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 relic58
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 138
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
If there's a library in the town where you reside, there are often adult discussion groups , or most towns have some type of community center where there may be arts and crafts classes or dance instruction for adults. My research always starts with the library in a town. Often they have announcements of local happenings near the entrance. I found this to be true on a visit to the New Orleans area. The visitors centers will have lots of information but if you want to know about free activities, check with the library and community center in a town. Following my divorce I got on numerous mailing lists that keep me informed of free events where I've had the pleasure of meeting people to chat with. Even if you aren't interested in cars, if a car show comes to town, go to it if you want a sampling of the men in the town.

The longer my companion quest takes the more I've considered starting a support group for women my age, in my area, so we can vent about our experiences. There are plenty of men my age in my area but they flit from flower to flower.

Any women my age in the Little Rock area that would like to get together for coffee, feel free to contact me. I've been to the POF gatherings and not enough guys show up, possibly because they're seeing too many of us at once so what would they do?
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 140
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/7/2009 9:51:11 AM
Lookin4smiles;

Love that you introduced yourself to your neighbors! Isn't it amazing that we frequently fail to do this really simple little thing?

Suggestion re: going to events alone that are at night. As a friend, daughter, etc. to drop you off, then arrange to have a cab pick you up for the trip home. Wait inside, with a group of people (even if you have just met, there is safety in numbers) and ask the cab driver to call your cell upon their arrival. This allows you to avoid walking alone a distance to where car is parked, prevents you standing out on the sidewalk waiting for the cab to arrive, and you don't miss your evening event. One note of caution, it is always a good idea to be able to phone a friend or family member in the event that your cab ride doesn't show up. I remind my kids that there were many, many times I ferried them back and forth from school dances, football games, and movies - now it's their turn!
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 143
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/12/2009 6:58:58 PM
when i lived in northwest jersey, i ran my own singles groups. it was between marriages and i was in my early 40's. people came from ny, nj and pa, about 75 per party. a lot of single dads also brought their babies, because it was a homey atmosphere and no drinking,but lots of food and music! i had a big, strong biker housemate, so he made me feel safe about doing it. he also checked out all ID! if i could find someone to do the meetup part ,i would do it here. i would not put it on craigs list, too many crazies nowadays. i have one male friend in his 40's here who might be interested-- so, we'd just make it 40 and up! i do potluck with a cleanup crew and everyone feels like they belong, doing something. with my lymes i refuse to do it all by myself. my martyr days are over and i too "wanna have fun"! i have hosted other meetups as well.

i also was involved in al anon and made many friends there as well. my home meeting had about 100 people attending with many interesting people. i also went into nyc to my jazz haunts. it was anywheres from 60 minutes to an hour and three quarter ride, depending upon traffic, but it was worth it.

allentown pa, in the other direction, had singles dances at the airport, as did other nj areas. back then, most of them were meat markets. but again, i was just "learning". i believe these things are all pretty much still going on in one from or another. they also have single dances here. occasionally i met men from my work, but i was a very visible person and had dealings throughout the state, so i was very cautious. looking back, it was rather strange as my two worlds rarely came together. but, i covered a lot of geographic territory, so easier to get lost in the singles crowds. i finally met my second husband via a newspaper ad!

now in ca, i make friends with neighbors, have my local coffee haunts, beach walks, belong to jazz and indie film groups, plus several others. there are also a few good gyms. you can check out meet up dot com in your area to see if any groups started and if not, start one. we also have great bookstore gatherings and many music venues that range from crazy to laid back.

here, there are non traditional liberal churches to join that are not into "excluding" and many meditation type options. i also made some friends from pof and other single sites. not the "one"-- but friends are good! i was flirted "aggressively" with in the supermarket the other nite,by a really cute guy, but the cat caught my tongue! never was good at stuff like that with a total stranger and he kind of scared me, going straight for my "looks". but, i'm only shy until i get to know people! i am glad i am not living in an isolated area, based upon what i hear from pof e-buddies.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 144
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/9/2014 8:04:26 AM
Watering hole down the street and watch fellow lonely hearts.
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 145
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/12/2014 4:20:39 AM
lol.....just changed my profile only because Im tired of my age group acting the least bit responsible....their acting like they are 18 and waiting for bigger and better....and of course they can cause itsa puter ....as for where to go...good luck....places are all young and looking for woman that are younger than my kids isnt what IM looking for...lol....unreal
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 146
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/12/2014 2:44:03 PM
Wooweewoo13, your new profile is really bad, not in the least bit appealing. Do you really want that to represent who you are? Pay a visit to the Profile Review section for some help in writing an effective and attractive profile, as well as what kind of photos to post.
 forumfella
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 147
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/12/2014 9:53:28 PM

Do any of you feel uncomfortable going to local events alone?


Yes I do, singles dance in the next town every Friday night, have went a couple times with others, would like to go again, but not solo.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 148
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/16/2014 1:58:01 AM
I go to dance clubs. I don't dance with anyone. I just break out in to my wonderful dance moves when the music inspires me. It is not too likely I may meet anyone there. The average age is 25 to almost 30. I am at least out in a social place. These younger people love my overall style. I love this. I have no idea where people my real age go. I guess they have no idea how to have fun.
I am under 50 but over 40. I don't know where to meet people in my age group. I just really enjoy high energy dance music and the complete excitement of dance clubs. I love dressing in sparkling clothes and breaking out in my artistic dance moves. I feel happy when in these places.
 TarSanDiego
Joined: 4/9/2010
Msg: 149
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/16/2014 4:32:34 PM
WOW! Awesome Answer! I'll copy that down for myself....
 roseann1960
Joined: 8/3/2012
Msg: 150
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/27/2014 12:42:13 PM
Meet up Groups are wonderful I'm in 3 meetup hiking groups and one Business meetup group, and coffee is alway a nice start.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 151
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/27/2014 1:09:45 PM
I just go back to bed. No point in going out anywhere and being lonely and frustrated.
 ALBYAK
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 152
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/27/2014 9:05:08 PM
You can try Fishing, Shooting or some other man activity.

In Alaska where I summer and there are not a lot of Ladies do Yoga, Zumba, even SQ Dance outnumbered 7 to 1 in some classes and many of the Ladies hunt and fish. And my fishing buddies think "I" am the crazy one LOL
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 153
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/28/2014 1:16:48 PM
You never have to be alone in a small, interesting southern town or anywhere for that matter.
Some areas are a bit more difficult than others to socialize alone.
Just go sit outside at a coffee shop/restaurant.
The gym is a good place too.
The park, downtown, the beach.
People talk to you here wherever you go.


The thing is, being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 154
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/29/2014 7:39:52 AM
I am lonely alot, and I try to fill my time with healthy, constructive things. I go on alot of hikes. I can chat with people on some, or just be alone on others. Gardening at home is wonderful therapy. I visit friends, or take a drive and find a quiet spot to meditate, and cry by myself if I need to. Everything is geared to reserve those sad times for *outside of work* so it does not interfere with my professional life.

There are some nice botanical parks to visit, to remind me of beautiful things, and of course, the annual trip to Europe where I never feel lonely, but caught up in life and new experiences.

It's a tough row to hoe.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 155
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/29/2014 8:55:23 AM
I have said it before, but it really needs to be stated multiple times for those that get down and seem to be punishing themselves for not having that significant other all the time!!

I may be alone, but it is my choice to be lonely or not! It is an attitude, a desire, and a reality to do things, make things happen, plan things, and find others that are just like you. It is and has been for me, the journey, and not the destination, and if I can share that journey with another, or others, it is even better, but I will not sit and not continue the journey just because I am alone!

When one is out and about, doing things, living life, and letting life live you, others see it, join you, and wonder why you have such an attitude when you see the next bend in the road, or turn at the next stop sign, as an adventure meant to be taken and you are lucky enough to be taking it, and that is what life is all about........living, enjoying, and finding others that share that same attitude. They seem to gravitate to those that look like they are having fun, no matter what they are doing, and with whom.

cd
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 156
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 1/30/2014 3:55:52 AM
lonely and alone aren't the same. lonely is pretty much a state of mind. there are people who are in a relationship with someone, and still they are lonely as hell. how miserable is that? i live alone, and yet my life is peopled by many, many others. where do they all come from? make it stop. if i actually stopped to think about it, i would spend half my day trying to get away from everyone and wishing the phone would stop ringing. I'd like to yank that sucker right out of the wall.

I VANT TO BE ALONE.

when i go somewhere, hopefully it's so far out there i can't even get a cell signal. she who cannot be reached.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 157
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/1/2014 10:24:21 PM
I'm in a chronic low level lonely state if not in a relationship. Unlike others who are content in being single, I never was. I need affection and to be affectionate.

No it is not depression but being human. We are social beings. If in a relationship I have no issues being 'alone'. I can then cherish my down time. Being alone when not in a relationship has a hollowness to it even when I am doing an activity I enjoy...wish I had a partner to share it with or to go home and share my day.

I have my guy. I never have that type of empty feeling. There is something secure about having a foundation...perhaps men don't have the same need.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 158
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2014 7:11:59 AM

The thing is, being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.


This is a great statement. I like the city where I live, but if I were to move to another town, the first thing I'd do is find a bike shop. In there I will find outdoor type of weirdos that are also into physical things. I would go there, not looking for women, but guys, buddies. Once the buddy situation is covered, going to local restaurants, cook outs, or any other activities, will follow. I do not mind some alone time either, but lonely, never.

Even when you go into a hike in the forest you are with the whole universe and the state of mind that you're willing to create, namaste.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 159
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2014 7:31:41 AM
Doria, Message 182-you have some good points. I ended all of my previous relationships and for good reason. Yeah, I DO remember why I am alone now and how, when you travel down the road long enough, you realize that putting up with unacceptable behavior from someone is worse than being by yourself. I just dont want to end up getting into the habit of going on like this forever. Part of it is to protect myself. I cant believe how many alcoholics and people in serious financial straights there are out there. My radar has been on for quite some time now, dodging narcissists, 50 year old guys who live at home or have to room mate because they are broke, guys with no cars..just signs that a man has not fully matured in important ways. (the car thing is a unique, LA necessity, not a luxury in which to judge someone with, we have TERRIBLE public trans. out here)

Anyway the point is, there is alot of carping about "adjusting one's picker" on this forum, and I am making alot of changes as far as what I consider acceptable for myself, and I think they are fair things to avoid-some I mentioned above. Be together financially. Have a job. Alcohol or drug addictions-been there, never going thru that again. Even today, we have the celphone addiction thing going on. Left a few friendships because the other person, literally, could not stop texting thru every movie or dinner we had. Narcissists grabbing on, demanding favors and attention in unhealthy ways. I've experienced alot of situations...I've been deeply loved, unfortunately, by people who can't stop drinking. Been subject to "fake affection" by some who want me to do them endless favors. Been friendzoned. Had to emotionally get myself out of that, dust myself off and keep moving forward. All sorts of variations.

There is some truth to the wisdom of examining who you decide to spend your time with. And these days, I cant just join up with someone because I am "lonely." That would be easy, especially if I liked married men, I get more propositions from married guys than single men. Today's dating world has to be one of the more difficult in recent times. People want everything and are willing to give nothing. Everything has to be about accommodating their needs, and huge issues like alcohol abuse/drunk dialing are blown off and ignored, they will never get help. Married men will stay married.

You know what I mean. You have no option but to adapt to their dysfunction, swallow it down and struggle to get your own needs met.

Doesnt work.

Sometimes being alone is just a way to avoid plunging into more of this. It can really take it out of you. Im not even sure I am ready to take it on, whatever it might be, or invite someone into my world, and have them discover what I am about. It may never happen again. I stand, currently, pretty unimpressed with relationships in general. But my core instincts crave love and affection. Thus, the conflict.
 EricTheBrave
Joined: 12/31/2013
Msg: 160
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2014 8:08:53 AM

Be together financially ...

..... Today's dating world has to be one of the more difficult in recent times. People want everything and are willing to give nothing.


I think the increasing infrequency of the former has a lot to do with the latter.

And this has to be doubly true in our age demographic. The percentage of boomers who will ever be in a position to retire is insanely low.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 161
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2014 8:11:54 AM

I cant just join up with someone because I am "lonely." That would be easy, especially if I liked married men, I get more propositions from married guys than single men. Today's dating world has to be one of the more difficult in recent times. People want everything and are willing to give nothing. Everything has to be about accommodating their needs, and huge issues like alcohol abuse/drunk dialing are blown off and ignored, they will never get help.


I agree with VulcanoKing's statement above. It's better to work on oneself, than go chasing waterfalls for whatever they provide only for the sake of getting rid of that loneliness.

When my last relationship ended. Which was a shock to me, since I was very fond of her. I did not date for a while. Instead I set out to write a novel. In six month I had a total of one date, and it was mediocre to be the least. This did not bother me one bit. I was happy discovering myself. At night I had my cat, my story, my friends, my family.

When I decided to date again, I quickly went through about 5 dates and found myself dating one awesome woman. So I don't know if dating has become more difficult, but rather than we have to keep an open mind.

I think in the end, as much as we want to protect ourselves, when we create a wall to protects us, it also becomes the cell that keeps us away from the outside. Sometimes we need to overcome our own conditioned identity driven by our own fears. Fears of other people, fear of getting hurt again. Fear that the other person will turn out to be the thing we hated before.
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 162
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/21/2014 6:29:58 PM
There are so many places to go if you are lonely. The local animal shelter is a good start. Another place to visit is a book store. Churches may offer some appeal. Lowes and Walmart offer mingling opportunities, and of course there's always the local gym or diner. (I would avoid the chinese food place next to the animal shelter)
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 163
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/22/2014 2:52:24 AM
And just how the fvck do you know someone's in debt or an alcoholic before you've slept with them? Keep on judging and looking down on us human folk while you're alone. Sounds like a lot of shagging was going on before these other things were discovered.
 Fun4us57
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 164
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/26/2014 11:19:18 AM
Is there a p[lace where you can volunteer ? Hospital, library or even dog walking , I have meet a lot of
new friends volunteering for different places . Sorry I guess other people have suggested
this
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 165
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/26/2014 2:10:20 PM
As others have mentioned look up Meet Up groups in your area. Hundreds in my city. I attend at least 3 a week...often more. My boyfriend and I belong to a dozen groups...some together and some individually. If I wanted to do something this evening there would be some Meet Up group doing 'something' that would interest me...indoor women's soccer...coffee get together...an evening walk...etc. just regular people of all ages and walks of life getting together. If you are shy or have social anxiety there are also a few groups here for that.
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