up and keep it from happen im not here to brow beat you but it is really hard on those kids and remember kids pick up on the tention between parents and if the person you were with was some one you knew or even loved then you would know that money was going to your kids and dads do have rights but you don't have the right to lie about the true moms and saying we chase men off thats not true if you were really men then you would have stayed with us and made a home real men stay and protect there familys sperm doners run
 scruldbrug
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 41
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/10/2006 10:56:51 AM

Just remember, the bulk of NCP's are the ones who leave their children in the first place.


are you saying that most fo the guys who are the NCP left their kids, their maiiriage, their wife and took off?

id' sure like to see some stats on that tidbit.
 RandomlyCool
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 42
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:11:03 PM
Two the second poster...excellent advice. Be good to the kids...they will eventually see who the real deadbeat is..and the mother will die alone and desolate while the grandkids are spending all their time with their grandpa. My daughter speaks of living with my all the time. She's only 5. Just a matter of time.
 RandomlyCool
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 43
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:26:45 PM
My ex got sick benefits for 20 weeks (before the birth of our son) then paternity for 16 weeks then maternity for 32 (I believe that is how they worked it) weeks. Oh..Canada..whatta wonderful place. Anyway..she got paid for 68 weeks! Crap..she was off a long time..but the cheques just kept on coming in!! Oh..in case you were wondering, she got sick benefits 'cause her job would have been impossible (actually, probably unsafe) for a 5 month pregnant woman.
 metro_man4u
Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 44
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/13/2006 6:37:37 PM
My kids are 9 and 11 and I have had sole custody of them since 2001. Their mother has/had all kinds of problems and actually willingly signed them over to me. I am very grateful too! Because in spite of her problems, who knows what would have happened if it had gone to court. She sees them rarely now and it is kind of sad that a parent would do that to a child.
 fargosdom
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 45
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/14/2006 2:57:16 AM
NOthing impossible man.......I have custody of my daughter, and her mom rarely see her on her weekends....keep strong
 Nevaehs_mom
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 46
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/14/2006 1:22:58 PM
Ok you guys are all going on this whole thing about equal parent things right?

Well what about when it hasnt been equal all the way through the child raising thing? I mean look at it this way ok, you have a couple that has had a child, the father has done not one thing for this child since it was concieved let alone born. The father has walked in and out of the child's life and has never once made decision's regarding the care of the child. What would you do in that situation? Do you think it should still be joint cusotdy?

You people do understan the diffrence between joint and soul custody right? The only diffrence is that with soul custody you make all the decision's, with joint custody you both make the decision's. So why should someone who has never made the attempt to help make decision's be grante joint custody?
 IMjustnotin2U
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 47
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/14/2006 2:08:53 PM
In that analogy the child care provider has made all the decisions while married so obviously if that were documented, then the provider would petition for sole custody. I think what the men are saying here is when both parents make decisions while they are together, why should a divorce change that status quo? I think this thread has spewed some ignorance and rage on both sides of the debate. I don't feel sorry for anyone but the poor children in this discussion. Kids love their parents unconditionally, and always will no matter what mommy, daddy, or the courts have to say.
 Nevaehs_mom
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 48
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/14/2006 2:54:22 PM
I agree with what you are saying spider 100% but again is case by case. I mean if you have proof of reason's why there should be no joint then that is diffrent but with a case where you have no proof of someone being unfit or not then it should be joint until something happenes to prove other wise.


There are many many cases where I hear of the Mom crying foul that dad is not involved with the child's life.. And when the judge asks why is that the case it comes out he is not being granted access to the child


I dont understand why people do things like this, I mean unless there is abuse (that you can prove) then that is diffrent, but I dont know why people refuse all access to children. I admit that I will not let my daughter go alone with her father but I have never stoped him from comeing down here to see her. That is still access but it is supervised until a judge tells me other wise.... get what I am saying?

Bottom line is if you are truthful about everything in court then that is what is going to get you what you want, And with the truth you have proof then you are safe, but if you are going to go in the and lie to try to get what you want then you shouldnt have it. I myself have proof of everything that will back my reason's why I want soul custody, so now I just have to go in and tell the truth and hope to god that I get what I want.
 sand and sunsets
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 49
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/14/2006 5:10:32 PM
I feel you but there are things you Can do .I the father of a 3 month old girl was told because of my past mistakes i'd never get my daughter.My girlfriend had been arrested for domestic violence against me in front of the child.The kid was left with me .I was supposed to be notified if she got out,I wasn;t.Her mother stole the kid from the sitters and the police went and took her back.I was told because we were'nt married and reside in georgia I was not legitimated as the father and had to file for it.She got out of jail came with the police and they left her with me.She called child protective services and said I used drugs,drank,didn;t have food etc...I called them back told them to come on over check my house,check my kid and bring adrug test.Passed it.I got a temporary protection order against her and 8days later a judge dismissed it.She wanted full custody with child support she got joint physical and legal custody only because I thought it was in the best interest of the child not to go to war for full custody.Bottom line don't believe what your told ,do your own research on the law and just do the best you can.I can point you in the right directions of numerous organizations that will help standup for your rights and offer free assistance.Good Dads do exist and they do win!I would be glad to help anything you might want to start or Any research you might need.sands and sunsets
 DeepBlue77
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 50
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/14/2006 6:04:06 PM

man has to work to provide for the baby while the woman receives child tax credit, baby bonus, EI benifits and many other types of help.


I can guarantee you that eventually she is going to have to go back to work, Child Tax is based on your income and unless you have around 12 Children its not going to be considered much of a paycheque....I believe baby bonus is the same as child tax credit and EI benefits? have you ever been on EI? I can assure that if this is all your ex is receiving she definately still requires child support to be able to adequately look after your children and when her maternity leave is up...EI benefits stop, even if she does go on welfare...its hardly a decent living and she'll eventually have to go to work. And raising two small children and working a full time job is no chore. And believe me..the benifits of being a single parent are really not that attractive to make you sit on your ass at home, possibly the fact that you've allowed her to do so and made it so easy for her is the reason she's taking you for a ride?
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