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 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 170
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First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
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One story - I was meeting a girl for the first time. A public place. I got there a little early, and just sat around, making myself visible. More and more time passed, until I knew that it was way past when we were supposed to meet. I had already gotten up a couple of times and just casually walked around to see if she was there, but didn't see her. So I got up one last time to walk around. A girl came up to me, and asked "weren't you ever going to say hi?"

I immediately knew that this was someone that had been there for a while, because she was a woman by herself, so of course I'd looked at her a couple of times to see if it was her. This woman did not just look very different from her pics, like she'd aged or lost weight, but she looked like a completely different person. It sounds contradictory to say, but I know it was her, I could tell, but only after really looking...otherwise, she literally looked like a different person, not just a typical matter of her pics not being up to date. The difference was that drastic.

Now, some people can look a little different because of hair color or style, or age, and the real reason that a lot of folks want a current pic is because they're concerned with attractiveness of the sort that you can tell from the pics before personally seeing them, and they want to know if you're really 20 years older than your pics or not. Otherwise, when if comes to just recognizing someone, that shouldn't be too hard, typically at least. I myself have the experience of people immediately knowing who I am when they haven't seen me for 20 years or from a pic that's kind of old. But this was a weird experience in that it almost made me mad. "Wasn't I ever going to say hi?"?! Geez, I walked by her, within inches, about 4 times, and I would've bet money that it wasn't her. Did she really not realize that about herself, or her pics, or was going to tell me or account for that?
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 171
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/10/2013 6:50:00 PM
I have been a forum freak on and off here since 2005. My profile pic probably needs updating now (from last summer).
What gets me is there are people on here who have THE SAME PROFILE PIC THAT THEY HAD IN 2005! (And who knows how old it was when they posted it!)
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 172
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/10/2013 7:24:28 PM
I once mentioned to a guy that I thought he looked a bit too young in his pic for his age and was it current. So he sends me a current photo and obviously has not taken good care of himself at all, looked horrible, like someone who eats chips and never gets off the sofa.

When I declined his offer to meet, he called me shallow. So IMO it's just best to walk away and say nothing because they have just proved their integrity is out of wack. Who wants to discuss dishonesty with someone who tries to fool you?


I had a similar experience, when an "athletic" man sent me a current photo showing himself to be at least 50 pounds heavier than the one he had posted in his profile. He explained to me that he'd had knee surgery a few months prior, and couldn't work out---but he normally wasn't overweight.

I told him to look me up after he took the weight off. He told me I was shallow. I retorted that it was better to be lacking in depth than to be dishonest.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 173
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First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/11/2013 8:56:12 AM
^ Hhmm...I dunno...that seems a little "ify" there. A man had knee surgery and couldn't be physically active for a while, it seems that you might be interested in him otherwise or you wouldn't want to see him later...and you tell him to look you up later after he recovers and loses his weight? He sent you the overweight photo, obviously being upfront with you, and you tell him that he was dishonest, and could only offer a retort that justifies you lacking depth? I wonder if some of these stories are an accurate description of events.
 Packagejust4u
Joined: 10/15/2012
Msg: 174
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/11/2013 5:57:51 PM
Well Sweetie if I were you I wouldn't waste my time on a trip to PA to meet the "doc". He is the biggest player of all!
He's the guy that calls a couple times a day, texts you till your phone dies all hours and calls you his wife and is going to marry you. Constantly tells you he is madly in love with you. Not sure he is anything else but a professional "player", very sly he is!! Well I've got his number, someday I will show up and surprise him..call his bluff and spit in his face.
Ladies be ware! If you dish it out you better be able to take it! What goes around comes around Doc....just saying!!
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 175
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/11/2013 6:27:04 PM
First of all, most of my pics are ones without make-up on. I hike and do a lot of stuff that involve sweating, so a guy better find me attractive without makeup. It's awesome because guys always say I look way better in person.

OK, I've met with a few guys who look nothing like their pic. It must be the angle or an old pic, but they looked way more fit than they actually were in person. A few times I couldn't even recognize them. I felt so defrauded! And it was a total waste of my time. The funny thing is, the ugliest of the bunch wouldn't talk to me afterwards. I wanted to be friends, but I totally got dissed lmao :)

I don't understand why people try to fool others when it's going to be revealed at some point anyway.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 176
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/12/2013 9:41:14 AM
Hhmm...I dunno...that seems a little "ify" there. A man had knee surgery and couldn't be physically active for a while, it seems that you might be interested in him otherwise or you wouldn't want to see him later...and you tell him to look you up later after he recovers and loses his weight? He sent you the overweight photo, obviously being upfront with you, and you tell him that he was dishonest, and could only offer a retort that justifies you lacking depth? I wonder if some of these stories are an accurate description of events.


The dishonesty came in his "bait and switch" tactic with his photos. His profile photo was the "bait", showing himself to be trim and athletic.

I suggested we meet up and play some golf, which was a mutual interest. He vetoed that, explaining about his knee and how he couldn't do much walking. I was a little skeptical and asked him for a current full-length photo.

The photo he sent me revealed him to be obese. Even if he really did have the recent knee surgery (which I doubted), he couldn't have picked up that large an amount of weight in just a couple of months. I believe he was obese to begin with, and the profile photo was several years old. He looked a good bit younger in it, as well.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 178
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First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/12/2013 2:23:36 PM
^ I'm a little like that. I'm not boney at all, but I couldn't gain much weight or get fat if I tried. Literally. People hate me. There was at least once when I lost 20 pounds, then gained it back, and nobody could tell a bit of difference. And I'm not even big framed or big boned. I could never understand how people have such a problem gaining and losing weight. How does that freaking happen? What the hell is going on with everybody? For some, sometimes, sure...but the majority of people? How? I know not everyone has the thyroid issue, so that can't be it.

I also don't concern myself so much about having a recent picture: I'm someone that you can still recognize in person; People who concentrate on the profile pic are either just seeing if someone is obviously unattractive, not seeing if they're attractive, or they really are stuck on the appearance too much; Even if someone looks good in a pic, nothing matters until you see someone in person. A pic cannot usually show what most people really look like, despite how recent it is; Therefore, you're only looking at my pic to see if I'm undeniably ugly (not to see if I'm hot) or have gotten fat or am hiding a third arm, etc (as long as I'm not a wrinkly old man hiding behind an old photo), and to be able to recognize me when you meet me in person...otherwise, all of that is just to decide if you want to meet me in person, and the only thing that matters is when we interact in person and really get to know who we really are (after a bit of messaging and learning things that way, which I demand). And if your thinking doesn't fit what I'm describing here, that just means that you've been weeded out for various reasons, and it works out the way that it's supposed to that you wouldn't want to meet me.
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 179
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/12/2013 11:21:27 PM
After I was fooled a few times, I started to ask the guy to go to the bathroom and take a quick mirror shot of themselves and I would do the same. If he didn't send a pic within the next 10 mins, I would get pretty damn suspicious.

It goes both ways too - several times I was pleasantly surprised by a guy who was much better looking in person than in the pics. As soon as I saw my now-bf at the restaurant, I walked up to him and gave him a happy hug. He was like 200% better looking in person. I asked him why he didn't put better pics of himself on his profile, and he said he just didn't care to pose. That he was interested in someone that would be interested in him for more than just that. My decision to meet him had nothing to do with looks (because in reality I thought he wasn't good looking), it was entirely due to his profile, the way he presented himself, his self-confidence and because we were perfectly matched on paper. I'm so glad I didn't rely on the pics. Actually for my few relationships via POF, I haven't relied on the pics.
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 180
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/13/2013 3:16:40 AM
I've always said "if you don't look like your pics when you show up, you will have to buy me beer until you do!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 181
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/13/2013 8:07:34 AM
I saw one guy who was remarkably different than the pictures he'd sent. Exactly like each, and different from every other. I could be sitting across a table from him, and he'd turn his head, and four different looking people would appear, one at a time and disappear. I finally decided it was because while most of our faces/skulls are relatively flat, his was *very* deep. None of them were especially good looking nor spectacularly ugly. Met his sister, who in a feminine way had the same skull/face. Very interesting.

Other than that, everyone has looked like themselves, with only a tiny tiny fudge factor on weight/height/age. Actually none at all on age that I know of. I think it helps that we talk for a month, maybe two, before meeting--a lot drop out somewhere in there, so who knows. I just know that for me, it's pretty much been what you see is what you get.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 182
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/13/2013 11:16:14 AM

It goes both ways too - several times I was pleasantly surprised by a guy who was much better looking in person than in the pics. As soon as I saw my now-bf at the restaurant, I walked up to him and gave him a happy hug. He was like 200% better looking in person.

Wait -- why didn't you scoot out of there? It's not about looks but about having the audacity to post inaccurate photos, right? :)

If a guy looked pretty out of shape but had tons of similar interests and seemed like one of the "normal" ones and then some, and you agree to a date and he's athletic & toned, without being told, you're going to be happier than if you knew in the first place (surprise factor). You're not going to go "I hate it when guys lie!" And yes, some clever guys will do it on purpose -- to avoid the opposite -- looking worse in an eye of the beholder. They're not going to run from you if you look significantly better -- even if you told them you swayed that way on purpose.

We love it when they're better looking than their pics... we hate it when they're not. That's basically it.
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 183
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/13/2013 12:06:15 PM
That's true - the question shouldn't be "when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person" it should be "when the person turns out to be uglier than their pics". I agree that women should be REQUIRED to post a pic without makeup, and straight on - no angles or camera tricks.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 184
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First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/13/2013 2:38:05 PM
...I just don't like makeup in the first place. I think that's one of the things that keeps me from finding someone - women insist on wearing makeup, but I just can't do it. Yes, some people without makeup don't look so hot, but makeup just makes it worse. No matter how well it's done, or how yummy she looks, or how much I'll take a second look at a woman with makeup that looks good, it can't go any further than that and I'd rather have no makeup. And I know that one of the reasons people need makeup is because they use it. If you stop using it, you'll look better. And it's also because some folks can't live a proper lifestyle, with sunshine, proper diet, etc. That makes as much of a difference to your face as anywhere else. Moreover, the perception of attractiveness by both genders is warped by us always seeing each other with stuff like makeup - a lot of the things that are thought of as "blemishes" or "imperfections" are actually either attractive or no big deal. To me at least. But these things are covered up in shame and insecurity. Or because a woman is competing to look more attractive to a man than the next woman, so makeup is kind of a symptom of an arm's race. And finally, on top of all this, a woman will read what I just wrote here, and say kudos, that I'm a cool guy, blah blah blah...and then say something about how "society still expects a woman to be made up and professional". Yea. Ok. Yuck. We are society. Society isn't a mysterious other entity. It's us. So what are you saying when you say that society expects this? That you yourself are doing it? You are your society.
 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 185
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/13/2013 3:02:11 PM
^^^Makeup is on it's way out. Proper skin care involving the care of a doctor is what I see with my friends and others. For example I use a prescription skin cream a local cosmetic surgeon has deveoped, it's amazing. We also apply sunblock every morning....it's crucial. There are laser treatments, microdermabrasion and many other procedures to keep your skin radiant and beautiful. I regularly see a dermatologist and her goal is help her patients to never use make-up again. And of course a great diet, lots of exercise and supplements.

Just so you know.
 MsWrong2013
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 186
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/13/2013 7:32:24 PM
I'm sorry, it hasn't happened to me. *knock on wood*.

This is one of the reasons that I ask for many many many pictures prior to meeting someone. So I know exactly what they look like.

In fact, at some point, I posted pics of me that were old. Not 10 years old or so, but few years. But now, the pics are from last month and it has a date stamp on it.

I think lying and misleading someone on is deceitful. It obviously means they are hiding something or are uncomfortable with their looks. If that being said, they should be dating or wanting to date someone based on a lie. Everyone gets caught in a lie cuz it doesn't last forever.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 187
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/13/2013 9:30:17 PM

the question shouldn't be "when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person" it should be "when the person turns out to be uglier than their pics"

I would say "when the person turns out to be Different AND Uglier than their pics". If they look the basically the same, but just a noticeably a less-attractive version -- that doesn't mean they were deceiving. That's just a critique that they shouldn't post their Very Best pictures that by happenstance make them look better than they are. One way to go by things is to just judge on their WORST picture and ignore the rest. But I would say deceiving is if they were Myspace/angled photos for body weight.... or closed-mouth pictures with rotten or missing teeth.

I wouldn't say without makeup if they always wear makeup. Basically, how would they be prepared upon going out on a meetup/date? No Myspace angles, no -- I agree on that.
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 188
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/14/2013 11:26:46 AM
"How about you take the first step by having one yourself? If you want a trend to start you better put your money where your mouth is."

I'm a rock climber, ice climber, hiker, backpacker. I go without makeup and, sadly, without showers for as much as a week when backpacking (with deodorant of course)! I only go out with very outdoorsy/nature-loving guys (and they don't wear makeup either lol).

I HAVE ZERO MAKEUP IN ALL OF MY PICS EXCEPT FOR ONE. I do wear chapstick that has a slight tint of pink and I'll wear SPF 50 sunscreen of course - other than that, zilch, zero, nada makeup. The only one with makeup is guess which one? I was aiming for a "Bond Girl" look. I like makeup but it's expensive and it just comes off anyway. I do, however, go clubbing quite a bit, so I'll wear eyeliner and lipstick at night.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 189
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First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/14/2013 11:58:18 AM
^ I don't think that's accurate...there're a few good views of the face :)
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 190
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/14/2013 11:59:45 AM
I wasn't really in POF to meet anyone at this point. Both of the face shots that are on there now were on there when I was truly seeking someone. I've been off for about 4 months - both of the pics were about within 6 months. One one of them, I had lipstick (my work pic). When all the guys meet me, they tell me I look like 200 times better in person. That's because I'm not in hiking clothes lol I'm in something form fitting that shows my beeeewbs.
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 191
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/14/2013 12:02:42 PM
The issue isn't really about ME. It's about people posting pics without makeup. I mean if some people like it, then they should post one with and one without. I think guys should do the same thing - put pic of themselves in normal casual clothes, and one with a suit or dressed so that we know how you guys look cleaned-up :)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 192
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/16/2013 4:35:01 PM
spauls49- I've had it happen too. I don't know why people do it. You are asking to have your feelings hurt being deceptive.
When it happened to me, I didn't back out and I wasn't mean, I stuck out the date but didn't go on another one.
People really should post recent pics, but such is the world of online dating.
A side note-I am not photogenic and look much better in person than in photos that I take, so people that pass me up based on my photo are missing out. For some weird reason, my eyes always look tiny in photo's and/or I looked stoned, lol :)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 193
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 5/16/2013 4:44:49 PM
drinksthesunwithmyface- You like what you like, and that's fine. I'm not trying to call you out, but........what about sun damage/wrinkles? At 44, I barely have wrinkles because I'm fair complected and wear sunscreen.
I'm honestly curious if you are REALLY ok with a women who's skin looks like leather due to sun damage?
If you had to choose, wouldn't a woman who wears a REASONABLE amount of make up be preferable to one who looks 10 years older (or more) than they are because they get too much sun?
Just curious.
 Doctorsgirl62
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 194
First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 8/21/2013 4:22:23 PM
Oh he is a real jerk...Don't be fooled by his charm....
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 195
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First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person.
Posted: 8/22/2013 3:12:03 AM
bamagrl:

I don't feel like that's "calling me out", this is all about sharing opinions, and I'm ok with that of course. Leather skin versus reasonable makeup - The thinking I'm introducing is just that it's sort of 'backwards', for lack of a better way to say it = it's not saying that some cases of leather skin is 'hot' or not unattractive, but that makeup doesn't make it better and makes it worse. However bad it is, the conventional wisdom is that makeup 'fixes' it to some degree, but it doesn't. Again, this is just my opinion though. Plenty of people would disagree with me and I wouldn't say that they're wrong. However bad a case might be, the makeup is still worse, and I'd still choose against the makeup, but I know many women will never believe that because you think it's a choice of not having the leather skin and having the better look. But it's not...the leather skin is still there, and the makeup isn't better looking. I'm sure it sounds like I'm just trying to say something cool that I don't believe or practice in real life...but we're talking about something that's part of real life and normal, it's not intrinsically ugly, but we keep encouraging ourselves to look at it and think about it differently than normal real life, and our ideas of what makes attractiveness or unattractiveness gets skewed more and more, which is the only reason why we think the real person is unattractive and painting over them with something they're not changes that.

doctorsgirl:

I hope I'm not the jerk :\
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