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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 43
Can Physical Attraction Grow?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
^^I'm with Sepia - if attraction's not there in the first couple minutes, it's not ever happening. If it is there it may grow stronger over time, but if it's not it will go nowhere.

I have tried to date men before that I knew were good for me hoping things would change and I would eventually develop attraction, but to no avail. It's just not the way I am wired.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 45
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/15/2009 2:32:13 PM
I think if someone sees you with mixed-results in terms of physical looks, I think it can. However, if such thoughts are had, I wouldn't get knee-deep in romance with a girl where I thought that, because by the time you're involved, and you aren't solidly attracted to them physically -- get out!

Also, I think if you're with a girl and she passes your "looks test", when a relationship develops, her looks can get better to you, because overall she's more attractive.

When it comes to a girl in your situation, it may have been that she would feel guilty by not "giving it a chance", ya know? To her, you weren't UGLY. You seemed good on paper and gave her attention. That happens to some guys. Learn to sense that probability for future adventures.
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 46
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/15/2009 2:39:24 PM
I think we all have to have some level of attraction. There are those of us who are stupid and think that if we meet someone and we don't want to jump their bones at the word hi then there is not attraction. People like that need to grow up and get rid of the high school mentality. Or continue to wonder why they can't find a good man or if there are any good men left and blah blah blah.

I don't care what we say...but if a person is just not down right U.G.L.Y to us then we all have some kind of attraction...just the question is...do we have enough attraction or do we want to admit that we have an attraction because they might not be the ideal beauty of what we usually date or what other people see us date.

A lot of us worry about how we look when we are out. We also worry about how the person we are with looks. So most of us are dating people who are eye pleasing to others...although their personality sucks azz! And at least on the outside...it makes us feel much better...

Hey but then again..these are just my thoughts...i am an ugly mofo so I don't care! It is soo much easier to be ugly!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 49
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/16/2009 4:50:46 AM

There are those of us who are stupid and think that if we meet someone and we don't want to jump their bones at the word hi then there is not attraction. People like that need to grow up and get rid of the high school mentality. Or continue to wonder why they can't find a good man or if there are any good men left and blah blah blah.

I don't complain about there being no good men, so maybe that's part of it, but what's wrong with wanting to jump someone's bones in the first few minutes? That's attraction and for me it's a requirement to move further with someone. I won't date someone I don't ever want to sleep with, and if I don't in the first 10 minutes I never will...

Call it a high school mentality if you want to, but at least in high school it was cut and dry, people try to analyze it too much these days, and there's really no more to it than there used to be.

Either it grows for you or it doesn't. The catch is knowing which one you are, and working with it. Period.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 50
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/16/2009 11:55:16 AM
Yes.
Appealing traits and interests stimulate mutual - physical - attraction too.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 53
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/16/2009 5:15:39 PM
Yes, it can grow if you meet someone who has an interesting personality. But I do think it depends how unattracted you feel in the first place. If you really do not like the look of someone, then it would be hard to get over that even if they are really nice. I'm thinking more where you feel fairly neutral about them or they are not your type but still have some appeal. I've definitely known attraction grow the more I've got to know someone. The thing is, one has to have the opportunity to spend time with the person for this to happen and that's where dating sites fall down. We don't usually choose to go out with someone we find unattractive but if we met them incidentally in a social setting and got to know them, they might start to appeal to us. Another downside to dating sites is that people's photos don't always reflect how attractive they are in real life: it does tend to depend on how photogenic you are.
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 59
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:34:49 PM
I think it isn't physical attraction growing, it's a mental/intellectual attraction and eventually love that makes it less important.
 optimismreigns
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 64
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:34:09 PM
Ditto message 2 ..... but that minimum level of physical attractiveness has to be there. It cannot grow from zero.
 Happy2Day
Joined: 2/10/2011
Msg: 67
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:11:01 PM
Physical attraction has grown for me with male friends....but not with guys I've dated. The problem I encounter is I feel pressure to begn some sort physical intimacy (holding hands, etc) but, if I'm not attracted that freaks me out.

I tend to date pretty boys that are players and my relationships never last over 8 weeks - so I'm trying to switch it up and date interesting but average-looking men....
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 68
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:23:29 PM
My ex husband wasn't that great looking at first but as I got to know him and after i fell in love with him, he wast the exiesman alive ;)
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 69
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:24:29 PM
The sexiest man alive that is...wow i am getting tired.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 70
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:45:21 PM
Every single girl I dated for an extensive amount of time became more physically attractive!


I tend to date pretty boys that are players

The problem was not that they are pretty.


and my relationships never last over 8 weeks

You shouldn't call 8 weeks with a player a relationship.


so I'm trying to switch it up and date interesting but average-looking men....

How about just date interesting men.

Your issue is not the looks. Something else you're missing in the screening process ;)
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 71
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:59:40 AM
Yes, goodguy, it can. For some of us.

For me, attraction to the static picture, online, is quite different, than attraction to that living person in real life....pictures just capture something that people are not, which is STILL. An attractive guy in motion....has something in his eyes, warmth in his expression, there is so much more IRL to sense.

That must be why pics are so crucial here and yet so misleading.

It's not about technical pretty-ness of a guy. But maybe that explanation of not being physically attracted to a guy, that you mentioned, really just means his sort of energy doesn't move her. His energy is about a lot more than his looks.

There's my two cents!
 magnumnum
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 72
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:30:05 AM
You have to be attracted to someone physically at first by there looks, it has to be at least close to what you are looking for. Then you have to get to know that person. I find that After talking on the phone you get a better sence of what that person is like. Rarely do i meet someone in person, but when i do, they don't put there best foot forward. What happened to opening doors for someone and treating them like a lady. And making the first meeting special.
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 73
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 10:33:38 AM
Many people have answered - Physical attraction CAN grow. BUT one thing that is ALSO in common is their growing attraction is with someone they already KNOW. The attractiveness comes out of their personality and compatibility, not JUST their physical appearance.

For the purposes of online dating, I'd have to say NO. Physical attraction is almost exclusively based on your appearance in photos, and virtually zero about personality. If you're looking for someone online who doesn't like you now to like you later, you're really reaching.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 74
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 11:09:31 AM
It doesn't grow.


This is why


When I look back the men this has happened with... were a bit needy... would ask me if I missed them..... would call all the time wondering what I was doing where I was going when we would be together again. (I think that was a huge.... factor in NOT being physically attracted)


If you aren't attracted to the guy you won't like him trying to get close to you and you will think he is defective but your just not quite sure what it is...
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 75
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 3:07:17 PM
Christyis4real

he wast the exiesman alive ;)


He may not have been the exiest then but since he is your es he is the exiest now.

Say hello to your subconscious for me :)
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 76
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 3:14:05 PM
+2 what @Wh1te_Rabb1t said.

This is what makes online dating much harder than offline dating. I figured this out a few years back. Thoughs who are photogenic and/or take photos well will always have a better chance with online dating.

For those of use who are not photogenic (myself included) will always struggle with online dating. I can't count how many times I've been told I look a LOT MORE HANDSOME IN PERSON than my dating profile pics. Offline dating is the better choice as it allows us photogenically-challenged let our personalities and image do the initial speaking for us.
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 77
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 4:11:16 PM
Yes, it can.
It happened to me...I was with my exboyfriend for 4 years.
He wasn't attractive or my type, and I wasn't attracted to him at all when I met him.
But once I started to get to know him slowly, he became more appealing to me...and I became attracted to him. So yeah, I think physical attraction can grow with time =)
 imathkinkin
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 78
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 4:14:14 PM
@ diit...I agree with what you said!
 BrittneyV93
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 79
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 4:35:43 PM
There had to be some kind of physical attraction there or she wouldn't have talked, even if it was just a tiny bit. I dated someone that I wasn't 100% attracted to and it ended up being that I couldn't help but swoon over him. The sad thing about it though? Once I started becoming more attracted to him he started to become less attracted to me. It can happen either way. Also, it wasn't a "wake up one day" thing, it happened slowly over time. It's sort of like once you break up with someone or get broken up with you're really upset at first but then one day you look back and think "wow...I really liked them?".
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 80
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/3/2011 10:23:08 PM

I asked her then why did she date me in the first place she said because she thought it would grow and there is more than just physical attraction. So ladies can Physical Attraction Grow?

What difference does it make what we think? What’s important is that she was being honest with you, and instead of appreciating her honesty you are starting a thread asking us what we think.
We are bombarded with moral advice such as not to judge a book by its cover, yet it seems there is no way to make it right for everyone. She did not marry you, did she? If she waited three month to see if a chemistry would develop she must have really liked your personality. Now you want to point fingers and criticize her feelings?


Well more to the Story is that she told the its not you its me line.

Sure it sucks to hear that line, but come on, it really was her because she was not attracted to you physically, don't you remember? She even told you so. What else did you want to hear?
 Firefox7800
Joined: 8/4/2011
Msg: 81
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/9/2011 9:41:46 PM
I can tell you a story about a beautiful women who married a man that was short and fat. He was 17 years older then her and they had 6 children. She told me that he was never her type and never physically attracted to him, but she loved him more and more everyday! A quality women will always fall in love with your essence as a person not what you look like. I believe that she is vain or it was an excuse to break it off because she actually found another guy and you were used as a souse of entertainment until someone she perceived as better came along.
 ricanfreaknphenom
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 82
Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/10/2011 4:39:27 AM
Why would you date someone youre not attracted to? Unless it was just a fwb
It wouldn't work out because you forced yourself to like someone you weren't really attracted to. Then when your friends find out and ask you wtf mayun how many drinks did you have? You'll
wake up one day and say life is too short to be with someone youre not attracted to.
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 83
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Can Physical Attraction Grow?
Posted: 11/10/2011 4:54:21 AM
Yes, I have some female friends whom I wasn't attracted to initially, but am now very attracted to. I don't think they've changed all that much, but I think as my emotional attraction to them has grown, I've come to like the way they look more. One of them still really isn't the type I'm attracted to, but she's quite cute.

Unfortunately, there do seem to be limitations. The girl I most want to grow on me, in terms of physical attraction, unfortunately hasn't seemed to do that. I've known her for years, and still can't give her more than 1/10 for looks (and if she made it to 3, I'd totally wanna marry her--madly in love). I can still hope it might happen though...with one of the aforementioned girls, it basically came down to her finding a hair style that really worked, that complemented her instead of detracting from her looks (she might have taken out 1 or 2 piercings as well, can't remember off-hand).
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