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 DenaliDadd
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 285
Ok, check this out & advise, please?Page 4 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I would not. I did once and it turned out to be a very ugly experience; meeting the not-quite-yet-ex husband in the middle of the night at my front door was not something I want to repeat.

As for those who say, 'there can be no divorce because of , to them I say it's a matter of committment. Those of us who are single are looking for someone who is single. We want committment. Those of you who are married--and "separated" is married no matter how you explain it--are looking for something else. Marriage is like pregnancy: You either are or you are not. There is no middle ground.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 286
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Separated folks
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:10:06 PM
Well, how about people who were joined at birth and separated later
 naeco
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 290
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:37:20 PM
My answer is yes, I would. Separated means they are emotionally apart and there's just the technicality of the paperwork to be finished.

I'd rather be with someone who had been "separated" for a year, than someone who was never married, but just broke up with a boyfriend a couple of months ago.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 291
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/11/2008 11:59:28 PM
Why would a separated person want to have thier SO watch them go thur a divorce, I would say about 90% of the divorces are ugly and do you really want your SO see how much of b===h or a bas===d you can be trying to get the divorce. Separated allso means you cant be in a realtionship 100% as you still have a spouce to contend with.
Some have been separated for many years and they have all kinds of excuses as to why the divorce is not happened well that just says that they are not ready for a realtionship and i wont belive any one that is separated is able to commit till they are divorced.
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 294
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/14/2008 1:39:21 PM
Why entangle your life with someone who is already entangled?
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 295
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:53:05 PM
I was separated for 3 years before I was divorced. And I am exactly the same person now and always will be, as I was 3 years ago, the whole time I was separated, or whenever. Time or a piece of paper or someone's formula is not going to change me.

He was cheating the whole time living with another woman, so the way I saw it is I was going to have my freedoms too. I was not going to be the "lockdown wife" who was on her lonesome the whole time he was out screwing.

For me there was always zero chance of anything ever going back the way they were, and my life isnt any more or less complicated now than it was the day after the separation, and wont ever be any more or less so. No "entanglement" here that wont always be in my life (i.e.. my kids). I also dont entertain others with my personal divorce details. That is my business not theirs, and THEY are my focus of attention not what some court order said 6 months ago or whatever.

The problem is too many people use the "separated" excuse as a lie so they can cheat on their spouse. Ruins it for the real folks who are literally just waiting.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 297
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/18/2008 1:06:42 PM
I would. I have. I've dated while separated. Both my divorces I was separated for three years before I could afford the divorce. The first I had left, and did not want a divorce. The second left me, but didn't want a divorce, either.

I'd take it purely on a case by case basis. Everyone is very different from everyone else. Some, when they're leaving have been on the verge of it for years, and are pretty well healed by the time they get the separation. I was, after my first marriage: all I felt was pure relief. Being blindsided the second time, it took me much longer to get my sea legs back.


 JR1961
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 298
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:21:39 PM
Divorce CAN be inexpensive. Sure, and Rosie O'Donnell CAN be civil discussing politics; The Giants CAN beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl; Dennis Kucinich CAN be president.

I have spent over $40,000 in just under 12 months and we're not close to done yet.

Payment plan? Sure. My attorney has a plan to collect a payment when the money is due.

I am not picking on you, personally, because I have read comments from others that the cost of a divorce is a weak excuse.

I respectfully disagree.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 302
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:45:08 AM
you cant really expect a serious commited realtionship with a separated person, if you are willing to sit by ok but if you want a commited realtionship why waste usless time on a separated person. A person that is separated cant give 100% to any realtionship as they have a spouse some where that they have to deal with.
 SapphirePoet
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 303
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:20:13 AM
Totally agree with the above poster "anyoneouthier".
Take care of your unfinished business before you start something new.
I didn't even date when I was going through my divorce.

It's really simple " Handle your business" before you suck somebody else into your vortex of confusion.

I dated a seperated guy for a while and really fell for him and he broke my heart when he wimped out and didnt want to go through the hassle of a messy divorce and would have to give up his "property" so he went back to her and was miserable.

Karma....you gotta love it!
 dogs rule
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 305
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:15:55 AM
you cant really expect a serious commited realtionship with a separated person, if you are willing to sit by ok but if you want a commited realtionship why waste usless time on a separated person. A person that is separated cant give 100% to any realtionship as they have a spouse some where that they have to deal with.

How can you group all separated people in one basket and say that? There is no reason why they can't put 100% into a new relationship any more than a divorced person with kids can. Once the vows are broke the only thing that ties the 2 people together is the states paper work. To me the marriage is all about the oath taken before god, not the paper that the state has over you.
There are many divorced people that can't get over their spouse but it seems by many people they are date able but someone that is over their ex but hasn't gone thru the paper work for what ever the reason maybe, is not date able. I have to disagree with that.

Why would a separated person want to have thier SO watch them go thur a divorce, I would say about 90% of the divorces are ugly and do you really want your SO see how much of b===h or a bas===d you can be trying to get the divorce. Separated allso means you cant be in a realtionship 100% as you still have a spouce to contend with.
Some have been separated for many years and they have all kinds of excuses as to why the divorce is not happened well that just says that they are not ready for a realtionship and i wont belive any one that is separated is able to commit till they are divorced.

Who says that their SO has to watch them go thru their divorce. Thats something that they can take care of on their own, they don't have to have their SO with them. People that are separated for a long time don't usually have ugly divorces like the 90% you claim (I would say those are not people that separated for a long time) Once they are apart so long they have divided most everything and if they haven't once they have a SO they are willing to just let their ex keep what they have and move on.
I would rather date someone with a good excuse of why they are separated than a bad excuse for why they are divorced. That doesn't make them not ready for a relationship or they wouldn't be looking.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 309
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:37:40 PM
How can you group all separated people in one basket and say that? There is no reason why they can't put 100% into a new relationship any more than a divorced person with kids can. Once the vows are broke the only thing that ties the 2 people together is the states paper work. To me the marriage is all about the oath taken before god, not the paper that the state has over you.
There are many divorced people that can't get over their spouse but it seems by many people they are date able but someone that is over their ex but hasn't gone thru the paper work for what ever the reason maybe, is not date able. I have to disagree with that.

When they have childeren yes they will have to deal with the ex but being separated is still married and if you think you can give 100% to a realtionship you got your head stuck up your rectume fertizling your brain.




Who says that their SO has to watch them go thru their divorce. Thats something that they can take care of on their own, they don't have to have their SO with them. People that are separated for a long time don't usually have ugly divorces like the 90% you claim (I would say those are not people that separated for a long time) Once they are apart so long they have divided most everything and if they haven't once they have a SO they are willing to just let their ex keep what they have and move on.
I would rather date someone with a good excuse of why they are separated than a bad excuse for why they are divorced. That doesn't make them not ready for a relationship or they wouldn't be looking.




If you are separated and do have an SO they will see what you are like no mater what.
NOW how many of you people have had a real happy divorce.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 315
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/29/2008 4:40:30 PM
I'll give you a fact to ease your mind. Most separations lead to divorce, so he is likely well on his way to it.

Separations are a really stupid idea to begin with. Supposedly they give a couple space to work things out, but they actually make the situation worse. To have a marriage, you have to be there together physically and emotionally.

The Eagle
 angeleyes22
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 317
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2008 4:32:16 PM
Hi Ruforme!

No critisism from me on this topic. I too got involved with someone who was separated and it, unfortunately, blew up in my face becuase he went back out of guilt.

Here's a question for you (and all other readers): Would you consider someone still holding onto their ex if the ex had taken off and you couldn't find him to actually solidify the divorce? I know someone who is in the exact situation. It's been 6 years, they can't locate the bugger who deserted her and so, until then, she will remain technically married. She considers herself divorced because it is so long over with. In my country, there is no statute of limits on a separation so until she locates him, she's still married. Just a thought for some of those less than sympathetic people out there.

I say go with your heart. You and he are the only two who know the entire story and it's not my place to go poking around asking you all sorts of "what if" type of questions. Discuss your fears with him, if you are as good as friends as you state. I think there is a million (ok, not a million, but a lot) of reasons why someone is separated and hasn't completed the divorce.
 beautyis
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 319
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:13:20 PM
There is always the possibility of people who are separated to get back together.

If you meet a person who is long term separated and you both fall in love, bummer if they are still legally married.

I've had the "we are legally separated, it's the same as being divorced". In my mind it isn't even though I know for sure they weren't getting back together.
 whatsallthis
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 325
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:58:45 AM
Definition:

separated- the word married persons of low moral persuasion used to entice naive singles into having sex with them.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 330
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:03:05 AM
I had a similiar situation. We were "getting along" great. Then, around the third month of relationship, he became very angry and acted like an a##hole. He was conflicted. I found our relationship in "hot water". Now, I am seeing someone else, because he started to display strange behavior and playing "head games". It is simple. They are lonely. They are rejected. They need someone, like you, to use this your time in order not to feel alone and sad. They are not ready for another woman in their life, and if you get too close, then watch out, because they will push you away and become angry. It is not fair to you to go through the grieving process with him.. He should go through it alone. You cannot help him to "escape" the grieving process.... if you do, he will be ambused by grief, and take it out on you. He will hate you and not be able to understand why. When you break-up, he will further keep experiencing the sadness, loneliness and anger. As long as you understand this, and do not get emotionally involved with him...like doing something stupid like getting attached.... then you will alright. But, most women, after they have sex, they start to get attached and fall in love, and that's when you'll have to suffer the heartbreak of losing him.
 Call Me Sugar
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 335
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:24:44 PM
wow... there are 17 pages of answers for this question and ive read most of them.. i specifically looked for this question because im curious to see how everyone is handling it since ive never been with a separated man before... im currently involved with a separated man for 5 months now. the best 5 months of my life. this is a tough question to answer.. had i not been involved with this man i would have answered this question with a "NO.. DO NOT GET INVOLVED". but.. since i am involved with a separated man, i cant say that.. i care about him, we've become really good friends and lovers... im open minded and im taking it day by day..... anything could happen.... he may choose to reunite with his wife and then i just have to accept it and walk away quietly because i knew there was a possibility right from the beginning..... but just like any situation you never know unless you take a chance.. im not saying its the right thing to do but had i not taken this chance i would have never had this great experience with this incredible guy.... theres never a guarantee.. weather its a situation like this or anything else... even when two people are free and single, theres no guarantee.. it doesnt necessarily have to be with a separated or divorced person..... by choosing to persue this and enjoying every single moment i wouldnt put limits on anything because if you pass something up you'll never know what could have been or miss out on an exciting and memorable experience.... of course in the back of my mind i think about this ending... but ill deal with it if and when it happens... im prepared for anything at this point.. this was initially a no strings attached "intimate encounter" but..... it turned out that we see each other more often than either one of us expected.. i dont even know what to call it... whatever it is, we're enjoying each others company.. i dont question him, i dont pressure him, i dont want to ruin what we have. we both have a past, we both have our own obligations... if this were to go in any other direction at this point, it would change everything.. so im leaving it alone and accepting how it is... we dont even have to say anything to each other... we both know to leave it alone and enjoy our moments together.... if i feel any differently in the future im sure i wont have a problem talking about it... i feel we have great communication with one another... but for now im leaving it the way it is because id rather have him the way things are right now than not have him at all... im content... if you can be open minded and take things one day at a time and accept the way things are, i think it should be ok... but if you pressure the person who isnt ready for a commitment or doesnt want a commitment, then it wont last. the pressure will kill the fun and excitement..
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 338
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:06:58 PM
I would not for many reasons #1 they are still married period. #2 Do you actually believe that someone is going to come away from a divorce so unscathed that they will not need time to pull themselves together? #3 What if he needs time to clear his head and rearrange his priorities you are only getting one side of the story You will be too convienent to fall back on and he needs to get right with himself.
#4 What could you possibly stand to gain here but a nursemate He needs to pick you when he is free and clear and has other options because you are the one he wants. It might take longer if his woman finds out you are in the pic because she will be pissed and hopefully if he has children they will not become part of this saga.
 UltraFarkistan
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 339
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:38:46 PM
IAAL,



In Canada, a separation is a legal status and it is a necessary and unavoidable step to divorce. A divorce cannot be finalized until a married couple have been separated for a year.


False..
 Miss New Year
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 340
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:54:30 PM
Sometimes Divorces take a looong time in the courts, with lawyers fighting for each client's fair (or greed) share, so it depends on the situation with the separated person.
But to play devil's advocate for a second:
When a date says they are divorced, how do we really know they are? Do we ask to see their divorce papers?
I think most women can get a sense of where a man is at, in his head, when it comes to the ex, or is he still hung up on her, wanting her back, resentful toward her, feels taken to the cleaners, or really maybe is glad it's over. Takes a few conversations to see just what is what. Even it means he is just out there soughing some oats, & not really looking for a relationship, etc.
Women are Smart!! well most anyway.
But then there are the smart, manipulative liars who can outsmart us, maybe for a bit, but the truth shows itself eventually... just my take on your topic
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 341
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:56:03 PM
karma1160,

I think a previous poster brought up a good point, though. Separated doesn't -necessarily- mean you "just broke up". Sometimes divorces take a long long time to surface. If someone's been separated significantly over a year while their SO is living with someone else, then I would classify it in the same realm as "recently divorced", when it comes to dating... unless of course that person's still pining over them and having to deal with tons of BS still, but again, there are exceptions.

However, you don't know their situation until after talking. So yes, statistically, if you're on a website like this, 90% of people who are separated still have ties and issues with their soon-to-be-but-not-official Ex. Hence, if your mindset is "relationship asap", don't go there. If you have a more casual mindset, find them attractive, sure, why not.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 342
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:37:38 AM
Thanks for sharing your opinion with me azureorb .
I am sure that there are exceptions to every rule as I do value the grey in life.
I personaly think that there is a process to everything and the process of divorce is closure. There are lots of variables. Including people who are stuck in worlds where there spouses are very ill and are not available to meet their needs . I know this and have seen this and my heart aches for these people.
I guess everyone has to have some sort of code that keeps them safe this is part of mine.
 baker1972
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 343
Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/3/2009 4:44:50 PM
if you want to be friends that's fine but honestly how do you know he is really separated from his wife and they aren't getting back together? do yourself a favor and either just be friends or run...because until he has those divorce papers he's a married man and its your heart on the line not his!
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 345
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Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:52:13 PM
Separated: NO.

Divorced: YES.
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