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Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 2
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Responsibilitys of Age Gap RelationshipsPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It does take an age gap to find yourself facing this responsibility.

Many widowed people lost their spouse when the s/o was in their 30's or even 20's. My husband was only 38 when he died.

People face responsibilities in different ways. Some will become great caregivers. Some will run regardless of their age.

A few times I have had friends both young and old tell me how their s/o's health problems where just too much for them. I have watched others go above and beyond to do everything they can.

I know I would not walk away and haven't walked away in the past.

Personally, I wouldn't date someone 20 or 30 years old than myself. Not because they might get sick. Just because I prefer someone my own age.
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 6
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Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 3/1/2007 9:20:20 AM
Judgments have always been made and will continue to be. The only one that really counts, is your own. If a person goes into a relationship where there is an age gap, are they fully aware of all the possibilities of things that might occur in the years to come? Changes will happen more rapidly for the older person. If the person looks good for their age a year or so, there could be a dramatic change. I think if you go into a relationship fully aware of the possibilities and with acceptance of whatever changes that may occur, you are on the right track.

If you are below 50 or 60, the age difference might not be so apparent, that is, you can enjoy the same activities and share interests unless an illness or accident occurs. Not many people take notice of a couple who both have gray hair even if there is an age gap!
Some men become bald or go gray at an early age making them appear older, while women can color their hair and do many things to make themselves appear younger.

I'm not good at guessing ages, never have been. I just think it's sad to see older men chasing after much younger women thinking this is what they want, this is what they can have, if they just find the 'right' one. Time marches on and even if you still 'feel' young, take a reality check! Some will continue to be rejected and become bitter old people forever chasing their elusive dream 'mate'.

I guess our greatest mistake is thinking that we 'can have it all' (looks, personality, loyalty, humor, financial security etc.) all wrapped up in one person and all we have to do is find him/her and ta dah... a match made in heaven!
I use to love some actors, they were handsome and 'made my day'. I have seen them recently and they have aged and don't look anything like they did when they were younger. If they were in a crowd, I wouldn't give them a second look. Same person, just aged...well have I!
At this point I think my own age group offer enough challenges without 'dipping' into the age gap pool.

 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 11
Responsibilities of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:57:38 PM

It's actually now the main reason I have mentally prepared myself to "nobody" being there if and when another personal issue comes up. I survived the first one due primarily to the love of my immediate family and closest friends. But as far as that 'caring' and 'nurturing' myth that I was led to believe women possessed, I learned quite the opposite where women of my generation are concerned. Again....I hate I feel that way.

Let the flaming can't hurt somebody who's been somewhere worse........

Its unfortunate that you have been hurt in such a manner but don't paint us all with the same brush. What you experienced didn't have anything to do with age was about what was "lacking". There are plenty of loving and caring females out there, don't let a negative experience sour you against all woman.

 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 13
Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 3/29/2007 6:41:05 PM

Hopefully when you pick a mate you pick someone with integrity. I did and he did. We loved each other, and that's why we stayed together until the end.

...Well said, and thats all we can hope for.

Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 14
Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:22:30 AM
My neice had a stroke at 29, She had a 3 year old from a prior relationship and had been remarried for a year. As soon as she got home from the hospital, her husband said...sorry I cant do ill people and left. She had a feeding tube cause she had to learn to reswallow etc. She is 49 years old now and has completely recovered.

Age isnt an indication of how someone will act if the other person in their life becomes sick. I think this is more common when people settle vs find the right person.

When these age things come up I think of John Travolta and his relationship with Diana Hyland. He was 18 years younger than her.

Wikipedia says
"Hyland was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy.
However, Hyland's illness overwhelmed her quickly and less than a year later she died, reportedly in Travolta's arms, at the age of 41.
Travolta accepted an Emmy Award on her behalf when she won posthumously for her role in The Boy in the Plastic Bubble."

What a guy...even at a young age.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 15
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Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 10/5/2008 11:26:02 PM
I had a relative who was 28 years younger than her husband. He ended up being a boring old guy, she was youthful and energetic. She kept taking care of him as he became blind and unable to take care of himself but she was having affairs with guys closer to her age. He found out and got angry. They divorced. He ended up alone and bitter. She found someone nicer and closer to her own age and they stayed together a long time.

I don't know what I would do. The guy would have to be exceptional for me to be involved with him in the first place. That being the case, I can't see myself abandoning him because of illness.
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 19
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Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:45:05 AM
I would bet that the age of our parents and the age of our children plays a role in who we choose to get involved with. My father was 23 when i was born, and I had my first kid at 20. I have no interest in getting involved with anyone who is closer to my father's or my son's ages than they are to mine.

A cousin of mine, whose parents didn't have her until they'd been married for twenty years, married a guy who was 18 years older, she was in her forties, he was in his sixties, they never had kids. Everything was great until he hit 80 and started falling apart. She did stand by him, but I think she was relieved that his deterioration did not last too long.
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 21
Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 8/5/2009 6:38:43 AM
I can't even bring myself to date someone who appears to be like my father -- just too strange for me -- so I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who reminded me of my Dad......who was 28 when I was born.

But I would "be there" for my partner, and would hope that he would "be there" for me, too, if illness or accident struck.
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 24
Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 8/22/2009 8:20:54 PM
The age gap only exist if someone lets it be a factor...when you deal with deal with real people and no one's health is a sure thing.

There is a difference between someone who refuses to take care of themselves, who might have addiction issues and not get the help they need and someone who has developed an illness. In the past I stayed for addiction issues which now I wouldnt, if someone I love is sick Ill stay until the end.
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 25
Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 8/22/2009 8:40:38 PM
I've only been on here one month:

F**K NO! I've been there with someone who was ill. I am not a damn nurse maid! Thats what we hire ppl for......

Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 26
Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 8/22/2009 8:41:53 PM
I'll tell ya'll all what: That when we hire 2 good lookin' nurses to take care of you
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 28
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Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 8/24/2009 7:12:24 AM
I've had this happen...and honestly, I don't think I would "sign up" to do it again. If someone were 20/30 years older, it would be more likely that it would happen they would become ill (although any of us could be hit by lightening tomorrow) There is nothing more excruciatingly painful than watching someone you love slip away, and being helpless to do anything about it.

If someone I loved became ill, I would do what I did before - be their advocate, educate myself about their illness, and fight to do everything to help them get better. Love isn't just for when the sun shines.
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