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 MetalGrrl7
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 26
men and chattingPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
99% of the IMS I get are from men that have never emailed me and 99% of those IMS are from guys asuming I am going to go out for drinks with them before I even type one word. Just because I am on a dating site does NOT mean I will go out with anyone who decides to randomly IM me. I get lots of guys calling me a b*tch, wh*re, what have you, because I don't want to talk with such rude people!!! Ignore comes pretty quickly!
 6thFinger
Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 27
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 6:11:02 AM
This is a problem for us guys also. A lot of us only want a nice chat-friend to talk to, but many women get so turned off by all the random messages they get from pushy, rude guys, and especially guys looking for cyber-sex, that they just stop answering random messages.

I added a disclaimer at the top of my ICQ profile that says clearly that I'm not looking for cyber-sex. It seems to help. A few women have actually commented to me that they appreciated that.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 28
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men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:20:54 AM
A lot of us only want a nice chat-friend to talk to, but many women get so turned off by all the random messages they get from pushy, rude guys, and especially guys looking for cyber-sex, that they just stop answering random messages.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a chat buddy . The problem is when a person is looking to use this as a dating site and many seem to want a chat buddy , but they don't state it as such.

I do think that there are a rude guys who wreck it for the majority. But there are a few rude women as well .
If you were to mail the person first and explain you're a nice guy who isn't looking for cyber sex but would like to chat ....would that not be a solution?
 gonzofanmel
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 29
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men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:34:15 AM
Oh God...it's even worse when you're online and don't respond to someone's IM requests or e-mail and they send you messages like "Why haven't you contacted me? I see that you were on here (X number) of days/hours/weeks ago? And you didn't think of dropping me a line? What's wrong with you? Why are you blowing me off? If you just want me to stop bothering you, then just SAY SO! But DON'T play this game with me!"

And meanwhile I might have dropped him a three word line once about three weeks ago....I didn't realize that was equal to a relationship......Helllloooooo Crazy Psycho Man........
 Rebellious
Joined: 2/5/2006
Msg: 30
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 10:03:02 AM
Msg: 1



I seem to have this problem.......When men message me and we talk, they assume right away that i am interested in dating them. I have had a few freak out on me and accuse me of leading them on. Why? When you talk to someone on here does it mean i am officially dating them or want them........cant anybody talk without expectations?


It happens to me too sometimes. I'll send a woman a humorous one-liner and she'll reply with 3 paragraphs on why we are not a good match. I'm only testing her sense of humor, and she's already analyzing the possibilities of marriage, and "why would I be interested in her if she can't have children"...
 geezerbloke1
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 31
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 10:24:23 AM
yeah they can,but although you might like the attention,they might see it as a green light.example if every man on here messaged you and you had enough time to reply,how many would you bother with.i bet it wouldnt be all of them,firstly cause you wouldnt be bothered and secondly youll either only talk to someone who attracts you or someone who's near on the off chance you click.people ie men in this case want to talk to you for a reason,just bare that in mind.
 Hey Sam
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 32
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 10:25:12 AM
WHY CHAT ON A COMPUTER DATING SITE IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Wellllll ... a few ideas are:

1. To get to know more than one person at a time a bit better without committing to a first date/meet. If you are meeting too many people, you seem to get a bad reputation for 'using' or 'teasing' people.

2. To see if you have anything in common with people who are interested in getting to know you a bit: sense of humour, history, values, morals, life style, interests, short term or long term goals.

3. You have no stinkin' time for a relationship or social life but you like the interaction on the forums.

You can learn things about a person when you talk over the computer and then once you've learned enough that you like, you can move on to meeting each other. I think if we take each meeting - as meeting a new friend - with no expectations - we are going to gain, in the least, a new friend.

We all have different ways of doing things though. And that's what makes POF great! There is bound to be someone out there SOMEWHERE that you are compatible with.
 suzanne36_lkn
Joined: 4/14/2006
Msg: 33
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 10:32:38 AM
I have chatted with and occasinally met people that I wasnt exactly interested in 'dating'. But if they seemed interesting and nice, no reason not to be friendly with them. I try to let them know that I'm just looking for interesting friends. Seldom is it a problem, if they know up front. I dont see a reason to ignore someone just because they arent the one Im looking for.
 manny541
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 34
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:04:30 AM
I have chatted with and occasinally met people that I wasnt exactly interested in 'dating'. But if they seemed interesting and nice, no reason not to be friendly with them. I try to let them know that I'm just looking for interesting friends. Seldom is it a problem, if they know up front. I dont see a reason to ignore someone just because they arent the one Im looking for.


I totally agree..I have done the same. When chatting or meeting a lady, I make it known in the beginning that I am just here to meet people and enjoy some company. Going to dinner alone all the time can get boring...someone to talk to or just have a laff with is always nice. If the lady is dating other men...that is up to her. We are all adults here.
 nice2cu
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 35
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:41:42 PM
People who are just chatting should definitely not expect the other person to drop what they're doing and pay exclusive attention to 'them'.
You just can't expect to monopolize someone's time when they don't really know you.
To presume someone is interested in you just because they replied to a message is just wrong...ego or no ego.
I'm sure there's lots of people here that are still getting over a past relationship and are in search of attention and or a rebound.
Just saying that not everyone is in the same frame of mind............(understatement of the year!...lol)
 msusnicknel
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 36
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men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:51:42 PM
It's popular to say, "Don't have any expectations," but if I didn't have any, then I'd date a three-toothed, balding, ignorant woman who likes to throw stones at children . .


Damnit Summer teeth, you made me spit my coffee all over the computer. Thats the funniest comment I've heard in a long time!

Seriously, I'm of the opinion that this is primarily a dating site, so why act surprised when someone wants to meet? You can always say no. And if the guy gets rude, you can block them, right?

On the other hand guys, unless you are a LOT smoother than I, you don't really expect a girl to go out and have wild crazy porn-star s3x based on an unsolicited one-line email, do you? Wow...now THATS confidence.

 Wuddychunk
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 37
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:56:31 PM

When men message me and we talk, they assume right away that i am interested in dating them


It seems to be that your looking for friends seeing you have written that your looking for people to hang out with on your profile. The men are out of order. They should read your profile.
 missskinnypinny
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 38
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men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:58:00 PM
it looks like ur going to have to clearly state right at the begining of ur conversations , this will avoid confusion
 Wuddychunk
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 39
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:59:06 PM

this is a dating site


If this is a dating site, why do people have on their profiles that they are looking for people to hang out with of friends etc.?
 Rock City Livin
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 40
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 1:03:47 PM
I'm not so sure it is even attention or a rebound. For some they may feel out of touch with socializing outside of a comfortable circle. Many of the friends they have may well indeed be shared by the other person they were in a relationship, and expanding your social circle is like a breath of fresh air. Getting to know someone without the seriousness and having it be more relaxed by chat would be ideal, much like the pressure some feel with a first date. Although serious topics can arise the mood can be lighter.
 *tinydancer*
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 41
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 2:05:41 PM
They actually want to date you? Consider yourself lucky. Usually when a guy messages me, it's for sex. Although nothing in my profile states anything remotely similar to an intimate encounter.

I think sometimes the reason people freak out is because they've come to the end of their rope with this internet crap and can't stand any more rejection.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 42
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men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 3:45:21 PM
I don't think anyone should feel rejected from the internet . There are so many out there that are not really interested in meeting anyone for various reasons. It mean's very little to be turned down when you ask somebody out . Many are just plain leary of meeting anyone.
The only real rejection possible is after having met in person.....and even then , most don't totally click anyway.....so it's not the end of the world.

I think women get leary very quickly .
Women possibly expect too much , put way too much expectation on stuff and then a couple bad experiences makes them not able to make much of an effort from then on in to meet anyone new.
Having rude guys im-ing or mailing for just sex sure doesn't help their attitude either.
I think there are only a few loser guys who do this childish crap , but it sets a tone.

I have met with a couple women who were really demoralized because they had met a few guys and were disappointed . They seemed ready to give up . I felt like ...what did you expect an instant soul mate?
A good attitude is important .....never expect too much , have fun (when possible ) and never take things too seriously.
 glitzy gal
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 43
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 4:09:01 PM
hi dont think your on the right site.after all this is a dating site . why waste time talking to someone who your not interested in. what would be the point of that.cozy little chats!!! dont think thats what we want.i have lots of men want to just chat. i just want to fish for partner
 glitzy gal
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 44
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 4:09:08 PM
hi dont think your on the right site.after all this is a dating site . why waste time talking to someone who your not interested in. what would be the point of that.cozy little chats!!! dont think thats what we want.i have lots of men want to just chat. i just want to fish for partner
 glitzy gal
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 45
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 4:09:15 PM
hi dont think your on the right site.after all this is a dating site . why waste time talking to someone who your not interested in. what would be the point of that.cozy little chats!!! dont think thats what we want.i have lots of men want to just chat. i just want to fish for partner
 Loz Hunter
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 46
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 4:38:55 PM
cedar77

So you have dated off this site, wow glad someone has.

The problem is the bad people contacting others out-weigh the nice people thus causing a stand offish behaviour zone.

Being asked do you take it = here, there or somewhere else, in the first contact, can be a lot off putting of causes blocking and deleting. This works both ways men and women.

Humour on e-mails, well that only ever works with precise punctuation, the right pauses, and of course lateral thinking, between the writer and the reader. If after several messages and a couple of phone calls a joke is made, then maybe it would be understood.

But, to ask the highly personal questions, then say, I was Joking you B**ch, W**re, S**t or anyother pet name they can think of at the time endearing the reader into beleiving that of course the writer was joking. OH I GET IT NOW, just before blocking and deleting them.

Always treat others as you would want to be treated - can go far wrong with that attitude.
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 47
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 4:51:49 PM
In the OP's defense, she does have Hang Out in her profile. That would indicate to me that she is NOT looking for anything serious.

I have TALK/E-MAIL listed. And actually, I have a couple of very good men friends on this site. We do not have cyber sex. We just chat and give each other advise and such. Sometimes, people really just need someone to talk to.

Personally, I just really like the forums and never stop coming here, whether I'm dating someone or not.

One piece of advise, OP... Don't lead them on, tell them right out front what you are looking for.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 48
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History
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 5:48:08 PM
cedar77

So you have dated off this site, wow glad someone has.


Loz Hunter....if you haven't got a date, this thing is really broken .

Yeah I have dated a few...but only after much wasted time ......amazing hey? dating from a dating site.....what a concept!
I used to think it was just guy's who had to put up with all this....but I know of a girl who is really attractive and really is a good catch and she really wants to meet decent guys for a relationship but can't ....because they are either "not good" or they seem to not be willing to make much effort......she does live a bit out of the way though.
 BigDog60
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 49
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 7:23:07 PM
I assume from your profile and PIC you are free and 21, ergo you can do as you please... In fact your profile says hang out not dating as does mine, and that means you want to get to know people, chat, maybe message... and then take it from there!

It is thier problem if they assume to much, but then again most do!

Don't blame yourself, you are not the problem!

Have fun and good luck
 ddream
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 50
men and chatting
Posted: 3/20/2007 7:39:40 PM
Well, I guess those guyz have a problem if they really think you are interested in dating them when chatting to them...

In my opinion if someone wants to chat with me then there must be a reason why she wanted to. Either for fun or for my great personality.. LOL.. Nothing more and nothing less...
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