Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 herba_mom
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 13
view profile
History
What do you do with an immature father?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I had a similar experience, so I thought I would share with you what I learned.

I broke up with my daughter's bio-father before I knew I was pregnant. I was lucky, I found out the truth about him before the talk of a baby came into the picture. I did tell him about being pregnant, but on my terms. I didn't want him to take advantage of me and my child. I only wanted him to know in case my child went looking for him, once she was grown up. You see I knew how hard it was to deal with the disappointment and devestation of being lied to and cheated on. What I realized is how much that can screw up a child, if they have a parent that pulls that crap. I would not wish this type of parenting on any child, especially my own! I knew I could face problems trying to keep him away, but I also knew I could do anything if I was doing it for my child.

I was fortunate, a lot of calls I got from him after my daughter was born were from prison...his was a drug problem. So I didn't worry about him knowing how to use the law to his advantage. It sounds like the guy you are dealing with does know how.

Though I know nothing of the custody case, I do know that two variables are likely involved: 1) he knows how to work the system to his advantage; and 2) he was able to prove that his other child's mother was not capable of taking care of the child.

You can't change #1. That is about someone else's actions. But you can change #2. You can be the best mom there is and then he has no amunition to take your child away.

I will tell you, I was 30 when I had my daughter. I always wanted to be a parent, so I was ready to be a single parent. You need to ask yourself some serious questions that all go back to what is best for this special human you are caring inside you and realize that your choices today will significantly shape your child's life. This is very hard to do since human, by nature, are selfish. That's why being a parent is a true test. You are truly mature when you can put someone else's needs in front of your's.

My advice to you, make your number 1 priority be whatever is best for your child. From there you will find you are capable of whatever the bio-father throws your way.

By the way, being a parent HAS TO BE important to you. I have made a lot of sacrifices, but my daughter is quite successful and I am glad I work hard every day to be a good mom. My daughter is 12, she skipped a grade and so she will be going into high school this year (before turning 13). Not recommended if kids are not mature enough, but you see single parent kids frequently are very well rounded and well parented. My reason for sharing this is, not only to brag...as every parents does and should...but to point out that many times being a parent will bring out the best in you and if you let it you will educate yourself on being a good parent who works to educate their child(ren). You learn how to reach out and find the best for your kids, like charter schools and scholarships. There are a number of human services agencies out there. I could give you some tips if you are interested.

I have written quite a lengthy response, I know, but I did want to share what I learned going through a similar situation as yours. Good luck to you, and please remember to always consider whats best for your child, when making choices in life.

Take care,
Jen
 scruldbrug
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 15
What do you do with an immature father?
Posted: 3/25/2007 10:14:49 PM

I'm more or less just looking for some advice, I got pregnant 6 months ago by a man who I was dumb enough to believe was going to marry me.


So... you chose to get pregnant because you were engaged?

Was this just something you thought you'd do or did he have any say in it?
 sweetie425
Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 16
What do you do with an immature father?
Posted: 3/26/2007 12:52:31 AM
So many posts on here from single women who got pregnant and the guy leaves them. It seems to be a new trend. It seems todays young people think it's a wonderful thing to create a child and then worry about getting married. The only problem is in most cases the guy splits before the little bundle of joy comes along.

The other thing I don't understand is why women now days seem to think a man saying I love you means I want you to have my baby. I have to ask, Ladies, where is your common sense ? With today's modern methods of birth control there is very little chance of having an unplanned pregnancy, so why get pregnant by a guy you aren't married too ? If any of you younger people can explain your reasoning on having children before you're in a loving marriage to this old lady I sure would love to hear it.

Many will say it takes two to make a baby, but let's be realistic, women are the ones who are usually left with the majority if not all of the responsibility to care for and support the child so they are the ones who should make darn sure there is no chance of them getting pregnant before they are in a stable, loving, marriage. It's in their own best interest, and the best interest of the child.

The other thing I don't get is people having 2 or more kids and each child has a different father or mother and these people were never married to their child's other parent. Don't get me wrong. I think children are wonderful, and that every baby is a precious blessing but I think it would be a more mature decision to wait until marriage to have children.

I just want to add, I think the exception would be for a woman that is single, financially secure, and her biological clock is ticking and she knows she can provide a stable home for her child, someone that knows she is emotionally ready to be a single parent, in that situation I can understand deciding to get pregnant and become a single parent.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >