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 miss_allison
Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 3
How do most ladies respond to this?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
omg i know exactly what you are talking about

for me personally i'm a turtle when it comes to meeting people

i like to take several weeks/months and talk to the person on the phone before meeting - i want to try to get to know them as well as possible

i dont meet people so quickly but from what i've been reading it seems a lot of folks do.

call me chickenshit, i dunno
i just know that by taking my time, i've avoided some pretty bad situations by being able to rule out some folks, thankfully PRIOR to meeting them
 Fruit_Loop
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 6
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/15/2005 11:59:54 AM
Nothing turns me off more than a guy who asks to meet me 5 min after we talk...ive never done it nor will i ever...i jus block the guy and thats that...

Myself i have to chat on msn first for a few times, then move to the phone...chat some more...so id say the process takes at least two weeks b4 im comfortable enough to wanna meet them...

Funny u should post this topic..i was jus gonna ask the very same thing!
 miss_allison
Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 9
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/15/2005 7:39:33 PM
Well I will tell you this.

I have dated folks I have met from chat services such as this.

Whenever I have rushed into meeting them - NOTHING has ever panned out - not even friendship.

When I have taken my time to start getting to know them better - I frequently wind up with at least a friend, maybe someone to date and on several occasions long term relationships.

So although some of you might feel its just a matter of asking the right questions, I will have to respecfully disagree. Sure I can ask a few questions and determine if they are married or single, etc. but these questions don't tell me if there might be that extra spark that sometimes develops when you take your time to talk to someone. Its been my experience that if you take more time and actually talk to them on the phone/online for a bit, you can find out more than you ever could within a 5 minute conversation and perhaps, if you're lucky, walk away with something good.

So each to their own. I guess you have to find out what works best for you and go with it.
 judasentinel
Joined: 4/14/2005
Msg: 12
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/15/2005 8:55:31 PM
Makes you think what we men are made of, doesn't it? 5-10 minutes.......but that is way too fast. Even I being a man would NOT want to meet a woman who asks me out so soon.

I guess there is no right answer and no minimum time limit. It depends on how comfortable BOTH persons feel, and more so, the lady. I am not trying to be gender-biased, but it is chivalrous if men first make sure that the woman they are talking to, is comfortable and mentally prepared, before they ask someone to meet them. It is noble, feels right, and shows that you care for the other person.

So, if it takes 15 minutes or 10 days, it is all about feeling comfortable, safe, and excited about meeting someone. Safety is important, and so is the elusive total mental compatibility. However, there is a flip side to the coin, and I am sure many people will disagree to it.

Chatting as a medium of communication is at best, average. It leaves A LOT to be desired, because all that is being exchanged is WORDS, NOT MEANINGS. Both sides are free and at liberty to perceive the same thing differently.

Good communication is NOT transfer of information. It is SHARING of a common MEANING. Chat sometimes achieves it, but mostly it misses it by a whisker.

If I wrote the word 'Green' on chat, someone could think I meant the color, whereas I was referring to something being too new/novice. The problem in chat arises when people ASSUME the meanings of the messages being received, and FAIL to seek clarification. But the problem is that if one continues to ask clarification to achieve a COMMON understading of everything, not much will get discussed or shared. And remember, in communication, only 7% impact is through words. The rest is non-verbals, which are TOTALLY missing in chat. Our society is getting more and more plagued by STANDARDIZATION in everything. Whether it is housing, cars, or any other products, people are made to feel more comfortable with the predictable and the expected. Expectations (many times implicit) are made the guiding lights of every relationship. What gets missed out is the spark, the vivre, the excitement of unpredictability. But I guess it is the nature of the beast........(I think I am running ahead of myself).

So, if someone is able to impress you with just that 7%, imagine what that person could do with the other 93% (non-verbals, body language, etc.). And this is true for not just honest people, but also the manipulatve ones. So, please be careful with anyone who wants to go out right after the first chat. Each person's comfort level is more important than the desire of one of them to see the other.

That is my two cents. I tried to give a balanced view, which may or may not resonate with the others here. But it is an opinion, so feel free to give feedback and/or add.

Luke
 miss_allison
Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 16
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/16/2005 11:24:48 AM
guyrob, i respectfully disagree

Its my opinion when you've taken time to get to know someone, for example talking to them on the phone for a few weeks - BOTH parties have a bit more invested in each other and arent so quick to make a decision based on a stap decision.
 Pandy
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 21
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/16/2005 6:36:05 PM
I'm in a serious relationship now, so it's moot, but when I was dating , I prefered to meet sooner than later.

the same day is quite extreme, though...... I prefered two or three long chat sessions or several more short ones online,if that goes well give them my number for two or three phone calls, and then meet (in a very public place) to let my instincts tell me if everything we have discussed has been genuine on his part. I really do take most things that are told to me in IM with a grain of salt until I have met the person , and judged for myself that they are genuine. (and that only takes me a few minutes in the persons company....it's all in the eyes)..THEN the "stranger" I have in front of me becomes the person that I "know" from IMs.

At Keycee....most men would be a little wary of the fact that every time I've met a stranger I've had a weapon on me somewhere. (and yes, I have a concealed carry permit)
 judasentinel
Joined: 4/14/2005
Msg: 22
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/16/2005 6:39:22 PM
Hi Partiallycooked,

Exactly my point.

I have professionally trained hundreds of employees of many multinational companies in many successful behaviors that have transformed their work and personal lives. I have taught people how to be creative, how to become better at communication, and how to make a difference in their own lives through simple self-awareness techniques.

As much as I have been successful at work, I have been not so successful in personal life, because I had decided to commit to my decision of being married to someone who physicaly and verbally abused me for 8 long years, and I took it because of my children. Having said that, this statistic is derived from the work of Albert Mehrabian, a professor at UCLA, who put it forward in two books, 'Silent Messages' published in 1971, and 'Nonverbal Communications' published in 1972. Since then, a lot of work has been done in this field, and almost every study, without fail, confirms the theory. Now it is an accepted rule. Think about it, and it also makes sense. Body language itself is 55% and tone of voice (pitch, quality, stresses, etc.) is the other 38%. Of course, in different situations, the ratio could be different from each other, but the point is that verbal communication (words, language) is significantly insignificant compared to non-verbals. What is said is important, but the impact it would have is based on HOW it is said. If I tried to give the speech that the great Martin Luther King gave ("I had a dream......"), I probably would NOT have an impact, even if I used exactly the same words as he did. Or if I said something that George W. Bush says, I think it would make MORE sense than him. Why? It is all HOW you say it that has an impact. WHAT you say is mere words that convey a meaning, because we need words to attach meanings to things. But the problem is that the words are always prone to perceptive understanding, which could be different from your own. It is all in the mind. Perception is how you see things, and that becomes your reality. It does not matter if I said I love you. It is what you think it means.

This is something that I guess most people in relationships also fail to see. The two main reasons that come to my mind as to why relationships fail, are lack of effective communication, and arrogance. The latter prevents parties from budging from their respective stance(s), and does not let effective communication take place. From early childhood, through religion and morality, we are taught that the devil disobeyed God because he thought he was superior to man (arrogance), and that is why he was eternally cursed. I am not sure if it is a true story, but I guess wise men in all times have known that arrogance of humanity is its greatest enemy. Arrogance makes a person vulnerable and careless. It prevents a person from learning anything new.

We men are more guilty of that, because being left-brained, we are more mathematical and literal. Women being more left-brained are more in tune with their own emotions and therefore relate better with people. Not to stereotype (I am left-handed, so in an awkward position, because I am more right-brained......no....I am not having a gender change), but there are certain biological realities that we must accept. Other than that, nothing stops ANYONE from becoming better at communicating. It is only the willingness to learn (counter to arrogance), and to apply the skills learned. That is all.

I could go on and on, but I guess this is enough for now. I just wanted to share my POV (point of view). Hope this post of mine will NOT be taken as an attempt by an arrogant person, but from a man who speaks with sincerity, authority and experience. Communication is the key, but not like this:

Rock on........


Judasentinel
 Pandy
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 34
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/16/2005 8:49:48 PM
at Mommy, have you considered using "disposable" MSN or yahoo accounts?
they are free, and if you have given them to someone who later creeps you out, you can delete them......you can set up one identity solely for dating potentials.

Just a thought....it worked for me when I needed it to.
 Pandy
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 36
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/16/2005 9:06:23 PM
I meant that you could delete the "disposable" email account entirely
 creter
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 41
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/17/2005 12:18:07 PM
A while back a girl messaged me and we chatted for a few minutes befoer she asked me to meet her for coffee. She turned out to be a great person. And we are still friends. It would have been a great loss not to have just taken the offer. Sometimes you have to stick your neck out to get ahead.
If you meet in a public place your going to be safe. You can get up and just walk away. How often have you been approched in a bar asked to dance and said yes. Did you talk to him for three months first?
If you want to meet people and get to know them you have to meet them. You'll only know what they want you to know. Yet if you meet them you see them for who they are. And you'll spend a lot less time talking to guys you really don't want in your life.
Take a chance, Mr right just might be the next guy that asks you out. Sure gonna kick your ass if he just passes you by.
 Raven34
Joined: 3/8/2005
Msg: 56
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 4/22/2005 7:38:57 PM
I was thinking about this the other night and came to the conclusion that online dating is sort of like "high pressure sales"......they are the product and they are telling you that you just can't live without them.....lol (I'm not talking about all men just some of them)

I enjoy taking the time of getting to know someone first. I usually trust my gut when it comes to a time frame of when or whether to meet. Some I know relatively quickly that there is no sense perusing beyond here and others grab my curiosity and I want to learn more about them. Generally, I email through here for a bit (I don't IM here as it is ridiculous how overwhelming it can become)......then I'll take it to personal email/IM sessions....to the phone and finally to a date type situation if it suits us both.

The ones that feel I didn't move quick enough are entitled, after all there are plenty of fish in the sea. The ones that are more like me don't have an issue with it. I like to date but I am not someone that dates for the sake of dating. I don't want my time wasted and I certainly don't want to waste someone else's time. I think it best to take a bit of time to find out whether there is enough commonality to bother taking it from here to real time.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 66
view profile
History
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 5/15/2005 9:00:09 AM
5 minutes?

there are many who ask in the first or second email!!!!!!

eeeek!
 creter
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 72
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 5/17/2005 4:17:23 PM
Well I'll tell you this,,,You will only know what the other person wants you to know. You can talk to someone for months and not know anything at all about who they really are. Ive seen it happen. Why waist your time, go meet them. How do you think they did it before the internet? I have talked to girls and then met them and was just shocked at how different they where. You need to meet, you can pick a safe spot like a mall, a pub, even a church if thats your thing. But the sooner you meet the less time you spend chatting to a person you wont like.
 lrover
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 75
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 5/19/2005 6:48:10 AM
I can be anyone behind the screen, you could be anyone and play any role. The only way to cut throught the crap is to actualy talk. There is way more to communication then just words, thats why smileys and emoticons is needed with e-friends.
P
 Stillalicious
Joined: 2/9/2005
Msg: 80
How do most ladies respond to this?
Posted: 5/22/2005 8:51:56 AM
I so agree with you partially!! Constantly finding myself in the same position. These guys just don't get it....and they are so impatient about meeting. I don't mean I want to wait a year or even a few monthes if we are talking regularly, but in the first email they try for msn then in the first conversation they have with you, they are pushing for meeting in person...too much too soon is my opinion. I am not using this just as an opener to meet people. Its also a way to weed out those I wouldn't be interested in, that means conversation before meeting.
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