Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Venting about DeadBeat Parents      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SweetShaker
Joined: 7/2/2004
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat ParentsPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Okay I need to vent here, because I have been reading some other posts about parents to are trying to see their kids and can't because the mother or father who has physical custody will not allow it.

I can't even beging to tell you how angry it makes me.

Then I take a look at my own life. I have a beautiful 6 year old boy, who's father just doesn't seem to care about him. He's dating a girl right now (and I say girl cause she's just turned 18) who doesn't seem to like my son. He doesn't pay child support, is more than 3 years behind, yet they have brand new clothes, a nice car.. she's spending hundreds of dollars to become a model (not likely.. but not my place to tell her that lol)

When they bother to pick him up, they keep him in time out all the time. He's not allowed out of his room until they wake up in the morning/afternoon, and they punish him for everything. He doesn't get to go outside at all etc. My son has just started saying he doesn't want to go, that he doesn't like the way things are at Daddy's and I sit there and talk to him about it, and remind him that his daddy and gf love him, and are trying their best. Meanwhile, they're telling my son that I'm a bad mother and that he shouldn't listen to me. This week, the newest one that my son filled me in on, is that I'm not allowed to be called Mommy at their house, he has to call me by my first name or he goes to time out!

What makes me so mad, is the fact that when they do bother to see him, they treat him this way. (not quite abuse .. so nothing I can stop, but just wrong in my eyes)


Yet, I bend over backwards to make sure that his father can see him. My son deserves to know his father, and make up his own mind. When are parents going to learn, it takes two to have a baby, and it takes a family to raise that child. It just makes me sick to hear about good parents being seperated from their kids for no reason.

Anyway, I babbled alot there... sorry I tend to do that when I'm angry. Just needed a place to vent.
 SweetShaker
Joined: 7/2/2004
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 4/6/2005 8:49:37 PM
I can understand where you are comming from
and have many friends in similar situations.
Your daughter deserves much better, and you will provide her with the family she needs.

Where I get mad, is when both parents want to be a part of the child's life and one won't let the other one. Often, there is no good reason other than spite. And that's just not good for the child.

Lol... but I got so busy ranting I don't think I explained where I was going.

(I probably shouldn't post 2 minutes after ex's gf calls me a bad name and says ex isn't picking up the little one because she has to pay someone to take pics of her)

My apologies :)
 SweetShaker
Joined: 7/2/2004
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/3/2005 7:31:25 PM
"Gentlemen everywhere rise up and be counted because your children need you and you need them "

The only thing I disagree with in this statement is the fact that it doesn't say Ladies and Gentleman.




"A CHILD DOES NOT MAKE UP HIS MIND AS YOU STATED ON YOUR POST!!!
A CHILD IS BEING GUIDED BY WHAT IT CAN SEE, HEAR, SMELL AND FEEL!"

I'm afraid I don't understand what you are saying here... as to how it relates to the post.



Everyone, child or adult makes up their own mind, and everyone, child or adult
is guided by what they can see, hear, smell and feel.

That's HOW we make up our minds.
 Diggy03
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/4/2005 7:09:14 AM
Sweetshaker I agree wholeheartedly that every child should know their parents yet your situation sounds like you should not permit your son to see his father. I mean he (your son)doesn't want to be there.... why force him. I have learned that actions speak louder than words. Just becasue your ex and his new lady friend say nice things.... you know from what you posted that they don't follow through. It's up to you. Do what you can to protect your son. And yes it is a form of abuse.... neglect perhaps keeping him in "time out"?
 SweetShaker
Joined: 7/2/2004
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/4/2005 7:12:33 AM
I signed up for a parenting class for my son, because he was really... ummmm
spirited ... that a good word... and I was having some trouble parenting him.

I spoke with his father and asked him to go with me, and to even bring the gf
if it was that important to him. She refused because she cannot be in the
same room with me. (remember, she's 17... and very immature)

Now, I am not allowed to speak to my Ex, unless I speak through her.
If I call and he answers, he has to hand the phone to her.
If they come to pick up my son, and I try to speak directly to him...
She stands in between him and I forcing me to speak to her.



I love my son, and want him to have a relationship with his dad... I was with
his father for 7 years, and loved him very much in that time, and I know
that he has a lot of wonderful qualities that I want my son to know.

I keep track of everything that happens, in my journal, and I'm trying hard
not to be vindictive. I never bad mouth his dad when he can hear it.. acutally
I rarely do it out loud. I defend his dad's actions to him when he asks why
Daddy doesn't love him, or why Daddy doesn't pick him up etc.

It's hard sometimes, to think of nice things to say about his dad...

But, then again, who ever said being a parent would be easy?
 Diggy03
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/4/2005 7:38:48 AM
Think of what is best for your son and what HE WANTS..... not what you want. Obviously this little girl your ex has decided to play house with doesn't want you in his life nor his son. Not that she has a choice... mind you it doesn't seem like he's much of a man if a 17 year old is making his decisions for him.

What in the long run is ultimately best for your son? I know he's young now... in the future he can get to know his father... and you won't be vindictive if you keep your son from his father. You are protecting your son where he's too young to protect himself.
 devilgirl
Joined: 9/29/2004
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/5/2005 10:46:28 PM
AllyMan: I would just like say that not all little girls whos father is not around turns into a slut. My father was not around and I am FAR from being a slut.I take offence that you imply that because my daughters father is not here she will be a slut.I was raised by a strong wonderful empowering woman!And most of my girlfriends in high school who came from homes with a father ended up having kids BEFORE they graduated (if they did grad at all).I on the other hand was 24 when I had my daughter and I graduated from hight school.I think that a childs learns what they live. I will teach my daughter that sex is something specail and I will be open and honest with her about everything. I will Never lie to her and will always be there for her no matter what.Her father has made his choice, I never bad mouth him and tell her the truth about him.(She is 7) I think most girls who are "sluts" are looking for something or it might be that they just like sex . I also wonder what makes a girl a slut????
To every one else I am sorry that I got off the subject in here. Sorry to all.
 jjsweet
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 8
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/10/2005 10:36:19 AM
ok so I can vent here too right?

My sons father was good to his son only like part of the time. He turned out to be a drug addict and alcoholic. I was ready to be the person that worked and he stayed home with our son, he made excuses that for him not being responsible. I couldn't understand why wouldn't you automatically want to take care of your kids, he didn't help at all. I kept holding on that he will all of a sudden want to be responsible, we can be a family if I work at it not if we both work at it. He has done a lot of damage to me as far as mental, emotional, and even sometimes a bit physical abuse. Things I didn't even consider abuse, it's taken it's tole on me. I kept telling myself that my son needs to know his dad and a dad does make a difference in the development of a child. So I worked harder to keep him. I ended up looking real stupid cause I was the only one trying. I had no friends because of him, he had isolated me and made me believe that no one else will love me. Now I know that his father isn't worth trying for but it took a lot for me to realize it. I felt like it was me that wasn't trying, that I was doing something wrong only to realize I had been doing it by myself anyways, I don't need him. My son has his issues but he knows that it's just us. I had his dad visit his sister in another state, when he was there I told him he has to stay there and can't come home, I am trying to get over it, I am moving and you can't see your son until you get it together, be sober, have a job and then you can see him. I don't ask him for anything, don't want anything but for him to leave us alone. I understand now that the reponsibility is just part of it. His dad has issues and really can't love anyone even himself. I just wasted my time basically, I have a beautiful son that he doesn't deserve. He took us for grantit and even abused my love. This is me venting I need no response.
 jjsweet
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 9
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/11/2005 9:42:49 AM
aww man it pisses me off when people don't appreciate their children, these kids grow up and pass on the dysfunction and never really know what it's like to love themselves. I say for the future of this world to love children helps protect and insure as we get old the world will be well taken care of. I go out of my way to hang out with other kids and ask questions and help their confidance that as youth they are not totally helpless. If the kids see that they can make a difference and change their own lives they get the confidance to live in hope. I worked as a youth assistant here in indian country and there is a lot of work to be done. I helped as much as I could. I still do.

Just asking a child how their day was influences them. That other adults care helps them and reassures them to be positive.
 SweetShaker
Joined: 7/2/2004
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 4/20/2006 9:18:32 AM
He (the father) will be 27 Next week.

I should say, a very immature 27.

Nicest way I can say it.. is that he's not all there.

And as an update...
He's not seen the child (his choice) since One year ago today.
My little one is doing so much better now behavoir wise.
 sweetestthang
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 13
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:29:58 AM
I have been angry just like u are with my daughters deadbeat father.....please..let it go...stop wasting your energy on being angry with him.The sooner you realize that u cant change him and make him into the father your child deserves the better.If you dont you are going to do nothing but waste priceless energy being angry for the next 20 years.Focus on you and your child,and not on what the father is not doing.Make sure that the time you have with your child is the best it possibly can be.....if the father doesnt choose to do the same well then your child will grow up realizing how lucky he/she was to have a great mom like you.

Its time we stop ****ing about deadbeats and just let them dig their own graves....and maybe its time for us to also take a lil responsibility because we did make the choice to make a child with someone who doesnt have the decency to be a great father...whats done is done and its time to move on and focus on YOUR relationship with your child!!!
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:35:29 AM
Due to the things my ex has done to our children I will not force them to go for a visit. And yes I mean visit because it is only occasionally and only on a Saturday (his choice). Nor will I prevent them from going to his house if they choose. Let me rephrase that- I will not prevent them from going on his scheduled week or mine if we don't have anything planned. He loves changing Saturdays and canceling at the last minute. I do not plan on letting him tie up our lives like he wants to do. You think 37 and 27 is bad. He is 57 and his new wife is 47 and even the kids have to talk with her first.

I agree you don't have to bash a parent like this-kids know more than we give them credit for knowing.
 ZeesMuset
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 15
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:23:07 AM
OP - this sounds like my sister. Her daughter isn't allowed to talk about her mother, they take her phone away from her, they go through her suitcase, tell her her mommy is a fat b*tch and a bad mother, she has to tell her dad's wife that she loves her and has to call her mommy. Recently, she has to begin wearing a bra and they make her take it off and tell her she's too young for that sort of thing.

Sounds to me like it's court time for you and your ex. There is a thing called ABUSE and if he's behind on child support, you need to put the screws to him.

On the flip side, i have 2 male friends... one hasn't seen his kids in 3 years and the courts tell his ex... you know, he's current on his child support, you need to let him see them and then does nothing...

THe OTHER one.... hasn't seen his kids - 2 girls ages 9 and 11 - in over amonth. Why? Because he's dared asked for custody. Why has he asked for custody???

Because his ex (who is an admitted drug addict - yes I've seen the paperwork proof) has married a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER AND PEDOPHILE (yes, I've seen that paperwork as well.... his 9 year old stepdaughter, his OWN 14 year old stepdaughter and a 13 year old FRIEND of the kids) and the courts of Michigan are rather unconcerned about this. The court demanded a psych evaluation of my friend, the girls, and his ex (who stated she knew about his 'past' and that his own family made it a point to tell her how unstable and unsuitable he was and yet... he doesn't make her feel 'icky'...) and the psych eval stated that Dad needed custody and mom needed help and supervised visition. The judge - one Linda Hamilton - who order the eval then threw it out, because he didn't eval the new husband...

Why didn't she ask him to??? All she had to do was ORDER it....

Something is wrong with our courts when they knowing endanger the child they are sworn to protect.
 theraven871
Joined: 3/16/2003
Msg: 16
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:45:13 PM
I believe I know what you're talking about.

My son has one of the WORST mothers in the world. She used to take him out to the bar with her and abandon him in her vehicle so she could go in and drink. She would do this in January when the weather would be -10 degrees.
She would let convicted sex offenders babysit our kid and did so many inappropriate things in front of him that I shudder to think of the things that I DON'T know about.

That said, I STILL want my son to have a relationship with his mother. Not for her benefit but for his own. Luckily I was able to convince a judge that the child would be best placed with me and at the moment her visitation with her child is court-ordered to be supervised.

Now if I could just get her to actually SHOW UP to see her kid. She hasn't seen him in 4 months now.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:46:48 PM
Kids have to pay the price for sorry parents. I have the drama with my ex, but my nephew's wife takes the cake. She is spending a few days with my mother and tonight she is drunk and high. She left over 30 minutes ago to get cigarettes and hasn't returned.
My mom is not aware what is going on that I know of. She would not approve of this in her house. THIS woman is a piece of cake. She always wants to tell you how she is being mistreated by other people. But there is some type of drama each time she comes. I wish she would go home and leave her little girls with us.
 ZeesMuset
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 18
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 3:07:16 PM
Dear Tim

Where did you get your high school diploma from? 100% + 100% does not equal 100%

Both parents need to assume 100% of the responsibility. It should not be lumped on ONE person. Sometimes it is. It was for me. I think that's unfair. It's unfair my son's father was a dead beat, but I made a poor choice for a father for my child. That's MY fault, not the state or the federal governements. But it was also unfair for him to accept no responsibility and leave it for me.

I don't think anyone here is talking about denying parental rights when the parent is fit. In fact, we're complaining about the opposite. We have fit parents being denied visitation, we have deadbeat parents, abusive parents, being allowed rights, we have abusive and sexually abusive stepparents given rights they have no business having.

We have children terrified of their abusive parents, yet they are given no choice.

In my case, my ex had drug and alcohol problems. I openly accepted 100% responsibility for my son so he wouldn't be exposed to that. Had my ex been a competant father, I wouldn't have allowed him to walk away.

we can't paint the world one color and say... this is how it is.... accept it. It's not that way. To try to make it that way is assinine.
 Kahndor
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 19
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:35:51 PM
are you all ****in' kiddin' me?

can't get over the physcho babble and horrendous grammer you all posted

and for the lack of a single condom, all these children's lives are ruined

everybody comes to the answer man
 LookyHere1985
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 20
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:29:48 PM
You don't have to say nice things about the dad.
Kids are smart.
If the dad or mom is a loser or whatever, they will figure it out on their own.
 BGSU
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 21
Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 10/21/2008 2:01:54 AM
I had a dead beat wife.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Venting about DeadBeat Parents