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 SapphirePoet
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 303
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Would you date someone who is separated?Page 12 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
Totally agree with the above poster "anyoneouthier".
Take care of your unfinished business before you start something new.
I didn't even date when I was going through my divorce.

It's really simple " Handle your business" before you suck somebody else into your vortex of confusion.

I dated a seperated guy for a while and really fell for him and he broke my heart when he wimped out and didnt want to go through the hassle of a messy divorce and would have to give up his "property" so he went back to her and was miserable.

Karma....you gotta love it!
 dogs rule
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 305
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:15:55 AM
you cant really expect a serious commited realtionship with a separated person, if you are willing to sit by ok but if you want a commited realtionship why waste usless time on a separated person. A person that is separated cant give 100% to any realtionship as they have a spouse some where that they have to deal with.

How can you group all separated people in one basket and say that? There is no reason why they can't put 100% into a new relationship any more than a divorced person with kids can. Once the vows are broke the only thing that ties the 2 people together is the states paper work. To me the marriage is all about the oath taken before god, not the paper that the state has over you.
There are many divorced people that can't get over their spouse but it seems by many people they are date able but someone that is over their ex but hasn't gone thru the paper work for what ever the reason maybe, is not date able. I have to disagree with that.

Why would a separated person want to have thier SO watch them go thur a divorce, I would say about 90% of the divorces are ugly and do you really want your SO see how much of b===h or a bas===d you can be trying to get the divorce. Separated allso means you cant be in a realtionship 100% as you still have a spouce to contend with.
Some have been separated for many years and they have all kinds of excuses as to why the divorce is not happened well that just says that they are not ready for a realtionship and i wont belive any one that is separated is able to commit till they are divorced.

Who says that their SO has to watch them go thru their divorce. Thats something that they can take care of on their own, they don't have to have their SO with them. People that are separated for a long time don't usually have ugly divorces like the 90% you claim (I would say those are not people that separated for a long time) Once they are apart so long they have divided most everything and if they haven't once they have a SO they are willing to just let their ex keep what they have and move on.
I would rather date someone with a good excuse of why they are separated than a bad excuse for why they are divorced. That doesn't make them not ready for a relationship or they wouldn't be looking.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 309
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:37:40 PM
How can you group all separated people in one basket and say that? There is no reason why they can't put 100% into a new relationship any more than a divorced person with kids can. Once the vows are broke the only thing that ties the 2 people together is the states paper work. To me the marriage is all about the oath taken before god, not the paper that the state has over you.
There are many divorced people that can't get over their spouse but it seems by many people they are date able but someone that is over their ex but hasn't gone thru the paper work for what ever the reason maybe, is not date able. I have to disagree with that.

When they have childeren yes they will have to deal with the ex but being separated is still married and if you think you can give 100% to a realtionship you got your head stuck up your rectume fertizling your brain.




Who says that their SO has to watch them go thru their divorce. Thats something that they can take care of on their own, they don't have to have their SO with them. People that are separated for a long time don't usually have ugly divorces like the 90% you claim (I would say those are not people that separated for a long time) Once they are apart so long they have divided most everything and if they haven't once they have a SO they are willing to just let their ex keep what they have and move on.
I would rather date someone with a good excuse of why they are separated than a bad excuse for why they are divorced. That doesn't make them not ready for a relationship or they wouldn't be looking.




If you are separated and do have an SO they will see what you are like no mater what.
NOW how many of you people have had a real happy divorce.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 315
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/29/2008 4:40:30 PM
I'll give you a fact to ease your mind. Most separations lead to divorce, so he is likely well on his way to it.

Separations are a really stupid idea to begin with. Supposedly they give a couple space to work things out, but they actually make the situation worse. To have a marriage, you have to be there together physically and emotionally.

The Eagle
 angeleyes22
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 317
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2008 4:32:16 PM
Hi Ruforme!

No critisism from me on this topic. I too got involved with someone who was separated and it, unfortunately, blew up in my face becuase he went back out of guilt.

Here's a question for you (and all other readers): Would you consider someone still holding onto their ex if the ex had taken off and you couldn't find him to actually solidify the divorce? I know someone who is in the exact situation. It's been 6 years, they can't locate the bugger who deserted her and so, until then, she will remain technically married. She considers herself divorced because it is so long over with. In my country, there is no statute of limits on a separation so until she locates him, she's still married. Just a thought for some of those less than sympathetic people out there.

I say go with your heart. You and he are the only two who know the entire story and it's not my place to go poking around asking you all sorts of "what if" type of questions. Discuss your fears with him, if you are as good as friends as you state. I think there is a million (ok, not a million, but a lot) of reasons why someone is separated and hasn't completed the divorce.
 Call Me Sugar
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 335
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:24:44 PM
wow... there are 17 pages of answers for this question and ive read most of them.. i specifically looked for this question because im curious to see how everyone is handling it since ive never been with a separated man before... im currently involved with a separated man for 5 months now. the best 5 months of my life. this is a tough question to answer.. had i not been involved with this man i would have answered this question with a "NO.. DO NOT GET INVOLVED". but.. since i am involved with a separated man, i cant say that.. i care about him, we've become really good friends and lovers... im open minded and im taking it day by day..... anything could happen.... he may choose to reunite with his wife and then i just have to accept it and walk away quietly because i knew there was a possibility right from the beginning..... but just like any situation you never know unless you take a chance.. im not saying its the right thing to do but had i not taken this chance i would have never had this great experience with this incredible guy.... theres never a guarantee.. weather its a situation like this or anything else... even when two people are free and single, theres no guarantee.. it doesnt necessarily have to be with a separated or divorced person..... by choosing to persue this and enjoying every single moment i wouldnt put limits on anything because if you pass something up you'll never know what could have been or miss out on an exciting and memorable experience.... of course in the back of my mind i think about this ending... but ill deal with it if and when it happens... im prepared for anything at this point.. this was initially a no strings attached "intimate encounter" but..... it turned out that we see each other more often than either one of us expected.. i dont even know what to call it... whatever it is, we're enjoying each others company.. i dont question him, i dont pressure him, i dont want to ruin what we have. we both have a past, we both have our own obligations... if this were to go in any other direction at this point, it would change everything.. so im leaving it alone and accepting how it is... we dont even have to say anything to each other... we both know to leave it alone and enjoy our moments together.... if i feel any differently in the future im sure i wont have a problem talking about it... i feel we have great communication with one another... but for now im leaving it the way it is because id rather have him the way things are right now than not have him at all... im content... if you can be open minded and take things one day at a time and accept the way things are, i think it should be ok... but if you pressure the person who isnt ready for a commitment or doesnt want a commitment, then it wont last. the pressure will kill the fun and excitement..
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 338
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:06:58 PM
I would not for many reasons #1 they are still married period. #2 Do you actually believe that someone is going to come away from a divorce so unscathed that they will not need time to pull themselves together? #3 What if he needs time to clear his head and rearrange his priorities you are only getting one side of the story You will be too convienent to fall back on and he needs to get right with himself.
#4 What could you possibly stand to gain here but a nursemate He needs to pick you when he is free and clear and has other options because you are the one he wants. It might take longer if his woman finds out you are in the pic because she will be pissed and hopefully if he has children they will not become part of this saga.
 UltraFarkistan
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 339
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:38:46 PM
IAAL,



In Canada, a separation is a legal status and it is a necessary and unavoidable step to divorce. A divorce cannot be finalized until a married couple have been separated for a year.


False..
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 341
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:56:03 PM
karma1160,

I think a previous poster brought up a good point, though. Separated doesn't -necessarily- mean you "just broke up". Sometimes divorces take a long long time to surface. If someone's been separated significantly over a year while their SO is living with someone else, then I would classify it in the same realm as "recently divorced", when it comes to dating... unless of course that person's still pining over them and having to deal with tons of BS still, but again, there are exceptions.

However, you don't know their situation until after talking. So yes, statistically, if you're on a website like this, 90% of people who are separated still have ties and issues with their soon-to-be-but-not-official Ex. Hence, if your mindset is "relationship asap", don't go there. If you have a more casual mindset, find them attractive, sure, why not.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 342
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:37:38 AM
Thanks for sharing your opinion with me azureorb .
I am sure that there are exceptions to every rule as I do value the grey in life.
I personaly think that there is a process to everything and the process of divorce is closure. There are lots of variables. Including people who are stuck in worlds where there spouses are very ill and are not available to meet their needs . I know this and have seen this and my heart aches for these people.
I guess everyone has to have some sort of code that keeps them safe this is part of mine.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 345
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:52:13 PM
Separated: NO.

Divorced: YES.
 Wombat59
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 347
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/4/2009 3:37:02 PM
well I live in ireland and its not quite so simple - to get a divorce here you have to have been living apart for 4 out of the 5 years previous to the date of application. We hadnt shared a room since 2004 and he moved out in may 07 - then because of finances - back in (spare room again of course) and out for good in July 08. We still talk cause we are raising our granddaughter but we will never get back together. So why pay money we cant afford for a separation till we can apply for a divorce as it is amicable at the moment. i had a brief relationship last year which didnt work out because of distance but i know i am most definitely 'emotionally divorced' and am ready to move on - a piece of paper is no guarantee for anything. As long as both parties are honest then there should be no problem - we all have baggage - and should I stay alone for 4/5 years just because of a piece of paper?
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 349
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:01:38 AM
Seperated............it's called "unfinished business" Do everyone a favor, take care of business before you start advertising again. It's just the responsible thing to do. Less possible hurt and pain for everyone involved.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 351
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:34:38 PM
^^^^^ monty_burns
I've never been married, but don't most states have a forced separation period? If not forced, but by legal wrangling, etc?

I think anyone who's in "waste no time mode" to find a "soulmate" would probably place their bets on not dealing with someone who's separated (unless they found something remarkably so in common with).

I think separation to many folks means "rebound". Sure, there are those situations, which I'm sure the anti-separation people would agree with, where people were unofficially separated for a couple years, and now they've been officially separated for over a year, etc., and that's less of a problem.

Depending on the situation of the marriage and the length of it, it takes a LONG time for most to get over it, which is why I think husband/wife hunting folks steer clear of it. But yeah, there's too many assumptions about someone being separated -- they could have been separated for a good while with little "baggage".
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 352
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/20/2009 5:15:22 PM

I have been separated for 4 years now for financial reasons only.


It's that called procrastination? If the divorce is not contested, one can do their own paper work and petition the court for a divorce. With open records laws, all one has to do is go to the court house, ask to see any one's divorce papers, word them to fit your situation, pay the filing fee and file. It doesn't take a rocket science.

Or find you an attorney, set up a payment plan and when you've got it paid for, have the attorney file. Things that are important, people take care of and it shows one is responsible. If a separated person is out looking for dates or their soul mate and they have not done the paper work to be single...........that says a lot about the person trolling.......

[quote}I would love to meet someone to go forward with but the prevailing feeling for women is they somehow don't believe you are really separated

4 years separated and you wonder why women have a problem believing in your sincerity? If you can't afford a divorce....How can you afford to date??????
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 353
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/21/2009 8:40:53 AM
No it my policy not to date seperated people...
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 354
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/16/2011 9:58:40 AM
Ok, I revived this thread because I need honest opinions. Story in a nutshell:

A woman on POF wants to meet me. We set up a lunch date for tomorrow.
Her profile states that she's divorced.
In chat, she tells me she's separated. The paperwork won't be done for another month (at least).

This is setting off my spider sense.
The idea of dating a separated (unless she lied about that too) woman is bothering me.
Of course,being terribly lonely and not dating for years on end bothers me too.

What does the jury suggest? Do I meet her for lunch and risk a tap on the shoulder from a pissed off husband, or just call it off altogether?
 Sensuallyours
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 356
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/16/2011 10:30:55 AM
Yes, why do you think they are separated?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 358
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/18/2011 6:08:04 PM
~OT~ I've been anti-separated since I got the legal right to date many years ago. And then? I connected with someone that was separated. He was honest from the beginning, had been separated for a year and the divorce was filed. We lived in the same house by the time the final Decree came in the mail. His ex lives a couple of states away and I can now honestly say that there were no issues surrounding her or the divorce, and I'm sure there will be none. In 10+ years, I ran into MANY separated men ~ not one time would have I considered dating, let alone a "relationship" with anyone but this one. He is just that special. To each their own. JMO
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 359
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/19/2011 1:39:35 AM

By any chance is this guys name Steve? And is all this taking place in Panama City, Florida?? I may know this guy, this is why I ask.


I read that, and just simply have to ask...is 'Steve', your soon to be "ex"?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 361
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:24:55 AM
A woman on POF wants to meet me. We set up a lunch date for tomorrow.
Her profile states that she's divorced.
In chat, she tells me she's separated. The paperwork won't be done for another month (at least).

Go for it. My fiancee did much the same thing, but the ex was so irrelevant that she might as well have been divorced from someone who no longer existed. My fiancee is the only woman I've ever dated who has even been married before, so I was a little skeptical at first, but I gave her the chance to explain her situation to me and I agreed with why she hadn't gotten the divorce finished and believed that I wouldn't have to deal with the ex. All of it worked out just fine. I'm probably the most anal retentive person in the world about women who even keep in touch with exes, so if I found a situation with a seperated woman that I was willing to deal with, I'm sure there are others.

What does the jury suggest? Do I meet her for lunch and risk a tap on the shoulder from a pissed off husband, or just call it off altogether?

I'd suggest going through with it. If you like her AND she will assure you that she is not going to talk to her ex or have anything to do with him, period, and that he's gone and out of her life, then I wouldn't worry about it. The ex can be just as much of a pain in the ass if a woman's divorced. The important thing is her particular situation with her ex. She should never have to see him again for any reason at this point, unless they have kids together. If she hedges on that, then become very skeptical.

The paperwork won't be done for another month (at least).

My fiancee's paperwork didn't get filed and completed for 8 months after she and started dating. Not once in that entire eight months did she see her ex in person and the few phone calls and emails that took place toward the end of that 8 months were the minimal conversation required to make a few corrections and get the copies mailed back and forth. Really, as long the ex is GONE, seperated, divorced, who cares as long as the divorce is in the works. Do you really want to miss out on someone who is exceptional because she's a month away from having some paperwork signed? I certainly would have f*cked up had I blown off my fiancee for that reason.
 pidottie
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 362
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:45:25 AM
It would depend on their circumstance but i wouldnt totally say no to it as I am divorcing and been separated for over a year now and I have definitely moved on. maybe it also makes a difference in who's divorcing who.I left him and would give anything to find a great man. I was just married to 2 very wrong men for me in my life. Everyone says i'm beautiful but thast's as far as it's gone for me.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 363
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:33:21 PM
I am going to want to say..No.

After two instances; one which hurt my heart, one which was close to hurting my heart..I really, really want to say, no.

But, knowing myself..I probably would.
 Javan2
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 364
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/25/2011 9:57:25 PM
Asking for trouble to date someone whose seperated. I would never knowingly do it.
 TheTruth223
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 365
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 5/24/2012 3:37:39 AM
Nope. Been there done that.
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