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 PlzDontCallMeDude
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 212
Would you date someone who is separated?Page 3 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
Okay, the thing here is that I don't think everyone is always worried about their new mate going back and having sex with the ex.

If that was the problem then it wouldn't only apply to separated or divorced individuals. (It would be all of us and that would under a thread for self-esteem).

This has more to do with the emotional state of the separated person you're about to enter into anything with. If they're just out of a relationship that was over 5yrs or 10+ and it's been weeks or only a few months, do you think that they're ready to be in a new relationship with someone completely new?

Some will say yes because the marriage or relationship has probably dissolved or broken down earlier than the actual separation.

But if you think of it this way, prior to the actual separation there was still all that time together that you have memories and routines together. You have a PAST that you need to get over before you can start filling your emotional, mental, and soulful state.

You want to at least know that the person you're starting a new adventure with has taken time to get to know themselves on their own, rather than jumped from rebound to rebound to keep from dealing with past issues. (Neediness [sp] and co-depedency are way too easy to spot, it's like the smell of desperation).

If you catch a whiff - run the other way!
 -morticia-
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 215
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 4:58:21 AM
err... waving, over here - Hello, I'm separated...
But our relationship has been over for years. It is our ridiculous tomb of a house that actually prevents the ink being totally dry... as the darn thing still has to be sold! My ex is re-locating to the US, and I'm itching to move to a better area.

I think the same can be said with anyone out just of a LTR relationship or with other such issues, so the official marital status isn't always the best barometer and I would give the benefit of the doubt until I knew more about the person themselves...

edit: Being legally tied does not automatically equate to being emotionally tied
 -morticia-
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 228
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/11/2007 10:49:27 AM

I dont have all the things the ex to be needs except the custody of kids


On reflection of my previous post, this is the one issue that needs the intervention of a court for clarification. In a separation scenario, the children can *on occasion* be used as a bargaining tool & obviously this can put a great strain not only on the ex-partners but any other relationship that may be trying to blossom at the same time...
 tonip73
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 232
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/12/2007 2:59:07 PM
ok ladies!!!!
lets reverse.......I am separated --legally paid 1100.00 for this ---for financial reasons
and for protection........did not file for divorce because I had no intentions of
getting re-married...so why pay the xtra money.........but I would never go back to
him.......even if he were the last man on earth........but for someone not to take the time
to get to know me......because of this.....I find very unjust.......what can a single
person give you that a separated person can"T........ok yeah!!!!!!MARRIAGE.......
well when someone proposes..........and I accept....will only take a year for the papers
to come thru...........but in the mean time you find out if he is the one or not
you can still be in a comitted relationship with someone that is SEPARATED!!!!!!!!!!

so if you like the guy........and he is emotionally FREE.....THEN DO NOT LET IT PASS
as you might regret it later and ask yourself what if.................................

so a guy is single........but it still does not work out......what s the difference........
 tonip73
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 233
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/12/2007 3:15:51 PM
I honestly do not understand why people are judging--separated-----like
smokers--------


people are people------and we do what s best for everyone------honesty up front
about everything-----and whatever the future brings......

if someone is temporarily separated ......then they should not be out there looking

but if you have moved out.....finances settled......custody settled.......
then it s DONE................................................................

but then everyone is different.....and situations are different.....we cannot put
everyone in the same category...............................it s just not right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 tonip73
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 234
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/12/2007 3:18:57 PM
you go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just found it hard to actual hear it from someone as a reason not to take our relationship..............................further.............................
 Tukabirdy
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 236
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/12/2007 3:43:33 PM
I would date someone who was separated if we could honestly exchange reasons for being that way. I may have to stay separated for 3 more years...until I finish homeschooling my school. My Ex and I will never get back together but financially for both of us, it works better being separated... it could change though...he's in a rebound relationship and I think she wants to marry. I'm in the middle of two probates and a financial partnership with my brother. I have my own money and property but legally cannot use it yet. I still have to get my Ex to sign off on some property sales (that's actually all mine,) until the probate is finished. It's just because of the state laws. We've mentally been apart for years, haven't had sex in 5 years but physically separated last August...it would have been sooner but we had family in and out for 6 months before that and agreed to August.

I think you need to go on case by case. But it is true that people need time to heal...no rebound for me....just friends and nice dates. tuka
 maryann53120
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 237
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/12/2007 4:03:34 PM
Yes I would, date that is... have fun, he needs a diversion. I wouldnt think that he is "the one " and only date him for atleast a year after he is divorced, It messes up peoples heads and it takes awhile for them to get off the rollarcoaster ride. But if you enjoy his company and you want to have dinner or see a movie... HELL YES, go! Check out my website xxxxxxxxx.. Read the part about defensive dating. Its all about your pleasure and if his company makes you happy, dont wait for the ink to dry. Besides remember the old quote, if you love something set it free, if it he doesnt come back, he's probably with someone else. Go HAVE
FUN!!!


Do not post personal information such as phone numbers, email addresses, and websites.


JACLM - Mod
 Imagine1947
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 238
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/13/2007 12:06:23 AM
Yes, I would, depending on the person and the circumstances.

When my ex and I broke up, we remained pretty good friends (not with benefits!). After a couple of years he began dating one woman and it was fine with me since he and I were not going to reconcile, and we both knew it. I think that if our breakup had instead been ugly and unpleasant, we both would have tried harder to get the divorce finalized faster. We had property, kids, he owned a business, I had no health care apart from him, money was tight, we were both very busy with work and kids, so we just didn't get around to completing the divorce for 3 or 4 years. This is one example of a situation in which I think dating someone who is separated can be just fine. Eventually our divorce became final and they married. And he and I are still good friends.
 bullet113
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 245
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/20/2007 9:06:44 AM
Don't do it, you will only get hurt, stay friends, thats what they need more than anything right now, if after a divorce is final then you could think of something more.
 jcee53
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 246
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/20/2007 10:19:23 AM
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never. Sorry for sounding so negative but I have had some very bad experiences in this area. One person who I dated for 4.5 years, the love of my life, kept telling me how much he loved me and how we were going to get married. We had a wonderful relationship and everyone said we were perfect for each other. My biological clock was ticking and I was ready for a commitment and wanted children. When it looked like things were not going anywhere, I called it quits. He ended up going back to his wife. What a surprise. I then got married, and had 3 wonderful children. My husband and I were together for 13 years. I think I moved too fast in this relationship because I wanted children. I know now that we were not right for each other, although my children are great and I will never regret having them. My ex and I went through a messy divorce. He was an abusive jerk through the marriage and just as bad in the divorce. He made my life a living hell, and I ended up with very little support just to get rid of him. I now support myself and children completely with no help from him. I then met a really nice guy, who was SEPARATED. He was the kind that gave his wife the house, paid her almost everything he made, while he lived in the basement of a friend. So, here I was struggling with money and so was he, but our relationship was good. Then it looked like things were working for us, so he decided to go for his divorce. Well, after being nice to this woman for 7 years and giving her everything he had (she also had a boyfriend), he thought that he could atleast get half of his assets. Well, being the B**CH,
that she was, she made his divorce messy and took him to the cleaners, so that he was worse off than before. This was very stressful for our relationship and that ended after 2 1/2 years. So, here I was -single again and not getting any younger. Then I met another Mr. Wonderful. He was SEPARATED also, and had been for 6 years. He seemed to be handling it well and we were able to have fun, travel, etc. At this point, I just wanted to have fun and have no commitment. But he was hurt that he was so madly in love with me and that I wouldn't reciprocate. I was afraid to commit to him because he was only separated. IT'S FUNNY HOW PEOPLE WANT YOU TO FALL MADLY IN LOVE WITH THEM, BUT THEY WON'T GET DIVORCED. Then one day he told me that he was in debt and had no money because he was again letting his wife (who also had a boyfriend), live in the gorgeous house that he built and paid for, while he lived in an apartment. He also had two kids who he was paying child support for- way above the required guidelines. We broke up because he didn't think I cared about him enough. It's funny how they want the cart before the horse. It seems that they will do something about their situation, if they have a commitment from you, but I am not giving a commitment to any one who is SEPARATED (in my books still married). Anyway we ran into each other, about five months later. He started helping me fix some things in my house and we dated a bit. He thought this was a sign that we were getting back together again and started moving his clothes in. This went on for about a month. He was paying me $500.00 a month, while I was paying for everything else. My self esteem was going down. I was again feeling like a second hand rose. I would not mind if there was a future for us but when I told him how I felt and asked what his intentions were, he started feeling bad and packed up his clothes and left. That was it. Another 3 years of my life down the drain with a SEPARATED MAN. Even if he went for the divorce, it would probably be messy and that would take some more time which I do not want to give to anyone. SO NOW I WON'T DATE ANYONE WHO IS SEPARATED. I want my partner and I to enjoy our lives with money as no object. I have had to support myself and children. I will not give up things I want to do because my partner is too busy giving everything he has to his ex. and there is nothing left for our relationship. So all you separated people out there - S**T or get off the pot, as they say. Get rid of your baggage before you get into a new relationship. It isn't fair to the other person. Everything should be "cut and dry", "said and done" and "on the table". Oh, I almost forgot. I have to laugh every time I read that a person is looking for a long term relationship but is only SEPARATED.
 jcee53
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 251
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/20/2007 11:18:14 PM
I am sorry, but I disagree with tony3124. When you date someone who broke up with their girlfriend, there is no responsibility to her. When you break up with a wife, she gets half of what you are worth and if there are children, you are responsible for them. You can not just say, Good luck and have a nice life. Its okay to date a separated person, as long as you both know what you are in for. However, what if you now decide to get married. That person has to get divorced first. Going through the hell of a messy divorce can take years, lots of money and ruin your relationship. And don't say that my Ex would never do that. Once lawyers get a hold of them, they may change their minds. It is okay to have a casual relationship with a separated person or even be friends. If you want the freedom of falling in love with someone, then make sure that final piece of paper is signed first, so that you know what you are getting yourself into.
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 252
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/22/2007 2:04:03 AM
Usually when a woman decides to end a relationship/marriage....its after much consideration and a final decision. She normally does not consider going back. She has tried everything to make the former relationship workable. She's done and ready to move on with her life.

Where as a man might leave for a control issue, to get his way in some regard, over another woman who has his attention and that relationship goes down the tube or his wife/girlfriend just had enough of him and booted his but.........and he still has baggage to deal with and is unstable. His ego will drive him to try to gain the upper hand and get his ex to take him back. IMO
 v1hump
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 255
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/22/2007 6:27:12 AM
Pfunk and Tee seem to be the only inteligent post here.

 DenaliDadd
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 259
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:27:35 AM
No. "Separated" is "married" and I do not date married women. There are those who have all kinds of "reasons" for not getting a divorce - it costs too much; I have to stay on his/her insurance; we don't want to put the kids through it - but the bottom line is that it's like pregnancy: you either are married or you are not married. And there is always the chance of that ugly encounter with the "separated" partner. I had one.

Nope. Won't happen. Get divorced and then let's talk.
 JR1961
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 261
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:42:19 PM
Many of the responses seem to have the understanding of "separated" as one who can't stay with their partner anymore, got a place of their own, and haven't filed for divorce yet (or plan to).

But, there is another group of "separated" folks who have moved out and filed for divorce, but the divorce process has taken a year or more.

To those of you who have said that there is no way that you'd date a separated guy, do you see a distinction at all?

I find it interesting that some would consider dating a person who has been divorced for 6 months, but not a guy who has been separated for over a year waiting for the lawyers to make the deal final.
 naeco
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 264
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/2/2008 10:11:05 PM
ANYBODY who has an ex is "separated". The only difference is the one who used to be married has paperwork that has to go through the courts.

Who would you REALLY rather date, someone who was married for 5 years, has been separated for over a year, and is a couple of months away from the final divorce, or someone who has been with someone else for 10 years, broke up with them 2 months ago, but they have no legal divorce to go through?
 Sauder
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 266
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/3/2008 12:55:31 AM
Nope. Won't. No way.
That means they are having official problems not done with yet.
Stay away until it is all cleared up.
 ieatchocolate
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 267
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/3/2008 1:01:35 AM
I agree with you! You shouldnt have to be in that situation of dating and letting your heart go to a man who is not yet going to divorce his wife.

If he really wants you he will find a way to get the money and trully divorce his wife. If he really cares about your feelings about this he will do it with this in consideration too.

Its hard when u r emotionaly involved but its the right thing to do!!!!
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 272
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:02:21 PM
I think it is an injustice for a separated person to think that the opposite sex should become involved with them, prior to them taking care of unfinished business. Also when people come out of a marriage or LTR, they need a space of time to sort through their own life, emotions, be self reliant and put their emotional baggage in perspective.

This should be a time of personal reflection. Also if you have children, their emotional needs should be primary in your mind, until you have closed that chapter of your life, have your obligations in order and are emotionally ready to invite another into your life.

Not having the money, is just an excuse. People can afford what is important to them.....it's called priorities. Lawyers will set up payment plans and most states have legal services for those on limited incomes. Para legals can do your paper work for you at a much reduced cost and you can represent yourself in court.

Actually if the divorce is not contested, no children, go to the court house, get a copy of someones simple divorce papers (open records act), do your own paper work, file, pay your court cost, represent yourself and get er done.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 276
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:43:27 PM
Well, after reading this,..I'm truely glad, I'm only seperated, not divorced. Though it's been a looOOOOooong time, if I'm tainted that bad, you can't give your heart, or anything else to me...you are incredibly judgemental, shallow, and would at BEST only be .7 or .8 or or worse yet, d-v-o-r-c-e number 3. I've had it with the "shallow end" of the dating pool, and QUITE content to wade deeper & wait.(that's what real fishing is about, anyway,.. waiting for the big one) I guess I should take an example from ACTUAL fishing.. in the shallows, all you get are the small sunfish & "crappys" Put on some hip waders, wade away from the bank, and cast out in the deep, calm areas..I'm tired of "everyday" pan-fish,..you have to have too many of them to make a REAL meal. I need something that makes my bobber go "THUNK" & dissapear! The small pan fish always stay in the shallows & in schools just like this, and their bite pattern is always predictable,..tow you around the pond,till they finally work the bait loose, or you hook by them by the "eye". AND, that shallow,.. there's ALWAYS some snag, where you're lucky not losing your rigging. Now,. those big "lungers" swim alone, and the small-frys give way and make distance, for fear of being eaten. (though I'm SURE they talk smack about them in the safety of the shallows), If the big ones like the bait, or the action of the lure, they take it all at once and put an immediate strain on all your muscles, & equipment, make you actually think about what you doing, worry about breaking that line, and when finally landed,.. you want your photo taken so everyone can see your catch! :
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 278
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/5/2008 5:00:45 PM
Thier is no reason any person can give for just being separated that i would go out with, You could not finish the marriage and you cant finish the separation so you cant finish the divorce. You separated people can make all the excuses you want but they wont hold bull, other people that are not married get by so all your lame excuses as to why you are not divorced is really yor not ready for a realtionship.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 279
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:10:37 PM
(sigh) I hate it,.. when they cut your qoute to fit.... But like I said that's my opinion, and I'm stickin' to it. And you, My sweet, can stick to yours,..after all,.. after the smoke clears they are just that, and we ALL know what they say about them.
I've had both sets of papers, and to me that is exactly what they are...paper. If you crinkle them up REALLY good, you can use them in the bathroom..for something actually important. You can put all those wonderous words on paper, in ceremony,.. whatever. A dog pedigree means more. But again, this is opinion, If it's meaning rules your life, feelings & emotions, and makes you happy, I guess it's a "good thing".. for you. I'll more than likely be divorced by late spring,..but will I make that mistake again? I'd say NO, but I said that before, and look what it got me
I also expected the "just for sex" remark..because it's a known fact, that those "horrible seperated people that don't get divorced is all their after..like anyone that dates them.
If I absolutely, positively HAVE to get married again, to be a complete individual, with a loving long term partner...to be "happy" I hope My 1st wife's curse comes to fruition, and I actually AM "going to die alone!". With My last breath.. May I yell "FREEEEeeeEEEEEeeeEEEDooOOoooM!"
(Thanks for that one, Mel.. )
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 280
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:27:51 PM
^^^^^Attitude has a lot to do with success........I think you will be very successful being (separated) single.......
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 281
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:32:12 PM
"Attitude has a lot to do with success........I think you will be very successful being (separated) single".......

Hmm,.. I said the same thing.. after number one
But,. like Forrest's Mom said... "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get"
And for the life of me, no matter how much you plan, or what you say, or what you think,.. Damn, if she isn't right..
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