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 Just Carol
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 51
i got a good question here Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
harley...meg. 35....you're right everyone should be themselves, what you didn't include however, is that many of us are multfaceted, and depending on our mood, or whatever task, event, work, or play is in store for a particular day....we may have an entirely different look....still ourselves. I'm with you, personal opinions have so much more effect if not muddied by a negative attack. It's just a forum....not an arena.
 tips2toes
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 52
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/5/2007 5:03:19 AM
This reminds me of Superman 2 where Superman gives up his powers so he can be a mortal and marry Lois Lane. Well, if he was on this site, he would have shown himself as Superman and THAT was what she fell in love with, not Clark Kent. I think there is validity to both sides; one wants to make the best impression possible (as I've always said, a date is basically an interview for a marriage) but also one must take pains to avoid presenting a distorted version of reality. Balancing it with some casual and some fancy pictures are good.

I've done a lot of model portfolios in my time and that's what I do. Show the model in various outfits to give an overall presentation of her versatility in such things as a casual outfit, jeans, lingerie, swimsuit, sports gear, etc.... The men can do the same thing. Show us a jeans and tee-shirt photo and one of you in a nice shirt and tie. It goes both ways guys!
 LordofArachnids
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 53
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/5/2007 5:44:28 AM
actually, i disagree, i message more people who have "regular" pics showing, i woul;d rather message someone who shows that they look like when they wake up then someone who only has pics of them dolled up, that way you already know what you would be facing in the morning
 NSWiseAcre
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 54
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/5/2007 5:51:17 AM
It's like people who are in shape, or get all glammed up and once they land you they go all to hell. They have to use the right bait to land a fish, after it's landed then you relax....
 lookin4everything
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 55
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:19:14 PM
Honestly, I think it's a healthy mixture of marketing and Darwinism. Woman dress up and do make-up, so that they can appear as healthy and radiant as possible to attract men. Reason being, to show they can "nurture".

Men normally try to impress woman by either showing off their toy's in their pics or by how they dress, clean shavin and dress shirt. Reason being, to show woman that they are capable of "providing"

It's been like that in all societies. But the "marketing trends" in each culture are based soly on what is most important to those people. And when the "comfort zone" is reached and there is trust developing that each person feels that the other person is into them for them, than your in the "what you see is what you get" part of the realationship.
 Translation
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 56
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:42:01 PM
I want a ‘what you see is what you get’ woman. That way I know what I am getting myself into. None of this ‘look and act a certain way’ while we get to know each other. Those are what most people call Games. I am all about the “comfort zone” from the git go.
 bolond
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 57
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:52:01 PM
here, here, "translation"
Women may be pleasantly surprised at the reaction they get if they posted pics in their flannel pj's or the morning after pic. If I saw one of those and decided I could live with what I'm going to see first thing every morning, I wouldn't hesitate to write them and try to get to know them better.
 maryrachelle
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 58
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:53:32 PM
its only natural to put your best foot forward while dating someone for the first little while. keeping major secrets from someone while getting to know them is just plain wrong .why would the first thing you show someone be you nasty side , we all have one but you want someone to first know your good qualities before they see our not so great qualities.
 Translation
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 59
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 12:19:23 AM
Thank you boland, and yes, I agree, I love to see a woman in flannel pj’s.
Maryrachelle, I would rather see the nasty side up front, that way I do not get a false impression.

Here is this nice sweet angel, OH MY GOD WHERE DID THAT FIRE BREATHING DRAGON COME FROM? RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!!

Sorry, that was fun, but you get the idea.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 60
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History
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 4:23:51 AM
I agree with Translation, msg 60,
None of this ‘look and act a certain way’ while we get to know each other. Those are what most people call Games. I am all about the “comfort zone” from the git go.


To make matters worse many take the go-slow approach. It's difficult to believe those folks really want a relationship. It appears their enjoyment is dating. They want to drag it out as long as possible rather than getting to know the person as soon as possible and building a life togther.

As for Maryrachelle, msg 62, writing,
why would the first thing you show someone be you nasty side , we all have one...
I can't believe such a pretty face would have a nasty side.
 Translation
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 61
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 10:55:15 AM
dave1234, could you elaborate? I know that I take things slow, mostly because I use extreme caution. Women usually only show that 10% best of who they are and then slowly bring out the rest. When I was 28, I went on a date with a woman that was 31, she seemed real nice, and then slowly I found out that she was 36, had 5 children with different fathers, lived in a 2 room apartment, and wanted to get pregnant by me. Olycrappers, you know, it was a total overload to my system. It wasn’t about the children, I did meet them and they were awesome, it was a situation that was beyond my abilities and experiences. I was not ready for an instant family, especially going from single guy to a family of seven, or eight if there were to be a baby.
Anyways, I have learned to use extreme caution with women, and I do want to know the whole situation before I get into it. Delve before you Dive, I always say.
 katica_kat
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 62
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 4:03:14 PM
ahh ha ha that is hilarious and it has happened to me !!! A guys way of charming you to reel you in and then it's..."fook this"...it's back to 'sloppy r us' dressing...

Gotta love 'em don't ya !!



But what I really dig is when you actually start to date them and they stop shaving, only wear sweats with stains all over the front of the shirt, and dirty tennis shoes, smell like phys-ed, and the car looks like a land fill.
 Okiegalatheart
Joined: 9/22/2006
Msg: 63
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History
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 4:15:38 PM
Well,, I posted photos of myself, after I had been on a 4 hour horse back ride, up in the mountains... I also say, I do clean up a lot better.... SO I don't think we all do that,,, I am a person who believes in Honesty. So ,, what you see is what you get, No make up ,, I did take a second to run a brush thru my hair and get some of the tangles out before we took the photos. I do like to look nice , but I don't think that a guy who goes for the glamour is the type of guy I am looking for. I want a guy who is attracted to the normal me, for my personality and all the other good things I can bring to a relationship. Not a Glamour Shot,,,,, That type of guy is going to go running backwards when he sees the real person that we all are... So why can't we all just be ourselves and not try to impress someone for something that isn't there anyways....
 This is Now
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 64
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 4:47:48 PM
I agree. Sometimes the competition is more between the girls than it is about getting a guy too. I don't know how many 'friends' have tried to make me over.

And yeah. If I had more money there are definitely some appearance related things I would spend it on.

But I'm talking false eyelashes, layer upon layer of makeup etc. All in all I feel uncomfortable unless it's something I do from time to time anyhow. And once I feel uncomfortable I end up presenting myself even worse via body language and attitude.

I think guys are more honest when it comes to this sort of thing. Some people might say that even though I'm a girl I have some awfully sexist or whatever opinions.

But there are countless cases of guys saying "this is not the woman I married", "she used to be...", and in many cases it's not for lack of cash. He'd be more than happy to see her spend it if only she had any desire after she's landed him as a prize catch.

To be fair I guess there are women who experience this too but not nearly so many of them.

 bolond
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 65
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 5:28:05 PM
All this talk of "openess" reminds me of my younger days. Never went to bed with an ugly woman, but I woke up with a pile of them.
 maryrachelle
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 66
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:18:41 PM
lmao translation. i only meant to say we all have more then one side to our personality . we are not one dimensional beings . usually i am a nice person with a snarky sarcastic sense of humor but everyone has parts of ourselves that are not so nice. the past few days i would not of wanted anyone to see me for example. my computer has been going completely insane and trying to drive me there as well. there were times when it was being difficult that i imagined slamming it to the floor and then getting a hammer and smashing the little bits even more . now that's not a part of me i want to show to a complete stranger. imagine you show up at a restaurant and start slamming chairs and tables. no really i may of felt like slamming my computer but i didnt actually do it. do you honestly believe we should show the bad parts of our personalities on a first date? its not like i am secretly hear voices and have bodies buried in my basement lol its the same thing with showing up on a date dressed up and makeup on . i am not going to show up with greasy hair and in my flannel pajamas and smelly breath .by the way i dont even leave the house without makeup . so this is me every single day.besides i am sure that everyone has lost there temper once in awhile . everyone has one . its not like i chase people with an chainsaw . or run people over in the grocery store with the carts. lmfao.
 Translation
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 67
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 8:40:23 PM
lol, yeah. To each their own. I don’t really want a woman that wears makeup. If I showed up for a date and she answered the door in flannel pajamas, Woof, I would have the biggest smile on my face thinking, ‘yowzers, I think that I have found the one’ lol. Then hope that she would invite me in so we could live happily ever after.
As far as bad parts on a first date, why not, of course I am a bit more realistic than most people. To me it is better for a woman to have a personality than just sit there and hold her tongue. It is very annoying when a woman sits there and wants me to do the ordering, create all the conversation, and try to keep her entertained. I don’t want a woman like that. I want a woman that has some personality, some thoughts of her own.
 smiles644
Joined: 1/19/2007
Msg: 68
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 9:13:49 PM
justkat73 - I have the same philosophy.

I have heard more then one guy complain that they had this absolute hottie, and then they seen her without makeup, and they got really really scared.

I don't wear a lot of makeup normally, but when the situation calls for it, I can do the glamour thing, kind of like a bonus.

Though on regular days I can be showered and dressed and out the door in half an hour (or less) and still look quite presentable.
 Just Carol
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 69
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 9:29:12 PM
Great post fry....I am continually amazed at the men who put so much emphasis on a woman's looks....this one is the best of all! I happen to be the type woman who looks the same everyday...makeup and hair....but I sure take it off and brush my hair out before bed! Sometimes I think that they just don't get the 'whole package thing'. Like you I want someone who is real and wants to be with someone who is real.
 maryrachelle
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 70
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 10:15:23 PM
i wish i could be one of those women who can go around without makeup but i am not. since i was 14 years old i have suffered from acne . i dont have it as bad as i did when i was a teenager but i still get it from time to time. from suffering from so many years of this it has made my skin patchy and discolored in some places not to mention scarred. i have to at least wear foundation to even out the patchy areas. it must be so nice to have decent skin that doesnt look terrible but i dont. i hear women talk all the time and say oh i dont wear makeup everyday and i just dont understand women who go to that trouble. i also hear men say oh i dont want a woman who wears makeup . well again no one can really understand what its like to suffer from acne unless you have gone through it . and just a few years when you are a teenager doesnt even come close to going on ten years of it like i have. also i am not saying i dont speak my mind on a date or hold my tongue. i lose my temper once in awhile like most people so what . i dont do it much so why should i purposely try to lose my temper on a date when there is nothing wrong and i am having a good time. i dont have anger issues so freaking out for no reason is a little stupid.i have my own personality and i dont change it for no one . if i have an opinion i say what it is .what i am talking about is being polite and courteous not a robot.
 Translation
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 71
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/7/2007 10:43:16 PM
maryrachelle, I am not saying anything about you or how you do things. All I was saying is what I prefer. We are all posting our own thoughts on the forum topic. You have your own personality, yes, go with that, that is who you are. What I was referring to, are those that put up a front. That is all.

smiles644 made a reference to justkat73, who had made a great post on page 2. I went back and read kat’s profile, once you get past the negative stuff, she is a tell it like it is woman, which is pretty awesome.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 72
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History
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/8/2007 4:13:40 AM
Translation asks in msg 65,
dave1234, could you elaborate?
regarding msg 64.

I believe there is a difference between getting to know the person as opposed to throwing everything into a relationship. Casual dating, meeting once a week for a few hours, is not conducive to getting to know someone. Anyone can pretend to be something they are not for a few hours once a week. Getting to know the person requires spending consecutive time with them.

We all eat dinner. If two people are serious about knowing each other there isn't any reason they can't have dinner together almost every night. They can alternate between homes. Weekends should be spent together. If sex is a big worry the visiting person can sleep in the guest room or on a couch, if necessary.

We've probably had relatives visit/stay for a few days. Didn't we learn all and more than we wanted to know? That's what I mean when I say I prefer to get to know the person quickly.

If one is looking for a long term relationship, meaning living together, then simulating living together has to take place. It's spending an evening and a night and the next day together that enables one to learn very quickly what another person is like.

Often I'll read posts about people who say they didn't know they were dating a guy who was married. If they had spent a weekend at his place they probably would have known. Or someone complaining about a person seeing other people while they were dating. If they spend most evenings together that wouldn't have happened because they would have been together.

Today, especially, one has a large selection of potential dates. Is it reasonable to believe a person is going to date just one person, once a week? If all they want is company for a few hours on a Saturday night are they really interested in a long term relationship? If they aren't dating others and claim they are just too busy the rest of the week what type of relationship can one expect to have later on? If someone is truly interested in having a relationship/a partner what person is going to settle for a partner who only has a few hours on a Saturday to devote to the relationship?

In my view there are those who seek a partner and those who are content to date. The person who is seriously seeking a partner will take the time to spend with them and find out if they're the right one. The person who doesn't really care will casually date and if something comes of it, great. If not, no big deal. That's why, when I was dating, I wanted to get to know the person quickly. Either they're the right one and we start building a life together or we move on in search of the right one. Why would any serious person do it any other way?
 miss_claudia
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 73
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/8/2007 4:26:19 AM
So should a woman who sees your photo assume that you are always wearing a ball cap and have a beer in your hand? That is not the kind of guy I am trying to attract..Sorry!
 tuggirl
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 74
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/8/2007 11:25:58 AM
I understand everybody wants to make a good impression, but I want to see who you are every day.
 Translation
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 75
i got a good question here
Posted: 4/8/2007 2:05:31 PM
dave1234, I totally agree. I would love to find out the workings of a woman up front. It would save a lot of time for figuring out if there were personality clashes or not, plus save on heartache if things didn't work out.
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