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 RedheadTexas
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 85
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
From the husbands perspective.

First of all. This is how I feel and how my own experiences made me react and such. I can't speak for EVERY man out there but maybe if someone is reading this and doesn't see how a husband / boyfriend could consider this... hopefully this can help.

My wife and I have had a MFM experience... two as a matter of fact.
We are not 'swingers' or anything such as that. We have only been involving others in our bedroom activities for a few months.
We have been married for over 4 years. We dated for almost 2 years prior to being married.

The absolutely first thing you have to realize is this. I don't love my wife any less today than I did 4 years ago. In fact I love her more!
I know that no matter what happens in my life or in hers (sexual or not) we can sit down, talk to each other about it and know that the other will not judge them.
There is a HUGE difference between just talking to someone and COMMUNICATING!
Now, we have our good and bad days like any couple.
Due to that, we never 'share' if one of us has any negative emotions towards the other.
However, we don't go days, weeks or even months with anger in our hearts like other couples. We sit and talk about our issues... We could have planned weeks before for her steady 'boy toy' to come over, but if either of us are still feeling a little hurt by our last argument, then we cancel it. PERIOD! And we both know that sharing those feelings will have no negative repercussions. That is called trust, respect and open communication.

Onto how I felt with everything.
It was NOT her Idea. It was mine. I had some fantasies that were rare but very intense and the emotions they brought up were purely sexual. I had imagined watching her being used sexually by more than just me. Sometimes it was another woman, others it was another man. One night we were talking about our sexual pasts and experiences and the subject came up. I told her about my fantasies and her immediate reaction was 'no!'. But unlike most couples we didn't just drop the subject, we talked about it. Why she felt that way and why I felt that way. We laid everything out on the table and didn't hold back our thoughts. After that night I left it at that and didn't bring it up again. A few days later she brought up the subject again and we began talking about what type of person we would like to be with. Then the subject lay dormant for another few days... Then we talked about it some more. It was about a month or more that we just talked about the idea. No planning or anything. Just talk!
I brought the subject up with a friend of mine (a guy I had known for a few months and we go have a beer together every now and then.). He told me about when he was married that he and his wife had done the MFM thing a few times and he talked about his experiences.
Our friendship grew and one night he wanted to meet for drinks but I couldn't so I told him "How about tomorrow night you come over for dinner. The wife will cook and we can just chill at my house." He agreed and a few days later he came over for dinner. It was a nice night just being friends and he even met my two kids and was a really nice guy and respectable person in my house.
The next day I started talking to my wife about what she thought about him... it was the typical "he was nice, blah blah"... Then I told her that I was thinking about him being 'the one'.
She said she does have to think about it and we spent the next two weeks talking about it off and on. And even when he came over again for dinner there were 'looks' between my wife and I with these little winks and non-verbal communication to tell each other "yeah, this might work" or "no... Not gonna happen".
She was comfortable with the idea after we had long talks and we began to prepare ourselves for the things to happen.
We sat down and literally typed out a set of rules.
They are simple in some ways but others they have deep meanings.
Examples:
Condoms: He must wear one. PERIOD!
Only weekends with kids staying at relatives. No week-nights or times with kids home. (duh)
No toy play. (We have our own sexual toys we play with... those are for us.)
He does NOT sleep on her bed.
NOTHING happens without the other in the room.
When he leaves the bedroom, we make love.
We also laid our key ‘words’ that we never use normally that relay our feelings. We have one for 'it's all ok' and another for 'I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable' and lastly the 'stop everything now' word.
etc. etc. etc.
We talked about how I envisioned the night happening and she discussed her own views.
This level of discussion and revealing deep emotions is what makes the difference between something possibly happening that I or she may not be comfortable with vs. one of us having a knee-jerk reaction to something in a negative way.
Our first experience wasn't as smooth as we thought it would be.
As the night wore on after dinner she wore a 2 piece lingerie and a robe.
When it came to getting her out of it, both my friend and I were acting naturally and being very slow and seductive. That made me feel a bit weird. I asked them both "can we hang on for just one second? I gotta go to the bathroom."
We already had set that if the other goes into the bathroom and turns the faucet on, that the other should follow.
So she came in and I explained myself. We stripped her naked and returned.... Everything from there on was MUCH better.
One thing we discovered is that the way things start makes a huge impact on the way things are perceived by me.
The second time he came over for fun, after dinner she went to clean up and returned wearing nothing but a robe.
After sitting and talking (the 3 of us) I grabbed her legs and told him to help me carry our toy to the bedroom... That night went SO MUCH better than the first.
The key thing from a husband’s perspective is this.
When I'm sharing her... She's not my 'wife' she's my toy. She's a sexual object.
Keeping everyone's mentality in that realm is what keeps everything where it should be.
After we're done using and abusing her. Our friend goes and crashes in our guest room. My wife and I then make love. We don't 'screw' or do anything really like that. We have deep passionate and emotional time together.

Now...
There have been a few moments after where I have some jealousy feelings. But we talk through them.
She has had times when she needs to talk to me because she feels that I may be doing this just for her and not for 'us'. So we talk through those times too.
If we didn't talk and communicate with each other so deeply and honestly there is no way we could do anything like this.

Personally, I feel that husbands who totally cannot envision this type of activity are somewhat insecure, overly possessive and mostly they don't fully trust their mate.
What is sad is that more often than not, feelings of distrust and insecurity are considered normal and acceptable in today’s marriages.

This type of thing isn't for everyone. Even if they are in a very open and honest marriage or relationship.
We don't look down on those who don't share. We respect their decisions.

All we ask for is the same in return.
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 86
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 1/14/2010 7:26:57 AM
Seems pretty gay to me. But swingers and cheaters are wired differently just like the gay. It is who they are and it's kind of dumb to wonder why other people like the strangest things, they just do. Either that kind of thing turns you on or turns you off.

I personally don't see any grey area, I don't want anything to do with other men's**** or bodily fluids, and I don't want a mate who has eyes for anyone else. And I would only want MFF if I was just friends with the girls and not in a relationship.

I do think it is important for people to know who they are and accept it and stop trying to live a lie in order to be like everyone else. Gay guys need to stop marrying women, swingers and cheaters need to date each other and stop ruining the lives of monogamous people.
 he4she
Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 87
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 6/19/2010 5:10:17 PM
Without honesty in a relationship you have nothing.
The bottom line is: this is so much better than cheating.
Cheating involves lying, then lying again to cover for the previous lies.
From there it is lies, lies and lies.
This perspective makes a threesome the lesser of the two evils.
Without honesty in a relationship you have nothing.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 88
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 6/20/2010 8:20:22 AM
its always something i wanted to do, in fantasy, next long term relationship, will be with a woman that will try it!
lets face it 80% of porn is about mfm somes, so most men dream about it
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 89
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 6/20/2010 12:21:53 PM

Open marriages are most times very close and strong marriages.

I'd like to see the data to support this statement.

The couple that wrote the book Open Marriage ended up divorced. And then he died so they can't get back together.

I've known couples that experimented with "open marriage" since the early 70s. None of them survived for long. Not one. I'm not saying it can't happen, I've just known quite a few that tried and failed. Of course, a lot of marriages fail, period.

But as for the OP's statement, I do not believe there is reliable data to support the statement.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 90
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 6/21/2010 7:15:26 AM
Your mileage may vary, of course. I know many couples in the swinger community, many of whom have been together from 5 to 35 years, and who've been swinging from a few months to 15 years. Most are happily married, and as far as I can tell, have the depth of relationship to remain so. I've also seen some of them split up, but the rate doesn't seem to be any different than the rate for non-swinging couples I know, and the reasons they split very rarely has anything to do with swinging. Like non-swinging couples, their problems in other areas of the relationship lead to the split.

Of course, there are cheaters and low-life types among swingers - just as there are among non-swingers. Cheaters exist in all walks of life, of course. While I can't provide hard statistics, my own observation has been that there is a little less cheating in the swinger community, because there are more ways to satisfy the desire for sexual variety and adventure without having to cheat to get it. If the relationship has other problems, then yes, it may still happen because you're already unhappy with your partner, and swinging isn't going to fix that! It may delay a split, but typically won't prevent one.

I'm not surprised that former swingers don't talk about it. What reason is there? Since non-swingers typically don't look favorably upon it, why bring up the subject knowing you're going to be looked down on?

As for MFM - some do, some don't. Some men get turned on by watching their partner with another man, and many women really seem to be excited by it as well. Doesn't work for me, but if consenting adults want to do it, good for them. It's easier to arrange that FMF, apparently, because both straight and bi single women don't have much to gain from the arrangement that they can't find elsewhere. Such women are called unicorns, because they are so rare and hard to find! And of course, the ones that do exist are in high demand.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 91
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 6/21/2010 8:55:36 AM
I did some reading and there doesn't appear to be any significant difference in the divorce rate between open and monogamous relationships. So it's just up to personal preference. Nobody gets to claim their way makes the marriage last longer than someone else's, just they just get to be satisfied in doing what's comfortable for them.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 92
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 6/22/2010 7:51:56 AM

I did some reading and there doesn't appear to be any significant difference in the divorce rate between open and monogamous relationships. So it's just up to personal preference. Nobody gets to claim their way makes the marriage last longer than someone else's, just they just get to be satisfied in doing what's comfortable for them.

Can you, or anyone else, provide some actual studies to support these statements? "I did some reading up on this" is hardly a reliable source.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 93
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 6/22/2010 3:51:35 PM
Obviously nothing like this works when their are insecurities floating around.

My issue would be more with STDs. I simply have to imagine that anyone that has such a free sexual lifestyle would be a good candidate for STDs. Who the hell wants to worry about stuff like that. I read a book, a while back on being a male slut, and all the protection advised therein, dental dams and things like that (never even heard of such a thing) take any enjoyment out of such activity!

Not only that, but there are a lot of freaks, weirdos and mentally unstable people around. Who wants to invite THAT into ones life?

Why not just leave such fantasies to the imagination? Things ALWAYS work out perfect!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 94
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 12/7/2010 11:06:37 AM
If I have a husband and will share me with another men ,women for our marital intimacy, I will charge the participant $4000. 00 and the watcher $2000.00. Money down ,cold cash for 45 minutes if he did not cum too baaad..

There are only three kinds of women that lives in this Earth, 1. A Respectable woman ,the mother of HIS children. 2. A whore, money down first, before she hand down her "ware" whoever and whatever you are........ 3. A Slut who give her "ware for nothing for anybody..

I would rather be a whore for a man who disregard my soul , I would be a meat for his buddies, strangers, to fulfill his fantasies for a PRICE. I think that is fair..
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 95
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 12/7/2010 12:06:09 PM

When she would present her used self to me, our sex was outrageous. Don't knock it until you have tried it!

I'm not going to try it for the privilige of knocking it. I'll just say that although I'm not knocking it, I can't imagine what you describe as a turn on and fortunately, my fiancee has no inclination to perform such an experiment to find out how un-turned on I would be.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 96
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 12/8/2010 6:04:26 AM

When she would present her used self to me, our sex was outrageous. Don't knock it until you have tried it!


Agreed!

We don't do MFM but she has been freshly used when I get home from work... it's a rush and brings out the superman in me.....competition!
Even our sperm was designed to compete BTW!
 MXLife
Joined: 8/4/2010
Msg: 97
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/8/2011 8:24:33 AM
If your into MFM or FMF, there's onlly one place online to locate threesomes from what I've found. 3SomeMatch.com had the single lady we were looking for.
 slydave
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 98
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/22/2011 10:56:11 AM
That in itself is typical for a guy like your self to believe that it would lead to divorce. Apparently, you are the controlling and jealous type that probably would start so stuff with your wife. Your beliefs to me are complete nonsense. I think it is quite alright for a couple to have MFM threesomes. Of course, I would have some rules myself, and I would actually like to get to know the guy first. I think as long as the two guys are close friends and all three maturely enter into an agreement about it then it is very possible to remain true to your girlfriend or wife and vice versa. Just because you share your wife doesn't mean that you love her less. Seriously, if you are an old fashioned type individual, then please keep those beliefs between you and your significant other. This is a different age a day that we live in, and as far as my generation goes, we are learning how to maturely and effectively approach things more open-mindfully. I have been in mfm relationships myself and everything worked out ok. We split up because we just no longer had feelings for one another which is why many "fashionable" couples, whether straight, gay, or bi, also split up. Correct? So, if you personally feel its not for you, then don't pursue it. It's that simple. Just don't force your beliefs on everyone else. I can't stand people who do that. You live your life the way you want, and let everyone else live their lives the way they want. Agreed?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 99
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/22/2011 12:18:39 PM

1. A Respectable woman ,the mother of HIS children. 2. A whore, money down first, before she hand down her "ware" whoever and whatever you are........ 3. A Slut who give her "ware for nothing for anybody..

**Snort** This is priceless. I really don't even know what to say to something this ~~~ odd.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 100
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/22/2011 12:27:56 PM

This is a different age a day that we live in, and as far as my generation goes, we are learning how to maturely and effectively approach things more open-mindfully.


Has there been a generation in the history of mankind that didn't think that of themselves? And like all generations before, this one too will learn how much they really didn't know. Add that to death and taxes as certainties of life. Sometimes we see the person standing in the road with the truck coming and we can only watch the coming carnage.

As with all things in all relationships, this can only be achieved with 100% honest communication between the couples involved.

If one participant only agrees to make his/her partner happy... Epic Fail.
If one or both partners jump in without discussing completely with total agreement... Fail

It doesn't matter if your President is Obama or George Washington or even Fred Flintstone... that fact holds true for the ages.
 ultragain
Joined: 2/28/2011
Msg: 101
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/22/2011 1:08:51 PM
My my, what sweeping pronouncements! What ambitious opinionating! Here’s mine…

Forty or fifty years ago, divorce was shameful, oral sex was kinky, anal sex was almost unmentionable, homosexuality was taboo and cougars hadn’t been invented. Today, they’re all commonplace.

And forty or fifty years from now, the alternatives people find shocking today will be pretty ho-hum. Busy-bodies will still clamour for relevance. But can you imagine someone railing against oral sex today? They’d be considered cranks.

So get your kink on while you can. Safely. Somewhere, a Sunday-school teacher is probably doing the same.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 102
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/22/2011 3:44:39 PM
Forty or fifty years ago, divorce was shameful, oral sex was kinky, anal sex was almost unmentionable, homosexuality was taboo and cougars hadn’t been invented.


My father poofed a little over 50 years ago- I wasn't the only one to have that experience. Oral and anal sex got whole cities burned down, according to one ancient report, and the acts still bear the name of one of those towns. Homosexuality is as old as the species, or at least as old as the Roman Catholic Church, and the only thing about cougars that wasn't invented long, long ago was that particular name for it.
The storied Greek and Roman sexcapades had it all, it seems.
There is nothing new under the sun, says the book of Ecclesiastes. And I ain't no Sunday school teacher, Lol. A little historical perspective seems needed in this thread.

Every generation of youth seems to find some way to break out, flout the older. Now, wearing waistbands of jeans around your thighs instead of waist, that's new, I think! lol


Today, they’re all commonplace.


I think it would be more accurate to say that they are now includable in "all the news that's fit to print".

Christine O'Donnell, who recently came in second in the DE senatorial race, wanted to outlaw masturbation, "except in a marriage setting". They called her a witch, but never a "crank". lol
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 103
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/22/2011 4:30:04 PM
A little historical perspective seems needed in this thread.

Oh I love history. I'll play with you. (HA...that doesn't read quite right, but I giggled out loud so I'm leavin' it.)

~OT~ The history of the 3-some. Menage a trois:

Ménage à trois is a French term which originally described a domestic arrangement in which three people having sexual relations occupy the same household – the phrase literally translates as "household of three". In contemporary usage, the meaning of the term has been extended to mean any living relationship between three people, whether or not sex is involved, but because it has also been extended to refer to the actual sexual act between three people, otherwise known as a threesome, the term retains its suggestive quality.


* Sir William Hamilton (British ambassador to Naples), his wife Emma Hamilton, and her lover, the naval hero Admiral Horatio Lord Nelson, from 1799 until Nelson's death in 1805.
* Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, the Duke of Devonshire, and Lady Elizabeth Foster
* Henry Mond, 2nd Baron Melchett his wife, Amy Gwen Wilson, and writer Gilbert Cannan.
* In Sweden in 1775, Count Adolf Fredrik Munck af Fulkila had reputedly been hired by king Gustaf III to assist him in the consummation of his marriage with Queen Sophie Magdalena. He was to act as sexual instructor for the couple. His "aid" is alleged to have resulted in the birth of the future King Gustaf IV Adolf in 1778. By further rumors, he was the lover of the king as well as of the queen. These rumors eventually had serious political implications in the end of the House of Holstein-Gottorp's rule in Sweden.
* The German intellectual Dorothea von Rodde-Schlözer, her husband Mattheus Rodde and the French philosopher Charles de Villers from 1794 until her husband's death in 1810.
* Poet Ezra Pound, his wife Dorothy Shakespear and his mistress, concert violinist Olga Rudge.
* Surrealist painters Max Ernst, Paul Éluard and his wife Gala, later Gala Dalí.
* The author E. Nesbit lived with her husband Hubert Bland and his mistress Alice Hoatson, raising their children as her own.[1]
* William Moulton Marston, creator of Wonder Woman, and his wife Elizabeth Holloway Marston lived with and shared a relationship with Olive Byrne.
* The actress and stage director Edith Craig who lived with and was in a relationship with the dramatist Christabel Marshall and the artist Clare Atwood from 1916 to 1947.
* The actress Hattie Jacques lived with her husband John Le Mesurier and her lover John Schofield.[2]
* Speculation that, in 1547-8, Queen Catherine Parr, widow of Henry VIII, and her fourth husband Thomas Seymour were involved in a ménage with the future Queen Elizabeth, is probably exaggerated, although there were well attested episodes of sexually charged horseplay involving the three.[3]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_%C3%89luard
Hey, if it's good enough for Kings and Queens, Duke and Duchesses, I think it's just fine for those in today's society that wish to indulge. But that's just how I see it.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 104
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/22/2011 4:42:34 PM
^^^^^ Menage a trois, the sport of kings? AND queens? What a kick. Always delightful to play with you, Darlin'. Lol
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 105
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/22/2011 11:04:54 PM
LOL, MCHURCH I gotta ask... is there anything youre NOT against and down on?

Hey, MFM and FMF, FFM are all awesome, perhaps if I was bi I'd think MMF was too.
Just because I'm not doesn't mean I'm gonna put down someone who is and enjoys it!

Heck, I'm not even gonna put you down for always raining on everyone's parade, but do you have to be so incessant about it? Dang dude, stating your opinion is one thing...harping endlessly is another!
So, MFM threesomes aren't for you....cool, don't participate in them. Understand that others enjoy them.
Those that enjoy them aren't hurting anyone and they aren't making you participate or hear about it...threads like this are easily passed by.

To the OP, MFM is perfectly natural and can actually increase both your performance levels and love for one another. It's also possible that part of your enjoyment of this comes from the rise in testosterone you get from the competition.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 106
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/23/2011 8:09:14 AM
I've joined couples before. And I would happily do so again. Or be with a woman who is honest and open about it with her husband, and he has no problems with it.

Though personally, I don't want to share my girl. Of course, she's quite happy with that. The two of us want to find a woman to have fun with, but not another man.

We're a poly couple, seeking our "unicorn" as they like to say.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 107
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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/23/2011 9:48:57 AM
Hey! jco and m church,you are both right in my book... Jco you share your woman with another guy,or she share you with another woman and both of you are staticly happy, there is nothing wrong with that...

And m church thinks sexual act is one on one ,that's fine too.. Since I am not a Royal blood I don't do sport sex MFM,FMF,FFM,as a poor peasant in the Sexist Kingdom,. I go for "one on one" it is not that I am so devoted to the likes of m church, the reason is I only have one manhole and *man goes down there one at a time.* Ooooops, I almost forgot the other hole on the behind, that is prohibited for use > for I don't fukk where I shyte. cracking a can of cold budwieser is nice even it's cheap..
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 108
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/23/2011 10:49:39 AM

And thats different somehow from YOU harping endlessly in favour of it??????
As in....


The difference between us is that I DON'T go around to unrelated threads PROMOTING it!
You SEEK out and resurrect threads just to put people in those threads down!

We all get it...you're against everything.... perhaps you can take a break from all the denigrating and go to threads where you have interests.

You're entitled to join the conversation, sure....but perhaps you could ADD something to it instead of always putting the topic and those in favor down. and going of about STD's. What do you care anyway? If you don't participate in these activities,you're in no danger of being infected right? Or do you secretly WANT to participate yet are too scared to be yourself so you hate those that are? Like I said, YOU SEEK these topics out! You seem titillated by these topics ...
....Kinda like an old CHURCH lady! Here to SAVE us are you?

I actually don't participate in any threesomes anymore because that's not what my GF is into and it's not something I feel I HAVE to do. I do share my girl from time to time though, but not very often.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 109
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/23/2011 11:20:38 AM

that is prohibited for use > for I don't fukk where I shyte.


So you just confine your fukking to where you urinate?

Breasts, pvssies, dyks, asses, the primary non-cerebral erogenous zones, all have at least two purposes/functions. just sayin'
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