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 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 326
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Calling Kids baggagePage 14 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Perhaps what many people mean by baggage is that they may not directly refer to the kids at all? Perhaps the baggage comes from the negative stuff that come WITH the presence of kids?
One does not need to repeat all the bad things today's kids seem to be up to. The whole you are not their father routine...
If you can't be the father, then you can't fulfill a role nature seems destined for you? What good is that? You're just Mommy's boyfriend with no moral authority. You are a guy whose nuts have been cut off ... you are in parenting limbo.
That's the "baggage" in my opinion that maybe most guys on here actually mean.

Not the kids themselves but the situation created because there are kids (and an EX).

Sometimes guys (and gals) want to fulfill a role in the family. If the situation with the kids and the ex does not permit that, then the whole situation does turn into bad baggage.
It's painful when the kids just say you're only Daddy's girlfriend when you want to be their mother. When we pair off, nature has hardwired us to fulfill these roles. When we are prevented or frustrated in fulfilling these roles, that's "baggage".
 sincerelibra
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 327
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 2:42:21 PM
I agree that little ones are smart. Having "baggage" of my own I know that my little girls catch on to the situation pretty quickly. If Mommy is happy than everyone is happy. My girls would embrace me finding someone who makes me happy and would add a little something extra to our lives.
Those who shy away from us who have children are really missing out. I feel I am a better person because my children.
 ShaneNSA
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 328
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 3:28:43 PM
San Antonio --

third most obese, San Antonio, TX
-- nearly everyone here's got baggage -- even the kids! Just some levity -- I know what you meant

I agree that (most often) it's the Single-Parent's relationship with the kids and the ex (or the exes family) that created the negative connotation about having kids (hence the reference to baggage)
 ShaneNSA
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 329
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 3:31:57 PM
I think that any decent partner would expect that HE comes first, and if you two were in love that you would BOTH put your daughter first when that was necessary.

Where the "I put my kid first always" stuff gets old, is when a parent values every whim of the child above the welfare of their mate. So sure, if the child is sick, needs help with school, has a serious problem, then the child comes first -- and any step-dad or potential step-dad should feel the same way.

However, if "putting your kid first" starts going into the realm of the non-essential, then the partner is being relegated to second class status. Now, I can appreciate if a mother or father wants to do that to make up for the trauma of divorce or the death of a parent, but in that case the parent should forget about dating until their responsibilites of childraising are over.

You can't expect to tell a partner that he or she will always come second, and expect that relationship to be a happy one.

Parents also have to accept that many people do not want to take on the responsibility of rasing someone else's child. It's a decision, which shouldn't be denegrated, but accepted. It just means that you two aren't right for each other.
-- Man, now here's an insightful lady -- she gets it!
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 330
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 3:37:33 PM
I believe this is why single mothers have such a hard time dating these days.....9 times out of 10 men who are divorced dont have the children full time so they are free to go off and do whatever they like......but single mothers.....( and single full time fathers i'm sure are also experiencing) that its not so easy to just pick up and go anytime you like......I would think that men who have children ( on a part time basis) would appreciate a woman who is loving and puts her kids first.. says alot about the great qualities she has towards relationships....but instead they want someone whos single and no kids......IMO....seems a bit hypocritical to me.....but oh well......I just steer clear of those guys.....
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 331
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 3:42:53 PM
I have met a lot of men who would prefer to date women who have children. Many have asked me why I never had children, and most do not seem to understand why I never wanted to be a single parent.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 332
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 3:53:40 PM
Hey Posters,

Yep, and my "baggages" have been sick for 3 days.

I saw this a couple of days ago. It went something like this: we all have some sort of baggage if we're over the age of 9.....so, why don't we compare and see if our baggage matchs....

Waiting for my turn with the cold,

Irish
 allaboutluck
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 333
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 4:36:29 PM
I do not like the word baggage either. I have 6 kids , but only 3 are at home with me. I find that is what keeps men from contacting me. What is with that. I understand at a certain age you have raised your children, and want your freedom. I haven't lost any of my freedom because of my children. If nothing else they keep me young. I can do what any woman my age without kids can do. I think I have alot of good qualities besides my kids. Are people so focused on having just a relationship that children can't be a part of it. I think there is worse baggage to have other than kids. They are the easy part. Its all the other things that have happened threw out your life that you carry with you, I consider baggage. I live for the future, not the past. My children will never be considered baggage to me, and I feel it is a mans loss if he doesn't take the time to see what more there is to me. Thats just my opinion.
 AlwaysSmiling401
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 334
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 4:45:11 PM
My son is 16 now, and the furthest thing from "baggage" there is. I understand people without kinds wanting to hook up with people that do not have kids, in particular younger ones. Especially if you want to start a family of your own.
But good luck doing that if you are over 30. Most people by this stage in their lives have them.

Obviously being a single parent I have no issues dating single mothers, as long as they actually have time to invest in the relationship.
 ShaneNSA
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 335
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 5:19:52 PM
Are people so focused on having just a relationship that children can't be a part of it. I think there is worse baggage to have other than kids.
-- I think this topic is starting to zero-in on the root of the Baggage Reference that some affix to children. When I met my ex, she had a 4 year old son who was calling her by her 1st name, and calling Grandma "Mommy". Her son called Grandma "Mommy" twice in the span of 5 mins -- the 1st time he did this, I let it pass (without saying anything). When he did it the 2nd time, I looked over at my (then) girlfriend, and the tears were whelling-up in her eyes -- hearing her son call her by her 1st name, and calling Grandma "mommy" -- right in front of her boyfriend -- YIKES!!
I corrected her son, saying, "That's your Grandma, this is your mommy over here on the couch" -- Grandma threw a fit and said she didn't like to be called Grandma because it sounds old --- Man, if that wasn't a RED FLAG, then I don't know what is, nevertheless, I loved her son, and he desperately needed a father -- we were married for 8 1/2 years, and have (2) beautiful daughters together.

Was there BAGGAGE in this union -- Hell Yes -- mainly Grandma and Grandpa. Her son never knew his real father (she divorced his father when he was only 4 months old) -- I'm the only father he's ever known, and I never viewed him as baggage -- he was my son, but ask me if I've been able to see him since my divorce 4 years ago -- NOPE, mainly because of the (say it with me folks) Grandparents!!!

Based on what I experienced in this marriage, would it be possible for me to equate "Baggage to exactly the same scenario --Hell YES, but never to the child. Man, I really miss him too!
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 336
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:10:33 PM
Hey Posters,

I believe I've already expressed my opinion about anyone who'd call my kids baggage or a liability. I also, have issue with those, how ever well meaning, folk who challange my personal life decisions....some of which I'd not any control over (I.e. being the widower.)

But, for those of y'all who missed it.....I think not much about insensitive, callous, self-center folks voicing a drivel of opinion....that I care not one whit about!!!

Opine of ,

Irish
 ShaneNSA
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 337
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:56:31 PM
You know, that's the problem with these long-run threads (this one began 12/14/2006 409 PM) -- it's easy for someone to take offense to what's said in a post 2 1/2 years later, that addressed the original topic -- Irish, did someone (recently) offend you? Man, I tried reading back a few pages -- I just gave up, so it must not have been recently.
 flappo77
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 338
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:03:16 PM
Depends on what the guy/gal is looking for. If they want someone to party with nonstop, travel, go get a midnight snack at a 24hr cafe, or whatever... it's not going to work. If they're looking for a slower lifestyle... not daily couch potato... but party once in a while, family night at the movies, family night at the restaurant, or something where the kids aren't getting neglected then fine. calling them baggage well what's in a word. let the man be himself at the start otherwise you'll find out who he is later on.
 Tra C
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 339
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:15:18 PM
id rather a man admit if he thought a child was baggage before i dated him...saves me from the headache of wasting my precious time with him and allows me to spend more time with my baggage!
 Samurai41
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 340
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:20:22 PM
in the mind of some men, if you gotta pay for it or deal with it, it is baggage.

that means kids and ex's

I think that is garbage. I would prefere a woman with at least one child. Lets me know there is something more important to her than herself.

plus it denotes stability.

And, it is silly after a certain age to think you will find a woman with no kids.

so kids are ok in my book. I teach kids for a living, so i dont mind them.
 JTW70
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 341
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:46:25 PM
Are pets baggage?Is your debt baggage?Are your past relationships baggage?Are you baggage?It's all interpritation.But seriously,is that not an indirect,derogatory statement directed at the child,or children?They don't need someone like you interupting their lives anyway.I guess it's good you put it that way,nobody needs your OVER SIZED BAGGAGE on board .Kids come first.......
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 342
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/19/2009 9:32:36 AM
Yo ShaneNSA,

I read your post...thinking stand up guy....actually my comments are related to a thread I'd started...

Here's what started my thread
Someone recently told me, in an unsolicited e-mail, my children are a liability. To those who think this way...I throw my proverbial shoe at you


Irish
 curveyone
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 343
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/19/2009 10:22:28 AM
well perhaps *baggage* isn't the best term but they are YOUR kids and of course you love them but they aren't mine so i don't have to feel the same way about them. well at least i'm assuming that most parents love their kids, who knows.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 344
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/19/2009 10:30:49 AM
Hey Poster,

So if you're not interested in me fine...Say that...but, please don't bring my kids into the discussion for, what you might think, is an easier way of saying I'm not interested. I put out there that I've got kids....spell out the gender and ages...if one isn't interested then why, on god's green earth, reply at all...I accept "code"...read/delete....but

Mention my kids in a derogatory manor....and papa tiger is likely to bite back....


Yep, MY kids...not your's.....ASSuming nothing!

Irish
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 345
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/19/2009 10:41:44 AM
I like children as well and I don't mind taking time to babysit my friends children or looking after my little cousins. I hate the way people call children from other parents or children in general the term baggage. I hate how people just say it like that so casually.
 soulman2009
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 346
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/19/2009 2:38:07 PM
i dont think thats nice for a guy to call that baggage. i dont have any kids but i wouldnt call that baggage.
and yes thats why im open to meeting someone with kids cause its hard enough to meet someone that were compatible with in all ways.i dont mind someone with kids but it depends how many shes got tough.
if i met the right women for me and she had a kid i wouldnt turn her down.i would give her the same chance to get to know her then i would to a women with no kids.
 stealth122148
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 347
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 2/19/2009 5:33:57 PM
I-LIKE -BOYS
You hit the nail on the head big time.
I had a boyfriend that his ex controled his life.
If i had their son because she wanted to hit the bars and Dave had to work and i needed to go anywhere i was to tell her where i was going and who was going to be there.
Anywhere i took him was not a bar or around any alcohol use. She would take him to the bars.
We had plans to go to Myrtle Beach. She threw a fit as she did not want him to take me there with the kids. We ended up going to a water works resort.
I did not control Dave, he did not control me, but she was a different story.
It ended when i said i cannot do this anymore. She would tell him if he did not do what she wanted that he would not see his son. She could not stop his visitation. I pointed that out. Sometimes i think he lived under her thumb for so long he did not realise he was accually a free man.
 nyx1980
Joined: 3/17/2018
Msg: 348
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 4/24/2018 6:31:29 AM
baggage to me is Kids the ex issues and dramas they cause and the fact if you think about it correctly. They mean you carry extra now. Extra responsibilities, you are not free so to speak, your life changes the moment you have that kid. Men the part time hero fathers are the worst. Nothing to talk about as they think they need to talk about the kid constantly through guilt. They expect you to instantly fawn over their kid. But its their guilt and not the other parties issue at the end of the day. Your not just a single organism living your life now, you have baggage. whether you like ti or not. It means you come with complications.

Neither side will every see eye to eye. But as a single child free person. This is a lot to take on and well... why should we fix a life they messed up on their own. Should have taken the commitment seriously and should have chosen wisely not just have whoever comes along. I worked hard and did well, didn't have lots of kids out of wedlock and if they think i am going to pick up the pieces and try to bring meaning to their life when i didn't cause it. Is a bit self entitled and selfish tbh. I cant comment for single moms. I know most do all the hard work so even more responsibility. I am only commenting on single fathers here.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 349
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 4/24/2018 6:38:00 AM
Damn, nyx. Isn't this your 1980th profile?
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 350
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 4/24/2018 7:18:24 AM
I'm actually meeting men over 60 with full time custody of toddlers.

Seems they wanted younger women. And met one who promised not to get pregnant. lol.
Now the young chick's got her separate maintenance and bailed.

Man with spoiled, screaming toddler joining us on all our dates. Man expecting me to "sleep over" and leave early next day so kid won't find out? Now the man, having learned his lesson, is seeking mature woman to raise his "adorable" little tot, while he golfs? No thanks.

While some older women would jump at the chance, that's just not for me. Sorry, but that IS baggage in my aged eyes.
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