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Show ALL Forums  > Washington  > Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 read only
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 301
Cold Responce vs. Read/DeletedPage 13 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
That's why I don't let it bother me, and try and date the real way. Get some tenders and strike a conversation with someone I see in public.
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 302
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:54:56 AM
Don't believe they really didn't read it ~ they can read it on their contacts list

What they're trying to convey is they're so in love with theirself that no one else can compare

 read only
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 303
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:57:00 AM
^^^^^ I believe that is the world in general, sorry to say.
 sqVirgo
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 304
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/12/2009 8:38:37 AM
Didn't take the time to read the entire thread, so if I'm being redundant I apologize in advance, but for all the people who moan about having so many messages that they don't bother to respond to even the well thought out ones, why not up the necessary character size in your mail settings and then let people know on your profile that you only respond to well thought out messages? Sure it doesn't save it from people who write short messages and fill them with junk, but at least you've got a deterrent there for people literally sending fishing e-mails to multiple people. Then you would have a little less mail, and could be courteous to people who didn't have to mail you anyway but were thoughtful enough to consider you worthy to contact; and those thoughtful people won't later turn into one of the spammers you so loathe flooding your mailboxes with junk because most were rude to them. If someone gets hostile about rejection, then block them.

This would also save a bunch of people whining about no responses, and other people whining about the whiners.
 Newyearsbaby52
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 305
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:39:22 PM
A person shows their vulnerability by reaching out and sending a message to someone. It is common courtesy to take the time to give a response, whether it is no thanks, or a short note. I respond to all messages with a personal note, (even if it means answering over 200 of them). Each response will be different, depending on whether we have commonalities, or a physical attraction. If I am not interested, my responses would be more neutral and non-committal, never cold, or deleted and ignored, and I even offer to be pen pals. I might even offer advice to some, helping them re-write their profiles for better success, and wish them luck finding the perfect mate. I have had men say “no thanks” to me, and I take no offense. I appreciate them taking the time to look at my profile and to respond. If I don't get a response, then I figure either they did not read my message, and if they did, without the courtesy of a response, then they are not someone I would want to get to know. I appreciate honesty. I am not the type to write back questioning as to why I was not a match. I just move on. I mean what I say and say what I mean, but I do it politely in my responses. Everyone has their own ideas on what they are looking for in a mate, physical attraction, as well as other commonalities, and sometimes we deviate from that, but we pretty much stay the course. I think we should all engage in practicing common courtesy, and envision what it would be like, if the shoe was on the other foot, and you were not worthy of a response.
 Hearttune
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 306
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:01:26 PM
There's real life, and then there's the internet. At least in my case, they are two completely different animals. In real life, I have never been turned down for a date, and, being who I am in real life, I am almost never shown discourtesy or dismissive disregard by a woman whom I'm paying any mind to. Thems just the facts of my existence in real life. Plain and simple. No more, no less.

The internet, however, is an entirely different story with me. Discourtesy and dismissive disregard from women I have paid any mind to has clearly, and by a very wide margin, been the rule, rather than the exception. And just as in real life, I'm not at all what anyone would think to categorize as a "troller". There's always a good reason (at least I've thought so) why I chose to respond to a particular ad. I have never chosen to waste my time or a woman's time by answering an ad where I didn't fit the criteria they've outlined, where I didn't think we shared interests in common from what they've written, or where I didn't have at least a good "hunch" that something might be there between us. I've always remained particular in this way.

When I have responded, I have always done so in a courteous, honest, thoughtful and playfully imaginative style that was both true to who I was as a person and a man, and engagingly interactive with how such a woman had presented herself in her ad, at least as best as I could possibly discern from it.

I soon came to the conclusion about a few things. First, my instincts in cyberspace are not nearly on a par with my instincts in real life. Second, women oftentimes don't portray themselves as they really are in the internet world, things I would instinctively pick up on in a real life situation, oftentimes in short order. Third, men, generally speaking, are a whole lot bolder and more out of character towards women in the impersonal world of the internet, and, so being, women get hit upon in the internet world far, far more than they ever do in real life, and far more discourteously and thoughtlessly so than in real life.

This last point cannot be understated, for it, far more than anything else, is the source of any frustration and disappointment I've allowed myself to feel from my experience in the internet world of attempting to personally engage the attentions of a woman. It both makes it harder to "breakthrough" to a woman who's been so inundated by the attentions of so many men, so many of those attentions carelessly conceived, and so often serves to dull and harden the sensitivities of these very same women.

For a man like me who runs into such dulled and hardened sensitivities in women whose ads I've responded to in my own manner, and who's been shown such discourteous disregard towards them a lot more often than not, it tends to dull and harden the very sensitivities within me that led me to reply to such ads in the first place. In short, there's a part of me that's now become like those men who give men like me a bad name in this internet world. I've reached the point where any such woman I might think to reply to her ad is now a cybercvnt until proven otherwise.

Sad, but true. I've adapted.
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 307
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:45:52 AM
Sometimes I've wondered if the guy I'm messaging is in the closet????

Hard to say....

Edit: Odin, I clicked on your profile and I see you're in Scotland ~ you do know you have the best accent in the world, right?


 trz123
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 308
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/5/2009 2:20:40 PM
Or how about if they deleted your message WITHOUT even reading it!? Cold!!!
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 309
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/5/2009 3:54:13 PM


True enough... just imagine how much fun you could have here though!


 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 310
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/6/2009 2:39:21 PM
Hi Odin, it's me, Fleur

I can't imagine getting used to your accent but it would be fun to try!
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 311
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Posted: 8/25/2009 4:12:40 PM
Wow! thank you for visiting from so far SBC!!!

Hi again, Odin ~ just one Fleur here, Tarah and I are "just friends"

 sugar62law
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 312
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:36:34 PM
Fluer takes great pleasure in keeping us all confused...... hell I wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't confused......
 MikeAkaJB
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 313
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/25/2009 7:14:54 PM
are you like neighbors LOL.. or logging onto each others accounts!
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 314
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/25/2009 7:32:52 PM
Why do you ask, Mike? Are you wanting to log on to Tarah's account?

 lady read only
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 315
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Posted: 8/25/2009 9:59:23 PM
The same thing has happened to Read and I with using each others computers, usually it is him on mine. Could be real interestingly funny if he posted the wrong thing. IE a total guy thing to say under my name.

I am feeling bad right now I have like three things in my inbox and I have read but not replied yet. I supose I should go do that now. I am a person that always replies even if it is a kiss my a$$.
I did have one that deleted his profile with in hours of sending me something. At first I thought it was Read in disquise, they both have the same first name.
I had another one this week that said he thought he had seen me at a store here in town and was going to ask me out but got interupted. When I looked at his profile I saw that he was looking for a casual thing and had no pic. So I kindly replied that I wasn't interested, but was curious what store and when, as I am new to the area and hadn't been to many stores. I also suggested that he send a pic as I might recognize him... I haven't heard a thing since.OH WELL!

Either way I always reply then delete after, if they want to get in touch with me again then they know how to get in touch... the ball is in their court.

BTW Mike ~welcome back
 MikeAkaJB
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 316
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/25/2009 11:04:55 PM
not really I've heard guys are distrbing and message many girls with lots and lots of inappropriate stuff LOL

and thanks.. now to find a job and figure out my shattered puzzle that is my life

Ohh just think I figured out a title to a new poem - theme a shattered puzzle mauwhuawh
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 317
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Posted: 8/25/2009 11:08:35 PM


Yes, I've heard that too!

I miss this one guy's inappropriate stuff



Ah well, plenty more where that came from

Best of luck, Mike
 lady read only
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 318
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Posted: 8/25/2009 11:09:15 PM
Mike~ When you get your life put back together and if you have any left over pieces let me know... I think I am missing a few. Thx
 MikeAkaJB
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 319
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/25/2009 11:18:54 PM
yes indeed guy messages are just weird.... Then again my Hello my name is Michael and I found that we have similar interests such as being fans of rascal flatts to come off just as bad as Hmm are you an alien and can I get an alien encounter, maybe a probe of some sort I hear they are into? LOL No I've never said that but that's an example of what I half expect most guys to write. =P

Yah Lady maybe if I have any left though I doubt they fit what you are missing. hehe
 lady read only
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 320
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Posted: 8/25/2009 11:32:41 PM
My thought on my missing pieces is that the wind blew them all over and they got mixed in with someone elses.

Hmm Alien probes.... Nope not gotten that one yet.
One guy came close to asking me that once though.
Most guys aren't crude, I have only come across a couple. One was relentless, my first response to him was polite, I just told him I wasn't interested in anything like that I really am out to just meet new people and hang out. He replied again and it was even worse. So I asked him not to contact me again, but was still polite (no reason to be rude). he replied once more and I told him that I was really uncomfortable with what he was saying and told him that if he didn't stop contacting me I would have to block him. Then he blocked me. I just had to laugh about it.
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 321
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Posted: 8/25/2009 11:35:36 PM
Wow! He sure did teach you a lesson you'll never forget!

 2008outdoorspnw
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 322
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:13:38 PM
"...do you really want to be involved with someone that does read/delete and doesnt answer you anyways, look at it this way they are doing you a favor and saving you from getting involved in their miserable lives."

Short & to the point & very true.

When you write a thoughtful, respectful hello & introduction it would be nice to at least get some sort of a 'no thanks, not interested' response just out of common courtesy if nothing else though. Its like coming up with the courage to walk up to someone and speaking to them only to have them turn their back to snub you... pretty cold hearted, but you're right - if they're that cold, they're doing us a favor showing their true colors up front and that's just part of the joys of putting yourself out there today I guess. fun fun;p
 MikeAkaJB
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 323
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/28/2009 12:45:36 AM
Ohh hmm *goes to write an alien message to lady so she'll have the experience of some guy writing her that*!!!

Would anyone else like a crazy response? Just state the topic of choice or the persona you would like and I can spit one out real quick! I wouldn't know if people delete or read a message. As soon as I write something I often times just go delete it from my sent history so I don't have to worry about what did she do with my message.

The bad thing is you can't tell who you messaged, who didn't respond, and well yah LOL You get the idea... I really wish POF actually didn't show matches / people who you have written to or if you can permanently remove them from your search. Often times you click remove and they appear a few hours later... Then you click to remove again and it looks like you are looking at their profile constantly. =( Thats if they pay attention to who's view me.

I've been pondering maybe I should turn that feature off so I dont know who is looking at me and don't get curious to return them the favor of looking.. I mean obviously if they look and don't write it means they arent even interested generally.

I think personally I rather get a no response if they arent interested than a closed answer in the hopes you get the hint of not writing them back.. I mean 0 response is actually you know they dont want to talk to you. A closed answer thats not directly saying I don't like you or you arent my type leaves open maybe they aren't good at responding or left open for other questions. I mean if you ask a lot of questions and they respond with yes no yes no... thats obvious no interest other to answer your questions adn hope you dont message them back LOL

Hmm I have to make this alien introduction good now.
 redryderbbgun
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 324
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Posted: 8/28/2009 11:06:03 PM
I've posted on this thread before. I still say cold response over none. If you cant see each email as coming from a real person than you are shallow. Can you imagine someone saying "Hi" to you at the grocery store, not responding and pretending they are invisible. I get a fair amount of mail and I always try to respond to anyone who talks the time to say hi to me. There is an epidemic of loneliness and narcissism in the world today. How hard is it to just say hi and good luck to someone.
 redryderbbgun
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 325
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Posted: 8/28/2009 11:07:51 PM
Unless it's some tasteless comment. Then just block em'
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