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 smiliegirl15
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 118
When is it too old to still want children?Page 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I am 38 and have given myself until I am 40 to have children. I have a lot more patience now than I did when I was younger and am also in a better place to be able to provide for that child as well. People are living a lot longer than they used to and older people are a lot more active and healthy now too.
At the same time I have come to like the lifestyle I lead as well and having a child would change all that. For better or worse I don't know. I know I wouldn't be the exception and mistaken for my child's grandma though.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 120
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:12:20 PM
Caring is really hard work and isn't something I would want a child of mine to have to deal with at such a young age as I have been on the other side of it.


This is exactly the point! This woman is thinking of her children, and NOT of herself. Deciding to have children is a selfish decision. The selflessness comes later.

Think of your children and their future. I don't begrudge or would not tell anyone to NOT do it, but THINK about it. I personally wouldn't want my 9 year old having to take care of me either.

You're lying in bed with your lover and you are dreaming and discussing "the baby will have your eyes" etc., etc., this is NOT serious talk, this is dreamy "I want" talk. Many many many people don't really think beyond that "I want" stage. My father didn't and he admits it.

As for anything in life being a risk, this is true, but there's no proof that you will die or live tomorrow, but there is proof that you get sicker as you get older.
 SomeoneLoveYou
Joined: 9/3/2008
Msg: 121
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/2/2008 8:59:34 PM
Men: before 75
Woman: before 35
 mcopado
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 122
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:31:19 AM
Well biologically my father had me when he was 47 and my mom was 42 and that was *ahem* 43 years ago and a time when that was rare. And my brother in law became a father for the first time @ 50 or so, and my sister was in her 40's, and that was 17 years ago, and it was a lot less of a shock/medical issue...

And do to all manner of life stuff, I haven't had kids....though I want to, but I have kind of resigned myself to it not happening, in fact I switched from "wanting kids (1-2)" to "Open to the possibility" because of this....it's not a total deal breaker for me anymore, although sometimes it is, I go back and forth on it.

So personally I'm not worried about my ability for my "fishes to swim upstream," it's just finding a partner who want to. Most women in their 40's have done it and aren't interested...so that would mean someone in their 30's. But to be honest I haven't found many mid-late 30's who shares the same values and interests as I do.

It's funny, in my late 20's I didn't want to have kids, in fact I seriously considered have "the operation" to make it not possible....Looking back, and knowing how I feel know, I'm so glad I didn't make that decision. I'm still childless....but at least the potential is there.

I've been told by most of the women who I have dated who have kids, that I would make a great father....
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 124
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When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:33:24 PM
There is no rule on this.
Age: a couple in their 50's may treat a child better than those young couples you hear about in the news each night -- we all know the types. Guess who's raising the kids of some young parents these days? Yep, grandma and grandpa.
Longevity: You can be a young couple then both of you can die in a plane crash or be killed in war-- the results are still the same.
An older couple has less chances of birth defects as a younger couple who use recreational drugs or drink heavily.
There's no one set formula for anyone.
It's all about if the child will be loved and cared for. That's it, really.
 rutryin2bfunny
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 125
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:20:19 AM
My dad was 49 when I was born, my mom was 40.
Both my parents passed on when I was in my early 30's.
My dad passed on before his mom did, he was 79 years old.
Its all ok by me.
Too old?
Wasn't the average life span around 40 years, from waaay back eons ago, right up until the last few centuries? So what would have been considered too old back then to have kids.... 21 years old?
Humans live for an incredibly short period of time.
100 summers is next to nothing by my perspective.
You are too old to still want children when you are dead.
And with all this crazy modern technology, it might not be too late even then, genetically speaking.
 oldmaid72
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 130
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/8/2008 6:45:35 PM
I'm 36 and I think I've hit my expiration date in terms of having kids. Guess it just isn't meant to be. I don't however, see anything wrong with a guy my age or a bit older wanting children.
 Fromtexas
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 131
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:09:06 AM
What difference does it make? There are problems both ways. I find myself desiring a younger woman simply for the fact that most women in my age group (I'm 51) do not want to raise anymore kids. My 2 year old son is my best asset (for lack of a better description). Most of my family and friends put me down for marrying a younger woman (she was 26, I was 47) My second mariage and her fourth. She has four kids including mine, and does not have any of them with her. I have custody of ours (her third), my second. I checked the box Prefer Not To Say on my profile when it comes to wanting children. I got negative responses when I said No because of having a child at home now. I meant I do not want any additional new children. Also had negative responses of women thinking I would not accept their child. I did not mean that. I am willing to accept her child as I expect my son to be accepted. Hope that clears this up.
 Fromtexas
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 132
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:10:32 AM
Don't think that. My sister had her third child at 42. I was 49 when I had my second, but for a man it is not that big of a deal. Its only a big deal to reaise them as I am now raising my 2 year old alone.
 Tungsten Carbide
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 133
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/5/2008 6:14:55 PM
I don't think there is a set age limit for this. I just think there comes a point when you get older where your mind begins to noticeably shift and you are forced to consider the possibility that it might not happen in this lifetime. Once you grasp this concept you are able to make adjustments and slowly adapt to a different angle on life. I mean it sucks to think about not being able to procreate but, it can't be the end of the world.
 JGirlinSD
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 134
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:59:47 PM
I think men over 40 who say they still want children so they can have an excuse for dating younger women.
 pinkypoo68
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 136
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:02:45 PM
Although the OP seems to have left POF, I thought I'd add something anyway. I just turned 40 and would have liked to have had children by now with an awesome man. I was in two long-term relationships that (I thank God now) didn't produce any children. I did have my profile marked as wanting children, but it seems men my age have already had theirs and don't want anymore. I've since changed it to open/unsure...Because I am older, I am considering fostering children and/or adopting children.
 FloridaGal00
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 138
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:57:17 AM
Easier for a younger woman but when you want a family the urge never goes away however the biological timing does...hence why many older couples end up adopting in addition to infertility reasons as well.
 JGirlinSD
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 139
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/8/2008 1:18:48 PM
Sorry, I still think that with a lot of men, saying they want children when they are over 40 is an easier way of saying they don't want to date women in their own age group. If they accept adoption, well then they are being realistic and it could be that the really do want a child, but if they insist on having their own biological children..well, then it could be an excuse. I guess this is because I've met a few guys like that.
 JGirlinSD
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 141
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/10/2008 6:06:26 PM
What these older men don't realize is that there is also a risk of illness and birth defects when the father is older also. Perhaps not as high a risk as with women, but there is a risk.
 JGirlinSD
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 143
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/11/2008 5:19:22 PM
James in SD..what a great name!

I don't date men who want children..oh...wait..I don't date! LOL...
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 144
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:01:35 PM
I'm in my late 30s, with no children, and I'd still prefer to have children if I met the right partner who was also willing.


I have noticed that there are quite a few men in their late 30's and 40's who don't have children and want children. It seems selfish to me.
I certainly don't believe I'm "selfish".
-Wouldn't it have been more selfish of me to deliberately have children when I was too young and not financially stable enough to provide them with a stable up-bringing?
-Would it not have been more selfish of me to concieve children prior to being in a committed relationship which I expected to last?
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 145
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History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/12/2008 1:46:08 AM
As long as you can still have them naturally and take care of them financially and emotionally.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 146
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/12/2008 6:39:19 PM
post 180:
I think men over 40 who say they still want children so they can have an excuse for dating younger women
Well, I'm not 40 yet, but I'll respond to this.
My reason for still hoping to have children is: I do not currently have any.

As far as dating, or a potential relationship, I'd really prefer someone close to my own age.
But, I will admit that there's few women my own age who are still willing to have children. So I realise that if I do end up meeting someone to potentially start a family with, it would more likely be with someone a little bit younger than myself.

I guess my most likely options are:
-meet someone my own age and never have children of my own,
or
-have children of my own with a younger partner.
 JGirlinSD
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 147
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/12/2008 8:46:49 PM
Ferruginous:
I said most, but not all...and honestly? Since you aren't over 40, you aren't too old to want children and in your case, it really isn't an issue. You do make some valid points though, I'd have to agree. Not to be rude, you probably shouldn't have waited so long! (don't take that as an insult!)

I think most men 45+ who still want to have their own biological children are a little selfish and in a lot of cases, using it as an excuse to exclude dating women of their own age.
 Lion_of_Ireland
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 148
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/12/2008 11:18:31 PM
Your right for the most part about older men. =)

I had my daughters when I was 33 and 35 and for that I am so thankful.If I would have had kids when I was in my 20's I don't I wold have been a good father I woould have loved them and fought the world for them,,but financially,career wise,maturity wise--forget it. 30's are the best time to have them.IMO
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 149
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:35:04 AM

Not to be rude, you probably shouldn't have waited so long!
That's your personal opinion. I don't think it's rude. But I do think it may be a little ignorant.

I am a person who would not want to have children, until a had a secure lasting relationship. Perhaps you think that's wrong. I personally believe it's much more responsible than the people who concieve children at a young age, and raise them in dysfunctional homes.
 JGirlinSD
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 150
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:38:37 AM
Ferruginous:
It could be a little ignorant, yes. I guess the reason I feel that way, is as a woman we don't have that luxury. It's unfortunate, but because of biological constraints, we are almost forced to have children before we are ready. I do agree that it's more responsible to wait, unfortunately not a lot of people feel the way you do. So, there I back up my opinion.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 151
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/13/2008 7:39:47 AM
^^^^What's ignorant is your suggestion to me that I should have had children sooner.
You even agreed that it's more responsible to wait. Are you contradicting yourself?

I can accept the fact that many people past a certain age may not want to have children.
But it's ignorant to suggest thayt they should have deliberately had children at a younger age, just for the sake of having children.

Far too many social problems in our society result from people concieving children outside of stable relationships and/or concieving children at a time when when they're not prepared to raise them properly.
In my opinion, it is ignorant, and irresponsible, of you to suggest that more people should have been concieving children prior to having stable relationships, or at a time when they may have not been able to raise them.


I haven't had children, yet. But that also means:
-I've never raised children in poverty.
-I've never abandonded kids.
-I've never dragged children through the drama of a parent's seperation, or bitter custody battle.
I consider it very ignorant for someone to suggest that it would be better if I had raised under those circumstances, rather than wait until a later age to concieve them.
 JGirlinSD
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 152
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/13/2008 6:00:22 PM
What I meant ferruginous, it that if you had been ready to have children earlier, perhaps you wouldn't have found it so difficult to find someone in your own age group that is willing to have a child. That seems to be a common complaint of older men, but it was their choice to wait, so they will have to deal with it.

I think that youth and fertility is wasted on the young. And I do know many people who are in their 20's who haven't done any of those things that you suggested, they have happy and healthy children, so that could be ignorance or just blindness on your part. There are bad parents that are younger, middle aged and old. Not all people have the common sense that you have...sometimes God just throws stuff at us and we need to deal with it.

I hope we are on the same page now.
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