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Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 13
Birth order in a relationshipPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I cant quit you "gone"
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 14
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 4/16/2010 9:06:27 AM
OP.I was just thinking about this today.
Glad I thread searched it..

I think it can have a lot of impact on a person's personality, and where they have fit in in their household growing up. It very much makes us who we are before we ever get into the outside world and start meeting other people.

Well it seems SOMETHING is relevant about it in my experience..

I have 2 ex husbands..very short marriages from my youth.
They both wanted to control me..even down to the car I drove, clothes, what church I should want to go to..Needless to say my parents didn't boss me that much and the marriages lasted less than a year.

I am sure youth and other things came into play on both parts but it is a very interesting subject.
I also have grown up quite a bit so the relevance has shifted..another interesting point in my mind.

I was the last born.Hmmmm.
A little less restricted than my much older siblings.
Now I am grown up and am more flexible and certainly not as self centered.

I have had a couple of long lasting relationships with men that were middle children or some where about middle.

My favorite cousins and nephews and nieces were almost always middle children.
My very best friends in school were middle children..Every one of my close friends.

I found them more to my taste in personality,mischievous side and creativity in most cases.
More tolerant of MY creative side also.

However with my girlfriends as I am older it runs across the board and I gravitate to first borns, middle and the last born falling somewhat short.

Thanks for the thread love hearing something that was on my mind anyway..
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 15
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Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 4/16/2010 12:09:32 PM
I'm the last born and I *know* everyone was put on the planet to take care of my needs. j/k

Birth order - and gender within birth order - is a factor in how we have learned to approach life because the family system is where we make the early decisions about who we are and what works.

I liked wooby's thoughts on the effect of more sibling's on the oldest child.
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 16
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 4/16/2010 2:05:07 PM
Im the middle child of 3 and the only girl. My bro is a cop, hes first born, natural leader, peacemaker etc. My younger bro was a sick kid, so I was pretty much left to entertain myself, which made me more outgoing and I think an easier going personality. Im not the type that needs attention or seeks it. So, yes I think that birth order does imprint on your personality, and your personality is what makes you easier or harder to date or be in a relationship with.
Oh, and yes I was very close to my mom being the only girl, but I was always a Daddy's girl first and foremost.
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 17
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 4/16/2010 6:10:29 PM
I am number 5 of 11 children. It was an advantage for me compared to my siblings before me. Life was easier as time goes by. Various resources are at hand when you need them instead of taking your mother's words only.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 18
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 4/17/2010 1:19:08 AM
dont know, I keep meeting and dating only childeren. Odd streak, has been that way since Jr High. Odd. Peculiar even. What a random common trait.

Now do I need therapy or medication ?
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 19
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 4/17/2010 7:08:43 PM
I'm a middle child....and I reckon us middlies are great!
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 20
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Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 4/17/2010 7:13:21 PM
so where does #7 of 8 fit into this equation? 1st seven in 8 years, my mom was a Saint
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 21
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 7:50:04 AM
Birth order ( along with other things ) might have some role in personality. I think there are some variables though. The amount of siblings, the age difference between the siblings etc. The family dynamics of 2 siblings born 1-2 years apart could be much different than 5 siblings with a 10+ age difference between the oldest and youngest siblings. Having said that, I don't think birth order is a major factor in a relationship though.
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 22
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 8:21:10 AM
I never pay attention to birth order on this site.

I respect my fellow middle kids for the likely independence of raising oneself and being the toughest member of the family. Perhaps they have more time for the relationship.

If I had to decide which girl I've dated / been in a relationship is the "best", I'd go with one who had two much older siblings (a brother and a sister). This was an advantage to me because I was the age of her siblings so she was used to being around people my age. She also had a brother about a year younger.

Many girls I've dated, I'm aware of siblings but not whether they're older or younger.

In the captive audience of work, I've noticed the youngest kid in a big family is often dysfunctional. My favorite people at work were the ones who don't talk about their family, therefore I don't know how many siblings they have.

At home, I'm the only humanoid in a pack of canines. When a new dog joins the household, I've noticed the previous youngest dog behaves less like a puppy and is more adult in behavior.
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 23
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 8:30:16 AM
I'm an only child. That's all I can say about that.
Joined: 2/16/2014
Msg: 24
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 9:01:26 AM
"I've noticed that there a lot of elder ppl and younger on pof though.

Plus I've come across elder ppl and I think they a little selfish and serious"

But what does being elder or younger have to do with BIRTH ORDER??

I'm an only. Don't touch my stuff.... ;)
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 25
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 9:32:34 AM
If someone was adopted, where would they fit in the pecking order on the family tree?
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 26
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 9:54:16 AM
Of course birth order can have an impact on how people behave in relationships; but, as others have pointed out, there are many many other variables. The human brain has a tendency to want to simplify things. So if you tell somebody who is a lazy thinker that birth order is relevant, they're going to take the concept to an extreme. It can almost become a sort of stereotype.

Hypothetical situation: If I were to choose between two people for a potential relationship (I should be so lucky, right?) and they were identical in every way except birth order, then I might look at that. But that doesn't happen.
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 27
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 9:58:04 AM

If someone was adopted, where would they fit in the pecking order on the family tree?

Being adopted would have a waaay stronger impact than birth order, in many cases rendering the latter irrelevant.
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 28
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 7:01:55 AM
I believe it is one of the MANY factors that mold a person's character/personality.

I am the youngest of 2 girls, my sister is 3 years 4 mos. older than I.

My spouse is the youngest of 7- the oldest bro & sister were old enough to be his parents (17 & 18 years older) so in his home, children #6 & #7 were essentially raised like GRANDCHILDREN.

The oldest 5 IMO seemed more responsible at a younger age, whereas "Daddy" is a wonderful late bloomer :0)

Never say never & it's better late than never.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 7:31:01 AM
My birth order is in the upper half of the 7+ billion people on the planet. To me, that' as significant as which number I was in the family hierarchy when it comes to defining people's characteristics.
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 30
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 7:43:42 AM
I think there is some truth to birth order influencing you through your life.

This article seems to be accurate. I am first born, so is my wife.


First-borns (like Dr. Oz) are natural-born leaders (no surprise, right?). They are used to being the center of attention, often over-achievers who are perfectionists. They have this pressure to be the best. When we look at IQ numbers, they tend to be smarter than their younger siblings, up to 3 IQ points, which can take you from average to above average. Often times, they are the favorites. They are highly self-critical and tend to be risk-averse. A majority of our presidents are first-borns. They can sometimes be the caretakers in the family.

First-borns are at high risk for high blood pressure. Brand new research just came out and the theory is that this may actually begin in the womb. It's known that the mother's placenta, which provides the fetus with nutrients, may not work as well in her first pregnancy, and this may have adverse effects on the fetus and its development. First-borns also tend to be more driven, which increases their stress and blood pressure. It's also concerning because it means first-borns are at a greater risk for cardiovascular disease later in life. Furthermore, their family has invested a lot of time, energy and resources into them, and they are afraid to fail.

Mild Child

Middle children are typically the mediators and peacemakers. They're good listeners, negotiators and people pleasers. They are usually more secretive and often feel isolated or the "odd man out" in their own family and seek company outside the home. That's why if you have a friend who's a middle child, they're the most loyal. They often feel replaceable, lost. They have the most to prove and the most at stake. They might work very hard to create an identity different from their older and younger siblings. Interestingly, the more kids you have in the middle, the less strong these characteristics become. According to some new and preliminary research, they are most at risk for chronic fatigue syndrome.

Youngest Child

The youngest are the individuals in the family. They're more playful, and since they have to fight for attention, they've developed a sense of humor as a way of doing that. A lot of actors and famous comedians are the youngest in the family. They tend to take more risks because they've been more protected, so they feel indestructible. They have a lot of confidence, and that comes from the "watch what I can do" attitude. They're creative and can be great problem-solvers. They also have a need to "dethrone" the first-born. Also, they can go out of their way to prove their individuality, since they end up with all the hand-me-downs. They are the charmers. As thrill/pleasure seekers, they can be most at risk for addictive behavior, which can range from compulsive eating and drinking to sex.

Only Child

The only children in some ways have the best of both worlds – characteristics of both oldest and youngest, leaders but also risk takers. They are also thought to be precocious. Research shows they are more confident, articulate and imaginative than other children. They also hate criticism and tend to be perfectionists. Like the youngest children, they tend to be creative and they have the same element of confidence. They prefer adult company and conversations.

They are at the greatest risk for obesity! The theory is that an overprotective caretaker of an only child may show love with food. This starts very young and may carry into adulthood.
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 31
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Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:51:35 AM
Marsha Marsha Marsha !!!
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 32
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 2:37:04 PM
as a first born I have often attracted the youngest in the family but overall I do not think it is all terribly relevant in the scheme of things. I may have high blood pressure but so does my youngest sibling. I am not what may be called an over achiever. I did feel a sense of responsibility and aware that I was setting the example to the younger children. My younger sister died 9 years ago and riddled with illness all her life. She was the middle child. I did not develop any disorders until I reached middle age. I think the parents are often more relaxed with the youngest child and not so strict and in that way can be seen as spoiled. My middle sister if anything had a slight higher IQ than I, when tested. But 3 points is nothing after all.
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 33
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Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 5:18:21 PM
I have 3 sons dragonbytes and that's them to a tee. Came from a family of 5 children and the same holds true for us.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 34
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 5:33:42 PM
Lilacprincess- I'm the oldest of three. Me, my brother (middle child) and sister (youngest) fit the stereotype.
I'm a protector, caretaker and loyal.
My brother tends to keep to himself and stay out of conflict (unless he's causing it, lol).
My sister is a wild child and more than a bit selfish.
(please don't anyone take offense, not ALL youngest children are like this)
However, even though we fit the mold, I still think how you are raised affects people more than anything.
When I meet peoples family's, I pay attention to the dynamics of how they relate to one another, it can be very telling.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 35
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 7:16:30 PM
I'm an only child, so I'd like to think Doc Oz finally got something right :)

I suspect this is one of many issues that some people make too little of, and too much of. there will be cases where it has a lot of impact, and other cases where it has little. Those who dismiss it, may be wrong, and those who priortize it, may be wrong.

I always suspect we want a partner who makes us feel comfortable about how we choose to live our life, and where we direct it. Do those decisions come from our status in our childhood home? Likely, but the question of course is, how much for each individual out there?

If its more important to us than to the person next to us, we might in turn seek out a partner for which is just as important...and not even realize we're doing it.
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 36
Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 11:43:06 PM
First or not at all.
Joined: 2/21/2015
Msg: 37
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Birth order in a relationship
Posted: 3/15/2015 9:05:29 PM
Well I must say that being a middle child means I am the most well adjusted...We have to put up with being bullied from the oldest....and dealing with the youngest being SPOILED for anything they wine about to get there way!!....same in relationships!!....the oldest push there ways on the other so much that if the other voices there opinion and its different then their`s then Conflick WILL ARISE!!.....and if I`m a relationship with the Youngest they will make Life a Living HELL if they don't get there way!!!!......Stay with the Middle Born!!....Make Life Easy on yourself!!!......we can compromise!!......and think of how the other one feels!!.....
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