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 MDNinja
Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 47
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
All you boys complaining that you get crapped on for doing something nice, are NOT gentlemen. Doing nice things does not a gentleman make.

A gentleman is chivalrous because he IS and WANTS TO be that way. There is no other reason. He is not like that because it's what society wants, because it's some sort of fantasy, because it's proper, because he should act that way, none of those excuses.


For a gentleman the act itself is the reward, not the reaction of the person you are doing it for.


Who gives a damn if they ignore you or snap at you? They are probably just having a bad day, and frankly that is none of your besiness.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 48
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:37:38 PM
You're half right, MDninja. A chivalrous act should not be done with any hope of reward in mind.
But it is only human nature to be discouraged when one is snapped at for trying to be nice.
 rollergrrl
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 49
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/15/2007 5:38:43 PM
there is never never ever ever any reason to blow your nose in public. go to the restroom! good LORD!

always always always cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough

that's freaking gross!!!!!!!!!!
 indigoeyes
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 52
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:03:24 AM
I prefer a gentleman because I appreciate all those sweet kind gestures...opening the door, helping me with my coat, carrying my backpack, asking me if there is something I would like to do, helping me with things that I can't do by myself...the list is pretty much endless. For the first time in my life the man I am with is a true gentleman and that means so much more to me than money, material possessions, or social status.

As for being hurt...I have been hurt alot of times. Who hasn't been. Everyone responds differently. Some women become angry and bitter...as for me I want a simple peaceful life so I let all the past hurts go and appreciate everything and everyone I have in my life.
 JCL3
Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 53
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:28:50 AM
I find alot of women don't appreciate being treated well. Alot see guys that give compliments as weak or boring or trying to win them over by flattering them. I've talked to women about this, and they ALL say they like being treated well but their actions show something else. They complain about their boyfriends/husbands not listening, not communicating, not being romantic etc etc. That tells me they really don't respect a man who really treats them well. I have found that many women like a "challenge" and once you let them know you are very interested in them by treating them well, watch them become bored and unresponsive.becaue you are no longer a challenge or mystery. I have also found that many women thrive on conflict and drama and treating them well just doesn't work. I have found that for many women, if you treat them well you will be put in the dreaded "nice guy" zone and they'll just want to be "friends" with you. So, to answer the original post about men being gentlemen by giving compliment and other forgotten traits, I have found we haven't forgotten them, it's just that many (maybe most) women just don't respond to it. Being a gentleman will not bring out their attraction to you but will push most away. The reason as far as I can tell for so many women being abused either physically or emotionaly for months and months or years and years is apparently because that's what they want, or I should say, that's what they respond to over being treated like a lady.
 MDNinja
Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 57
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:57:01 AM
lol, it's ok, Sarcasm is hard to pick up on the internet. The first post was just a joke to lighten the topic.

The last one was my actual opinion.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 59
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:23:10 AM
>>there is never never ever ever any reason to blow your nose in public. go to the restroom! good LORD!

You've obviously never suffered from allergies. Let me enlighten you: Your nose can run so bad that you have to blow your nose every minute or two during a severe attack. If you don't, it will be running down your face. And it doesn't go away, like a cold; it lasts an entire season, usually spring or fall. So you can't stay home sick.
Sorry to gross anybody out, but it is a disease, and you should have some pity for people suffering from chronic diseases.

Note: mine haven't been that bad in years--but I remember what it was like.
 theshadow
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 62
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:52:14 AM
Well in answer to your question from a guys perspective. I think the reason chivalry ,compliments, and treating ladies like a gentleman should ends or fizzles is partially because when he does so he is not shown that it is appreciated. Just speaking from experience. It is VERY discouraging when a fella pays a lady a compliment to continually hear the lady not receive them. Such not saying thankyou, etc.etc.etc. I hate it when I open a door for a lady and she says" I could have done that" rather than a polite "thankyou" ! Or when you say how pretty she is and either get no responce or the"no I'm not". Let us know that these things are appreciated ladies and it is real easy to keep doing them!
 JCL3
Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 63
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/22/2007 3:14:25 PM
Yea, Theshadow, you are right!!
Posts from ladies like sweetandreal who say they want doors opened for them and flowers for no reason really don't appreciate it when they get it. They will tell you that's what they want, then when you give them that, they reject it and thus get control over you.....which is what they really want.
 intheswim
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 65
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History
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:23:26 PM
Hows this?

For those gals who know how to behave like a lady...No problem, Sir intheswim, at your service!

For those gals who don't...well...I won't be around anyhow....

Should keep everyone happy!
 umeandthestars
Joined: 2/22/2006
Msg: 67
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 2/16/2007 8:54:12 PM
Relationships require constant attention. Being complementary, to me, is not only necessary but fun. It's good for the emotional as well as the sexual attraction in a relationship. By the way, your hair looks nice. LOL
 valjean1789
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 68
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Compliments and criticisms
Posted: 2/27/2007 12:50:41 PM
Compliments are not necessary for a relationship, but certainly indicate to your partner that the spark is still burning. Two other comments: Insincere compliments are so much rubbish and for the discerning are obvious and insulting; and the volume of compliments appears to diminish as the relationship matures (unfortunately). So my rule of thumb is if you feel it say it, and say it diplomatically. Obviously, criticisms and how to handle them requires an entirely different and much more discriminating and diplomatic touch.
 gardennut
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 69
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 2/27/2007 1:15:07 PM

Are "compliments" in a relationship a necessary part of continuing to be sexually attracted to someone? or does it really matter?


I'd say that it depends on one's love language. I'm referring to the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. My primary love language is words of affirmation; my partner's is physical touch.

I thrive on compliments, which are a form of affirmation words; I also thrive on hearing "I love you".

While compliments and mushy stuff are welcomed by my partner, he doesn't "need" them as much as I do. He thrives on affectionate touch and hugging and snuggling (and fortunately, so do I).

Some people need compliments in a relationship in order to sustain it; others need it much less.
 sexy_temptress
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 70
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 2/27/2007 3:42:27 PM
Being a gentleman has LITTLE TO DO with the little social etiquette ways that you mentioned above. Being a gentleman means :

- Respecting you above all else
- Actions speak louder than words
- True to his word
- Being there for you to protect you, care for you and so forth

All the little " gentlemanly " things such as opening doors, letting you walk in front of him, pulling out chairs for you etc...mean SQUAT if he is a player or a liar or anything " less gentlemanly ".
 ALOHA_CUTIE
Joined: 10/15/2008
Msg: 73
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:31:58 AM
I was raised that a guy should be a gentleman....set up the date first, picks you up, helps you with your jacket, opens the car door for you etc. Sounds old fashion but I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I don't think etiquette on these type of men fizzles out entirely....they just become so comfortable with you that they think they have done enough to win you over and you are content with them. Once men are in a serious relationship with you, it does fizzle out but they show other ways how much they care about you.

For any woman who DOESN'T appreciate a man being a gentleman...I seriously think they have issues. Women can still feel equal with men showing nice gestures like these. They want to do these things because they feel good about themselves when they can have the pleasure of making a woman happy...nothing wrong with that!
 um_yeah
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 74
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 12/30/2008 12:12:36 AM
For what it's worth, I won't settle for anything less than a gentleman. Women who do, in my opinion, need to work a little on the whole self-respect issue.

Good question! I suspect it's of great interest here. And again, for what it's worth, I do think it's a lost art.
 1_toe_in_water
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 75
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/14/2009 8:40:04 PM
I hold a door open not just for women but for anyone who happens to be close to walking through when I am there. Heck I've held it open for several minutes where there is a crowd going through. It feels good to put someone else ahead of me, however, not all the time. It is called giving. I think society has lost focus on what giving is. Giving is something where you don't expect anything in return.

The compliment thing. I've read somewhere that a child who grows up with criticism learns how to criticise. Received lots of that throughout my life. I will pay a compliment where there is one due. I find compliments can embarass people, including myself. I have had them used to try to manipulate me and seen them used for that purpose. I probably am guilty of that at one time or another.

I know I get complacent with the compliments. I guess my mentality is if I told you once that should be good enough. I think complacency comes with familiarity and comfort. Sort of like after the honeymoon phase.
 kjacks31
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 76
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:09:05 PM
For the OP:

It is, sadly, mostly gone. As time passes, fewer parents teach this to their children so not only do the guys not learn, but the women don't learn to expect (or hope for) this treatment.

Also, if you look long enough, there's at least one thread about a guy randomly complimenting a woman and her freaking out on him. Most women I've met either find my own treatment of them (as I am one of those gentlemen you mention, long term, not just to impress) either strange or 'sweet' ('sweet' usually equals 'wuss' in most minds, and apparently, women want a man's man. See other threads for this).

It seems to boil down to 'be a man or be a wuss'. Women want to date, hang around with and have sex with 'real men'. They want to dream about and settle down with nice guys.

Problem is, by the time most women get to the latter half of that, the nice guys are either depressed, gave up, or simply don't want to be bothered anymore.
 kjacks31
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 77
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:39:24 PM

There are some gentlemen out there however from what I see it's the less attractive guys that have these traits.
Good looking fellows know they can get away with being rude since their physical attraction will make up for it. Girls will cling to any other decent traits of his personality to justify dating him for a reason other than his looks.
Less attractive guys will mostly try to compensate their lack of visable appeal by being well mannered, kind and gentle. Sadly it seems this is rarely enough.
That's my observation, however I happen to believe good manners cost nothing and everyone should be polite and 'a gentlemen'.


I agree with this, wholeheartedly, as an average-looking guy.
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 78
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:25:42 PM
I am the best looking and most interesting man in the world, but no matter what, I will always be a gentleman, thats how I roll. Many years ago, I held a door in the pouring rain for a couple of ladies, and they said nothing, acknowledged nothing....it didn't stop me from being a gentleman, but it did show me that some women could care less, and are just plain rude, and those idiots better never complain about so called "Forgotten traits".
 albert_c
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 79
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:31:05 PM
jeez all this fuss about opening doors. frankly i open doors for females and friends and don't make a deal about it at all. if i get thanked for it i smile and nod, so maybe yes it does make an impression on people when you show a little courtesy. forget the dynamics of male-female relationships, it would be easier for everyone to get along if they just had a little more consideration for other people.
 joanne1357
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 80
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/19/2009 2:30:45 PM
I prefer to open doors for a woman, help her with her coat and so on, but if she prefers to do them for herself, so be it. Part of being a gentleman is to recognize a ladies preference and treat her accordingly. But that's just me]

just what I am looking for! sigh....

seriously; I open doors for anyone, let them go ahead of me if we come to the same place at the same time; etc. I was brought up with manners & enjoy the same. But when I am old with my cane some young whippersnapper will probably run me over to get to the shoe sale!
 Krystal413
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 81
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History
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:53:25 PM
I sure don't see chivalry as a "weakness".......it is actually a masculine trait to me.....I would prefer a man who treats me like a woman.....yes, we are different (but in a good way).....and that is not a bad thing!
 Krystal413
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 82
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Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:57:26 PM
And I always try to say "thank you" for those gestures, regardless of who makes them. I love seeing a complete stranger look stunned when they hear "thank you".......although that is kind of sad, when you think about it......to be stunned at simple courtesy.....
 skyhawk53
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 83
Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/19/2009 11:51:01 PM
I am a younger guy and just by observing other guys my age or even older, I can say that chivalry is rare now adays. But the dinosaurs, as you compare it to, are extinct. Chivalry isnt. I may be of a younger generation, but I am what people call old fashioned. So I like to open the door for a girl im with (car or building), I pull the chair out at resteraunts, help with the coat, buy flowers for no reason at all, etc. I like to be romantic. But I can admit that it is rare among guys to do so. It does often times go unappreciated. But as for me, it isnt me "playing" as you say. I was in a year and a half relationship and I still open the car door for that person and everything. I never stop.
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