Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 338
Would you date someone who is separated?Page 14 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I would not for many reasons #1 they are still married period. #2 Do you actually believe that someone is going to come away from a divorce so unscathed that they will not need time to pull themselves together? #3 What if he needs time to clear his head and rearrange his priorities you are only getting one side of the story You will be too convienent to fall back on and he needs to get right with himself.
#4 What could you possibly stand to gain here but a nursemate He needs to pick you when he is free and clear and has other options because you are the one he wants. It might take longer if his woman finds out you are in the pic because she will be pissed and hopefully if he has children they will not become part of this saga.
 UltraFarkistan
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 339
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:38:46 PM
IAAL,



In Canada, a separation is a legal status and it is a necessary and unavoidable step to divorce. A divorce cannot be finalized until a married couple have been separated for a year.


False..
 Miss New Year
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 340
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:54:30 PM
Sometimes Divorces take a looong time in the courts, with lawyers fighting for each client's fair (or greed) share, so it depends on the situation with the separated person.
But to play devil's advocate for a second:
When a date says they are divorced, how do we really know they are? Do we ask to see their divorce papers?
I think most women can get a sense of where a man is at, in his head, when it comes to the ex, or is he still hung up on her, wanting her back, resentful toward her, feels taken to the cleaners, or really maybe is glad it's over. Takes a few conversations to see just what is what. Even it means he is just out there soughing some oats, & not really looking for a relationship, etc.
Women are Smart!! well most anyway.
But then there are the smart, manipulative liars who can outsmart us, maybe for a bit, but the truth shows itself eventually... just my take on your topic
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 341
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:56:03 PM
karma1160,

I think a previous poster brought up a good point, though. Separated doesn't -necessarily- mean you "just broke up". Sometimes divorces take a long long time to surface. If someone's been separated significantly over a year while their SO is living with someone else, then I would classify it in the same realm as "recently divorced", when it comes to dating... unless of course that person's still pining over them and having to deal with tons of BS still, but again, there are exceptions.

However, you don't know their situation until after talking. So yes, statistically, if you're on a website like this, 90% of people who are separated still have ties and issues with their soon-to-be-but-not-official Ex. Hence, if your mindset is "relationship asap", don't go there. If you have a more casual mindset, find them attractive, sure, why not.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 342
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:37:38 AM
Thanks for sharing your opinion with me azureorb .
I am sure that there are exceptions to every rule as I do value the grey in life.
I personaly think that there is a process to everything and the process of divorce is closure. There are lots of variables. Including people who are stuck in worlds where there spouses are very ill and are not available to meet their needs . I know this and have seen this and my heart aches for these people.
I guess everyone has to have some sort of code that keeps them safe this is part of mine.
 baker1972
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 343
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/3/2009 4:44:50 PM
if you want to be friends that's fine but honestly how do you know he is really separated from his wife and they aren't getting back together? do yourself a favor and either just be friends or run...because until he has those divorce papers he's a married man and its your heart on the line not his!
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 345
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:52:13 PM
Separated: NO.

Divorced: YES.
 Wombat59
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 347
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/4/2009 3:37:02 PM
well I live in ireland and its not quite so simple - to get a divorce here you have to have been living apart for 4 out of the 5 years previous to the date of application. We hadnt shared a room since 2004 and he moved out in may 07 - then because of finances - back in (spare room again of course) and out for good in July 08. We still talk cause we are raising our granddaughter but we will never get back together. So why pay money we cant afford for a separation till we can apply for a divorce as it is amicable at the moment. i had a brief relationship last year which didnt work out because of distance but i know i am most definitely 'emotionally divorced' and am ready to move on - a piece of paper is no guarantee for anything. As long as both parties are honest then there should be no problem - we all have baggage - and should I stay alone for 4/5 years just because of a piece of paper?
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 349
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:01:38 AM
Seperated............it's called "unfinished business" Do everyone a favor, take care of business before you start advertising again. It's just the responsible thing to do. Less possible hurt and pain for everyone involved.
 monty_burns
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 350
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:01:29 PM
I wouldn't rule someone out just because they're separated. If there's someone I'm interested in, I'd try to learn about their situation. Of course, I'm biased; I've been separated for nearly 15 months now. Here in the Commonwealth (PA), a divorce decree for a contested action will not be issued until a couple has lived separate and apart for at least 2 years. In my case, it's turned into a waiting game; not my choice.

Ask yourself this question: would you rather develop a relationship with someone who has a divorce decree 2 or 3 months after splitting up or with someone who's separated for 1 to 2 years and is moving on with life?

If you're here to find someone, try to find out something about them before eliminating them.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 351
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:34:38 PM
^^^^^ monty_burns
I've never been married, but don't most states have a forced separation period? If not forced, but by legal wrangling, etc?

I think anyone who's in "waste no time mode" to find a "soulmate" would probably place their bets on not dealing with someone who's separated (unless they found something remarkably so in common with).

I think separation to many folks means "rebound". Sure, there are those situations, which I'm sure the anti-separation people would agree with, where people were unofficially separated for a couple years, and now they've been officially separated for over a year, etc., and that's less of a problem.

Depending on the situation of the marriage and the length of it, it takes a LONG time for most to get over it, which is why I think husband/wife hunting folks steer clear of it. But yeah, there's too many assumptions about someone being separated -- they could have been separated for a good while with little "baggage".
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 352
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/20/2009 5:15:22 PM

I have been separated for 4 years now for financial reasons only.


It's that called procrastination? If the divorce is not contested, one can do their own paper work and petition the court for a divorce. With open records laws, all one has to do is go to the court house, ask to see any one's divorce papers, word them to fit your situation, pay the filing fee and file. It doesn't take a rocket science.

Or find you an attorney, set up a payment plan and when you've got it paid for, have the attorney file. Things that are important, people take care of and it shows one is responsible. If a separated person is out looking for dates or their soul mate and they have not done the paper work to be single...........that says a lot about the person trolling.......

[quote}I would love to meet someone to go forward with but the prevailing feeling for women is they somehow don't believe you are really separated

4 years separated and you wonder why women have a problem believing in your sincerity? If you can't afford a divorce....How can you afford to date??????
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 353
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/21/2009 8:40:53 AM
No it my policy not to date seperated people...
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 354
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/16/2011 9:58:40 AM
Ok, I revived this thread because I need honest opinions. Story in a nutshell:

A woman on POF wants to meet me. We set up a lunch date for tomorrow.
Her profile states that she's divorced.
In chat, she tells me she's separated. The paperwork won't be done for another month (at least).

This is setting off my spider sense.
The idea of dating a separated (unless she lied about that too) woman is bothering me.
Of course,being terribly lonely and not dating for years on end bothers me too.

What does the jury suggest? Do I meet her for lunch and risk a tap on the shoulder from a pissed off husband, or just call it off altogether?
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 355
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/16/2011 10:11:46 AM
CallMeKen,

What bugs me is she did not tell you up front. She lied. She is NOT divorced as her profile said.

I will open a can of whoop ass on her if she lies to you any more :)

I say no go....but that is me.

Oh, and I have had the opposite happen. A pissed off wife showed up a FEW times.
 Sensuallyours
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 356
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/16/2011 10:30:55 AM
Yes, why do you think they are separated?
 XoXoVetteXoXo
Joined: 5/13/2011
Msg: 357
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/18/2011 5:00:18 PM
By any chance is this guys name Steve? And is all this taking place in Panama City, Florida?? I may know this guy, this is why I ask.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 358
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/18/2011 6:08:04 PM
~OT~ I've been anti-separated since I got the legal right to date many years ago. And then? I connected with someone that was separated. He was honest from the beginning, had been separated for a year and the divorce was filed. We lived in the same house by the time the final Decree came in the mail. His ex lives a couple of states away and I can now honestly say that there were no issues surrounding her or the divorce, and I'm sure there will be none. In 10+ years, I ran into MANY separated men ~ not one time would have I considered dating, let alone a "relationship" with anyone but this one. He is just that special. To each their own. JMO
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 359
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/19/2011 1:39:35 AM

By any chance is this guys name Steve? And is all this taking place in Panama City, Florida?? I may know this guy, this is why I ask.


I read that, and just simply have to ask...is 'Steve', your soon to be "ex"?
 SheCaughtTheKaty
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 360
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:43:37 AM
I think you should look at each situation separately (no pun intended lol).
I am separated and have been for a long time. I look forward to the day I am
finally divorced from my ex but he is fighting me tooth and nail on every issue and has depleted my funds. I got to the point where I just said take everything but still he wants to fight so.....hopefully someday we will finally resolve his control issues and he will let me go.
I don't think I should have to put my whole life on hold and not date or have a life because of him. We will never rec0ncile. I have been divorced from him emotionally and physically for eons.
So instead of maybe losing out on a potentially great match I would hope some of you who are hard liners on the subject would think again.
: ) : ) : ) : )
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 361
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:24:55 AM
A woman on POF wants to meet me. We set up a lunch date for tomorrow.
Her profile states that she's divorced.
In chat, she tells me she's separated. The paperwork won't be done for another month (at least).

Go for it. My fiancee did much the same thing, but the ex was so irrelevant that she might as well have been divorced from someone who no longer existed. My fiancee is the only woman I've ever dated who has even been married before, so I was a little skeptical at first, but I gave her the chance to explain her situation to me and I agreed with why she hadn't gotten the divorce finished and believed that I wouldn't have to deal with the ex. All of it worked out just fine. I'm probably the most anal retentive person in the world about women who even keep in touch with exes, so if I found a situation with a seperated woman that I was willing to deal with, I'm sure there are others.

What does the jury suggest? Do I meet her for lunch and risk a tap on the shoulder from a pissed off husband, or just call it off altogether?

I'd suggest going through with it. If you like her AND she will assure you that she is not going to talk to her ex or have anything to do with him, period, and that he's gone and out of her life, then I wouldn't worry about it. The ex can be just as much of a pain in the ass if a woman's divorced. The important thing is her particular situation with her ex. She should never have to see him again for any reason at this point, unless they have kids together. If she hedges on that, then become very skeptical.

The paperwork won't be done for another month (at least).

My fiancee's paperwork didn't get filed and completed for 8 months after she and started dating. Not once in that entire eight months did she see her ex in person and the few phone calls and emails that took place toward the end of that 8 months were the minimal conversation required to make a few corrections and get the copies mailed back and forth. Really, as long the ex is GONE, seperated, divorced, who cares as long as the divorce is in the works. Do you really want to miss out on someone who is exceptional because she's a month away from having some paperwork signed? I certainly would have f*cked up had I blown off my fiancee for that reason.
 pidottie
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 362
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:45:25 AM
It would depend on their circumstance but i wouldnt totally say no to it as I am divorcing and been separated for over a year now and I have definitely moved on. maybe it also makes a difference in who's divorcing who.I left him and would give anything to find a great man. I was just married to 2 very wrong men for me in my life. Everyone says i'm beautiful but thast's as far as it's gone for me.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 363
view profile
History
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/25/2011 3:33:21 PM
I am going to want to say..No.

After two instances; one which hurt my heart, one which was close to hurting my heart..I really, really want to say, no.

But, knowing myself..I probably would.
 Javan2
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 364
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/25/2011 9:57:25 PM
Asking for trouble to date someone whose seperated. I would never knowingly do it.
 TheTruth223
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 365
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 5/24/2012 3:37:39 AM
Nope. Been there done that.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >