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Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 51
Justice for the good Fathers!!!Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Ok i'm tired of listening to bitter parents going on and on about what a bad deal they got and how bad they got screwed over. What about the kid who is innocent in these situations. Grow up and do what ever the hell it takes to do what is best for the children. Make the best of the time you get with the child and they will thank you whan they get older, make life miserable and everyone loses. It takes 2 people to make a baby and as far as the law goes, both parents should be supporting the child no matter what. if one of you takes care of the child as a primary guardian and the other wants to be a parent too, then the other should be responsible for as much support as is possible. Take some responsibility for your actions, you were man enough to have sex, now be man enough to face all the responsibility that comes with the result of it, good or bad. Just don't create a negative situation for the child.

Now I have been a singledad alone for 13 yrs as the mother took off when my son was 6 months old and never looked back, I had to jump through legal hoops for a long time just to gain joint guardianship, even uncontested. Then the courts tried to force me to go after her for child support, I refused because if she did not want to have anything to do with the child who am I to force her, but if she did want to be a part of his life then damn right she would have to take on all the responsibilities that come with being a parent. I don't sit around b*tching about having to do it all alone, Im just glad that my son is healthy and happy. I do not care what it has cost me, everytime i see him smile i know that i would do anything in the world to be his dad.

If you want to be a part of your childs life do the right thing and make it a positive experience. I know my son will always remember all the time we spent together, and he will not for one second care who paid the most money supporting him as he grew up. So suck it up and be the best parent you can be with the time you have, the children grow up fast and it will not take them long to realize what kind of parents they have. Now suck in your gut, stick out your chest, and be proud as hell about what you helped create.

Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 52
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/15/2006 11:10:37 AM
I skimmed through most of these threads mostly because damn, 5 pages is a lot to read through. I have to agree to a point with the OP that the laws (I live in California) in regards to custody are biased to the women. That's not to say that they're not done with well intentions to be fair, but when it comes time for the courts, or in most cases the court appointed Mediator, to lay down their judgement, the moms are started off with the benifit of the doubt, and it is up to the father to prove otherwise. Not in 'my' case, but in friends, yes.

For my friends whos exes were either stay at home mom's, or had meager incomes, it became more about control, and bitterness of the ex than what's in the best interest in the child. I am of the opinion that if both parents want to be of equal custody of the children, then it should be so, unless there is evidence to support abusive behavior. In what I've seen from the mediators, they are inundated with deadbeat low-lifes. This is the majority of what goes through the "Child Support Services" process, and they deal with the lowest common denominator. This is why it's slanted to the mom. They are so used to punching in, and going through the motions, that they do not look at each case with unbias determination. They will listen to emotional plights of the woman, and require hard factual data of the father. I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN. The system is not fair. The written law generally is. It's an uphill battle for the men, but damnit, we owe it to our children to fight it, and get the 'just' result. My cousin is going though this with his ex. She is a bitter, controling woman that is doing everything to make him out to be the bad guy. He is ready to run away, and just let her "win". He is so tired of the fight, the emotional hurt, the turning of his kid against him, that he wants to run away, and not look back. He says, "I'll try to reingage with my son when he's older, and he can understand I tried, and it's not Dad's fault"... I call BS. Quit looking for the easy excuse and deal with the sh!tstorm.

I am certainly proof that this is not always the case. My divorce was easy in comparison. Yes there were digs while going through the process, but I always took the high road, and negotiated with my ex. I kept focus that if I was going to get what I wanted, (which was just 50/50) I needed to play the game, and allow her to feel in control. I held firm where needed, and let go of the little stuff that didn't matter in the big picture. I gave up probably $15K of funds that I was legally intitled to, just to prevent a bitter battle and just move on. Best move I made. We are now on very good terms, and co parenting our children. If I would have fought over money or details, we probably would not be in the same spot.

Best of luck to all the Dads out there, and please try to keep focus on your kids. Ex's can be Saten spawned, out of bitterness and insecurtiy. Please don't let that poisen your child's relationship with you. It IS an uphill battle, but one worth fighting...
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 53
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/16/2006 3:45:54 PM
I feel for ya,brother,believe me! I whole-heartedly agree that the father does get the shaft most of the time.It's unfortunate,because I have seen situations where the mother is abusing drugs and prostituting,and the court still decides to let the kids go to mom.(The children ended up being both physically and sexually abused,and taken out of thier mothers care..too little to too late in my opinion.)
It's heartbreaking that some parents choose to use thier kids as leverage to f*ck with the ex...if only the courts could see into these people's lives when they are not in court lying thier asses off.
If it's possible,keep a log of all interaction with baby-momma,it's good to have if she decides to shop you off to the law with a bogus story.Also,make sure your name goes on the birth cert.,that's the first step.I wish I had more help for you,and I applaud your sentiment! My ex husband is also a fantastic dad,while I wasn't working he paid over and above child support,and was always there if I needed help.We still go to special occasions and school functions as a family,and now that I am working,he got switched to midnights so he could watch the kids during the day while I am at work.As soon as I was able to afford it,I cut child support off since I can afford to live without it,a lot of our time with the kids is shared,and in the case where both parents are working and solvent,and the parent share equal custody,why should anyone pay support?My husband spends more than enough on our kids,why should he give me money?I prefer to earn my cash....
Hmmmm went off on a rant,sorry to steal your thunder lol...I hope this has been helpful,or at least entertaining...
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 54
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/16/2006 3:47:27 PM
Sorry,just wanted to add that I am speaking in general,each situation is different,of course,and I hope I haven't offended anyone.
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 55
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/16/2006 4:00:08 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^Say it loud,sistah!!!!
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 56
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/16/2006 5:38:30 PM
Oh my are so angry but I can understand your point of view because I have been through it, albeit I am the woman.

I gave birth to a daughter in 2005. Her father and I were not together and he began demanding all kinds of rights, rights that in my opinion at the time he didn't earn. In my opinion, up to that point, he was a sperm donor. He wanted me to abort our child. Once she was born, he did a complete 180 on me and it caught me totally off guard and challenged so many of my long held beliefs of the "type" of woman I am.

Throughout the entire first 10 months of her life, with the exception of the first 3 of them, we fought every single time we tried to talk to each other. He was adamant that I needed to respect his legal right to be in our daughters life. I was an emotional wreck, dealing with post partum, working full-time while caring for a newborn and he was very hard on me. He did not relent though, he kept consistent with his message until it finally pierced my emotional fog. During this time, he was having four 4 hour visits per week with his daughter at his home (or wherever).

In the end, at 10 months, I agreed to joint-physical custody of our daughter. What is boiled down to with me is that I sincerely believe that a child should have a solid relationship with both parents when it is possible (ie they both want it). As angry as I might have been at him for the way things worked out between us, I knew in my heart that he was right and I was wrong on a moral front. Legally, I could have f*cked him over.

I guess my sharing this with you (and all other POFers who decide to read this post) is simply this...if the woman with whom you are having a child believes in your rights, she will come around. Be consistent with your message. From what you say, she f*cked you over, not the other way around. She should therefore not be angry with you so your situation should be easier than mine was for my daughter's father.

Try to separate your anger at her from your desire to be a fully involved parent. Find articles supporting joint-physical custody arrangements (they are out there) and let her read them. Talk to her, try to work it out without getting lawyers and the courts involved. One of the hardest things to overcome for anyone is the separation from their children. I'm not convinced it is as hard on a man as it is on a woman but I am willing to admit that in some cases it may well be every bit as difficult. Focus on developing a healthy co-parenting relationship with her and above all else, stay consistent in your message!

Good luck! It does get better but you have to work at it. My daughter's father and I have a much more co-operative co-parenting relationship today and we are learning to communicate better and to keep issues separate. It is worth the work because our daughter has a wonderful relationship with both her parents and she is all the better for it. Whenever either one of us needs a princess-fix, we can drop by and visit with her.
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 57
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/17/2006 12:48:25 AM
I'm a 28 yr old father with shared 50/50 joint custody which means, I should have equal say in my 5 yr olds upbringing this arrangement was going on for the last 3 yrs in a small town in Alberta were myself and the mother resided. Everything in my opinion was working great our son truly loves us both. Two weeks before he started kindergarden my son was supposed to be dropped of at noon to myself like always, but 5hrs later me and a friend went to his mothers residence and it was empty. She felt moving 2 and half hours away was in my sons best interest. Now he attends school 1 week there and then 1 week here, seems pretty selfish to me. My lawyer told me if I was to do that same thing, I would have lost all rights to shared custody isn't it odd how since the beginning of the school year I've spent 7,000 on legal cost and she's the one that broke the court order and on top of that she wanted me to pay the cost of bringing him back and forth on sundays lol from Edmonton.I keep on hearing about the full time job of being a parent, If you refer to ur child as a job wrong. My son what I look forward to after my real job. And as fare as the cost of raising a child. I would like to say I'm on disability and have been getting 1100 a month for the last 2 yrs and pay 150.00 of that to the mother, because that's what the court desided and I still buy everything my son needs, I'm presently going for sol custody. to finish I'd like to say it's love that will allow me to win or it's love that will keep me around for him if I lose, but either way I'm a winner just to have him in my life.
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 58
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/17/2006 8:09:36 AM
Now, you wonder why so many men run away from their responsibilties of being a father, it is way to hard on them.

I am a single mother of an amazing lil girl.i work my ass off...get no help....and no matter what i would never walk away from my child..i dont care how hard it got.
Men who walk away from thier children are parents we sacrifice for our children.
I guess what it comes down to is...(and i am talking about myself as well) we really need to choose who we have children with a little more carefully.And if we dont we suffer the consiquences...i am...but my daughter is worth it.
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 59
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/17/2006 9:27:31 AM
i completely agree with u.....he said no wonder fathers give up and dont deal with thier responsibility...i am just saying that no one in this entire worl could make me give up on my child...

so now men are going to use the excuse that thier childs mom made it too hard so they gave up...what kind of man is that?

I completely agree that people need to grow up and make it about the children.All to often women have children with men that want to do right by their children and they continuosly give them a hard time.If they dont want to be with you anymore deal with it and be the best family u can be.

But i am just really tired of men using the childs mother as an excuse to not owning up to responsibility.Grow up...NOTHING OR NO ONE WOULD KEEP ME FROM DOIG RIGHT BY MY DAUGHTER!
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 60
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/17/2006 9:40:46 AM
This may be a redundant comment,but I think the best way to avoid this situation is to use birth control in the first place.In some cases,the father does'nt care to help with the child because he barely new the mother!Of course I am not speaking specifically about anyone,but if more people used protection,there would be a lot less accidental parents out there.
And yes I understand that sometimes birth control doesn't work,with 2 out of my three kids,my husband managed to impregnate me while I was on BC,so of course nothing is foolproof,but in this day of AIDS and chlamydia,only a fool wouldn't try to protect themselves.
(I will now sit and wait for the barrage of hate-posts towards me by all those who disagree)
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 61
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/17/2006 5:50:13 PM
Here is a novel idea...maybe it deserves it's own thread...who knows...maybe a new movement would start (VERY UNLIKELY) but here goes....

Before you have sex with someone, stop and ask yourself one simple question:

"Is this someone I would want to have a child with?"

People, unless you are sterile (either naturally or as a result of a medical procedure), EVERYTIME you have sex, with or without protection, you COULD make a baby!

There is no 100% effective birth control on the market (except sterilization).

If you do the "crime" be prepared to do "the time".

The problem is that sex is entered into without real consideration of the consequences. Sure, we take birth control and make all reasonable measures to ensure we do not create a child but "oops" pregancies still happen.

It is easy after the fact to point fingers or justify our actions. If you are willing to step up to the plate and accept your responsibility , if you are not, well you simply should not be having sex PERIOD.

Most of the time, children who are conceived without the intention of doing so, are born to at least one parent who will love, nuture and provide for them (assuming the pregnancy is not terminated). The lucky children are those born to two parents who will love, nuture and provide for them.

On these forums, people feel freer to voice their frustrations and disappointments about the other parent. I don't see anything wrong with venting. We all need it from time to time.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 62
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/17/2006 8:34:31 PM
You know I agree 100% and good on all you dads out there that have taken responsibility for their babies. I'm one of those that has a situation where the dad took of and doesn't want nothing to do with her....but you know what..suck it up and deal with it exactly. The important thing is you have a happy and healthy child that you need to be strong for. Be proud and realize that maybe they're in fact better off without the absent parent. And for all the fathers helping raise their kids..or raising them have renewed my faith that good men do exist.
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 63
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/19/2006 7:31:02 AM
Gary trust me i know what u are going through...i am a single mom who gets no help from my daughters father and i know the anger that comes along with it.just know that all the struggles u are going through now will pay off...they will pay off when your children look u in the eye and thank u for everything u have done.I know that doesnt help now...but know that one day it will all pay off and it will all be worth it.
good luck to u and your kids
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 64
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/19/2006 8:25:13 AM
a good father pays for his kids no matter what . thats just how it goes . if you tink your money is not getting to the kids you can go back to court and the judge will let you buy the stuff your kid needs and present the recipts . good fathers dont **** about it they take the appropriate action and does what is necessary to provide for his kids . im not trying to **** or complain to each his own but to complain about something you can change yourself and have the power to its just not right . im not saying your a bad father either i would never say that your probably a great father and thats why you are openly expressing your opinion. i just think you wernt totally informed about your rights as a father. i learnt my rights and now i have full custody of my three kids and she has no visits or anything ( her choise because i got custody dumb lady ) . i paid child support for three months then took her to court told the judge i thought my money wasent being spent on the kids and he orderd that i buy what they need and send recipts to a family support office. but im not going to tell you what to do if your happy giving her money then so be it if not get a lawyer and take her back to court . alot of us have been there and i feel for you but thats the best advice i can give you . good luck and hope it works out for you .
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 65
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/19/2006 8:16:46 PM
I just had to reply to this.....first off I do agree that alot of men do get screwed over in court, you know, the ones who actually want to be a part of their kids' lives. Second of all, some people on here are under the mistaken impression that just because they have joint custody that they have a say in all matters regarding how the children are raised, this is NOT true. Joint custody is only that both parents should have equal time with the children. For both parents to have a say in how the children are raised such as religious upbringing, schooling etc you have to have LEGAL custody. Joint custody and Legal custody are two separate issues so if you want a say in your childrens lives then you must get legal custody as well and if one parent does not follow through and ask you about anything regarding the children if you have legal custody then you will have to file contempt of court on that parent.
Joined: 11/20/2006
Msg: 66
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/29/2006 5:17:26 AM
That's not true. I am a mother. I had an extremely hard pregnancy. I almost lost my child during my pregnancy a number of times due to my poor health before I conceived. I was non-stop sick and bed ridden for 8 1/2 months.

And as far as the child support. That's a load of crap. Yes, the man OR woman should HAVE to pay child support if they are not the parent taking care of them, living with them. And I have 3 male friends that have custody of their kids. And 2 of them legally recieve child support from the mother of the children. If the man had custody they'd be screaming for some child support as well.

There are other federal programs. Not just for "single mothers". There are programs for "single parents" in general, and other funding for such circumstances.

I don't get child support, but I sure deserve it, and wish I did. If you are the one that has to deal with the good and bad that comes with raising a child-you are the main provider. I change the diapers, I feed her, I bathe her, I brush her hair, I brush her teeth, I play with her, I read her stories before bed, I pray with her before bed, I take her to the doctor, I soothe her when she has a fever, cold, etc. I worry about her. I show her affection. I love her. I buy her clothes, I pay to get her pictures taken. ETC ETC.

And what does the father do? Nothing..... Besides pick up the phone and call once in a while. Women (that have custody of their children) have to deal with 100 times more than the man in the situation. Usually all the man has to do is get them for "the weekend" or show up for a few hours. They don't have to deal with the stress, frustration, emotional warfare at times. I love being a parent and love my daughter to death. But I'm human and I get frustrated from time to time. We pay for medical bills, and on top of that Daycare. Which is not cheap by any means. But I don't get help with that either.

So that is NOOOOOO excuse to what you said about "Now, you wonder why men run away from their responsibilites as a father.". No. There is no reason. That just means they are a piece of shit and do not care about their child, if they are so willing to walk away from them...and not go out of their way to be a part of that childs life.

I'm sick of men who play the victim and act like all women and judges are ganging up on them, and we are trying to make their lives miserable. Just stand up and be a man for once. You always talk about how "loyal, strong, kind, reliable, etc" until you are face with circumstances. (not speaking for all men, just the kind in this situation).
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 67
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/29/2006 10:53:38 AM
well let me say this as me being a single father of 2 kids that i have full custody of and i beat the system as for you guys who say you cant get full custody .some times it doesnt work in your way but dont give up hire a woman lawyer the are meaner than a junk yard dog and that is what did as for you guys who dont want that responsibilty you need to suck it up and take your turn taking care of the kids i know alot of single moms where i live and the fathers dont even call the kids and my dad never even knew i was living and to this day he still doesnt want to claim me at all so all the bull about parenthood is a load you fight for what you want and dont think people will feel pity for you because i dont and no one else pityed me either so quit whinning and get your crap together!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 68
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:14:53 AM
singledaddy wrote:

I have met with several family law people and lawyers and have came to this conclusion; because I am a man, I get no rights. If you have a baby with a woman you are not with, its in your best interest to learn how to become a part time dad and work your ass off so your childs mother can do whatever she wants with your money. A women can smoke, drink and do drugs during pregnancy and a man can do nothing about it. Women know they have all the rights....they drive us to leave. Why cant anything be just about the children? As men we have to stand up to this system that we have because even the people at the top know its not right.

The Father's Rights Movement is an extension of The Civil Rights Movement in that it addresses a slanted legal approach based on bias regarding the gender of the parents.

There's an old civil rights story that goes like this:

Alabama, 1930s. A retired doctor from the North returns to his old hometown after many years. He walks into the local county courthouse and asks if black people can register to vote. He's told yes, they can. But they must first pass a literacy test. He says no problem. They produce a Chinese newspaper, hand it to the doctor, and say, "Can you read this?" He looks at it for a moment and responds "I sure can. It says there aren't going to be any black folks voting in this county."

For many men the first time they learn that they are not going to be custodial parents is when they experience divorce court and learn what happens in child custody disagreements. Of course, many men never get far enough to experience this because they just cave in and figure they have no choice but to be the non-custodial parent. Those who do want custodial parenthood quickly learn, like the retired doctor in the above story, that despite constitutional guarantees of equality, some people are less equal than others.

The courts in the old days weren't particularly shy about what they were doing with custody. One judge in the South was quoted on the record as saying he never gave custody to fathers because in his experience on the farm he had never seen a calf follow a bull around in the pasture; the baby calves only followed their mothers. Most judges these days depend on custody evaluations. Of course, the evaluators find it easiest to say the expected things. They are likely to conclude that the children have been raised by the mother and presume that life with her would be more stable.

It is in the best interest of the children for them to continue to have a close relationship with both of their parents.
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 69
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:11:28 AM

Actually, I don't think you get it. You're complaining that men don't get fair treatment in court. Well, joint is there for the taking. If you can prove that you're a responsible parent, then in Canada joint is pretty much assumed. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, of course. I was told that because my ex was fighting for joint, then joint it would be. The only reason he didn't get it was because I was able to prove that he wasn't responsible enough.

You might want to review case law regarding suitable situations regarding joint custody. In Canada it is well established that if one parent is unable to work within a framework of co-parenting then joint custody is not recommended. That is well established in Family courts in Canada in each Province.

But what does joint custody mean anyways? Nothing! A non custodial parent has to be included in major decisions regarding the raising of the child but all day to day decisions are made by the custodial parent. And joint custody has no relationship with time or access.

You can have joint custody and see your child or children less than 10% of the month.

Joint custody is there for the mother to give or take away. However once the children reach a specific age of 10 to 14 the playing field changes.

If you really want joint custody and a reduction in child support because you feel it's best for the child and not because your situation doesn't seem fair then go for it. Remember, you have as much right to the child if you're holding up your end of the responsibilities

Typical woman argument who suggests reducing cs is robbing from the child when a fathers is looking for shared custody. The responsibility financially for raising a child is supposedly to be borne by both parents. Where is your argument about the mother equally being financially responsible. Both parents can work and share in the raising of the child. the reasons more woman are unwilling to allow shared custody is the potential for reduced cs. And shared custody does not mean the removal of cs obligations. I even just finished talking with one woman who is not happy about perhaps paying cs to her ex if he is successful about obtaining shared/joint custody because she earns more money than he does.

OP....You need to grown up and start dealing with the situation that exists. If you are looking for the same or equal treatment it will never happen.

So start dealing with what you have and be the best father you can until the circumstances might change and you are better situated to perhaps see the required changers through.

You have to deal with this for about 22yrs. You can be stupid and allow yourself to be wrapped up in your anger and frustration and probably screw up your relationship with your children or you can step up to the plate and do your best for your children.

And know that at age 12 you can have a very good case for changing primary custody...if the child so chooses.

If your ex is as irresponsible as you are suggesting that might happen sooner but you need to start a daily log and detail everything that goes on.

Is it fair? There is always two sides to the issue and being the father you simply have a harder position. But there is always hope and potential at the end of the road.

You simply need to bite your tongue and accept the imbalances and work to overcome them.
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 70
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:17:19 AM
I have read some of the post on here. I agree with some but not with all. Not all Single fathers / single mothers are bad. They are a lot of fathers out there that fight for the right to see their children, who want to have something to do with their children. And no. I do not have one of these. I was married for almost 4 years, he decided he didn't want "this" anymore and he walked away when our son was 9 months old. Our divorce took two years b/c he fought me the whole way.(so we were together for only 2) And it was all about the money. He didn't want to help at all. I told him if he would just help buy diapers and food i would take care of the rest. When i filed i asked for full custody withe supervised visitation..... b/c he never saw our son. and didn't want anything to do with him. But he had all these people telling him that he would just pay less child support if he had joint custody. So anyway to make a long story short i gave in and i gave him the benefit of the doubt I gave him joint custody. And in the past year, he has seen him only 4 times. My son has never spent the night with him, doesn't even know him. And the really sad part is he lives 5 min away. I tried to be the "good parent" i would call him and tell him "hey we're going to the park come see your son" He would be like ok i'll be there in a min. And he would never show. He misses out on so much of our sons life. I can't change who he is or what he does He has to change himself. I am here for my son 24-7. i look at my brothers with their kids and i just can't understand why my ex is like he is. I'm not bitter to him or towards him but i know that in the end he is only hurting himself.

But I give props to all the single fathers out there that take the time to want to know their kids and fight for the right to do so weather its in court or on a personal vocal agreement. its not easy when the other one always makes you out to look like the bad person.

So in saying, GOOD LUCK TO ALL THE SINGLE PARENTS. Hold your head up and take that walk through life holding your little ones hand. Because in the end the ones that will always be there for you are your children. They will love you no matter what you do, or what you say. they are the ones that are honest enough to tell you the truth and tell you "hey Mom/Dad You got a buggie hanging out of your nose" In the middle of Walmart !! lol Good luck to all and don't let people make you bitter. Lifes to short.

Joined: 12/7/2007
Msg: 71
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:58:43 AM
I am a great father to my son and I got completely screwed over in Florida.
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 72
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:51:04 PM
men are not the only ones who get screwed...... and not all women are the same.
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 73
view profile
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:11:10 PM
twindaddy you are twisting this fellows words. I know what he is going through because I am there to. You may have been lucky enough to get a fair shake when it came to custody but a lot of us did not.

"he dad may want joint custody.......why wont he get it? Because he has not created the bond with the child like the mother has"

"What retarted lawyer told you that you won't get joint custody?? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you have a child with someone, you both automatically have joint custody. If you are not taking advantage of the fact then you are creating your own situation. When one parent does not make an effort to be a parent to their child, that is when the court will give the order of sole custody to the other parent"--you are correct that the statute (here in NC anyway) says that the father and mother automatically have joint custody it is ultimately up to the family court justices to enforce it and here in New Hanover county they rarely do. Much of your post is way out of line. Trying to make it about himself? BS he is saying that the mother is using the child! He is saying that the court should make damn sure that the mother is spending that money on "his own flesh and blood" and not on breast augmentations and****ails and babysitters so she can go out. Last of all when the mother of your child is being unreasonable she has all the leverage against you. I have been fighting for full custody of my son and you can be sure that I have injected my self into his life as much as I can possibly be there. I do it for him and take quite a mental beating for it. When ever she doesn't get her way or something she wants she shuts me out of his life. She will pick up the phone on a whim because she is ticked off and tell the child support people I haven't paid something knowing full well that I have. All she has to do is allege and it's up to me to prove her wrong. I pay everything by check and carry around all the receipts just in case. You don't get it because you obviously haven't been in the situation. You are very lucky.
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 74
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Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:36:43 PM
You miss the point of the thread mam. "Useless" dads and "Useless" moms are equal bad apples but it's the "Useless Mom's" in the equation who get all the support from the system even at the expense of good fathers. Good parents can reach agreements that are best for the child and follow up on them.
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 75
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:26:01 PM

I have a beautiful 18 month old son and one girl on the way from a female who completely f'ed me over.

Uh-huh. Despite there being 3 sides to every story (hers, yours, and the actual truth) we're just supposed to believe that you did not contribute to the failure of the relationship. Hmm... apparently things were just fine between y'all while you were knocking her up.

I have met with several family law people and lawyers and have came to this conclusion; because I am a man, I get no rights.

BS! People don't "get" rights. They HAVE rights. Sometimes we have to fight to keep others from trampling on them. Perhaps you're talking about the principle of the matter. It sounds more like you either can't afford or do not wish to spend money to fight. That's your choice... which may result in your loss.

that if a man is ready, willing and capable of caring for his child he should not be forced to pay child support.

If the mother does not want or loses custody, yes. If the mother is awarded custody or the parents share custody but the mother earns less than the father then the father should pay child support. Don't like the disparity? Then change a society where women in the work force are paid less than their male counterparts.

Woman gives birth, takes a year off for maternity leave,

WHOA! Really?! Then somebody owes me money. I went back to work 3 months after my middle daughter was born prematurely and 6 weeks after my other 2 daughters were born OUT OF NECESSITY. When daddy won't work somebody has to do it.

man has to work to provide for the baby while the woman receives child tax credit, baby bonus, EI benifits and many other types of help.

WTH is a "baby bonus"?! Again... somebody owes me money.
In our decree it was agreed that each parent would claim one of the children on taxes which resulted in my ex claiming our daughter on his taxes for years despite not paying a freaking dime in child support.
If you or your attorney aren't bright enough to protect your finances and rights, don't blame it on the rest of the world, your ex or your kids.

If the man has only one child, he may not have to work 2 jobs to support his children, or as I and many others see it, the mothers-

I keep hearing about these women who live luxuriously on child support but I have yet to meet one. They all work or receive government assistance (hopefully while obtaining an education).

they might see their kids on the weekends. Now a man sees his kids on the weekends or when he is not working, if he dares to do something for himself one weekend, he is labelled a bad father for not spending time with his kids.

If he scheduled something his child(ren) can't participate in on a weekend he is scheduled to have visitation he IS a bad father. The only "label" should be "Instant a**hole. Just add kid."

Now, after that year is over and both parents are working (some moms dont becuase they make enough from the dads) The dad may want joint custody.......why wont he get it? Because he has not created the bond with the child like the mother has, therefore he is being punished for doing something he was made to do in the first place. Judges will award custody to the mom. Moms will have custody unless they do something to endanger the childs life, thats it.

Hmmm... I've shared custody with my ex since day one and we split when our youngest was 6 months old.

A women can smoke, drink and do drugs during pregnancy

I don't know about other states but mine does mandatory drug screening on every newborn.

Why cant anything be just about the children?

LOL! Yeah... cuz your rant is sooooo about the kids and not your freaking wallet. Grow up, break into your savings and buy yourself a clue, man.
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