Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 whatagirlwants07
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 112
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?Page 2 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
I think it's a complete turn off.

I don't need someone else's opinion to make a determination on who I would go out with.

It also seems kind of juvenile.To me it's like marking your territory when you have no right to.

Can also clue you in to what type of people their talking to and if it seems they are the total opposit of me then I just figure I wouldn't be their type.

I think it can be very discouraging...I'm too old to compete like I was in high school.


 cowtrucker
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 118
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/20/2007 5:11:43 PM
Oh, at least I'm not the ONLY person who feels this way!!! I, too, feel that a testimonial is a Gigantic Turn-OFF!!!

There are times when its important to know about one's past relationships, but I only feel it's appropriate if asked about it. Otherwise, I don't want to know who or how many people they have dated, or other intimate details of their past.

I agree, it is important to know ahead of time in regards to the negatives, axe murderers, abusives, drugs, and other key issues, but if I see a testimonial, I'm more than likely to pass said person up and find one that does not have anything listed from a past person.

CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas
 Sanschele
Joined: 9/27/2007
Msg: 120
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/20/2007 6:49:12 PM
Testimonials aren't a turn off at all to me. The people that have testimonials on my profile know me exceptionally well, and I them. I rather enjoy having people give their honest opinion about me so other's can get a feel of what I'm truly like, instead of their possible false perceptions of me based on my profile alone.

Sans
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 121
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/20/2007 7:09:26 PM
thats funny you think I would get a feel of what kind of person you are because your friends say so....and how do I know they aren't being honest...I'm just suppose to take a complete strangers word telling me how wonderful a complete stranger is! thats rich...testimonials are a joke.
 Sanschele
Joined: 9/27/2007
Msg: 122
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/20/2007 7:29:02 PM
^^^ahhh...I can certainly see how you would feel as you do based on how many testimonials you have and all....Alrighty, then! haha!!

And do have a nice day!!

Sans
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 123
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/20/2007 7:33:21 PM
you are the one that has to brag on yourself and I'm sure you go around proping your leg up marking your territory with testimonials....
 Sanschele
Joined: 9/27/2007
Msg: 124
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/20/2007 7:40:39 PM
ummm(cough)...the actual spelling isn't "proping", it's "propping." And thanks for the compliment...I've been complimented repeatedly on my ability to "mark my territory", so to speak. With your exceptional knowledge of knowing that little tidbit about me, would you mind putting a testimonial on my profile???

Sans
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 126
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/21/2007 1:08:20 AM
I agree, Pamperpooch! And, I just saw that profile too! When I first joined POF waaaaaaaaaaaay back when and long before the Testimonial feature was introduced, I began chatting with a very nice, sweet man. Everything was perfect!! We were sailing along happily. Then last fall, the testimonials started. I checked out his profile one day and there were about six or seven of them. Some were nice, friendly little notes, but others were quite explicit!

I asked him what he did with these women and he said they were making them out to be more than was really there and some of the women he didn't even talk to any more. Yes, some were marking their territory. Over time, there have been about 15 or 16 testimonials that he quickly deletes. Anyway, some of them have caused a rift between us, others haven't.

Had I just noticed his profile with all the testimonials attached before I got to know what a wonderful man he is, I'm not sure I would have ventured forth!
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 127
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/21/2007 1:15:04 AM
I should add that the ones that are nice, friendly notes from chat buddies are not a problem, but the ones that get into how sexual a person is or how naughty they are the ones I don't get. Maybe it's just me, but some things should be left between the two people and not broadcasted.
 *Eiledon*
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 128
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/21/2007 1:15:18 AM
I often find most testimonials are pretty accurate, at least as far as people I know.

Often people I don't know have posted on a friend's profile what I would say myself about my friend - that to me is a good indication my friend's behavior and personality are pretty consistent.

However, those Copy/Paste "GORGEOUS" testimonials seen on some profiles are an absolute turn-off, especially if that's the only testimonial(s) posted(, and it often is).

If that's the best thing your favs have to say about you, you're not some-one I would bother getting to know.
 sun_shine_2008
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 130
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/21/2007 7:38:45 AM
Well I don’t know that I would say it’s a turn off, I guess it depends on what it says, but I don’t put much store in them as the ones I have read seem to be from ones that have talked to them but haven’t met them. That really doesn’t tell me if they are real or not, just because they are great to talk to doesn’t mean they are not hiding who they really are, this is the internet after all.

Just my thoughts
 dub08
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 131
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/21/2007 7:44:03 AM
Personally I think they are a turnoff - I dont want to know how great a kisser or how sexy a guy is - I like to think Im his first, not one on a long list!

 lisafine
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 133
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/21/2007 8:11:43 AM
Testimonials- do they have any validity, or even advantage to the profiler? Does this so-called well informed testimonial writer know this person in any way shape or form?
And if they do, depending on how the reader percieves this "friend", may or may not be to the profilfer's advantage anyway.
Personally, when I come across one of these profusely complimentary testimonials, I make a point of going to the writer's profile.
Depending what i see there, I may or may not be impressed in any way.
Mostly I'm not impressed at all by this time , the testimonial's already a turn-off.
Then to add insult to injury, more often than not , this raving so- called "friends'" profile's done more damage than good to helping further the other's cause on here.
Can an unbiased reader take any of what's wrtten about the person at face value?
Yes, in some far-off galaxy, where anyone who even thinks of embellishing or falsifying themselves online is insantly, and unmercifullly, oblitherated.
 FescheLola
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 137
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/21/2007 6:19:42 PM
I kinda agree. I see them mainly as a turn off.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 141
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/22/2007 2:18:16 PM
I don't like them either. I can form my own opinion without the help from anyone else. In fact, I am turned off by them...if a man has 10 or 20 testimonials, I think he is running around with too many women and I want nothing to do with him.
 rory27
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 143
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/27/2007 6:37:17 PM
vassagoOO9 in msg 179:


Testimonials are a strange idea - Usually strangers confessing their true love, whilst admitting they've never met due to distance & then warning everyone else off.. Surely if they were that fantastic - they wouldnt still be here...... Get a life!!!


I've never read a testimonial to date from one expressing to the recipient "true love", except in the case of one who is in a monogamous relationship with that person.

And to the cynical, there are many definitions of love besides the all-consuming head-over-heels "in love". Familial; friends; even long-standing acquaintances, at times, can feel love for another, shocking as that may be for the negative and jaded to understand.

The only testimonials I've seen "warning people off" were either made in an obviously light-hearted joking way, or else were made by insecure teenage boys (or older "men" with the same immature mindset) trying to impress the recipient.

Your last sentence is even more puzzling:

I'm "taken", yet I still choose to "be here", anyway, so it's two striles for you on that one.

===========================================================
Deni30 msg 180:


I had 2, although they were flattering- I erased them. One was an x I happened across on here and another was a date from POF. I found a lot of men interested in me on here had snide things to say about the guys, others assumed I only liked a certain "type" (pretty boy- um NO) from the pics. I decided to simplify. I have seen some women who have like a dozen- I honestly think it seems a lil desperate for some reason- like references! I can PROVE I'm great... SEE!!! lol

I also discovered a lot of men are turned off by huge fav lists- so I keep mine under 40, just the people I know from the forums or friends.


Why would you care about what some potential suitor would mistakenly assume from two flattering testimonials given to you by those who you've actually met? What does that say about THEIR motives and insecurities? And why would you want such a prejudgemental person in your life anyway?

The woman I'm in love with (we met from POF a half-year ago) would never have given me a 2nd look if she thought suspiciously of my testimonials. But she's secure, perspicacious, and didn't put up silly barriers. Of course, however the receiver of the testimonial REALLY is will only come out upon meeting; testimonials are misunderstood as a means of communication for the casual observer. They were never meant to be an objective assessment, but only a fun and positive evaluation from someone with less self-interest than the profiler themself.

As for the "I can prove I'm great, see!!!" comment, why is it that many of the ones complaining the loudest about others allowing the reception of testimonials have some of the most glowing "see how great I am!" SELF-PROMOTIONAL profiles from their own typing fingers? Transparently hypocritical.

===========================================================

ooofirefighter msg 184:


2. There are a few mixed opinions the majority don't like them.
3. They do not help to boost your profile, I deleted most of mine and my favs jumped up to 300.


Who cares what the majority thinks? The majority opinion in most areas of society I disagree with, finding it conformingly wrong-headed. I've always been amused by the logical fallacy of the "appeal to authority by way of numbers" argument.

And I find your "favs jumped to 300" plug to be a lie; I've been on POF for 2 1/2 years, and the most faves I've seen on ANY man's profile has been in the low 100's, and those were severe anomalies.

============================================================
Nona37 in msg 174:


Testimonials in my eyes are definitely a turn off! As if I want someone else's opinion on a potential mate, I will figure that one out by myself, another good factor is that one has to wonder how far someone went with some of the people who give the testimonials, just my opinion, but at least I"m truthful :)~~Nona




This is my fave comment yet.

Yes, ALL of those writing me testimonials have not only slept with me, but have done so at the same time, even the men. Isn't this par for the course?

Again, suspicions born of personal insecurities. Imagine the jealousies beginning in real life when someone of the opposite gender gives a smile to your significant other ....

There's another reason that people give testimonials: it's called wishing the best for others who may be reading the profile, as well as giving the recipient him- or herself a boost to their day. I know -- hard to fathom to those who think everyone has ulterior motives.

===========================================================

goaliebns in msg 151:


Don't get them. They are usually posted by friends. Of course they like you or they wouldn't be your friend


I don't understand this argument. Just by virtue of the fact that one HAS many complimentary friends is a big plus in my book. How many people in real life, and on this dating site, have either a paucity of friends, or at least those who are tepid acquaintances with not much to say about the one they know?

===========================================================

migiveadambusted in msg 156:


thats funny you think I would get a feel of what kind of person you are because your friends say so....and how do I know they aren't being honest...I'm just suppose to take a complete strangers word telling me how wonderful a complete stranger is! thats rich...testimonials are a joke.


No, you should never take a stranger (to you) at face value when he or she is expounding on their friend's virtues. A testimonial is a lighthearted foot-in-the-door for someone who's ALSO satisfied with the upper profile's parameters. The real test, of course, is upon meeting, upon dating, and (if it gets to that stage) over the long and sinuous course of a shared life together. Some people turn out to be schmucks in thirty years, some in five seconds. Proportion is everything.

=============================================================
Cowtrucker in msg 153:


Oh, at least I'm not the ONLY person who feels this way!!! I, too, feel that a testimonial is a Gigantic Turn-OFF!!!

There are times when its important to know about one's past relationships, but I only feel it's appropriate if asked about it. Otherwise, I don't want to know who or how many people they have dated, or other intimate details of their past.

I agree, it is important to know ahead of time in regards to the negatives, axe murderers, abusives, drugs, and other key issues, but if I see a testimonial, I'm more than likely to pass said person up and find one that does not have anything listed from a past person.


Why do you assume that the people giving testimonials all fall into the all-inclusive category of "past lovers"?

============================================================

qualityOT in msg 173:


I am always turned off by testimonials.

I don't trust the motives of either the writer or the person who'd allow someone to post one.

Often the person who wrote the testimonial is a turn-off!


Well, there's a convincing assumption.

So if a friend of mine posts a testimonial, I'm supposed to be churlish and ungrateful to the point of erasing their good wishes and effort from my profile, and for what reason? Because of suspicious small-minded assumers who certainly DON'T know anything about me?

============================================================

julie wildrose in msg 168:


Well I don’t know that I would say it’s a turn off, I guess it depends on what it says, but I don’t put much store in them as the ones I have read seem to be from ones that have talked to them but haven’t met them. That really doesn’t tell me if they are real or not, just because they are great to talk to doesn’t mean they are not hiding who they really are, this is the internet after all.


This is a very interesting argument.

From my perspective, many of my friends from POF are "more real" than many other acquaintances I've met many times "in real life". There is a great smokescreen job initiated by so many in our day-to-day lives -- at work, ephemeral business, even in linked friendships -- that it takes a special connection and commitment to keep up with others over long distances despite the hurdles that that involves. To me, it takes more effort, and proves the connection.

I've met several of those that have given me testimonials, and they were all just as I knew them from pictures, text exchanges, forum postings, and phone conversations.

Others, of course, have different experiences. But then, others are less discriminating, and are more ripe to be led on than others.

============================================================

WildFlowers in msg 134:


I'd like to see people put a list of their negative attributes up on profiles.For instance.....****y in the morning,a guy that'll steal your panties,get's drunk and brawls,past Mental Asylam stays,jail terms,.............now that would be interesting!
Flower


Can we then expect to see a redone profile from yourself that displays YOUR negative qualities in an objective fashion, then? I'm not picking on you specifically: we ALL have negative traits, some much more serious than others. But I know that I'd rather trust someone else's opinion, or more to the point, a consistent pattern of other-assessment, than to believe a self-promotional profile paragraph speaking in effusive, narcissistic terms.

==========================================================

Sasquatch2 in msg165:


I often find most testimonials are pretty accurate, at least as far as people I know.

Often people I don't know have posted on a friend's profile what I would say myself about my friend - that to me is a good indication my friend's behavior and personality are pretty consistent.


I agree.

Again, and in real life, who are you more likely to believe? Someone (or many) who tell(s) you about someone you're just meeting for the first time, or the self-promotional words from that person him- or herself?
 rory27
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 145
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/27/2007 6:48:55 PM

Seeing as how a person can delete testimonials which show them in a less then favorable light then having a testimonial is self promotional.


I remember having this conversation with you some time ago.

Again, to repeat: the purpose of a testimonial is not to either character bash, or even to give an objective assessment (good AND bad): it's to speak of the one in positive terms.

There's a time and place for objective assessment: it's called meeting and dating.

The funny thing is that a testimonial has automatic value for the simple reason in that many people HAVE no redeeming qualities that others see in them aside from "he didn't beat his kids for the three years we were together". :)
 *Eiledon*
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 151
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/27/2007 7:23:23 PM

But in real life it is uncommon for people to wear a compliment as some kind of badge of honor and even further to display the fact that they actually recieved a compliment.




In 'real life' it depends on the medium used.

In conversation, a compliment is spoken, but in text form, such as the Internet, it's written.

Testimonials are akin to reviews on a book cover or in the opening pages.

Don't know where this "badge of honour" comes from?

Different strokes for different folks, I guess...
 rory27
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 155
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:21:18 AM

Okay, well why did the person who wrote the testimonial pass the subject up? Is he/she a fool?


There are as many valid reasons as there are people. Here's a few:

1) Right now, we're in the global forums. The vast majority of our correspondence (which then, for many on this site, turn into acquaintances or friendships) involves people who live long distances apart. Obviously, it's highly impractical in many cases to meet everyone on a whim on your friends' list. Even if you do, you then have to negotiate repeated visits just to date. For those who are brave and positive, even this isn't a barrier. (One such couple on my list met through POF, and got married, one on the West Coast of Canada, the other on the U.S. Eastern Seaboard. I, myself, live three hours from my sweetheart (whom I met on POF), and many others on these forums have met and hitched up traversing oceans and many circumstances.) That said, it would be more than a little naive to believe that each can easily meet fifteen different people as one would in a local casual dating or friendship scenario.

2) One can honor, respect, and befriend another of the opposite sex without there being any sexual sparks; being a friend, we wish the best for the other, and so compliment him or her on the off chance that someone else may find something of benefit, as well as making our friend(s) smile.

3) Some testimonials are from same sex friends who, again, wish their friend(s) well.

4) Other testimonials are from those who've simply read what the other has said on the forums, and wish to convey their appreciation of what they intuit as being a good match for someone even though they're out of the running because of distance, age differences, specific parameters (life goals, for example).


I don't really want to know which guys have hit on my potential date in the past lol.


Read the rest of the thread where this has been answered; again, very few of the testimonial writers have been in a romantic relationship with the recipient. In fact, it's been a non-starter for the reasons I've already mentioned.

How do you think matchmaker-friends operate? Same approach -- you think your friend has good qualities (otherwise they wouldn't be your friend) and, naturally wishing them the best, you seek someone whom you may think is a good match.

Is there anything insidious about this? Dishonest? Strange? Is popularity always nauseating or deluded? Does envy play a factor in the fact that many of the ones who protest such a mild and positive POF feature have, themselves, a consistently negative forum-posting history, with pre-emptively suspicious attitudes?

Or, again, is it somehow OK to give facile, unsupported self-aggrandizing profile plaudits, but unseemly to have another share the same info?
 Sunnydays68
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 156
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/28/2007 12:51:48 AM
The few I've encountered have been a turn-off. While they were harmless in content, they were very poorly written with questionable grammar and spelling and, hate to say it, but that reflects on the subject of the testimonials. I think people tend to flock with similar people, and a poorly written testimonial only makes me think I'm reading about an illiterate prospective. My bad, but I want my first impression to be a good one.
 Sunnydays68
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 159
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/28/2007 1:17:44 AM
The point, Kewlwest, is that sometimes I may think I'm looking at an interesting profile, until I see a testimonial that blows my initial impression out of the water. I'd say if somebody wants to post a testimonial, they should run it past the subject first (and past a spellchecker). JMHO
 rory27
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 160
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/28/2007 2:18:04 AM

sometimes I may think I'm looking at an interesting profile, until I see a testimonial that blows my initial impression out of the water. I'd say if somebody wants to post a testimonial, they should run it past the subject first (and past a spellchecker)


All of my friends who have written me testimonials have heart. Most of them are literate, but a few are "spelling-challenged". I don't hold that against them. If they were writing for a literary periodical, I would EXPECT and DEMAND proper spelling and grammar. But I'd rather have a friend with heart and soul than someone without those rare qualities who can (nevertheless) dot the proper I s and cross the proper T s.

Bottom line is that my friends consistently warm me with their comments not because they promote me, but because of who they are. I'm lucky, but I'm also "deluded" and vain enough to think that like attracts like.

The people who prejudge on such superficial and assumptive ignorance only show their own isolated, false superiority.
 PleaseU2
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 162
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:47:21 AM
Everytime I read a testimonial to a woman written by a man (or vice versa) I always ask myself the same question:

"If she is so damn great, why don't you keep her for yourself?" instead of pitching her to other guys.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 163
view profile
History
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:54:23 AM
Testimonials like favorites lists seem to lead some to wild assumptive leaps about the individuals. Like viewed me, another feature that's largely misunderstood.

But I guess it's easier to start a thread than to either read an FAQ or just ask someone. For the people who regularly post on the forums, most are friends they've made through the forums and maybe a few they've met at an event or visited. There are the obvious cut and paste testimonials, but those are few.

Any feature can be used in a way it was not intended. It's simply a gross and erroneous generalization to think everyone who has many on their favorites list or testimonials is either an attention whore or promiscuous. I've never had someone write me that thought I wouldn't write back because of my favs list. I don't know where someone comes up with that silly idea. I don't write everyone in my yahoo contacts every week, I don't call everyone in my phone list every week either. I guess there may be some who do write the people in their favs list every week or even every day, that doesn't mean everyone does.

Just another example of those who think well just because I do it or think like that, everyone else must, too. I don't need to say how false and narrow minded that is, but well I just did.

Reading these threads is amusingly pointing out those who embraces such a limited mindset. It's very kind of you to do the rest of us this helpful service.
 Sunnydays68
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 167
Is it just me, or are testimonials a turn off ?
Posted: 10/29/2007 11:06:17 PM
Okay, so clearly in the eyes of the majority I am a "bad guy" for being shallow and judgemental. I stand by what I said....like attracts like, illiterate ramblings attract illiterate ramblings, and I want no part of them.

Guess I'm a judgemental ****, so be it; I know what I like (and dislike).
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >