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 drg1301
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 68
The Sex MistakePage 3 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
sadly so many are going to go by this instead of thinking for themselves. The article can not and does not deal with individuals only generalities as seen by the author.
Simple fact of the matter is that it dosen't matter how many of these books and advice letters you read. It is still going to come down to the two people involved and how they interact.
 pretty_little_princess
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 69
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 5:14:18 PM
High voltage,

Finding a man less desireable because he is having sex with a lot of women is NOT a way to protect my ego. I simply won't get involved with him in the first place, because I don't find it to be attractive. It shows that he doesn't value relationships in my eyes. It has everything to do with the way I would view his morals, and personality, and nothing to do with competition with other women. You really have it all backwards. When there are soo many men who are of high quality who value relationships, and don't sleep with countless women at the same time.....why on earth would I go for one who does? Sure there are men who are handsome and successful who sleep around, there are also men who are ugly and bums who sleep around.....it has everything to do with character, little to do with them being "high value".....They might have the POTENTIAL to be high value, but if they are sleeping around then they knocked themselves waaay down the latter in my eyes. I'll think of them as being cheesy and dirty....sorry, don't find those qualities very attractive.
 RAZ49
Joined: 2/10/2004
Msg: 70
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History
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 5:33:29 PM
Men feel love through sex even if it is a one night stand. They feel for the time being that some one cares. The man that wants a relationship will feel loved by his partner every time they make love and he will be more willing to show her love in return in ways she needs. Give a woman flowers and candy and she feels loved, give a man sex and he feels loved. It's not by choice it's just the way we are all made.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 72
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History
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 7:27:22 PM
I thought it was a very good article in general and because it takes the natural difference's in men and women into account.

Although...
I think that it is probably not a good idea to make too many formula's and strategies and method's about relationship's. To quantify and to formulate and to have first sex timing policies and so on and so forth.
I would think it is better to be much more open and spontaineous and to be a bit vulnerable than to be closed with all sort's of pre-planned rules and regulation's.

Maybe the one rule would be to be careful to start out with someone who your gut instinct say's : this person is a good person.....and then just go with it ....nothing is guaranteed.....that's life .
Trying to be "safe" is losing the spirit and devoid of depth , and being too guarded mean's you may well end up as being a cold island of a person.

Ok , here comes a corny old saying:
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
 coca2
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 73
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 8:11:47 PM
So, when a woman masterbates and has an orgasm does she bond with herself?
 drg1301
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 74
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 8:39:07 PM

So, when a woman masterbates and has an orgasm does she bond with herself?







 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 75
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History
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 8:58:23 PM
So, when a woman masterbates and has an orgasm does she bond with herself?


^^ Hmmmm .......this is a post that say's :" you have no choice , you must reply with a joke" ........

Ok then : .....
No, because she must be thinking about me.
 sung21heart
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 76
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 9:08:26 PM
I've never known a "high quality" man who was seeing several women. A guy playing the field isn't looking for a relationship, he's looking for a playmate. Nothing in the world wrong with that. It would be a mistake for a woman to think that by being a playmate that anything more is going to evolve from it that is going to lead to an exclusive relationship.

I think the same goes for women. Unfortunately sex is used as a sorting tool. I know I have used it as one. I would never take a guy seriously if I could sack him on the first date. He just isn't boyfriend material. He's a pleasant diversion. I don't want to talk with him, I don't give a damn what is important to him, I want a little action. I don't let him come to my home because it makes it more difficult to leave when I want to. I just want to touch briefly, do the deed and go home.

When I am looking to establish a relationship I am much more interested in him than his penis. What does he think about? What does he read? What makes him laugh? What inspires him? I want to get to know him, spend time with him, discover his interests. When all those things start to gel, the sex becomes an incredible icing to a tasty cake. Worth waiting for and more delicious for the delay.

A hui hou.
 floodedsky
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 77
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 9:12:31 PM
What exactly is desirable about a man who is seeing and having sex with more than one woman? I can't think of any woman who would find a two-timing male slut attractive.
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 78
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History
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 9:29:00 PM
Dig this....Mistakes made and lessons learned.

Theres no better teacher in the world than yourself.
 Anabolic
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 79
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/2/2007 9:32:03 PM
A very insightful article especially for promiscuo women who misguidingly believe the only way to get or attract a man is to make her toybox readily and easily available .
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 80
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History
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 4:14:26 AM
Coca2 writes in msg 73,
So, when a woman masterbates and has an orgasm does she bond with herself?


Suddenly everything makes sense! I've read, over and over, how women should remain alone after a relationship fails. "Don't date anyone for a while. Get to know the true "you". The things you like, don't like. Take time to love yourself."

It all makes sense now. A most enlightening thread.
 SophieAnne
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 81
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 6:26:29 AM
Well, I don't consider myself naive. However, I think I have somewhat deluded myself into thinking that if a guy likes you sexually, he is interested in all aspects of you. And I admit I have been disapointed by this over and over again. I can understand the point of the article, and it does make sense to me. If you want to present your better qualities as far as personality and who you are, and not JUST your sexual...qualities (? heehee), then maybe, slow down on the sex talk and verbal/visual foreplay....at first. I also agree with DRG....sex IS part of a relationship. It's something to be shared and enjoyed. And I don't think putting a 1 month rule is gonna help anything. Just another game ...
 blastkissed
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 82
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 7:36:58 AM
Good article OP. Resounds with truth, unpalatable to many I'm sure but true for me nonetheless.

If a guy is talking about sexual things right off, he's totally lost my interest. Oh, I'll still be friendly with him but I'm looking for that "slide that he can slip off of" in our conversations...he just won't get me interested again.

Because I look for a relationship with a man who esteems sex rather than sees it as a food group, I have specific requirements around the "getting to know me" phase.

Actually, there are so many who want to talk sex right off the bat with their flattering compliments, trying to get you all pumped up with the "you're so sexy, my god every man must be after you, bullshyte" and they hope that all this ego pumping will want you to plug into him for some more juice. Peh...

Actually I can honestly say, after reading through this post, I've come to an important realization. What has turned me off to sex most is men! How weird is that? I mean I enjoy being sexual with myself, I enjoy having orgasms, I enjoy feeling sexy...but it's come to a point where mens' over identification with it has just got me thinking I'd rather run home and masturbate. They bore me to absolute tears...

If I have to hear another long sexual innuendo from some guy who's trying to get his jollies, I think I'll puke LOL! I am sooo bored with it.

The thing is, I've noticed how so many men have NO conceivable idea of what emotional intimacy is. The only method by which they seem to get "close" is by using sex as the buffer. To me this is a sure sign of an individual who isn't very well rounded,therefore automatically disqualified as a potential interest.

He won't be the one getting the sex out of me. It'll be the guy who "gets it" when it comes to the pathway of my interest.

1) peek my interest by something OTHER than sex (I've had lots of sex, nothing you can say at this point would peek my curiosity)

2) stimulate my intellect (actually make me think...)

3) Let's see how good you are at relating on an emotional level and if you manage that, I'll let you into the gate.(actually GET interested in knowing me APART from my sex first)

Show me a man with some depth to his soul, some quality intellect and an understanding of how the female mind works and I'll show you a man who's gonna get a lot of sex. It's all about the "mind fvck"...it's got nothing to do with what's in your pants.
 High.Voltage
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 83
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 7:59:51 AM
My final comment on this topic is to point out a reversal of cause and effect which some seem to have made:


What exactly is desirable about a man who is seeing and having sex with more than one woman?


This and similar statements portray that *because* a man is seeing multiple women he is more desirable. This is not what I am referring to. A man who was a lot to offer *attracts* more women and consequently has more options.

- HV
 SophieAnne
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 84
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 8:15:03 AM

First of all, I have a problem with this. If I tell a guy I like wearing heels and lingerie, it doesn't follow that I am promising him sex.


Well, if I tell a guy I like wearing golf shoes, shirt, and skirt....what does that tell him? That I like playing ...umm...golf. Please. Let's call a spade a spade. You tell guys you like wearing skimpy clothing...you're hinting to sex. Not a promise, but a hint of a promise nonetheless.
 moon_fish
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 85
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 9:22:18 AM
Sex is never a mistake- it is something that is either done well or poorly.
 drg1301
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 87
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 10:04:13 AM

I wish there were a guide to building,seeking,and securing healthy happy relationships :>



There is!!! You have it with you all the time. It is in your heart.
There is no guide or book that can do more then offer generalizations, by very definition a guide can not deal with individuals.
It comes down to the two people involved. Trust ,honest and truthful communication is the keys in all relationships.
 Blake5555
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 88
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 10:42:05 AM
People should probably wait for a while before having sex. And of course it's hard. My first wife was so wrong for me, but we had sex on the first date, if I remember correctly. If I talk about how wrong she was, i will sound idiotic, but the sex was amazing. We lasted seven years.

It's REALLY easy to get hooked on the sex. And it can happen literally overnight.
I'm no prude, and I like sex, certainly, but it's not the be all end all. Sex is important, but it's not everything. The media packages sex as if it's the only thing that matters, and it's in our faces 24/7.

As a teacher, I see what this does to young people, and it's not good. Do 7th graders really need to be consumed by whether they are straight or bi? it's crazy.

There is a huge talk regarding sex before marriage, somewhere on the forum here, about 85 pages! And there's a lot of strong opinion, mostly that people just can't wait very long for sex.
Traditionally, everybody waited until marriage. Marriages actually lasted and meant something.
I'm not saying that I could wait til marriage. I'm too old for that kind of torture, and I would be afraid that there might be bedroom issues(and they do exist).
On the other hand, jumping into bed right away, not good. I mean, not good if you want long term.
Take your time folks! Get to know the person. Be honest with yourself and the other.
My ex, seven years into marriage, told me that my belief in God was a "crutch."
After she spoke those words, I think we made it another three months or so.
Religion and spirituality are HUGE issues. Money is a big issue, and education is part of that discussion.
You have to consider many different factors besides sexual attraction. I guess I'm lecturing here, it's the teacher in me, but I'm sort of reminding myself at the same time.

Good luck to everybody and find the real thing.
 1800DoUCare
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 90
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 10:48:27 AM
Very good Post::::
I am going to copy and paste it for when I have more time to really read it,,

Skimmed over it but seen some truth in there....
 ~squirrly~
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 91
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 12:32:56 PM
Well, if I tell a guy I like wearing golf shoes, shirt, and skirt....what does that tell him? That I like playing ...umm...golf. Please. Let's call a spade a spade. You tell guys you like wearing skimpy clothing...you're hinting to sex. Not a promise, but a hint of a promise nonetheless.


huh? I wear heels everyday for work and I like nice lingerie to sleep in. How is that a promise that he's gonna get sex from me? Sorry but to me, it doesn't follow. Thats like people saying if a woman wears a mini skirt shes asking to be raped. Or girls who have tattoos must be easy.
 AngelAmbie
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 92
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 1:14:05 PM
Freude...I think that this column could go into MANY of the threads posted on POF. It was a great read and VERY true. I hope all the men out there pay attention.

Edit: I also hope the women pay attention!
 drg1301
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 93
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 2:28:57 PM
Angel I think the column is full of it. Just another piss poor attempt to generalize everything.
The best advice one of these guides or one of the relationship books can give is to THINK FOR YOURSELF.
 AngelAmbie
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 94
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 2:34:44 PM
Hey drg1301! I think it's okay if we disagree on this one! I found that some of the "tips" and the examples under them were very relevant to a large number of women that I know personally, but also that I work with. You are right that it is a generalization and not everything in it can be relevant to ALL women or men. But many of the things said are, on average, true. JMO!
Cheers!
 drg1301
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 95
The Sex Mistake
Posted: 3/3/2007 2:58:40 PM
Angel I respect your opinion.
In my view this column should have been posted with the thread asking if men really have to have the chase. The OP there quoted part of the book He's not that into you.
Now despite the fact that the book was written in large part by a comedian. Despite the fact that many men and women have disputed the findings of that book (just as they have disputed the findings of the column in this thread) the book and this column is being given Holy Grail status among some who can't grasp the idea of learning to THINK FOR YOURSELF.



CHEERS

edit
in my last relationship we had sex within the first half hour of meeting and we were together for 17 years.
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