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 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 563
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetryPage 142 of 151    (111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151)
I am sorry I left you in doubt
By speaking like some kinna kraut
I learned those words
From a hot German bird
She knew what a sausage was about

You would have to see her to believe her
She would make you shout, Och Der Lieber!
Blond hair and blue eyes
Just the right size
I should go where she is and retrieve her
 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 565
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:49:36 PM
My hat is off. That was very damned good. Take a bow:)

The spy decided to go herbal
But about one thing he was quite verbal
I may eat these weeds
And sesame seeds
But I'm not giving up my gerbil
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 567
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History
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:11:44 AM
Poor Richard and the rumor of his rectum
and the gerbilectomy than darn near wrecked him
can he ever transcend
this urban legend
you can be sure the Academy will never select him

How can someone so outspoken for human rights
be slandered and muddied by such unfathomable slights
he is very verbal
there was no gerbil
was rumor started by Cindy Crawford out of spite?
 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 568
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:40:21 AM
Thats a possibility I would suppose
The fact is nobody knows
About Mr Gere
If he is queer
I can tell you this my back door is closed

I guess that it never seemed wise
But I'm just not one of those guys
I'm straight as can be
No rodents for me
That just does not give me a rise

Gerbils don't live in the glens
In Scotland where all men are men
If they can't find bo peep
Then they do a sheep
Gay Gordan sticks them up his rear end
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 571
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Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/30/2008 8:47:45 AM
There once was a country so zany
you could say it wasn't too brainy
a bill of goods it was sold
and now it might fold
because it trusted Bush and Cheney
 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 572
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:34:25 AM
My banker just called on the phone
I could tell from his ominous tone
He don't find me funny
He still wants his money
If I pay then he'll leave me alone
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 573
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Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:39:58 PM
I also called my bank on the phone
need to buy out the ex to get my home
such a scary time
I can't wait to sign
before they say sorry no loan

apartment living is getting old
it's taken a year for this thing to unfold
soon will be over
and I'll be rolling in clover
but the mortgage will eat a hole in my billfold
 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 574
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:43:56 PM
Sometimes I just wish that I could
Just say what I thought that I should
I heard it said
Speak well of the dead
I said the s.o.b. died, well good
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 575
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History
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:25:03 AM
I sure do miss the seventies
hookah's, keg parties, and tie-dyed T's
then LSD
got a hold of me
and next thing I knew it was 2003
 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 576
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:43:09 PM
Lets censor the cumbaya crowd
Who's ideas are now not allowed
Forbidden by asses
Wearing sunglasses
Did you play your folk music to loud?
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 577
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Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:53:13 PM
an escape to limerick sanity
where no one shows their vanity
all in fun
no one lost or won
and we celebrate our inanity
 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 578
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 10/12/2008 1:22:59 PM
Humility does rule us here
As our faults are appallingly clear
We ain't real proud
Just crass and loud
But we laugh and have us a beer

I knew this old hippie named Clark
Who could write with a true poets spark
His verses were true
His mistakes were few
His bite was much worse than his bark

I once saw an ape in the zoo
Beat his chest as he slung piles of poo
He was so loud
Threw sh!t on the crowd
So they shipped his @ss to Timbuktu
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 579
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Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 10/12/2008 1:52:15 PM
I've heard the lure of the orangutan
has beguiled the heart of many a man
don't mean to be crass
but that big puffy red a$$
is apparently more than some can stand

as for me, I'm attracted to the lemur
whose look can be so demure
what they can do with their tail
makes me wail
and their beady eyes have so much allure
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 580
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Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 10/12/2008 2:11:17 PM
Just promise us you'll use protection
between the beast and your own erection
cause I imagine creatures
with horrible features
resulting from your "natural" selection
 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 581
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 10/12/2008 7:12:28 PM
The ape once again pounding chest
To convince us he is the best
His howl he implies
Would weaken Gods thighs
He's having a one ape love fest
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 582
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History
Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:25:56 PM
My life was so vanilla
until I met my sweet gorilla
her leathery tits
and hairy armpits
were really quite a thrilla

she came into my shack
and we jumped into the sack
her feet were all muddy
and I was all bloody
after she dug her claws into my back

the way she tossed me about
caused me to keep slipping out
with all that hair
twas a jungle in there
made it hard to find the right route

she really made me swoon
but alas it all ended too soon
she said my small little guy
just couldn't satisfy
so she left me for a baboon

my hurt I couldn't conceal
but I gradually began to heal
then I saw her one day
down by the quay
arm in arm with Shaquille O'Neil

she said that Shaq is da man
and her love life is no longer bland
she gets in a funk
when he does his slam dunk
and now she's his number one fan
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 583
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Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:02:51 PM
said the limerick thread "I ain't dead yet"
your haiku's and such got me all upset
just give me a rhyme
I'll show you a good time
and you'll see how juicy they can get

some you'll read, you'll go "lawdy lawdy"
these limericks sure can get bawdy
so give it a lick
you won't get sick
but you might feel a little naughty
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 584
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Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:41:18 PM
limericks living on life support
since bird was banned for his retort
and since the sham
is the nowhere man
I am left to hold the fort
 goodw0man
Joined: 8/21/2006
Msg: 585
Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 5/18/2009 1:09:48 AM
There once was a man from Ohio
Who said to his mammy good - bye-o,
In the Big City
He saw his first....ditty.
And then exclaimed, "oh me-o, Oh my-0h!!!
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 586
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Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 5/18/2009 6:53:47 AM
Nice to see limericks resurrected
I shall try not to get infected
by the curse of the isle
but I'll hang here awhile
til the bird's situation is corrected
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 588
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Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:49:04 AM
I once spent a night with Honey
she thought she was a Playboy Bunny
she wore the funny ears
with tattoos arrears
and her moon made me feel so sunny

Honey was really quite a dear
and funny was the tattoo on her rear
It said ATM on the left bun
with an arrow on the right one
that said place deposit here
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 589
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Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:01:01 PM
Honey went off to the dollar store
leaving me in the hacienda down by the shore
when she finally returned
I had been spurned
by 3 new men awaiting at the door

she said she'd had a really good time
but she wasn't a one man kind
leaving me all spent
off she went
to blow these other men's mind
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 590
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Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:16:10 PM
honey thought she was funny
when she went to the beach in the nudist colony
but instead of being totally nude
she strapped on her foot long that looked quite rude
when they said take it off she called their bluff
and adamantly refused

oops....extra line....well, here's one for old times....

there once was a poet and you'd know it
for his numerous lines would so cleverly rhyme
full of compassion but more often written with passion
about many important things of our time
though he masked it well in cotton candy and wine
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 591
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Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:18:20 PM
there once was a lady named honey
who loved sex as much as a bunny
she'd fall to her knees
begging let me please
her men left feeling much more sunny


thanks rosie for my limerick lesson! i'll keep working on them, for with your help
i know the form now, though my 'lecherousness' could use a bit more practice!
 iceaxe
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 592
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Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 5/25/2009 5:10:41 PM
honey liked to ride her horse
but only bare-back of course
like a cattle driver
crossed with Lady Godiva
she rode hard with no remorse
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