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 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 102
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In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

^^It's interesting that your response to my post was that there are men out there that kill women due to sexual rejection. What in my post do you connect to killing women? Clearly those people were already not well and something set them off. Are you comparing guys here to these men?

I'm not talking about people with mental or emotional instability, I'm talking about your average dater. If someone is looking at date rejection this harshly the problem clearly lies with their mindset about it. I'm saying that it is NOT a life or death situation to be without a date - it's much more problematic to be homeless as you actually NEED somewhere to live. You do not NEED a date no matter how you want to spin it.

I'm not saying there aren't people who are off their rockers and take extreme measures as a reaction to dating or something else, I'm saying people who are connecting the two in general are being melodramatic. Period.


While dating isn't an life or death situation or comparable to homelessness both men and women have gone crazy over it and while it's never that serious, human beings are meant to have some form of intimacy with other human beings. People can be homeless but as long as they have significant other with them it makes their lives slightly easier, the loneliness can make someone go crazy. I didn't realize how much I missed being with a woman until I joined the Coast Guard and was in bootcamp for two months. It wasn't really about sex or feeling horny all the time (because I didn't really have time to even feel that way), I just missed women, I can't really explain it except I just missed the intimacy. Touching, cuddling, kissing etc....Someone who is constantly rejected over and over again I can see why they would feel hurt over it and how it can be painful. Personally I don't care if I'm rejected, it's gotten to the point in which I'm numb to it. I hate the tease of it because I can get a girls number and go out on a few dates but it never goes further to the point that I just count down the days and see if I can time it right so when I get that text "Hey you're a nice guy but......"
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 103
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 10/16/2014 8:01:03 PM

Activemelaney, on my case its a discomfort for me to be rejected b/c...well, why do you think I'm even asking someone out? On a lark? :) couldn't find a better conversation starter? :) I'm doing it for a specific purpose, and I failed to obtain that specific purpose. I want something pleasurable and beneficial (not just sex, the whole enchilada), and I'm being turned down for that experience. Its like thinking you're gonna, I don't know, get paid $100 for your work and then you find out you aren't. its a bummer.

You can't compare service for pay to projected interest that isn't established. Either someone is interested in you or they aren't. All you're doing by asking is finding out either way. It's not a mission you failed to accomplish. Dating isn't done in business plan terms because it involves the consent of another human being to progress.

It may even be likely, that the person I'm asking isn't a stranger, but someone I know and have to keep conducting a prior relationship with...which exists no longer, since I "went there". I took a gamble and it failed. Who enjoys failure? Well, if you have a decent success rate, then failure isn't that big of a deal. Fail 80% of time or more, however...its like watching a person lose $10. A millionaire doesn't care, a homeless person sure does. that $10 loss means less to the one who has much more money to lose.

A lack of attraction isn't failure. It's not an affront to anyone. It just is what it is. You aren't at fault for learning it, and they aren't at fault for informing you. How much control do you think you have over a woman's basic interest?

I don't ask people out b/c I'm lonely--I'm used to being alone. Getting a date is actually an encumberance--I have to plan the time driving out to meet them, driving to the destination, driving them home, driving myself home, etc. easier just to go when I want, leave when I want, spend what I want. When I ask someone out, its only b/c I think they offer something that will make the time we spend together, worth all the planning and sacrifice of not doing every little thing I want, b/c they may want to check out something else instead.

Some aren't worth it. Some aren't interested in the offer. This isn't about your formula or effort or approach - you have nothing to do with how it turns out. You're just gathering information.

were I actually getting hit on all the time, as you had posted...yeah, it would be different. It feels nice to be desired by someone. I know what you mean about enjoying the chase....its all I do now. To put it in WiP's terms, I don't hit my thumb with the hammer anymore.

I hate this theory. Regardless of your options you are who you are. If no one ever hit on me it wouldn't make me suddenly long for a companion. I likely wouldn't anyway - because that's my personality.

why is dating so personal to me? I guess its b/c...I achieved everything else by 18 already :) I already had a decent place no roomies, was already learning how to cook, wasn't in debt, traveled, had my Mustang...what else was there that I really needed? Well, I had no one to share it with. It wasn't that getting a date was the center of my life (college was at that moment),it was that if I COULD achieve something, what was my excuse for not achieving it? Life wasn't for putting off, it was for living.

I don't get the someone to share things with theory - but I'm not going to minimize it, I'll just move on. I can't relate.

and having fun with someone other than just my own company...that's part of living. People who have had siblings and a life of partners may be real interested in some alone time at this part of their life. Me, I've done it in reverse--had all the "me time" already.

I have a lot of friends, I have a small amount of family - to me these are my unconditional sources of human support and interaction. Partners come and go. Those people are constant.

Try 4 decades of "no", and you may agree :) But yea, I'd love to have the "success rate" of others who think its no big deal--there's a lot in my life that I don't consider a big deal, b/c I have a lot of it. Its a bit like that joke, sex is like oxygen--no big deal until you aren't getting any.

I disagree. Again, who you are is who you are. You are either the type that makes a big deal out of pairing off or you aren't. Who you dated or didn't date isn't connected to that typically.

While dating isn't an life or death situation or comparable to homelessness both men and women have gone crazy over it and while it's never that serious, human beings are meant to have some form of intimacy with other human beings.
There are a ton of other types of people in one's life they can get interaction from. An SO is not the only form of human contact. You can set yourself up to think it is for you but for many it just isn't.

People can be homeless but as long as they have significant other with them it makes their lives slightly easier, the loneliness can make someone go crazy.

One can be content single and isolated. One can be lonely in a relationship or in a crowded room. Who you're with or not doesn't guarantee you a certain feeling.

I didn't realize how much I missed being with a woman until I joined the Coast Guard and was in boot camp for two months. It wasn't really about sex or feeling horny all the time (because I didn't really have time to even feel that way), I just missed women, I can't really explain it except I just missed the intimacy. Touching, cuddling, kissing etc....Someone who is constantly rejected over and over again I can see why they would feel hurt over it and how it can be painful.

This is all mindset, however. Sure, you can allow it to affect you that way - or you can decide not to.

Personally I don't care if I'm rejected, it's gotten to the point in which I'm numb to it. I hate the tease of it because I can get a girls number and go out on a few dates but it never goes further to the point that I just count down the days and see if I can time it right so when I get that text "Hey you're a nice guy but......"

If you're really numb to it you'll just enjoy the dates for as long as they last and move on without hesitation to meet someone new. If you are trying to figure out when it's going to go south you are likely not as numb as you think.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 104
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In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 10/16/2014 10:24:14 PM
I still feel that intimacy is an basic human instinct, it does fall under Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and while there are other forms of intimacy that doesn't involve sex, relationships, humans still tend to want to be loved and have a sense of belonging. No matter how big or small the social group is there's still a need to feel like they belong somewhere and loved sexually and non-sexually. Which then improves their self-esteem, self-confidence, self-respect etc...Like I said intimacy isn't a physiological need but it's still a need for most people. I think it's natural to feel wanted, desired, etc...even the homeless feel the need to have sex even if that should be the last thing they should be worried about.

And while I would personally disagree with the thought process I'm assuming it's only natural that constant rejection can lead to lower self-esteem, maybe some bitterness, "what ifs" it would be like applying for jobs and not getting hired, it becomes frustrating.


If you're really numb to it you'll just enjoy the dates for as long as they last and move on without hesitation to meet someone new. If you are trying to figure out when it's going to go south you are likely not as numb as you think.


No I don't care. Maybe I'm annoyed for a day or so then I stop caring and I date again. It's like clockwork at this point. I don't want to fall into a sense of apathy towards dating because I feel that just leads to shitty dates and a negative attitude. The tease and the potential is the most annoying part, to go back to the job analogy. I had a shit ton of close calls, getting called back for an second interview, actually starting a new job only for the company to do mass layoffs right after I got hired, a company putting us on furlough right, a few weeks after I started working. Those were more frustrating than outright not getting the job.

But to each their own. I personally rather have a job and make sure my basic needs before I start worrying about dating in fact that's why I stayed single for so long before I joined the military. I didn't have a job and wasn't going to start seriously dating until I found one and brought something to the table besides my good looks.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 106
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In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 10/17/2014 4:09:48 AM
I don't know about "batting eyelashes"...but I would settle for a busty woman letting me motorboat ;)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 107
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In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 10/17/2014 5:58:37 AM
@batpool....

Yet again I find that your mindset is anti-woman for some reason...In fact you come across as an actual woman -HATER, and so I'm going to go ahead and guess that at this particular point that may have more to do with your current rejections than anything else...
It's pretty tedious to hear about how "most women" this and "most women", that, frankly...which also goes for all of the other generalizations here...

BUT...far be it from me to try and negate some one else's experiences...I would just say that if these things KEEP happening to you, then maybe you need to look at the common denominator, which is YOU...


Most girls have such an incredibly high sense of entitlement that they honestly believe that they DESERVE the attention that men give them, just for being alive. It is unthinkable for girls today to show interest and put their self-esteem on the line.


Maybe the KEY words here are "most girls"....NOT women, because what you and others have described here appears to be more along the lines of behaviour due to IMMATURITY, and NOT because women have a vagina...


Maybe once women understand what average men go through every day they'll learn to show some empathy, at least.

But They don't. I've overheard women swapping stories and laughing hysterically about rejecting men.


Then you need to find some other women to hang around, STAT!!! And please...I've witnessed the exact SAME behaviour from men.Again, not all women are callous and/or lack empathy...In fact, to date, I have responded to EVERY message that has been sent to me, even if the guy is too young, lives too far away, etc. Of course I haven't gotten the thousands of messages that many of the men in the forums seem to think "most" women get, but still...
My point is that I have been polite, but firm and have never...and I repeat NEVER been obligated to block anyone...Or be rude, or whatever....
Maybe I've just been incredibly lucky, but I have had a profile on here on and off since 2007 and have ALWAYS had a policy of responding as I have, and have never felt a need to mock, or be rude to anyone that has taken the time to message me...I just respond in kind...a "Hi", gets a "Hi" back, a "You're hot", gets a thank you, etc....
Many of the women that I have seen share on here have had many problems with that stuff from what I have seen, and some don't feel obligated to respond at all to any messages that they deem inappropriate, or from men who have clearly not read their profile, etc. and....that is their RIGHT.
As it is FOR MEN, too....
Not ALL women, despite their choice as to whether or not to block and/or answer a man on here are cold-hearted b!itches, either...If they don't want to spend a lot of time answering messages from men they aren't interested in, that DOESN'T make them cold or calculating or not empathetic, etc. That just makes them people who didn''t ASK for some guy to write them and expect an answer simply because he did.
I mean really, is it the job of women everywhere to protect a man's fragile self-esteem and ensure that he isn't "scarred" from the experience?
Says YOU! Nope, that's not MY reason for being alive and frankly, I'm as empathetic as I'm going to get in this matter...

Just for your own edification...In the last week, I have texted, spoken on the phone and even spoke about meeting three different men, ALL of whom "flaked" without a WORD of explanation...and with at least two of those guys I had spoken to them at some length and felt that the conversations had gone WELL..and they had even said that they wanted to meet...After not hearing from them, I sat and thought about those convos and saw areas for improvement and determined to do better next time...and kept right on going!! And that has happened over and over and OVER again, over the years...NOT just these two times,, before anybody "jumps" on that one...lol
I DIDN'T come onto the forums and start a thread about how all men "flake", I DIDN''T "cop a 'tude" and crawl into a hole and drink myself senseless and rail against the unfairness of it all...and I certainly HAVEN'T made "a case" for how ALL or "most" men on here, off here or ANYWHERE for that matter are all evil, cold **stardz...

So please...give me a break with all of this "Terminal Uniqueness" crap...

Anyone who thinks that women have no "skills" at handling rejection because they rarely if ever ARE rejected, is just plain DELUSIONAL, imo

Even a girl that I know who is a model, gorgeous,smart,funny, too...has been cheated on more times than I ever have, had a crush on a man who wanted NOTHING to do with her for YEARS and deals with MANY insecurities and self-esteem issues as a result...or cause??? Gets a little blurry after a while which comes first,no?

Any way...this is one of those topics that I think brings out the gender bias more than most and men and women may never agree on any of it, because we ALL have had our own experiences...
I am REALLY trying here, to listen to what the men are saying...because I think that the KEY to undoing damage caused by gender bias,lies in understanding EACH OTHER, and not negating others experience...But when I hear men making fallacious generalizations that are at the bottom of most if not ALL, of the gender inequality, and help to form the attitudes that will often send an unstable man out there to do actual HARM to women as a result...Well, I just can't sit here and pretend that's okay, because it's NOT....
Also...

"Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd / Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd."


THIS is the actual quote that someone was talking about before, which is notoriously MISQUOTED, all of the time
usually when trying to "prove" just how incapable WOMEN are at handling rejection....Notice how the FIRST part is dropped, as it DOESN'T talk about women so much as "love to hatred turned"...Not the exclusive province of women, last time I checked...
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 108
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 10/17/2014 6:00:56 AM
See, that's why I like debating w/ you WiP, somewhere in there things become clear :)

I understand why you don't get the whole "share with someone" theory...you actually aren't alone in life. You have friends and family. Me, my parents lost their's by age 18, no grandparents or aunts or uncles for me, it was just them and me growing up--and I moved out by 18 b/c I couldn't stand my father's self centered-ness. They've passed on, I'm retired, most people my age are working while I'm free to go canoeing, biking, road-tripping, etc alone, like I've done the last 40 years.

Since my father loved the countryside, the only peers for me to play with growing up were a pair of dead-brained redneck boys who always got in trouble (no thanks) or a pair of girls (other than playing doctor, that didn't work as well as one might think ;) ). Since my father was under-thrilled by the local school system, I went to one where my mother worked, which was 30 miles away, so what friends I made, I saw from 7am to 2pm, then went home to be by myself or hang with my parents' adult friends. The friends, meanwhile, hung out with each other and of course bonded in ways I couldn't with my absense.

I won't belabor the point, but when I say I've spent 4 decades alone, that's not a small exaggeration. Got lots of acquaintances, get along with people, I don't drink which means I don't hang out with half the population...but after 4 decades of coming home to an empty house (latchkey child, no roomates at my apartment, no car in college) and entertaining myself...yeah, I'd love to try something different, like sharing my time with INTELLIGENT people.

you're right, a lot of people aren't worth hanging out--I really do mean i'm looking for educated, open minded, intelligent people with a lot of interests and focus (who, of course, are typically taken :) ). So I don't ask out just anyone, I pay attention to them before that, get to know them, etc. Asking them out isn't to find out what or how they are--I knew that before, or I wouldn't blindly ask them out (as you've posted before, just a simple, "hey babe, you're cute" from out of nowhere gets ignored), so in a manner, yeah, it is a business plan of sorts (business plans aren't guaranteed to work, either--most advertising is happy with a 20% capture rate). I used to blindly ask out when I was a kid, figured out that didn't work, and now pick people who seem to favor me, in order to put the odds in my favor.

People who I would actually call friends, are basically "phone friends" who live far away. One used to wonder why I made such a big deal 0ut of dating, she was constantly getting hit on and had been w/ 40 guys. That ended with the last one giving her 2 STD's, and now at age 55 she's still getting offers, but is done with dating since she's done with sex and intimacy...and dealing with what "not getting it in the forseeable future" means. So I have company now :)

It isn't that solitude is the biggest problem in my life--I enjoy it most of the time, b/c I learned how to make it work. But dating is one of the few things I haven't done enough to get bored with yet. Its not something I'm calloused over. I don't get bad dates b/c I don't get any :) Which, yeah, is part of my particular problem--I don't ask out anyone I wouldn't want to spend the time with.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 109
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In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 10/17/2014 6:50:00 AM
I guess that is were we differ batpool.
I think women are not that different than guys, just the physical body mostly. Hell, even biologically speaking we all started off as female before hormones influenced us guys in the womb. It all boils down to the "grass is greener on the other side" argument. Will the sexes ever understand eachother? No, but that isn't even a bad thing.
The concept of "game" is what is wrong in us dealing with eachother. This isn't mario brothers, we don't get a gold coin or a magic racoon tail for doing a good job. So people have sex, cool! So people don't have sex, cool! The emphasis on that people are no good unless they have copious amounts of sex and that we must somehow fool eachother into letting us do it is erroneous at best.
But I digress, that was not your point.
You were saying women should feel sympathy and understanding for the plight of men who get turned down constantly. Let us say, magically, all women had sympathy for all the men that get turned down and decided to give them a chance and had a date. I can assure you the successful relationships created by such an event would be minimal at best. The reasoning is that, a man that can not take rejection and can't roll with the punches of life is not a fit partner for a successful relationship.

Ok another example. I am one of those men with "no game" and yes I did get rejected constantly back when I was looking. I took some time to reflect on this matter of being unsuccessful with women, and I came to the conclusion of "what is the meaning of success?" I realized that I really am not ready for a relationship, that I was just projecting my own insecurities by chasing the mythical perfect woman. I should have realized women are just like men. They cry, laugh, eat, sleep, and shit the same as us. They are not special, so I shouldn't feel any entitlement to one because I too am not special.

It is true however that some women feel entitled just as much as I see some men feel entitled. Both are wrong. No one is entitled, period.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 112
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 10/17/2014 8:55:43 AM

When men say women don't understand rejection. It's not saying that they've never faced it and can't possibly get where we are coming from. A good example is the rate of likes on something like tinder. An 8/10 girl receives roughly 30% likes/responses whereas a male model at best receives 3% worst .3%.

If they think they know rejection. I sympathise. Multiply that by at least 10 and you're at the level of rejection every man deals with. Women should not pretend like they have it the same as guys cos they don't.

If men deal with this much rejection I'd have to question their strategy. They are either terrible at interacting with other humans, or they are really just throwing anything at the wall to see what sticks. A rate like that would make me wonder if he's got time for anything else besides seeking out dates. Does he work? Sleep?

I prefer to approach all men I date, so my so called "rejection" rate (I call it lack of mutual attraction) is a lot higher - because most of the men who approach me aren't my type BECAUSE they approached me. The ones I like tend not to because they aren't super confident/arrogant which is a trait I'm turned off by.

I realize a man who's not interested in me isn't personal to me - because there are men I am not interested in. I expect this as part of the nature of dating. If I can't handle this one would say I should probably not be trying to date. JS

Most girls have such an incredibly high sense of entitlement that they honestly believe that they DESERVE the attention that men give them, just for being alive. It is unthinkable for girls today to show interest and put their self-esteem on the line.

Let's change this sentence a bit and say that women who do feel this way were taught this by men who gave them attention because they were breathing. Go bring this up at the weekly man meeting. I can't sympathize on this. Second stop posting absolute statements - I personally do not nor have I ever measured my self worth on whether or not a man gives me attention nor have I felt entitled to a man's attention (and why would I? It's not that big a deal really - attention isn't personal to me it's generic and about all women so it makes no sense to gain an ego about it).

It is difficult to be a man and express his masculine desires to a cute girl and realize that she has no interest in him. For men, learning game is the only way to deal with the constant rejections necessary to find a quality girl.

Masculine desires? Oh, FFS. And why is this difficult? Does he see it that way? It's not necessary nor is it difficult. It is a first world problem - and there are WAY WAY worse things that could be happening in his life. Sorry. I can't empathize.

Maybe once women understand what average men go through every day they'll learn to show some empathy, at least. But They don't. I've overheard women swapping stories and laughing hysterically about rejecting men.

Some women are morons. Why entertain these women at all?

Interestingly, when men angrily turn down an LJBF offer, we're accused of 'not being able to take rejection' but when a women is rejected (not kicked out of bed in the morning, but fully rejected, like guys are every day) it's always a category 5 estrogen-storm freak-out.

No it isn't ALWAYS anything - again quit throwing all women in one category. Some women don't care if men accept a friendship, and aren't losing sleep over a guy not being into us. I know I'm not - and if I'm not there have to be others by the sheer nature of odds.

If this is your experience, you need to adjust some things in your way of dealing with life. Just don't try to speak for all men or women, it's not your place to do so.

See, that's why I like debating w/ you WiP, somewhere in there things become clear :)

I understand why you don't get the whole "share with someone" theory...you actually aren't alone in life. You have friends and family. Me, my parents lost their's by age 18, no grandparents or aunts or uncles for me, it was just them and me growing up--and I moved out by 18 b/c I couldn't stand my father's self centered-ness. They've passed on, I'm retired, most people my age are working while I'm free to go canoeing, biking, road-tripping, etc alone, like I've done the last 40 years, et. al...
...It isn't that solitude is the biggest problem in my life--I enjoy it most of the time, b/c I learned how to make it work. But dating is one of the few things I haven't done enough to get bored with yet. Its not something I'm calloused over. I don't get bad dates b/c I don't get any :) Which, yeah, is part of my particular problem--I don't ask out anyone I wouldn't want to spend the time with.

I would say that your situation is very rare and not typical of most people. So is mine - I realize I am not at all the typical woman, so I don't expect most people to understand where I am at but I do know that I can't be the only one out there like me either.

Basilisk123, post 130 has the right idea. There are situations of all kinds regardless of gender, or level of attractiveness or financial standing or location. To try and throw everyone in one box not only gives you a false sense of what's happening - it causes a rift in genders and instead of solving anything it makes things worse.

If a man that I am trying to get to know views "women" as the enemy, what does that make me?

Agreed. If as a man or woman your approach is "I think everyone sucks, who wants to prove me wrong?" You need to get off the dating market and go work on yourself. No one wants to sign up for a job to try kill off your negative stereotypes - nor should they be asked to.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 113
In general, is rejection more difficult for men or for women?
Posted: 10/17/2014 2:18:29 PM
Generally speaking, when a fellow makes a comment about what "all" or "most" women do or fail to do, I suspect what they really mean is:

"the women who are hot enough for me to notice"

out of all the human beings out there, we tend to notice...the ones we want something from :) Everyone else becomes a wallflower. Part of that is just how our brains are wired--if we processed every stimuli, we'd stop functioning from the overload.

Yes, there are women out there who aim to use men. Guess what men notice them the most out of all varieties of women out there to notice? the type of guy looking for what HE can get from people. "Birds of a feather" and all that.
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