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 .tiamat.
Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 8
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The MIRRORS in our livesPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I absolutely agree with this, and yes, it is a metaphysical concept that makes people just a tad uncomfortable. Rather than seeing 'negatives' mirrored to us as an excuse to further beat up on ourselves or judge ourselves unworthy, it might be better to use those aspects as a guideline to chart our healing path.

Often I find that what is mirrored to me teaches me about how I was wounded when I was younger - people can mirror an abuser, a parent, an old teacher, whoever - and if you're able to recognize the dynamic in that mirroring, you can start to address how you may have had to accommodate or compromise your own integrity of Self in order to just cope with the initial abuse. We all have these blind spots, and yet the mirror will make them visible, if we would only look.

I find a lot of people shy away from truly seeing what is in the mirror because it takes a real love of the self to be able to look and not take it personally. Deep down, I think most of us have been made to feel, at some time or another, that we weren't good enough, or even that we're somehow evil. So seeing a negative aspect will seem like confirmation to many that they are not a good person, when in fact the opposite is the case - we all started out innocent.
 Tarika
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 11
The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/16/2007 3:07:29 PM
I took the mirror image hypothesis in psych 101 many years ago. I don't totally agree with it but it does have some validity. I do not like liars ...is that because I lie?...no, I tell the truth about 99% of the time. I don't like sneaky people...am I sneaky?...no, I am pretty upfront most often and I usually say exactly what I am thinking. These people do not reflect myself in the least.

However, my closest and oldest friends do reflect most of my values and beliefs. And, I agree that everyone who has come into my life whether I have liked them or not...have taught me at least one thing.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 15
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The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/19/2007 11:43:48 AM
i believe that everyone is a reflection of who we are and vice versa. if we like something in someone, that "potential" is within us. if we don't like something in someone, the same "potential" is within us. mirroring serves as a thermostat for our own choices and our own behaviors.

however, there are also many "screens" and "siphons" that can be placed between us and our mirrors. thus, our perceptions can be altered and are varied. there is a similar discussion with astrological signs. they say that some are more compatible than others, but if your mate is not the "perfect" sign for you, then perhaps there is something that needs to be learned. there is also a similar concept in aromatherapy, as well as in addiction. you crave what may be bad for you. but again, there are lessons to be learned.

so, perhaps we don't always make the best choices when faced with the good and the bad, in that those lessons have already been learned. and, if we do make the best choices in one area (such as relationships), then perhaps there are other areas with respect to work, food, money, food, etc. that pose the life challenges that we are here to experience.

i don't dwell on all this, as per the poster who's also had enough of the "new age" books. but i do recognize when a mirroring experience occurs-- so that i can adjust my own behavior/energies, either by tuning myself down or rev'ing myself up. this serves to motivate me and cheer me up when the lessons are not all that pleasant.
 sunshineheart
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 16
The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/19/2007 12:59:44 PM
Oh yes the people we have in our lives are our mirrors...and here is the reason why...it is so we can learn and grow. A 'mirror in another person' doesnt always mean that that person is the same as you...a mirror means that your interaction with that person allows you to see yourself better....it allows you to see if there is some dirt on your face thus giving you the oppouruntity to clean it off ...if you so choose.

Now here is where is is interesting.....the people closest to you, expecially you r S. O. is your most powerful and useful mirror. This is because the deepest most hidden parts of ourselves (and the parts that need the MOST healing) dont usually come out in our day to day interactions with people that we have less signifigant relationships with. Any deep down unresolved issues (that you may not even be aware of) will only surface over time and within the safety net that a close relationship will harbour. Lets face it.........repressed anger, abandonment issues, self worth problems, intimacy fears, trust issues, ect.... dont come up in the relationship with your coffee buddy at the office.

When you come to understand this, relationships take on a whole new meaning. Instead of exsisting to 'bring you happiness'...they become a classroom in which you can begin to see and heal your darkest parts. Unfortunatly most people fail to see this and jump from relationship to relationship when the skeletons start falling out of the closets. Most people are looking for the 'perfect' mate and present themselves as such when entering relationships. 'Baggage' is not tollerated and will often send the other person running for the door. This is too bad because its not being real..it is wearing masks.

So take a good look at the interactions with the people closest to you. How do they make you feel? What negative traits come out in yourself? Are there any patterns in your life and the partners you choose?........ stop running from it......look in the mirror the relationship offers you....and be thankful for the gift in that

.....now go wash that darn dirt off your face LOL
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 19
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The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:56:44 PM
well, i am sure many of you women have been irritated at one point in time or another at your moms! so as you get older, try posting this on your wall:

mirror, mirror on the wall...
i am my mother after all!

all the things she did that used to totally irritate me, i find "myself" doing now.
 .tiamat.
Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 23
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The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/21/2007 5:45:16 AM

The Mirror theory can be used as a tool for all of us to see who we really are. I know people don't want to accept the possibility of this theory, because it would make them face who they really are, Good and Bad.


I find the wording on this statement a little problematic. I agree with the first part, we all want to find out who we really are... but 'Good and Bad'? This makes the assumption that we all have inherently 'bad' parts to us. Which is untrue. We are wounded and damaged, yes, but that is NOT a part of us.

And I think this is the main reason why so many people reject the idea of the mirror. Our society automatically labels people who are wounded or damaged as somehow 'bad', and no one wants to be labeled that way. And in fact, it's not the truth. When we've been hurt by whatever circumstances in our lives, especially as children, it's through no fault of our own. We need to make a distinction between what is part of who we really are, and what is just an imposition.

So when you find yourself surrounded by people who are abusive, liers, cheaters, etc, and you reject the mirror as a tool of learning because 'that's not me, I would never do that' - well, you're right, but perhaps what the mirror is showing you is that this is not the first time in your life you've had to deal with people like this. You have an opportunity to heal something in yourself, and the mirror always provides information. You just need to get out of your own way and stop owning everything in the mirror, it's not personal, it's just information.
 Dr.Strange
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 29
The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:53:05 AM
And is ACCEPTING them only the beginning of this statement? Or would you agree it is "accept" in others and "confront and begin to change these aspects within us" so that these people tend to fall away or exit our lives all together. And ... WHERE do I start??


Acknowledge what these traits are first are they going to make or break the relationship ??The Mirrors concept doesn't work for Me,maybe I'm seeing something in You all that I don't like about myself. on paper I'm sure it is a good concept for some,
A little compromise in any relationship is good.But Sam, never give up who you are just because someone see's a trait in you that they don't like,Change because you want to change ,who is to say some other mirror might not reflect back and see what they like .I have to go comb my hair in the mirror.
 Dr.Strange
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 32
The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:27:36 AM

Thank you Tiffifish, Sombient and Dr. Strange for your comments. I greatly appreciate your replies to my emails as well, and will happily and enthusiastically immerse myself in inner reflection


Yes...many of Us need to work on that inner reflection thing for sure,
you know that one reflection that says.."One Flew over the Coo-Coo's nest"....
 Tsitsistas
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 37
The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/22/2007 12:30:00 AM
I have to agree with the above poster ^^^^^ somewhat and I'll take it in yet another direction of thought.

I think its simply amazing how you all give so much credit to "SELF".

How can one remotely agree with this crap when all externals elements , known and unknown, are being completely unacknowledged. Here's some questions for you. Who brings these mirrors to you? Self smelf (phooey)

I think "the mirrors" would make awesome reading literature for insomniacs, instant cure.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 43
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The MIRRORS in our lives
Posted: 3/23/2007 12:24:44 AM
hey sam, sometimes if you see a part of yourself in others that you might not like, you might also be able to forgive yourself. it's often so much easier to forgive others isn't it? so if you share an annoying or even deeply negative quality, then by forgiving yourself as well--you can go forward with the rest of your life. i think this is the essence of many 12 step meetings. a saying amongst 12 steppers is stick with the winners (don't shy away from them as you implied!). you also deserve to see the good in yourself. by sticking with the winners, you will.
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