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 looking4u2345
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 106
Friends with BenefitsPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
^^^ Well, I believe the problem is "friends with benefits" has the words friends so many people get that confused. drg1301 has been trying to clarify. Friends mean different things to different people. But, typically you don't have sex with a man and expect to be friends. It isn't realistic. As drg said if you don't have the friendship as a foundation it will not be a fwb relationship. Men will just look at it as a fb relationship.
 Oysterbits
Joined: 2/15/2007
Msg: 107
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 9:34:49 AM
Sure they do...
 hard_drive
Joined: 5/10/2006
Msg: 108
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 9:45:10 AM
So until then I'll stick to my showermassager!

1) -It's always ready when I am
2) -Doesn't have to get warmed up
3) -Doesn't need a bj
4) -Doesn't need to cuddle after
5) -can go as many times as I need it
6) -Doesn't talk back


Well coastergal here's my 2 cents.
Stick to your shower massager (Pun Intended).

Now, why guys Jerk off.
1) - Hand never says I have a headache.
2) - Don't have to wine and dine my hand in hopes of getting lucky.
3) - Doesn't give me a cramp in my neck from going down for hours.
4) - Hand doesn't want to TALK after.
5) - Knows exactly what to do.
6) - Hand doesn't say stupid sh*t and make me talk back.
 Mitsoo 8
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 109
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:39:14 AM
Oysterbits: You are a smart person.

drg1301: You're sure trying to justify this when it's impossible to do so. Nothing is exact when it comes to human interaction.

ForgivenFaith: Just think of the times that 'guy' you mention has probably been dissed by other women...(small****, small minds, there is a correlation I think) Hit 'em where it hurts..!! :)) works everytime
 ForgivenFaith114
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 110
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:19:34 AM
Thanks Mitsoo, you made me smile. ;)
 Northernj1
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 111
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:41:50 AM
FWB =ing.. Fk.Buddies =ing..Useing someone at thier Convenience or when the Mood Strikes..Been there ..Done That..Won't go back to That.
 drg1301
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 112
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:59:34 AM

FWB =ing.. Fk.Buddies =ing..Useing someone at thier Convenience or when the Mood Strikes..Been there ..Done That..Won't go back to That.


Well since you are still confusing the two I would say that you don't know what the difference is. It is posts like yours that helps to prepetuate the misconception that the two are the same.
Bottom line is that in a FWB the friendship is with a already established long term friend. You do not go pick out someone and say that I want to be your friend and we can have benefits. Sorry it doesn't work that way.
FRIENDSHIP COMES A LONG TIME BEFORE ANY POSSIBLE BENEFITS.
 Mitsoo 8
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 113
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:11:32 PM
drg1301^^protesting too much.....

...and thanks, Faith, glad I made you smile!! Funny how the people that are so intent on believing in this 'Buddy System' are the ones protesting so adamantly...interesting eh???
:))
 sandii4
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 114
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:52:43 PM
I feel bad for you because I sort of had the same experience. I thought I could pull the the firends with benefit thing, but in reality, and this goes to all ladies...we really cannot have sex without there being some sort of emotional connection. With emotion, come feelings, and with feelings come the beginning stages of falling in love...beleive me, it never works and its the ladies that get hurt the most in this.

Stick to some tried and true rules:....never sleep with a man the first date...men like to do the chase..once the chase is over, they move on..its a fact! I can vouch for the hundreds of women I've spoken to on the topic.

If a guy tells you he's not into a relationship....read the writing on the wall..he's being honest because he doesn't want to come out of this later as the jerk who should have told you he was only in this for the sex.

I know it'a unfair to paint all men in this category, and I only apply it to the one's who have been honest about what they're after. If on the other hand he says to you , he's looking for a relationship and than turns out to be a jerk...you have every right to feel like you do.....guess bottom line is for men and women...try and pick up on the little hints here and there , and if something doesn't feel right..its probably because it isn't

good luck to you...and keep us posted
 drg1301
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 115
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:54:52 PM

My x just jumped into a friends with benifits situation.


That is one of the most common misconceptions. That you can just jump into any kind of relationship, including a FWB.
What part of friends do people not understand. IT IS FRIENDS FIRST.

As far as how FWBs end there is a thread titled moving on from a FWB realtionship. The thread is current.
 sandii4
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 116
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 1:01:35 PM
I'm really sorry you got hurt...there's a great book out there called "the rules"...please read it...it will save you from a lot of hurt.....trust me..it changed my life..now I live by those rules and if a guy wants to see me, he will have to make the effort and show me he's worthy of it...its all about self esteem hun...and once you're confident in yourself, you will never allow another human being to treat you like th is....
 Mitsoo 8
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 117
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 1:09:57 PM
And last but not least to drg1301:

Congratulations!! That's terrific! I am so impressed with that..truly...I must get me one of those friends...I've never been a bridesmaid.! ;))
Interesting thread though, I've said what I want to say to the woman that posted this otherwise I'm not interested in hearing anymore about it.....keep up the good work informing everyone, it can't hurt for sure...so do you have a psycholocy degree..if not, you should get one...you'd be excellent at it.
 GOT FEVER?
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 118
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 1:20:22 PM
My opinion, there is no such thing as friends w/benefits. Who actually benefits? It's merely one person using the other.
 G-spots ROCK
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 119
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 1:53:14 PM
(My opinion, there is no such thing as friends w/benefits. Who actually benefits? It's merely one person using the other. )

If it is truly a FWB relationship and both are very happy with the status quo who is using whom? Is it the person that makes the call to say I'd like to "cuddle" tonight or is it the person that accepts?

I am truly thankful for the friend that became a FWB during a certain period of my life (newly seperated) and for what we were able to have together for that time period. He was being transferred for work and I was not in any state to start a relationship but we were able to be there for each other and have since remained strong friends.

I would however agree that it is not for anyone and that you have to be able to separate that part of the friendship.
 GOT FEVER?
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 120
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 1:57:13 PM
It's called a platonic relationship with casual f.ucking
 thehunterguy
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 122
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 5:38:33 PM
sex without love hum ? sorta like a sandwitch without bread. might fill you up a little at the time ,but youll still fell empty? works for some people, not for me?
 AllieJ0516
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 124
view profile
History
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:03:23 PM
There are a couple of reasons that it's worked for me - my longtime friend knows everything there is to know about me and I him, and we still want to hang around each other. We both were in the middle of a long dry spell, and to be with someone that you trust and respect during that sort of time is SO much better than a one-night stand or just continuing to be alone. Neither of us ever had expectations of any more than that. There has always been genuine affection there, but we were able to handle walking away from the sex with that part of the friendship still intact.

No one can really say that it can never work, and no one can say that there's no problem with it. It all depends on the individuals in the friendship and the friendship itself - every situation is different. If I had another guy friend with a different relationship, it might NOT have worked for me; I was very fortunate to have this man in my life (and he was lucky to have me!)
 dillysick
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 125
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:19:11 PM
I respect all of the people on here that have this ability to disconnect sex from any emotion, I just can't do it myself, I need that connection to have any real motivation in the first place! I have many female friends, most of whom I would not even consider sleeping with, some that I may have if we had met under different circumstances, but now I feel that they are too good of friends to mess it up with something as stupid as sex. Some of these friends even have "F-buddies" they see, but in most cases, as I talk to them soon after these encounters, it is clear to me that they would be in relationships with these people if things where different, but it is likely the other person keeping it at a "just sex" level.

I maybe sometimes would wonder why they keep going back waiting for these guys to "come around" (and this is not gender specific by the way, just my personal observations have been from the girl's side as I am a good listener and not a judger) when it seems to me that the guy is getting the better end of the deal, as guys traditionally attach less emotion to the situation. Then one of them actually opened up to me as well, and I found that he keeps going back for the same reason she does, and attaches just as much emotion as she as well, The reasons why they aren't together are more to do with where they are with their lives at the moment, and not wanting to live a dual life where they have to worry about each other constantly.

I get the goss from all my friends regularly, as they know that anything discussed with me goes no further. And every week I am surprised at just how much more comfortable everyone seems to get and I just find out more! I find it a good learning experience but I know for myself the "friend with benefits" thing just doesn't work for me. I am all in or nothing, half measures make for prolonged anguish, maybe I have figured this out, maybe it only applies to me, If it helps anyone, even one person then I am glad I posted it.
 mogrl
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 127
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/13/2007 4:40:04 AM
If you play with fire there`s a chance of getting burnt.Live and learn and move on,most people your age can`t handle the fwb situations anyway so don`t feel bad.
 GOT FEVER?
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 128
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/13/2007 11:47:49 AM
Friends with benefits? Rubbish! No such thing.... It's simply promiscuous behavior given a fancy name.... aka: sleeping around also with the risk of a STD and if you call that benefits, then I have a lot to learn, but call it what you like. Where's the self repsect?
 looking4u2345
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 129
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/13/2007 4:01:27 PM
I was once open minded. I did attempt a FWB relationship. It does not work. Let me also add .... not only does it not work for me, it does not work for most. Someone usually does get hurt. Sorry, as simple as it seems, the fact is sex just is not that simple. It is and is meant to be more than just physically getting off. I don't advise it.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 130
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/13/2007 5:31:03 PM
Hey I'm not a proponent of forming sexual relationships without having some sort of emotional and/or more committed bond. That being said...
...I think many people get FWBs confused with FBs. A FB is somebody who you hook up with, you NEVER explored any true friendship before having sex. That seems to be all about the sex. No emotions. With a FWB, it's friends FIRST, sex SECOND, emotions LAST. At least that's what I think the distinction is, like I said I'm not a proponent of emotionless relationships, which is both a FWB and an FB.

These relationships are all over the place everywhere. Is it right? For many people, no. For the participants, maybe it works, but I have my doubts. I certainly don't encourage people to have sex in emotionless relationships, but if they decide to try it, they are consenting adults, whatever floats their boat is fine with me as long as it doesn't affect me. I'm not going to judge something I don't understand nor participate in.

So people, quit the vitriolic rhetoric and personal barbs and try to stay on topic.
 looking4u2345
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 131
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:46:10 PM
"looking4u2345
As has been stated by many others besides myself FWB is certainly not for everyone."

If it works for others...believe me, I would be the last person to judge. I just want to get it out there, that is does not work for most. Most people that desire to have sex with someone, like that other person a little more than just as a friend. Also, even if you do like that person as just a friend, sex will often bond you with that person and soon you might find your feelings are more than just friendship. Especially in the case with women. Believe me, I am all for equality. Sometimes I like to think women are even superior (lol)....but women are different. We have certain hormones designed to cause us to bond with the men we are with. As I said earlier....men are wired differently and often sex will have the opposite effect and they are on to the next. It is a cruel trick of nature. That is just the way it is. FWB is nothing to be taken lightly.

And YES...I do know the difference between FWB and FB.
 a_sweet_fishy
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 132
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/13/2007 8:04:39 PM
Everyone keeps saying it is generally the women who have trouble in the FB or FWB situations. I have to disagree here. I have had both FB's and FWB's most of my single adult life. Don't like going without sex and see no reason too as long as I am careful. I can have relationship sex or the raw unattached type. I like them both.

I have never become too attached to a "buddy" except in a couple of situations where we both changed our minds, discussed it, and agreed we wanted more. I have, however, had to push away a couple of guys for trying to be more, trying to get too close. I think the difference is most women fall easier, most men fall harder.

Yes, as many have said, it is not for everyone. It can be a wonderful thing, however, with good communication, trust, and total honesty. The only time people get hurt is when they start lying to themselves.
 cwazychickie
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 133
Friends with Benefits
Posted: 3/13/2007 8:13:14 PM
Friends with benefits is complicated. It has made me realize a lot about the dating scene..... Basically since i started dating in the past decade, FWB took over the term "dating". AND THATS A SAD THING. It has definitely made me VERY SKEPTICAL to trust a guy if he actually wants something more than just a fling with me. FWB has made me more paranoid about dating, what the guys intentions are, etc...What happen to the days when dating was supposed to be fun/stress free and about finding the potential right one. Obviously, times have changed. Now it's just about finding mrs./mr right now....goes both ways.

While it's good that people are honest if they don't want a relationship from the beginning, to avoid leading others on, it still sucks to get suckered into the pattern and end up getting close to someone like that. So if you honestly want FWB, be 100 percent sure that you aren't going to hurt over the guy if he left you. I've been in that situation and have gotten hurt because i fell for 1 guy, it sucks. Now i realize that it's not what i want from a guy. FWB sounds much better in theory.......

I know some people will think that people are naive for trying the FWB thing, when no they aren't. There are some people that just want attention bad that they end up hurting themselves to get it. Least, that was my case. I just wanted the attention. I wasn't naive, i knew i was gonna end up hurt with one guy in particular, so i just ignored my feelings and boxed them up....unfortunately, they came out on someone else i later tried to date and has made dating more impossible for me......more insecure and have more doubts about it. Wish i wouldn't of ever went the FWB route...but eh, it's all said and done and a learning experience.

If you are in that situation, i really can't say much but walk away if you are getting to close...As much as it may hurt, it will hurt 10x more when the person comes to you and says they met someone else they are into more.
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