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Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 51
Polyamory - open marriagePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

You're partner decides who you can or can't date? I thought the idea was to have "relationships" outside of the primary relationship (that didn't have anything to do with your partner and that relationship). Interesting...

Yes, that is usually one of the golden rules of a poly relationship. Your secondary relationships are not secret, usually the primary wants to meet them and approve of them first. If the primary objects for any reason then they don't see them, or it is considered cheating. While the relationship does not involve the other partners, it does not mean that you can do anything you want.

Swingers on the other hand often allow for non-permision based play. But they typically aren't entering into relationships with any of the people they go out with.
Joined: 1/24/2003
Msg: 52
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Polyamory - open marriage
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:15:06 PM

If anyone hasn't read then - I suggest now would be the time.
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Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 53
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Polyamory - open marriage
Posted: 11/10/2011 7:06:11 PM
It's interesting and unfortunate how inflamed people get about this topic. However, I will direct a post to you regarding your comment about "evolutionary biology".

The evidence proposed for humans being a monogamous species is shakey at best. If you want to go around throwing evolution into the argument for why a husband and wife can't agree to see other people, I would highly suggest you read "Sex at Dawn". It provides well written and thorough arguments against the myth of humans being *evolved* as a monogamous species.

I will summarize a few key points.
1) Of the apes, there are no monogamous species. In primates there is one and their behavior is very different to ours. Namely, they like in small family units that are very territorial (unlike humans who live in groups and like the company of other non-related individuals), they have obvious ovulation (unlike women) and they have sex only to breed, also unlike humans, who have sex far more than one would need to make babies because...
2) We have evolved to have sex a lot. Females have evolved to enjoy sex and desire it just as much as men, no matter what we are told. There are interesting anatomical and behavioral features about male and female human genitalia that attests to this.
3) Our two sister species (Chimpanzees and Bonobos) are polyamorous, which is a multiple male:multiple female mating system. There are hunter gatherer systems where this still takes place because organized religion has not stormed in and told them off about it. In these systems, owning another person is foreign and there are pretty good reasons why polyamory works in these places. There are also anatomical adaptations to support our polyamorous origins. A polyamorous mating system works because of...
4) A lot of sperm competition. This means that instead of males beating the crap out of each other for mates everyone gets to mate and the sperm does the all the work. *They* compete to fertilize the egg and kill other sperm and a woman's body makes them work for. Since there is sperm competition in these systems, it allows for larger group size with more than one male, even unrelated males. This would not happen in monogamy and would definitely not work in polygyny.

A response to this would be that, well we are monogamous, therefore where did that come from? Well, that came from agriculture, the need to keep track of who your offspring was and the idea of possessions and ownership. Which needless to say extends unfortunately to include women. In case you didn't know, the ninth commandment is "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything *that is your neighbor's*". So you know, even though the wife is another human being, she is just another piece of property to defend.

Now, I know this is a very long post (sorry for that) but this is something I am quite passionate about. Frankly, everyone is entitled to their opinion, only God knows why that needs to extend to judging the sexual habits of other informed, consenting adults. However, I cannot tolerate the citing of 'evolution' to condone that kind of behavior.

I don't expect you to change you opinion, it's yours, but I did want to provide you with some facts.

Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 54
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Polyamory - open marriage
Posted: 12/6/2011 10:30:07 AM
Well said.

The commonly held monogamy is not true monogamy - true monogamy is ONE partner, for life. What most people practice is Serial Monogamy.
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