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 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 426
Calling Kids baggagePage 18 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
July, just ignore her posts. This lady is just a troll. She was trolling me as well because of my comments on short men and nice guys.
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/14/2018 6:00:05 PM

July, just ignore her posts. This lady is just a troll. She was trolling me as well because of my comments on short men and nice guys.

Because I don't sugar coat crap and called you on something you said,[ I really don't remember it but I will go see] does not make me a troll. I don't usually comment on things people say unless its so beyond stupid I just have to, much like the crackhead from earlier. If I commented to you, I'm sure you probably threw out one of your women hating comments and I just gave you the biatch slap you deserved
If you want sweetness and light, go to Romper Room. Here on POF you say something stupid and you will get called on it, don't like it, don't post, or accuse those that don't take your crap of being trolls.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 428
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/14/2018 6:00:48 PM

I was talking to my best friend this year and she said out of all our friends, I would have been the last one to end up in that type of situation. She said I had always been strong and independent, I always went my own way, never gave in to peer pressure, fought for things I believed in.


Then how in the world did you ever end up with such a loser???:


I didn't want to be with my ex but I couldn't leave. I know it sounds stupid that I stayed but if I could go back I probably wouldn't change anything. I was afraid that he'd kill me if I tried leaving, really scared. And I still believe he would have.


Did you hit your head and get amnesia and forget about the (alleged) strong independent person?


I'm capable of standing on my own two feet.



I realized early on that I didn't want to be with my ex but I couldn't leave.


It may be beating a dead horse, but that would have been a good time to actually do that standing thing.


I know it sounds stupid that I stayed but if I could go back I probably wouldn't change anything.


That right there is one big SMH statement.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 429
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/14/2018 6:42:39 PM

Because I don't sugar coat crap and called you on something you said,[ I really don't remember it but I will go see] does not make me a troll. I don't usually comment on things people say unless its so beyond stupid I just have to, much like the crackhead from earlier. If I commented to you, I'm sure you probably threw out one of your women hating comments and I just gave you the biatch slap you deserved
If you want sweetness and light, go to Romper Room. Here on POF you say something stupid and you will get called on it, don't like it, don't post, or accuse those that don't take your crap of being trolls.


That’s just a feeble attempt to wound my inner child.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 430
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/14/2018 6:52:27 PM
..... " kids are baggage " ( post 389 ) < Maybe it's just me, but I think a decent person wouldn't say or feel that, male or female . You may do all you do for them - but from your continual posts ~ speaking of how much you desire sex ~ and the pursuit of a relationship, etc etc etc etc etc ~ it sounds like you believe it .

..... " If kids see you doing all that self sacrificing, they will want to do that as well " < I've never heard of such bull s*hit in my entire life.

..... " I'm supposed to sacrifice everything, my own happiness ~ for them ??? " < them ? they are not insects, nor are they baggage ...

^ I think the child psychiatrist ~ needs a psychiatrist ...

^^^ thank you ms STS

heart / sun
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 431
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/15/2018 10:33:01 AM

You are being ridiculous, that would be giving in to your child. Big difference between giving in and putting them first. I went on a date with a man once, he complained the whole time about not seeing his kids enough. We had planned a second date until he told me the night of the date that he was suppose to see his children but canceled them to see me. I was utterly stunned and told him that any man that would pick a date over his kids has too many issues for me. If I had a choice between seeing my children and going on a second date, you bet your tight little wet suit I would pick my kids. EVERYTIME


That's why I tell men not to date single mothers. It's not ridiculous at all. It's extremely common for the kids to purposely act out when the mom is away on a date so she gets a bunch of text messages saying how the kids are out of control and she should come home and take care of them. The kids are jealous and don't want their mother to have a boyfriend.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 432
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/15/2018 1:42:38 PM
When kids are under control and are respectful, they're okay to be around. If I was a guy, I would want to see that first before becoming too involved. When my parents had friends over, or if they took us to someone's house, you didn't hear a peep out of us.

Even as a friend, it was so annoying to be on the phone with my gf and have to hear her constantly correct her son repeatedly about the same thing. What happened to the phrase be quiet or go to your room?
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/15/2018 3:09:16 PM

It's not ridiculous at all. It's extremely common for the kids to purposely act out when the mom is away on a date so she gets a bunch of text messages saying how the kids are out of control

I have no doubt it happens, I said it was ridiculous because it's not a example of putting your children first. It's an example of letting your child manipulate you. Big difference. I think a lot of the times when this happens it's because its pre planned. My girlfriends and I often call one another in a early dating scenario. It's a good out if your date is a bust and you want to end it. Regardless, if your children are secure and well parented these things don't happen. They know they can't manipulate you. When my kids were young I always got complimented at Dr's visits. They always told me I had the best behaved children in the waiting room. Do you know why that was? I took books and puzzles to occupy them I read to them and engaged them. They knew if they misbehaved there would be consequences. No, I did not believe in spanking them and never laid a hand on either one of them. They were never thought of as baggage or put second. Proper parenting takes patience and time, If your not willing to put in the time and make them the priority don't complain when they misbehave.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 434
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/15/2018 7:09:55 PM

I have no doubt it happens, I said it was ridiculous because it's not a example of putting your children first. It's an example of letting your child manipulate you. Big difference. I think a lot of the times when this happens it's because its pre planned. My girlfriends and I often call one another in a early dating scenario. It's a good out if your date is a bust and you want to end it. Regardless, if your children are secure and well parented these things don't happen. They know they can't manipulate you. When my kids were young I always got complimented at Dr's visits. They always told me I had the best behaved children in the waiting room. Do you know why that was? I took books and puzzles to occupy them I read to them and engaged them. They knew if they misbehaved there would be consequences. No, I did not believe in spanking them and never laid a hand on either one of them. They were never thought of as baggage or put second. Proper parenting takes patience and time, If your not willing to put in the time and make them the priority don't complain when they misbehave.


Absolutely, it depends on the parenting style and it depends on if the kids have any behavioral problems or mental illness. In my situation, the kids were teenagers and they couldn't be trusted to be left alone so the date nights suffered. Some kids at that age will still act out even if there are consequences. My best friend is in the military and raised his step daughter from age 5 to 14. She has a lot of responsibilities and consequences but she still turned into a monster when they had a baby together last year and started stealing things from her parents and doing drugs. It got so bad she had to go live with her dad. At the end of the day, when a guy like me breaks up with a single mother, you feel like you let the kids down too and it's not a good feeling. You always think you could have done more, that's why I'm hesitant to date another single mother.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 435
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/18/2018 6:48:23 AM

That's why I tell men not to date single mothers. It's not ridiculous at all. It's extremely common for the kids to purposely act out when the mom is away on a date so she gets a bunch of text messages saying how the kids are out of control and she should come home and take care of them. The kids are jealous and don't want their mother to have a boyfriend.


I had this very thing happen to me about 15 years ago. In a 1.5 hour lunch date they (2 teenagers and an 8 year old) called 17 times. By the third call I would start reciting to her what number call it was ("three!", "four!"..."seventeen!").

We actually went on another date about 6 months later. We went to a movie and saw "Bad Santa". They called about a half dozen times. She emphasized that they only called that many times as if that was acceptable. No third date.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 436
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/18/2018 7:00:11 AM
I chose to have a child out of wedlock-we still have such choices ( for a little while)- I "chose" never was it a burden or baggage-was it difficult at times yes- did i attempt to provide a good life and make choices based on such- sure but never once did I sacrifice (i do not feel at all sacrificial)- and thank the good lord above my son understands love for himself is necessary to love another fully...And I only introduced a couple of people i dated to my son-yes because his father was participatory i was able to date when i wanted- however from the time he was 8 to 17 i chose not to date- had too much going on in my life...
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 437
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/18/2018 8:18:18 AM

from the time he was 8 to 17 I chose not to date- had too much going on in my life...


^^^ I respect & admire ~ those who put others , before themselves ( in this case, it was the men wishing too date you ~ as well as your children )

thank you Inicia ~ when looking at you ~
I cia good human being ! ( heart / sun )
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 439
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/28/2018 5:04:34 PM

You are being ridiculous, that would be giving in to your child. Big difference between giving in and putting them first.

That extreme example is Both. When you are giving in -- you're putting them first (and then some). It's a crazy example, but the point is -- there are needs & "thneeds" (the latter being not actual needs but feels like one). Just like my example of the gal crying not being with her 2 year old overnight even though she lives with wholesome family members -- as you point out is no rarity -- many will take their kids' "thneeds" ahead of the game. Anything not 100% habitual coming up thwarting going out with friends or a date. Avoiding feelings of guilt is likely a factor in that of course, and my point is that "over correcting the steering" so to speak is a burden. Many put them first, including giving in.

Lots of women have trouble leaving their children when they are that young. I would wonder about any woman who wasn't hesitant the first few times.

A Lot more who don't, especially when they have the convenience of living with family members and are surrounded by them. But when they are like that -- that's some extra baggage. No thanks!

I "chose" never was it a burden or baggage-was it difficult at times yes- did i attempt to provide a good life and make choices based on such- sure but never once did I sacrifice .... from the time he was 8 to 17 i chose not to date- had too much going on in my life...

That is baggage though. But there's baggage to dating/relationships that we sometimes want. Like having a kid, or a job that travels a ton but with good pay, etc. Although I have to ask -- why so far until he was 17? You dated from when he was a newborn until 8? I can understand sitting on the bench from the dating scene when they're young (notable 'baggage' to dating for many) -- but it's more like around 8 when it becomes more feasible, not before, right?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 440
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/29/2018 11:42:33 AM

A Lot more who don't, especially when they have the convenience of living with family members and are surrounded by them. But when they are like that -- that's some extra baggage. No thanks!


The bottom line is that dating a single mother or father has an extremely low success rate so you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. There's a big chance the kids won't like you, the parent is a soft touch and you have to do all the disciplining, and you'll never be the top priority. A lot of guys try dating single mothers even when their friends warn them not to and it usually ends up with the relationship failing and they feel even worse than usual because kids were involved.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 441
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/29/2018 2:19:28 PM
If you don't like kids, you shouldn't date someone with them. If you do, you're the baggage in that relationship.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 442
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Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/29/2018 3:31:55 PM

There's a big chance the kids won't like you, the parent is a soft touch and you have to do all the disciplining, and you'll never be the top priority.

I always say it depends on how old their kids are + their situation. Mileage varies. Big difference between a gal having 2 kids @2 and @4 years old, with full custody and no relatives so convenient around... and a gal having a 10 year old and a 13 year old, and sharing custody. Big difference, notably as far as just-dating's concerned.

And I don't need to be "top priority" so to speak -- especially when it's just-dating. I think it's when you do start to date serious, and you're (still) treated like the red-headed step-child - lol. That's why I say it's OK to hang out / date a gal who has a kid(s) -- but keep it lite & non-serious to get a read on things first... and not to have expectations that she's "the one" just because you have a date or two that went great. Always have the self-mindset of "nothing serious" until her situation proves otherwise (which can happen and won't take forever).
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 443
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/29/2018 8:31:04 PM
I dk just was not looking any where- just had a focus- idk if men even noticed me as that was not on radar
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 444
Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 5/29/2018 8:48:49 PM
Norwegian for me it was combined with a need for self- when he was 3 days old to 8 his father returned on my invite and welcoming- myself at this time was very free and relaxed and comfortable- it took some time to trust his father again-but when i did i had empty time when i finally allowed over night time with father without me ....several experiences exposed that myself was temporarily crippled, any exterior non necessary focus was abandoned not love but that desired physical union was by far a back seat-. During this time his father felt i must reside with him and my son-and in my belief in self failure i agreed- so he was my date for a few years as i retrieved self and awareness-growing stronger just nothing left to share and experiencing life with my son became most valuable person exterior of self and wanted to nurture his self development- and i encouraged a separate relationship with his father and today knowing his self his struggles his growth-blessed- i chose to bring that living being into existence-wAs want not responsibility-if i had felt responsible i would have chose what is available- i did not- that self choice total contentment
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