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 MacGyverRI
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 19
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
1st, You should have had an abortion, this wasn't an act of love.

Nobody in their right mind would date someone w/ baggage like that, you also have 18+ yrs ahead (baggage) raising them and knowing the child's father was just a rapist. Can you honestly look at the child w/ love under the circumstances?


you asked for honesty.....
 PALEHORSERIDING
Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 20
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 3/23/2007 12:52:46 PM
One suggestion On this give the kid up for adoption or you will have alot of issues especially if its a male.

The reason I say this is simply I am a product of rape and well growing up with a mother who had grown to hate men and then saw in me everything she had suffered because I am a male did not make it very easy growing up.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 21
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 3/23/2007 2:25:07 PM
she wants the baby, she loses the guy.
you can't always have your cake and eat it too.
 Xentec6
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 22
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 3/23/2007 9:13:24 PM
It's not her fault why punish her? But again im the kinda guy that would date a woman with kids or pregnant, so its easy for me.

A raped woman is not dirty or "tainted"
 Xentec6
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 23
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 3/23/2007 9:17:40 PM
Good that you kept the baby, i know this country murders enough kids as it is, and i wouldnt be surprised if we havent already aborted the cure for cancer or aids.

A child from rape isn't stupid or deformed, he could be a genius for all we know.
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 24
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 3/23/2007 10:43:55 PM
It's not just that you were raped and pregnant; very likely it's you. Women that have been raped develop many emotional problems, including loss of self-esteem and fear of a relationship. It is understandable that men prefer to avoid those difficulties.
 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 25
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Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 3/23/2007 11:16:51 PM
If I was serious about you, as a girlfriend, and showed you and told you that I cared then I would be there for you and see you through it, and even if I broke up with you for whatever reason, I would probably still be willing to be there at delivery. There are gentlemen and scoundrels. He is not a gentleman. I am very sorry about what happened to you, but I hope and pray your child will be blessing for you.
 MacGyverRI
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 26
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 3/24/2007 4:15:56 PM
This was the question, so the tangents about the guy who left are immaterial.

Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant


Tangents calling men bad because they would not date someone who wants to have a rapists baby are moot and I went through enough with my ex wife who became psychotic, manic depressive and dangerous never to do that again.

This is the baggage that IS happening and IS going to happen;


http://www.rainn.org/statistics/effects-of-rape.html
Effects of Rape

It is helpful to receive counseling and treatment after experiencing a sexual assault to start the healing process and avoid dealing with the trauma in unhealthy ways. According to The World Report on Violence and Health (WHO, 2002), in the absence of trauma counseling, negative psychological effects have been known to persist for at least a year following a rape.

Rape-Related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Many rape victims experience what is referred to as Rape-Related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (also called Rape Trauma Syndrome). The four major symptoms of this are:

1. Re-Experiencing the Trauma: Rape victims may experience recurrent nightmares about the rape, flashbacks or may have an inability to stop remembering the rape.
2. Social Withdrawal: This symptom has been called 'psychic numbing' and involves not experiencing feelings of any kind.
3. Avoidance Behaviors and Actions: Victims may desire to avoid any feelings or thoughts that might recall to mind events about the rape.
4. Increased Physiological Arousal Characteristics: This symptom can be marked by an exaggerated startle response, hyper-vigilance, sleep disorders or difficulty concentrating.

It is important to recognize and treat Rape-Related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it is also necessary to remember that all individuals, and therefore all victims of sexual assault, deal with trauma in unique ways. Some, especially children and young adults, move through an abnormal event in what seems to be a very normal way, but this does not mean they are not internally experiencing some of the effects.

Other negative consequences of experiencing a sexual assault include the following increased tendencies:

Victims of sexual assault are...

* Three times more likely to suffer from depression.
* Six times more likely to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder.
* Thirteen times more likely to abuse alcohol.
* Twenty-six times more likely to abuse drugs.
* Four times more likely to contemplate suicide.
*

Dealing with such severe struggles on your own can often be too difficult to bear. That is why it is good for victims of sexual assault to receive treatment and counseling.
......................................................

p.s.
If the OP hasn't sought counseling, you really need to get some along with an objective viewpoint about abortion.
 MONEMPERER
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 27
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:38:42 AM
I would make friends with her and support her abut I would not date her till she had the kid and got adjusted to having a child for 2 reasons I dont want to be stuck with child support weird law if with a preganant women for 6 months of the pregnancy even if its not yours you can be held responsible for child support. and 2 she is going through a trying time and needs friends not a bf with the sex that generally comes with it and because she will need to learn whether subconsiously if she hates the child to decide to give it up or not
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 28
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:55:41 AM
I can't see how I could walk away from any loved one who had been hurt in such a manner. Rape is a crime commited against someone, not a choice they made. As far as dating someone in this situation, I don't see why not. You date a person not a moment in time.
 Elegabalus
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 29
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 6:00:17 PM
It's difficult to say without question without being in the situation but if there was anything there to begin with I don't think i'd bail of that situation. You say you don't blame him? Was it a straight up dumping or did the guy try to hang in there?

I would think the biggest obsticle in your situation is concern for emotional problems after something that terrible. I wouldn't suggest saying it right away.

Sorry to hear about all that. I hope they catch the guy and throw him in the pokie.
 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 30
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Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 6:59:16 PM
If I had been dating you for a while, and if I loved you, and we had a great connection, I would stay. If you are a serious girlfriend, I wouldn't just bail on you like that. If I truly cared, I would not do that.
 Justcauz1
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 31
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 8:00:15 PM
I agree with Taz.
In my opinion if I where a woman that was raped by some man I would not want to see his face every time I looked at my child, I also would feel as if he won if I carried his baby through.
Lastly I would be wondering if the baby had carried in some of the genetics that caused him to do the acts he did with you.

Before you holier then thou bastar*ds say well it could be more like her, it is still 50% his kid and it will carry his traits too.

To the give it up for adoption crowd. Why should someone be able to pass the buck on to unsuspecting, well meaning people?
 Justcauz1
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 32
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 8:08:51 PM
I almost get the feeling this is more a thread to bring up religious discussion so someone can push an agenda. really I look at the OP's statement and it wreaks of religion. this is in the wrong forum.

the whole post has her bases covered to be a good Christian woman that is doing right by her unborn child. I have seen the almost exact same worded post on other Q&A forums like Yahoo answers and others. the OP ultimately fessed up to starting a bogus question almost word for word like this one, it is to coincidental for me.

If I am wrong may I be struck dead by your god as I sit here at my computer.

Yes I am angry.
 Justcauz1
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 33
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 9:32:56 PM
Msg 69

I understand fully, I have a quadriplegic daughter, The Doctors did mention before we brought her home over 17 years ago that men do have a tendency to bail on situations.
they took me to a room and I had to talk to a shrink and whatnot before they let her out of the hospital.

I thought to myself What a bunch of asses to say that and make men think it is normal, almost natural to walk out.
 Stupendous Man
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 36
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 10:53:51 PM
Wow, who dug this one up? It's almost a year old.

But, since it's here I'll answer...

No way in hell would I date or have anything to do with a pregnant woman.

End of story.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 37
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Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:09:46 PM
I feel compassion for what happened to you.

I don't think that the rape would make that much of a difference to me, as that is not something that you chose, but something that happened to you. But I would be inclined to tread more carefully, as it can take time for some people to get over.

I don't mean to lighten the experience, but I would feel that the choice to date or not date someone because they were raped, would be no different than the choice of to date or not date someone because they were beaten up or mugged. I would date someone who had been beaten up or mugged. So I would date someone who was raped.

However, I am not that inclined to date someone who was pregnant. I have no kids myself, so I would have to think long and hard about dating someone with a view to taking on a child right from the start, as there appear to be multiple issues with kids, and I feel the same way about dating someone with children. It's not a situation I would choose to look for. But I would not rule it out if we really got on.

Being honest, I would much more readily date a woman who got pregnant from a rape, than from a string of one-night-stands with unprotected sex, because sex means something special to me, and I have found that people who just "shagged around", were not on the same page as me, and we didn't see eye to eye that much, when it came to relationships.

If we decided to be together, and she didn't want to keep the child, I would stand by that decision, though, as it is really her choice.

If this happened to my girlfriend, I wouldn't bail on her. But we would have to discuss the kid. I guess that if she wanted to raise the child, and was willing to treat the child as though he/she was mine, I would consider it the same as if she got pregnant from me, as to me, the father is the man who raises the child, not the biological father. However, we'd have to decide when to tell the child who his/her real father was, as most children seem to find out if their father is not who is claimed to be, and have a real hard time when they find this out.

Mind you, I might be real keen on becoming a father. I've never been one, so I really don't know.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 38
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Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:57:07 PM
RE: First post.

It would depend on the circumstances of the rape, whether she was emotionally stable and what she planned to do with the kid. If I dont know those things I cant really make a determination.
 Justcauz1
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 39
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:09:53 PM
mSG 74

They have to dig them up because heaven forbid someone creates a new thread they will catch hell for it.
 Justcauz1
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 40
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:13:19 PM
Darrr

So you are saying a man rapes you, and you want to take him to court for child support???
If someone dose that then it sure looks like the woman is trying to find reasons to spend time with him even if it means going to court.

Makes me wonder if it was rape or she was dumped, and got pissed. Shouting rape is just another a way of getting even.
 PassionateSeduction
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 41
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/27/2008 3:47:15 PM
This situation wouldn't bother me. Then again she would have to do everything that she can to stop me from finding the guy that raped her and handling things my way and making sure that guy got what he deserves. We all know that our judicial system is a joke and so is our law enforcement. My only issue is whether or not she is keeping the baby. I mean a man that rapes you obviously isn't mentally stable. How do you think that child would turn out? I can't even believe that I am saying this, but this is the only situation where I believe that it is ok to have an abortion. But yes, I'd continue dating a woman that was raped, but only if she did not keep the baby.
 Shylent
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 42
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Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/27/2008 5:20:07 PM
It sucks you had someone so shallow and immature as to dump you over being raped and knocked up from it. He showed his true colors on that one. Its not like you had much if any control over the matter. nor was it your fault.
I am not someone who would do that were my g/f be raped, i would stick by her and help her heal instead. Even if she were to get more than just pregnant from it, like HIV, except that would just mean that we would be married before any unprotected sex happened.
Likewise such a situation would not prevent me from dating someone, except i would want to be her friend first and help her heal and would be understanding to the trauma she suffered. I would see it more as a bonding opportunity than a reason to run.
 Justcauz1
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 43
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/27/2008 5:27:44 PM
Shylent

I am not trying to start a fight or anything but you said something that puzzled me.


Even if she were to get more than just pregnant from it, like HIV, except that would just mean that we would be married before any unprotected sex happened.


That is the part that I am stumped about.
If she is pregnant and is HIV-/+ it doesn't matter at this time, why would you have unprotected sex, shouldn't one of you try to stay healthy and live a potentially long life to take care of the new born?
 singleinstl
Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 44
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:02:45 AM
I think that this is an indicator of your strength as a person. If I was really interested in soneone I would most certainly stick around even with such a tumultuous past. Hang in there. If this guy left, he is not worth your time.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 46
Would you date a woman who was raped and now pregnant?
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:00:35 PM
if you don't want to abort and move on, don't complain about the consequences of your action.
keeping the child has consequences - not being able to find a date so easily.
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