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 rbheinz57
Joined: 5/3/2007
Msg: 76
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When is it too old to still want children?Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Thia has been one of my main concerns. I am almost 34 and I still do not have children and I would like to have children. My fear is that I may be too old already or will be too old. I am almost thinking at this rate that I will have a child without a husband. There are lots of single mothers out there isn't there?
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 78
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 9:06:43 PM
You get what u give and can give be realistic Movie Starrs have money to get ot all for their children richer woman as well they have to give more to raise those children and it took them alot of their youth and freedom too as any older woman would would feel they need a larger support backup with children Grandparents have their Children even if they do a fair amount of the raising kids sometimes. Another Loss for older Moms but of you gotta have them and you love them go for it. per previous post about more intelligence with older mens sperm it only applies to the particular intellegence of the male and might just slightly increase that amountlol So new reserch is disputing this I wonder who right. BCIT Physcology early developement studies 101 or what is the newest source Im too old I guess to decide I know studies sometimes change every five years and then just get reversed, rivised and regurgitated Like Ive heard on the back on the side never on the stomach, never on the back so on so on

~ Off-topic posts removed. Please address the issue and not each other ~ yayawhatever ~
 rodb7
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 83
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/23/2007 8:50:42 PM
Hey JoJo! its been a while,hope all is well with you,in regards to having children at forty ,its pretty personal.I've chosen not to have children for the reason that i think there's enough children out there without parents,food or guidence.So if you decide to have them after forty or any time before or after that its all up to you,in the end you must take care of your kids.I did read some of the different opinions on your question and i must say thhere is many good reason to or not too have children at forty.I say follow your gut,,all the best.Rodney:)
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 84
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:39:37 PM
I feel that if youre older in life u circle of friends and family network is a major factor in having babies. Why age might be too late for some to start up fresh yet young mothers accept older mothers ok maybe? Sperm is produced brand spanking new daily so how can it be too old or degrade before its here. when father is 35
 sageb1
Joined: 2/26/2004
Msg: 85
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/26/2008 6:24:30 AM
that depends on who the guy wants to bear his children.
 TONGUEME2
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 86
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/26/2008 12:57:03 PM
I would say that if by the time your kids will be old enough to be on their own you would be over 60....thats too old. You want to still be able to have life after breeding.
 obeythepug
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 87
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/26/2008 3:06:38 PM

Curious that when female celebs are 40+ and say they want (first time) children, no one ever questions that. Better access to the best medical care, maybe?


It is also curious that these women never advertise that they are not using their own eggs. It gives too many women false hopes about their fertility. They just see all these older pregnant women. Not everyone can afford donor eggs. Not everyone is comfortable using them.

A woman's fertility tanks after age 40. Her miscarriage risk skyrockets. I think every woman should keep this in mind.
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 88
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/26/2008 4:36:07 PM
and donor eggs can be the frozen variety freaky to think. cryogenic cryers same with sperm frozen
 JimL123
Joined: 1/22/2008
Msg: 89
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/26/2008 5:22:16 PM
After getting out of a relationship of 15 years with a woman who did not want children, even though I did. I would still like to have children. Is that selfish? yes it is. Is it fair to older children? Is having another child ever fair to an older child? I am the youngest, so was it fair to my brother at age 3 to have a new baby. What is the difference between a parent making that decision for them at age 3 vs age 13? I don't think its ever a child's decision if the parents or parent and new spouse decided to have children.

I think you need to balance the needs of the newborn with the needs of the older child. Making sure to make time just for the older child, separate from the new baby. Making sure the older child is not neglected. This is the balance with any new child whither its three years between them or 15 years.

jsut my two cents.

Jim
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 91
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:35:17 AM
While I would not say to NOT have children when over 35, I would say to keep in mind a couple of things:

1. Most people have less energy when we are older and more potential to be sick. My father had a child at 40 and feels that his son missed out because my father was too tired to do certain things with him. My father admits that deciding to have the child was purely selfish and that only after the child arrives does the sacrifice begin. I don't hear many people deciding NOT to have children for the child's sake. He was also involved with a younger woman who had his child and guess how long that relationship lasted? I have always held the belief that deciding to have children is at the core a selfish act, our sacrifice comes later and some people are not prepared to do that.

2. I see hundreds of profiles on here of men my age and older who say they want children. They also say they love to travel, eat in fine restaurants etc., etc. Do any of these people realize how much their life will change with a child? Many of these people will end up hiring a nanny or some such thing and it will be the nanny who bonds with the child. Doing everday things like cooking, cleaning etc., is also bonding, time spent together and also teaches your child. On the other side of the coin, I see some profiles of men who want children and I can tell that they understand.

I think alot of people are now considering children as an extra in their lives and want to "have it all" and sometimes it's the child that loses.

Making the decision NOT to have children is not easy and hurts like hell, but why would one want to bring someone into this world where they felt they could not give their all to them?

Point being, the decision to have children comes often from a selfish, romantic notion. There you are, lying in bed with each other "oh, he/she would have your eyes", ooh, we would make beautiful babies together". We've all been there and had that romantic notion but that doesn't mean we should always follow that notion.

Many men and women see their siblings or friends with babies and become romanced with the idea. Yes, it's the idea that is drawing you in, NOT the reality. That's not to say that having children is not wonderful and romantic but one must understand it is tempered with reality too.

Most men and women I know in their 40's who have had children all agree with me.

All that said, I do think that some older people would make excellent parents and should go for it. But those are the ones who have thought about everything and are mature enough to realize exactly what this entails. They do also have the romantic part too though :) So yes, in that case it may be fair.

As for comparing having a baby vs grandparents raising children - that is not comparable as often the grandparents are "forced" (lack of a better word) into raising the child as the real parent is not available to do so. As a grandparent, would you rather raise your grandchild or see it in foster care? Duh.

Many people do not have a clue what it entails. I have lived with children almost all my life so I know what it entails. A single life vs a family life is completely different. Just ask any divorced man how much more time he has now that he is divorced - he's getting out and doing all sorts of things now that he has a week of "no kids".

As for babies having babies, well anyone can be a bad parent - at 20 or at 40. I've seen some pretty irresponsible people at 40 and some uber-responsible ones who were 20.

Some people really need to look at themselves and their lifestyle and ask themselves "can you and are you willing to give that up". Because, yes having children means you sometimes have to give some things up and willingly. Most childless people today truly do not understand what sacrifice really is. And that's the way our world is now.....
 whenyer_strange
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 94
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:35:21 PM
This is just an individualistic question that it can't be generalized.

My sister just had her first one at age 43. She is EXTREMELY athletic and healthy. Her husband is healthy as well. Their son is very smart and very happy. If anything, I suspect my sister will wear her son out rather than the other way around.

I don't know if I'll bother having any, but I know I would not have made a good mother in my 20's or even early 30's for that matter. In my case, it would be to the child's benefit that I'm older and more mellow.

As far as guys wanting kids, again, it's an individual thing. Some are sincere about it. Some others are just using it as an excuse for going after women half their age.
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 95
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/27/2008 1:30:28 PM
Depends, as slave labor or so you can collect more welfare. Either way you need to keep popping them out. Good luck.


lol just try and see how fast you get old trying live or collect welfare. Welfare if you can't tell burns out young women faster than any negative lifestyle yeah 30 year old women already look 48 trying to raise a baby on Welfare, can collect try sacrifice your life to welfare and buruacracy kind of defeats the purpose of having a child when you dont have a life.


Think about it older woman celebrates having children. They already have proven themselfs the top % of physical, intellectual, artistic, finanacial, and healthy lifestyles than most of the rest of us. So yeah they have better odds I would think of not having strokes or bloodpressure problems as well os other things woman die from in childbirth and same with their children. Still if you ovulate and you have the desire anybody can do what they want why not.
 kayfay
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 96
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:05:27 PM
I think its totally fair. My dad had my twin sister and me when he was 42, and lived a full, healthy life till just a couple years ago, when he died.

I think late twenties/early thirties are okay to start having children, but any earlier than that seems unfair to me in a different way.

I read COUNTLESS threads on here and other sites about young girls being pregnant, not knowing what to do, and people advising them to obtain government assistance/services in order to care for the child and themselves. No offense to anyone, and I know younger people can make great parents, but on the flip side I ask: Why is it, when men and women lead longer lives than ever, that it is "unfair" for those of us who are older -- read: now established, with advanced degrees, higher incomes, homes, excellent benefits, and the wisdom that age brings -- to have children? Without the huge tax base that many of us "older" people contribute to society, there would be no "help" for some of the younger people who need it from the government. No offense to anyone, just trying to show another side.
 JadeMuse
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 97
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:46:06 AM
Parenting is a partnership to me.
A guy who statistically won't be physically around for them by the time they to go off to college is a no-go.
I don't want to be a single parent. It is also one of the reasons why I won't date military men.
90% of life is just showing up.
My $.02.
 currasal
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 98
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:57:00 PM
While married we tried to conceive for 10 years, and tried assisted reproduction, but it didn't work out. The stress of not becoming parents contributed to our divorce, and now I sit here at 42 and still want to hold a baby. Should I give up the chance of fatherhood because I'm over 40? I'm the baby of the family (my dad was 45, mom was 39), so as a child of older parents I agree that the generation gap is greater, but at the same time there are advantages to having mature parents. I'm very torn about this subject...The kicker is that I prefer the company of women my age, but not their fertility, and it makes me feel incredibly guilty.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 102
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:24:51 PM
I think the situation is so totally different for men and for women.
Men can create a child at any age..... well if he is healthy and not shooting blanks.
Women have a certain cut off point where they can no longer reproduce...produce fertile egg.

I do see a lot of guys in their 30s and 40s...even 50s looking for a LTR...and to find a mate to start a family. I say good for them. They are possibly now at a point where they are financially where they want to be, they feel that they now have the time and the money to spend on a family. They want a good nurturing relationship now and offspring.

women... well a lot of us who have been married previously have our kids... (the stretchmarks...lol)... and have experienced the child-bearing, child-rearing years and want it over with ...... no regrets , yet no desire to revisit that.

I met my EX when I was 19.... we had our kids later... I was 33 with my first... 38 when I had my third child. It is not an easy go for women...we are still the primary caregivers, the ones who work out of the home and in the home.

I did consider having another child not so long ago.... but it passed... unfortunately I am in a comfortable age range to be doing the labourous task of child-bearing and rearing.... my girls are finally out of diapers.
If the man of my dreams were here now....and wanted a child...and we could afford a nanny.... I might do it!
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 103
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/26/2008 3:55:19 AM
I was twenty three but my Sister MY friend and her two friends were all in the 35-39, all basically the same time. both my grandparents were late 30s or even in 40s, My Aunt had her last on in her mid40s Hes graduated from Oxford . so if you looked after yourself or even if you dont have a perfect child like someone else mentioed the number of young Moms makes the problems look lesser than the few older woman if something isnt perfect stands out more. The worst was when the settlers got here and sent for wives as young as could be who died in childbirth. Some Illnesses get better During pregnancy Like MS
 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 106
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:40:48 PM
40, unless this is read after April 24th. Then the answer will be 41.
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 108
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:09:32 AM
"Didn't get a chance to have kids before 35... don't want them after 35."



I some woman that either nevr had children or decided not to and dont have kids I also no the reverse. Life isnt always a piece of cake. if it isnt right or its to hard why should you feel you got too old you might just have beter insight into yourself why have any regrets if you choose it best without them.
 btj_rv
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 111
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:34:27 PM
I believe the trend is that people have kids at later ages now. And begin families including marriage a long a similar time frame. So it is not as uncommon as it had been years ago for women to have kids and families in their late thirties to early forties.
 btj_rv
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 112
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:44:06 PM
I don't know if it is different for men but I know that a woman in her late 30's and definitely in her 40's is considered an "older" parent.


I think that older single parents would also be less uncommon as is with people who have children at a later age.
 7733
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 115
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/10/2008 1:08:01 PM
For men is different than women. Men can have healthy kids even if they are 45-50-55 and even 60. However, the nature unfortunately hasn't been fair in this case. A simple research (can put keywords in google such as "birth complications" etc) will show that while women up to 30 don't have any problems in general about having kids after that age, especially after 35 it becomes a big issue for them. So, I don't get what's the problem if those men who don't have kids like me want to marry someone (I can't imagine it may happen thru this creepy site though) who is able to have healthy kids? For me I have a choice - to consider dating seriously someone taking into the consideration this. It's easy to find a woman just for fun, and pretty much at this age for me I have had too much fun already by being with all sorts of women. And I think any serious man who has the same intentions should act like that prior to taking all the nonsense women say by trying to accomodate us to your attitude, desires, wishes, by also manipulating the way any normal man may think as the OP does here to impress with your appearance, sexiness etc. All these worth nothing for me if the basics, meaning being a quality woman who is healthy, is in the right age and is willing and be able to have kids.
 btj_rv
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 117
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/11/2008 1:36:35 PM

Is it fair to a child/older woman for an older man to still want children?


I believe it is. Often guys who want kids at a later age never had them. Or at least went through the experience of being there through their development. I 'd say it is similar to someone who never experienced a childhood and acting it out at a later age. Women may typically do the same thing but get to experience it through a surrogate if they are not able to have them themselves. I do think when a person goes through the process of having children it becomes something they are less likely to be willing to do after two or three. But I think it would depend on the couple and their ability to manage having kids. I don't have children. It was more of not wanting to be slowed down. So I didn't have them. I'd be open to it at this point. But if someone thought it was unfair to consider having children at an older age I would say that they are developing opinions based on old information.
 smiliegirl15
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 118
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:09:40 PM
I am 38 and have given myself until I am 40 to have children. I have a lot more patience now than I did when I was younger and am also in a better place to be able to provide for that child as well. People are living a lot longer than they used to and older people are a lot more active and healthy now too.
At the same time I have come to like the lifestyle I lead as well and having a child would change all that. For better or worse I don't know. I know I wouldn't be the exception and mistaken for my child's grandma though.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 120
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:12:20 PM
Caring is really hard work and isn't something I would want a child of mine to have to deal with at such a young age as I have been on the other side of it.


This is exactly the point! This woman is thinking of her children, and NOT of herself. Deciding to have children is a selfish decision. The selflessness comes later.

Think of your children and their future. I don't begrudge or would not tell anyone to NOT do it, but THINK about it. I personally wouldn't want my 9 year old having to take care of me either.

You're lying in bed with your lover and you are dreaming and discussing "the baby will have your eyes" etc., etc., this is NOT serious talk, this is dreamy "I want" talk. Many many many people don't really think beyond that "I want" stage. My father didn't and he admits it.

As for anything in life being a risk, this is true, but there's no proof that you will die or live tomorrow, but there is proof that you get sicker as you get older.
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