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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????      Home login  
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 katseyes
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 51
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????Page 3 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
You know I sat here debating whether I should post this ..thinking I don't want anyone to know that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago..after a nervous break down at work...I couldn't believe what they were telling me?..I just thought I hated my job ..lol..
I took it apon myself to do my own research on the disorder ... I totally agree with OrginalGuy, Goodewitch, Willow55, and Molly1985..Molly I feel for you, but from the other side..I mean I did alot of apologizing to the men in my past and my family because I didn't know what I had been going through was a chemical imbalance..I was unlike some of the posters experiences..I was never violent to anyone..but I was loving and totally into them one day..and cold the next..it's just as much confusing to the bipolar person when they don't know as it is to the one they are dating..
You must understand..it's not the persons fault and they feel helpless and angry at themselves because they wish this wasn't happening to them. I have realized that this disorder is too hard for another person who doesn't understand it..to deal with the fact that these up's and downs can't be helped (without meds)..and to be honest as my friend already posted(about me) I can't take the meds..because they make me worse (more depressed all the time) and the fact that I am an artist and when (leveled out)..I am too numb to draw and paint..and that to me is worse then death..it's what I do..and who I am..and really life isn't all that bad now that I know what I have..and my family understands also..It's easier to deal with for everyone...It's no different then someone being diagnosed with Diabetes..as my father has in his 60's..we've all had to make changes along with him..but it doesn't make me love him any less because he can't eat sugar..lol

So in answer to the OP's question...I "would" date someone who is mentally ill..but only if he can handle me..lol..oh ya and if he's hot in a hospital gown. *wink*

please people..don't judge what you don't understand..and if you can't walk in someone elses shoes..at least help them put one shoe on at a time..
 His Eminence
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 52
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:34:38 PM
Mommy AND Daddy were COUSINS!!

BUT I'm OKAY!!
 crazylunaticlola
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 53
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:46:44 PM
I myself am bipolar....I dont think there is no reason that someone couldnt date me....sure I have my ups and sowns but doesnt everyone have them??????Bein bipolar like u said...is an illness....jus like cancer and diabetes.....ask urself this.....would u date someone with those illnesses???????
 luvisanillusion
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 54
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/2/2007 6:51:32 PM
No, crazy love takes a commitment like no other. There is no way to know if the person will follow their treatment plan. You could end up getting hurt. Physically and emotionally. It takes a special person to be able to handle a bipolor personality. It is not pleasant.
 judyarlinepuckett
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 55
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:57:31 AM
If socity didn't put so much stigma on problems people have,
it would be easier for people to disclose whatver their own personal issues are.
What is normal?Is anyone in the world really normal?
And who wants to be?
To me I THINK NORMAL/SANE IS DEFINED AS BEING ABLE DEAL WITH WHATEVER LIFE PROBLEMS ONE ENCOUNTERS.
Society puts a stigma on mental illness,
or even those who need help in anyway,
welfare,etc.
So people are ashamed to ask for or seek help,or disclose problems,,
Which s sad,because there are times everyone needs help.
 katseyes
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 56
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/3/2007 10:19:05 AM
I totally agree with you Evolutionist...
I get the same thing all the time..Men ask what's wrong with you?.Why are you single?..because you are beautiful,funny,such a sweetheart,so wonderfully intelligent,fantastic Mother, fabulous cook, awesome artist, wild in bed..they can't figure it out to meet me ..they can't tell until they see me every day..see the depression every couple of weeks or so..and the change in personality..
They turn it on themselves because they don't understand and think it's a lack of interest in them..I try and explain..and it always ends up the same way.."They" get abusive..they try and keep me by putting me down..stalking me..and hitting me..I guess to try and knock me out of it?..I don't know..they are afraid they are losing me..so hurting me is a way of knocking me off my high horse and making me see they love me?..and I'm not worth it for anyone else ??
And these are the guys that claim there is nothing wrong with them..they don't need meds?
Everyone you tell you are bipolar gets this glaze over their eyes and you can see them thinking.. ahhh man I knew it ..she's crazy!..I knew there had to be something wrong with her she seemed to good to be true...
it hurts like hell..and I am tired of the stigma of the disease..we are not crazy!..I wish everyone would open their eyes to that..and not paint all mental disorders with the same brush..and judge someone before you get to know them..people it's not your job to do so?
 katseyes
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 57
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/3/2007 11:50:06 AM
Thank you so much Evolutionist!!You have made me feel more acceptance for myself!.. and that I shouldn't be hidding away in closet in fear ..
I was so afraid to post thinking I would lose the friends I have made on POF..because I have lost a few in person since the secret is out..and the way people treat me now..even family members..at first they acted as though if I wasn't handled with care I might off myself or something?? Not to mention when my work was told..they have done their best to find reason to get rid of me..there is so many people who aren't educated about this imbalance??..You don't have to watch us 24/7 we aren't going to go clock tower or bath in a tub of our own blood..just relax..we get sad..and super happy..there is a difference between being pyscho and bipolar..lol
Like treehugger posted earlier..there are more out there with bipolar then people know..I was 32 when I was diagnosed..and believe me it was in itself a relief! It was something I could actually do something about..and it was like a light went on in my head...I wish I had of heard about it years ago..my life would have been much different if I knew what was causing these mood swings..but I was in complete denial and thought oh my Gawd everyone is going to think I'm nutts? Look at this Thread and how people make jokes..was I right??
Someone posted something ealier about being allergic to certain foods..and I think they have something there..I have noticed when I cut sugar out of my diet the rollercoaster ride gets really smooth in a hurry??...has anyone else experienced the same thing?
 katseyes
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 58
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:51:58 PM
Lol..that's a joke..you say your heart goes out to us..but you just condemned us as parents??
You can't go by someone elses account of their relationship..because there are always two sides to every story..and that woman is not here to defend herself..your boyfriends ex?..do you think he is going to tell you everything was fantastic..of course not they broke up and you are now dating him..geeeh..
I have two boys..and I think I would let them respond to your posting themselves..just as previously Molly1985 would testify..she wouldn't trade her mother in because she had mood swings..plz..all women do every month anyway.
 katseyes
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 60
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/3/2007 4:14:13 PM
I am in no way attacking anyone??..I just tried to make you see you can't take one side of any story..
Evolutionist is on the defense because he is used to people attacking us because they don't understand what kind of a person it takes to live with such a devastating disease..and keep going day by day...trying to keep your chin up and fake being ok when some days you are dead inside..
It's hard not to get mad when you discriminated against for any reason..I mean if someone would have posted.."Would you date a black person?"..I can imagine everyone would be all over that one screaming about equal rights!..but say "mentally Imbalanced" and that is fine..because most people think " oh well I am immune to that..and that's not me.." but are you sure?..two years ago everyone including myself thought I was one of the normal ones??..
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 61
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/4/2007 3:59:11 AM
Treehugger.... I hear you and am with you. Too, Evolutionist....

HOWEVER,.... Missouri-Gypsy has a point.

I have been on the recieving end of the relationship difficulties due to the other person's depression/bi-polar disorder. This is all too often not a good place to be - as many can attest to.

Once that 'downward spiral' starts.... there is often no amount of love, support, care, etc... that can be given that will help the situation. It is all within that person and their disorder.

Relationships CAN BE difficult given all the backgrounds, situations, history, etc.. that everyone has. When you have a mental disorder such as bi-polar disorder as the icing on the cake - this certainly can add a new level of difficulty. Sometimes making it impossible. Sadly true. This isn't necessarily always the case, however it is seldom something that the person on the recieving end has any say in the outcome.

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I have fallen in love with people with such disorders. Their disorder did not change my love for them. However, their disorder always lead to the end of the relationship.

To answer the original question - my MIND tells me to not date such people - I have had my heart broken more than once and don't care to go there again. More than once I thought I found the 'real thing' again. However, my HEART (for me) seems to call the shots and I will likely dive in head first again someday - should there be the flash of pretty smile with a glint in their eye and a connection in a conversation over dinner.

I don't have any answers for anyone other than - as with anything including mental disorders such as those discussed here - half of the battle is the person recognizing that they have a problem and taking ownership of it - the other half of the problem is trying to do something about it. Whether or not they are effective in changing things - I don't believe matters greatly - so long as the try to change things to improve the situation and work toward such. If the person entering into the relationship with them is aware of this and willing to work with them (support them, etc) then I think things can work.

Best to everyone....
 katseyes
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 62
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/4/2007 11:57:50 AM
I am not sure..but I have been reading this thread from the beginning...and I am coming to the conclusion that most people out there view people who are bipolar as violent psychos...is this the norm? Because all the people I know personally that are bipolar are all creative and pretty much "bambie like" most of the time?
I am not attacking anyone..nor have I ever..but I will stand up for myself..and I really don't understand why this thread is turning into a battle field? People can't we all just get along?
I totally understand someone not wanting to date us because of the sudden uncontroled dips..and commend anyone who loves someone enough to nurture them through these times..and maybe you are all right..and dating is not for someone like me..I suppose I should be like the other man who "sticks to his own kind" maybe we are the only ones who can understand eachother..thanks for calling this to my attention..I'm off to search for a bipolar dating site now..lol...Maybe I'll meet another talented genius and we can make beautiful things together for the normal people to enjoy..lol
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 63
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/4/2007 3:09:27 PM
Katseyes....

I don't think that most people that have a knowledge of bi-polar disorder view those afflicted as 'violent psychos'. However, I am sure that there are those that could be violent.

There is no - 'one size fits all' - with bi-polar or most disorders. This is one reason that treating such disorders is difficult. Because everyone is different, reacts different to different meds, therapy, and on and on...

The worst I have personally seen is a severe depressive state that left the woman - paranoid and fearful of all those in her life including her own children. Her ex eventually gained custody of her children.

Trying to communicate or 'reach' her when she slipped into this state was impossible. There was no reasoning or rational behaviour. She was - for all intents and purposes - a different person.

Aside from pushing her children away. The most hurtful thing for me was that she feared me during this episode. Pushing me away. This was the same woman that told me she loved me and that she had never met someone as wonderful as myself.

I don't think that bi-polar people need to 'have thier own' website. However, I do think that they need to understand their disorder. Too, if they want to have a relationship, they need the other person to understand this as well. Whether or not the relationship can work, I believe, depends on a great number of things. Some of which are not necessarily within the control of the person with bi-polar disorder and NONE of which are within the control of the other person in the relationship.

Whether it is bi-polar, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc... really does not matter a great deal. The bottom line is each of these is a disorder per se. The ONLY way to deal with it is to a) accept ownership of it and b) try to do something about it. Without those two things - things are not very likely to change.

And to answer another post 'where do I find such' women.... I have found them like you find anyone - on sites such as this. There are everywhere. It is not like you have to go some place special to meet them. Do you have to look in special places to find an alcoholic? It is not something that you find in a profile. Do you see someone diabetic stating that in their profile??? You might not ever know. I didn't.

Who knows, perhaps I have BPD.
 katseyes
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 65
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:35:38 PM
Well I accept your Apology...thanks..it was getting far too steamy in here..we all need to relax and take a breath..and start at the beginning..
I think the thread was started with the wrong type of question..it was very insulting to those with the disorder..and and as I see it..very descriminating towards them also...so you must see why we'd all jump to our own defense...I mean it's depressing enough to be told this is a lifetime thing that isn't going away anytime soon..then to have people also tell us we are not worthy of love because of it..because we are too much work..and can't be trusted not to fly off the handle and hurt someone?..we are bad parents..and all we are ever going to do is mess up everyone lives that we come in contact with..
Read your words people..how else am I going to take it..it gives me alot to look forward to doesn't it..
My heart goes out to anyone who has been hurt by another in anyway..but please don't lump everyone into the same category just because they have something in common? That doesn't make them the same..
 randomlancila
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 66
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/5/2007 1:20:20 AM
I've had Borderline Personality Disorder since I was 14, and I've gone through depression, gone through being suicidal. At this point I can say I'm a fully functional human being. I would hope that wouldn't prevent anyone from dating me.

However, last year I dated a man I believed to have depression, and he'd self mutilate and talk about throwing himself in front of a car. He refused to do anything about the things he disliked with his life (bad job, not over his ex-girlfriend), and refused to go to therapy, either.

Every situation is unique, but for the most part, as long as the person is making a conscious effort to keep their illness under contol, I'd have no problem dating them.

I should add that if you're going to be with someone who has an illness such as bipolar or BPD (such as I have), they should be aware of the symptoms/potential problems caused by it, so that when the person does something seemingly inexplicable, it might very well have to do with the disease. It never hurts to be a little more forgiving with them. :)
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 67
Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/5/2007 4:45:50 AM
I believe that being compassionate, understanding and forgiving with someone else is a good thing regardless of situation.

:-)
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 68
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WTF is up with this title???Open your mind.
Posted: 8/5/2007 7:39:09 AM
I think alot of people here need to step back and rethink what they are saying here, What if it was a friend or a family member, would you turn your back on them???
I think not, pretty low if you did. You just need to understand the disorder. We all go through depression in one way or another at times. Its not the end of the world. Embrace that person, They may not want you too but we all need reasurance everything will be ok.
In my earlier post I mentioned a friend that was bipolar, the more time I spend with her the more I understand.
A true friend has your back, don't turn it on them.
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 69
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WTF is up with this title???Open your mind.
Posted: 8/5/2007 10:30:55 AM
Thanks Born, Yes who is to say what is normal?? We all have problems and it is up to us to deal with them if we so choose. Some however can't, Like the term "retarded", I despise it, they can't help thier disability either, Far different but keep it in mind.

Wanted to mail you born but the restiction thing would not let me.
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 70
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/5/2007 12:51:24 PM
I have not read though this whole thread, I mentioned retarted, I hope you are not refering to me as insulting, I think if you read my post you will understand, I in no way wanted to offend anyone.
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 71
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/5/2007 1:43:31 PM
Oh the ones that got deleted..lmao
 katseyes
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 72
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/5/2007 2:55:49 PM
I feel for you swabbas...we all know what it feels like when a long term relationship with someone you love ends abruptly before we wanted it to..or saw it coming..
But in your post are you saying it ended because he was bipolar?..or that he just met someone else?? I mean you guys were together for 8 years right? He must have had a lot of mood swings in that time..he would have met someone before that in his manic state if it were due to his disorder..true?
I personally can understand why he moved on..and don't blame yourself..you were probably awesome to him..so don't take that as a slam..
I have come to learn that in my past (before I was diagnosed) that I assumed since I was happy before I met someone..then became unhappy during our time together..I rationalized that it must be because of him..and that we should just end it..and in meeting someone new the excitement of a new relationship brought me up again..it's a vicious cycle..and one people with this disorder need to monitor and conclude that these feelings will pass..and when you are on top again..love is in the air..or so to speak.
I know it is very hard for someone on the receiving end to wait out the lows..and try and put yourself in the other persons place..but if both parties realize what is going on and combat it in unique ways..you can over come ..and live a very happy life together.
Like I said before..I can understand why people wouldn't want to complicate their lives with someone with this disorder..but in some ways if understood..it sure is a hell of a good ride too...lol..Dating one of us is definitely not boring..
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 73
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/5/2007 7:17:31 PM
Swabbas
You did more than most would do to help, I commend you for it, This part I hate say but will, and I could be wrong, He got a new life and left his old life behind, unfortunatly you were part of it. I in no way intend to be negative towards you, I'll bet he does miss you just cannot admit it, Although I have never been on meds so who knows how it effects a person. Really most of our doctors don't know shit, just prescribe whatever, Like penicilin, different types, and they try different ones on you, till one works or you get over it on your own. Ya I think meds are overused, And missused, Not in all cases but recognizing your problem and understanding it can be better than meds, maybe just a chat with someone can help you recognize your prob.

Not sure this was mentioned here but have heard it in other forums, Treat others how you want to be treated.I tend to remain in the food section here, less contraversy BUT I will stand up for a friend or anyone I think is being wronged here.
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 74
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/5/2007 8:05:37 PM
Be optomistic Swabbas, You will find it again, I know I will. May take some time, Maybe someone you don't exspect it to be. You will argue over that pillow again:)
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
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Would you date someone who is mentally ill??????
Posted: 8/5/2007 8:40:40 PM
alzandra, Your posts are great but I don't think its a disaese, Its a chemical imbalance, The right meds may restore it, Problem is doctors guess, Just my opinoin, Too bad there is not a simple answer, remody. As Kat said cutting down on sugar helped. Maybe self diagnosis is the key, I had a cousin that was scitsofrenic, He knew it, and dealt with it the best way he could. Unfortunatly he od'ed on cocaine at 31 , still a debate if he was forced into taking to much, I Can't say cause I don't know.
My point is help anyone you can, Be that friend or loved one that is concerned and help them through those moments of despare, What ever problem they have be it an addiction ,Mental illness, using that term lightly, Just be there for them.
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