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 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 8
Was I taken for a Ride?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP, after reading this I had to check your profile and I was shocked; I thought you'd be about 18 not 30. You knew this guy a short time on the internet, your first meeting you go to his house and then you're 'on each other like white on rice'...and after that you tell him you have feelings for him and want a committed relationship...What's the rush? In any of it? He might have wanted to continue dating you, especially as you said you had already made plans to get together again...but then you pushed for a commitment the first night you meet this guy. I'd have run the other way if a guy did that to me.

Next time, maybe you shouldn't have sex until you take the time to actually get to know the person more...and what they're looking for. And don't push so fast for the exclusive thing...you should know the person before you get exclusive with them...Also, having sex doesn't mean being exclusive to some people...find that out before you give it up.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 9
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History
Was I taken for a Ride?
Posted: 12/18/2006 11:31:49 AM
trippy hare, where'd you get those Magic cards done?
 europa88
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 13
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History
Was I taken for a Ride?
Posted: 12/18/2006 2:59:58 PM
Karuffin, Karuffin.....Having been on both sides of this proverbial fence, I will say what most others have already said; since it was a mutual situation, there are no victims, only 2 volunteers. Whatever he said prior to the date, forget it. Listen to what he's saying (or NOT saying), now. It sounds as though he got what he wanted, and, for that matter, perhaps you did too, with one little difference of course; you have strings. My advice would be, snip the strings, move on (for surely HE has), and in the future, BE CAREFUL. And, don't give up on romance due to one bad experience. It's merely a stepping stone. Good luck!
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 19
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History
Was I taken for a Ride?
Posted: 12/18/2006 7:43:01 PM
OP and everyone else:

Don't ever talk commitment after a few dates. Talk commitment after both people have vocalized having feelings for each other. How hard is that to remember? Otherwise, it is a HUGE turn-off for whoever isn't ready.

Anyway, sex on a first date should be handled with care if you are not looking for a sex only relationship. Pressing for a commitment should always guarantee that nothing more will happen between the two of you. Even if you had already explained how religious you were, or whatever.

blucaso --> glad you found something that works for you (in not talking about sex.) To your question, yes, this is a different time. Manners are still appreciated, but the past 50 years taught us that communication, freedom of speech, and seduction can all be innocent and good. You don't have to have phone sex to talk about sex or make sexual comments on the phone. You also don't have to be crass, crude, or uncouth to flirt sexually. I imagine there is a large number of Internet daters who ARE crude, but the reality is that it is a subject that can be handled respectfully. In my opinion its a good subject to talk about and a logical topic to flirt about.
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 23
Was I taken for a Ride?
Posted: 12/19/2006 11:50:54 AM
blucaso in message 23 said it the best, his whole post is excellent stuff. I can't speak for women but I think the key here to why guys do this is this line:




GUYS: I don't have time to "get to know her" - while I'm trying that, some other jerk is going to go home with her. Girls are too easy. They seem desperate for validation and approval.


If a girl will let a guy know that a) she is interested in a relationship with him and b) she isnt going to be sleeping around with other guys while this new relationship develops and most importantly c) does not sleep with him too early in this relationship, then there is a very good chance something real will develop. b) is very important to a guy because he doesn't want to be investing his time, effort, energy, money, etc only to have some other guy getting the goods so to speak and he is doing all the work to make it work. c) is very important for a girl to follow and gauge correctly when it is time because its her decision that will basically seal whether a guy stays or bails. Done too early, he will bail. Its a very tricky decision for a girl to make because she is in effect sealing her emotional bond with that particular guy.

When a guy feels like a girl likes him and is capable of sleeping with him that early then the logical deduction is that if he doesn't some other guy will and he will loose her because of that emotional bond sex creates. A guy doesn't want to loose a girl he is interested in so he sleeps with her then realizes the mistake he made and looses interest.

The rub in that is that sleeping with someone too early diminishes a real and genuine emotional bond that should be there BEFORE you have sex. Sex is a sign of real commitment, bonding and true feelings for that other person. If those things arent there then there is a very very small chance anything will ever develop. Yes you had great earth shattering sex and the orgasm was intense and all that but afterwards all the necessary steps that should have led up to that just aren't there. You truly do not know who this person is or what they are about yet. Hence, no relationship develops.

Sex as a result of lust or lack of sex has very very powerful influences on men and women decisions to create such strong bonds before engaging in sex. This is where maturity, knowing yourself, restraint yet extending your emotional feelings towards the other person are so important.

I hope this helps you for the future. Live and learn...

 BLUEEYEDDEVIL83
Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 30
Was I taken for a Ride?
Posted: 12/20/2006 8:54:59 PM
well i think that most guys want the callange . . . it's the chase that excites . . . and if they get what they want to soon then subconciously they think of you as easy and thats not someone they want to take home to momma or spend the rest of there life with . . . my advise is to you is make them chase you but not to hard or they'll give up . . . guys are weird creatures we think we want easy but when we get it thats not what we ever wanted . . . well i hope you have better luck in the future . . . this may sound messed up but if you want to keep them coming around then you have to tease them . . .
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 36
Was I taken for a Ride?
Posted: 12/21/2006 8:01:51 PM
This is the biggest load of crap I've heard in a very long time! :very mad:

It should NOT be up to the woman to seal whether you stay or bail. Whatever decision you make Passionfly is 100% on you. If you bail because a woman slept with you too soon into the relationship, you have made judgements about the woman or the relationship that are most likely incorrect and have used those judgements to make a decision.

If you meet a woman and think there might be a chance of a relationship with her, why can't you (since you knows yourself best) protect the possibility of a relationship with her by not sleeping with her until the relationship extends beyond the "too early for sex" phase?

Why do you feel it is ALL on the woman to ensure that the sex happens at precisely the right time??? Oh and by the way....how soon is too soon in your books? Do you tell women that when you start dating them?


who said this is about me? Did I mention >>>>I<<<< do this? This is how the REAL WORLD works. Oh I'm sorry no man ever ever in the history of sex broke up with a girl after they had sex in the first or second date. Wow! What was I thinking?

First of all Einstein, The OP is FEMALE. I am giving advice to a FEMALE. Since she is FEMALE she cant very well control what the MALE does now can she? Hence, my post stands as is no correction necessary. And furthermore since this is the "Ask a guy" section of the forums it is very very redundant to get hyper with "And guys do it too" kind of responses. Guys do EVERYTHING women do, and vice versa, but that is not the topic here now is it? There is no need for every single thread to always have a woman on the "Ask a guy" forum to chirp in "And guys do it too!" "And guys do it too!" (We need a new acronym for this condition, how about AGDIT !!! AGDIT is redundant when you have a woman posting in the "ask a guy forum" and there is always that one pissed-off woman that gets all red-faced angry, spewing AGDIT's everywhere. We know! We hear you! Stop AGDITing all over the place!!!!

Please, learn to READ a thread correctly and get your facts staight before you go on a rant that is absurd cause you make yourself look very bad. Good grief, some people need medication, myself being one of them!
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 37
Was I taken for a Ride?
Posted: 12/21/2006 8:10:58 PM

Mysteriously Shy,
Wow, I wanted honesty but, didn't ask for Bit---! Now, as for me being a slut, I've slept with 3 men my entire adult life. How many have you been with...not that I care to know. I'm sure I'll have to take sleeping pills tonight b/c you have no respect for me. I think not!! Yes, I made a mistake, Yes, I'm learning from it, No, I am not a slut. I saw something that wasn't there. Too bad for me, but, I'll be fine. As for you, I'll pray that you learn how to talk to people better.


wait a minute! you only slept with 3 men in your 30 years? You are sooooooo behind schedule! Chop, chop, girl, times-a-wastin!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 38
Was I taken for a Ride?
Posted: 12/22/2006 2:44:18 PM
Msg: 34

Kindness is absolutely free.
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