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 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 92
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?Page 2 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
another interesting/ironic thing is that the posters who are defending this behaviour and slapping those of us who said we wouldn't cheat on the wrist are generalizing and assuming that everyone would stoop to such behaviour. (this must be a way of making yourself feel better , because I can assure you , based on my past and what I watched my mother go through, I wouldn't cheat on a spouse)

I think many who have cheated with a married men tell the wife for one or two reasons
namely
1. they feel genuine remorse and want to purge.
2. more often then not , they feel burned and bitter and want to make life miserable for the married man and his wife.

Yes life happens , and my mother even said that it takes two to make or break a marriage, and that their relationship definitely had issues of its own minus the whole cheating deal. That being said, does being cheated on become justified because there is trouble in the marriage? In my opinion it doesn't.

I would rather have someone say "you know what Wendy, I'm not feelin this anymore" or "we have to work on our issues" etc versus sneaking out , lying, and potentially destroying a relationship that could have been helped.

The woman my dad cheated on my mother with really felt she won a great prize when he left my mom for her , I was 12 at the time and she made sure all his child support payments were at least a week late so we could suffer just a little bit more , in other words she was a real gem. Well he married her and guess what? She cheated on him!
yep reap sow and all that good stuff!

just keep that in mind , it may be fun exciting to be the "other woman" for a little while , but in the end , you're really not being respected, by yourself or the married guy.
 Scintillating_Angel
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 100
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The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/7/2007 11:00:53 AM
although he has told me he loves me, he isnt able to say he is leaving his current situation

And if he did leave his loving and faithful wife and family for you, how would that make you feel? And would you ever be able to trust him out of your sight? *and* if you were able to take him away from his family, someone else would be able to take him away from you. You would never know if he was *really* at the grocery store, or out with the guys, or with business associates. Ever. Great way to live, eh?


I also think that spouses absolutley know; the signs are there; they just ignore them

Don't bet the bank, sister. My ex-husband cheated on me many times. I knew it each and every time and it hurt deeply, each and every time. Ignore it? Not even. And no matter what I said or did, he knew that, with three small kids, I couldn't afford to just up and walk away. When I finally did, he was so shocked he did not know what to do with himself and all he could sputter was "but you LOVE me."

I got over it. My kids will never get over it. So you just go right on ahead, ladies, and do what you need to do to assuage your conscience and make right the grand and glorious love affairs. One day, when the rose colored glasses come off, or when YOU are the wife at home getting cheated on, you will remember that what goes around does, indeed, come around.


I did know he was having sex with his wife.... But, ya know what? There's no way in he** that what he shared with me he was getting at home.

Yeah right. I had one of these women come in to my home and tell me that same line. Then she found out how wrong she was, locked herself in the bathroom and threw a fit. He took her home and that was the end of that one.
 Singlemale1962
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 102
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/7/2007 2:48:08 PM
Well there are those that want this kind of situation. And they have to accept the limits and pain that such a situation brings.

To me its the married cheater who always gets the most benefit out of such realtionships. They get to have their cake and eat it too. And there are those who stand ready to bake them more cakes.

To me the whole situation is abusive. The married person abuses the trust they have with their spouse. The spouse is abused because they place their trust in someone who isnt worthy of the trust. And the other person in this situation allows themselves to be abused by willingly going along with this.

To be honest looking at sites like this its easy to see that there are plenty of people who are single and looking out there. To settle for someone who is married and giving up any hope of finding a committed relationship for yourself is in the ultimate sense you end up cheating yourself. It really isnt that hard to find someone who can love you and one you dont have to share.
 doveflyingsolo
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 106
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:09:20 PM
You said one thing that makes sense......the wife is the innocent one.....why not tell her.....I was "the wife" who had to find out on her own....there is no easy way out, so don't open that door to begin with!! We all have choices to make! A wife is better off being alone than being with a cheater!!!
 nonsensical
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 109
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:31:48 AM
I have watched this thread progress and had no intention of joining in until your last post. Everyone in a relationship for more then 5 years cheats? Get your head out of your self serving a***! Not everyone has the morals of an alley cat like you. I feel sorry for anyone that gets involved with you, be it friendship or GOD forbid a relationship. You just keep telling yourself how righteous and moral you are and maybe someday, somewhere, someone will believe you. To all the men out there, I apologize for this lowly representation of our gender.
To you OP good luck, you are going to need it.
 lovableladywanted
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 117
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/8/2007 8:38:13 AM
I do not buy this did not know he was married crap lmao. Nowadays its easier than ever to find out someones marital status , not to mention the obvious clues like not taking you to his house or only calling cell phone , or not meeting family etc etc . For like 9.99 you can find records on line and for free someones age. There are websites all over that will happily take your money and I think sometimes it can be even cheaper than that .
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 119
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The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:38:37 AM
One of the most disturbing things I've read on this thread is the assumption that everyone who's been in a relationship has been cheated on or has cheated.
Why people who engage in such selfish behavior have to justify that everyone else does it, wow that's just beyond what I can put my head around.
It's the same on the threads about men and women being only friends. There are those there who'll swear up and down that the only reason a man wants to be friends with a woman is because he wants to sleep with her and is waiting for the chance.
Thank God in Heaven not all people's brains are wired straight to their groins with such abysmal disrespect and unconcern for the happiness and well being of any other human on this earth besides themselves. Too bad we can't label them all, tattoo their foreheads so we could identify them all on sight. They all truly deserve only another of their own ilk. It would certainly save many kind, loving souls from the pain of heartbreak and betrayal .
And I will make this personal and say I have not experienced this myself. Doubt and assume all you care to, it doesn't change what I know my own personal experiences are. I do, however, have nothing but a TON of compassion for those who have lived with and through such a horror. If you have, just know my heart goes out to you.
 orchidtigress
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 126
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/8/2007 5:41:48 PM
If you are messing around with a married man you have absoluetly no right to tell the wife since you are just a s guilty if you knew he was married! ( I also believe there are clear signs that give this apsect away so despise women who play dumb later on this factor)
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 131
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The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:42:03 PM
Wow, after reading thru this thread, all I can say is the OP is a real piece of work! I do see the point about why bothering to inflict even more pain on the spouse by revealing herself to her paramour's wife or husband, whether she knew they were married or was duped. At that point its just vindictive, and only salves the other women's conscience. But I don't know how she lives with herself, knowing she is purposely being with a married man. She can attempt to rationalize her behavior all she wants, but it doesn't change the fact of what she is. I won't get into name-calling; all I can say, as someone who was completely blind-sided by the fact that his wife was fooling around is this...if you knew what it was like to be on the other end of that emotionally-scarring experience, you'd never be with another married man again.
 SJD1
Joined: 9/16/2006
Msg: 132
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:12:11 PM
I still stand by my last posting... msg 117
but the fact that you are still trying to justify what you did and to say ALL OTHERS CHEAT TOO, well that may be a percentage but I wouldnt say all..
Not everyone is evil like you.

At first in my last post, I thought you were probably a lovely lady outside this, although my opinion of you has changed all together and for a better word,
you're simply a b1tch.

yup.. let the hate mail begin.

you almost come across now as you're promoting adultery...

stick to your sorry little excuse for being jaded or whatever it is, but stop trying to convince others that cheating on a marriage, spouse whatever, is acceptable.

IT'S NOT.
 Scintillating_Angel
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 134
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The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/10/2007 7:23:04 AM

If his wife was taking care of him at home, like most people that have affairs, they wouldn't seek it outside a marriage to begin with


I wasn't going to make further answer, but the more I thought of this fallacy, the more irritated it made me. How the hell can you know that fact? My ex was well taken care of, in the bedroom, in the kitchen and in the parlor. IT DID NOT MATTER When I finally had enough of women like you, OP, marching through my marriage, the fool had the nerve to cry crocodile tears because he loved me and I was leaving.

Some of these used, abused women had the nerve to come in to my very home. One stood out in my yard screaming for him to come out because she loved him. What she got was me in her face. [ She was upsetting my children, and I would fight to the death for THEM]. One of them locked herself in my bathroom and had a tantrum when she realized he was still having sex with ME. And finally, one of them informed me that he had told her I was dying and that's why he couldn't leave me. She had the nerve to inquire as to my health.

To quote the great Loretta Lynn: "Women like you are a dime a dozen, you can buy 'em anywhere".
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 135
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/10/2007 7:35:11 AM

I only treat classy, polite people with politeness and class........


Just wondering...How do you feel about other profiles that flaunt body parts? Do you feel that's classy? How about profile thats throws curses out to anyone who contacts them? Is that polite? If the naswer to these questions is no, then based on your profile, then how would you treat yourself and how would you expect to be treated?


Your postings are very disrespectful


I have to disagree...while one may not agree with what someone has done, and may not do that themself (though one never knows anythign for sure until they're walking in those shoes) the OP has been pretty open, honest, and polite in her postings...but she's gotten a lot of nasty things posted back to her...and I wonder why that is. Is it because some people have been cheated on in the past so they're going to take it out on another woman, even though she's *not* the actual other woman? Is it because some people are simply judgmental and feel a need to expound on their judgments? Instead, why don't people think about what they have in their lives to be grateful for, whether it's having a faithful spouse, having got rid of a cheating one, or simply for having people in their life that add to it rather than take away from it.
 Realityissubjective
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 137
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The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:07:03 PM
Based on her responses, I kinda get the impression She already has had the tables turn on her... thats why she is in the situation to begin with.
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 142
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The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/11/2007 8:54:59 AM
wow. not only are you a tramp, but you're a cheap tramp too. guy can't pay his bills and you're STILL boinking him? what a loser. yeah. and your married boyfriend too.

Sheesh
Fry
 Thissme
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 154
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/12/2007 1:08:04 PM
WOW!

Never in the 8 years that I was married did I have an affair! While I had opportunities I NEVER acted on them. There are married men out there who are faithful to their wives.

The irony of it is that it was my wife who had the affair that led to the demise of the marriage.

The only person to blame is the married person. Temptation is all around and there are men/women who prey on married women/men. It is up to the married man/woman to remain faithful. Gardennut's got it right!

Kassey how would you feel if your partner did that to you?
 ny_lady_13601
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 156
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/12/2007 10:07:42 PM
It's one thing to be involved with a married man and you know he's married, it's still wrong....don't these people remember marriage vows???? Usually the cheaters will lean towards another married person, this way they don't have to worry about the other person telling the other spouse as they were both wrong in what they did. But if you end up being involved with a married person and you didn't know they were married, there is no excuse for that kind of deception. Not only has he hurt his family but also another persons life. If they tell the spouse people call them home wreckers which is really unfair. The one who cheated is the one who wrecked their family. This cheater didn't give a damn about anybody else but theirselves. If you get involved with someone you know is married, you're no better. Don't try to justify how he made you feel and how wonderful he is, etc... Obviosuly you have no guilt sneaking around with a married man, a man that lied to his wife (and kids if he had them) and you were all a part of his lies. Someone who cheats doesn't deserve his family. Their spouse has the right to know, to protect themselves and their children from god only knows what STD they could be carrying. If they lied and cheated on their spouse, they lied and cheated on you.
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 158
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The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/13/2007 8:18:08 AM
no, somewhere had it right; I just don't get into petty forum wars with anyone, tramp OR upstanding citizen with morals and scruples.

THIS is why I didn't respond, not because anything you said made any sense at all.

So I suppose you aren't a God-fearing tramp, either are you?

Fry
 lovableladywanted
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 170
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:49:29 AM
Wow this thread will never die lol. Charles Manson murdering is not equal to cheating . I do find cheaters abhorable if thats a word . I am a firm believer that if cheating is your thing be fair to your significant other and get out of the relationship. Its a very mean thing to do to someone
 ~Nocturnal Girl~
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 172
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:21:11 AM
I felt myself getting angry as I read this thread. Cheating is wrong-PERIOD!
There is no excuse for it and if you feel the need to sleep around, get out of the relationship you are in.
As for telling the spouse, it is something that will hurt them but I honestly think for the most part that it is best that they are told. STD's and living a lie isn't a pleasant way to live I am sure, not something I ever want to experience. If I was being cheated on, I would want to be told.
 OneBrazenGirl
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 177
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/15/2007 3:01:45 PM
"Women" like you make me sick.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 178
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/15/2007 10:51:52 PM
OPie ~~ as the wife, I would have very much appreciated someone's telling me.

It would have helped me understand why a very loving man suddenly became mean and hurtful (because he wanted, needed, to believe that if he was cheating, it must have been my fault, not his?).

That's all.



.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 189
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 4:09:05 PM
I guess what I'm finding so appalling about OPie, is that even admitting that she's been on the other side, she'd do it to another woman. And defend it with evolution, yet.

Where ever we came from, we are human now. Which means we are expected to learn and grow, and be kind to each other. If we can't learn that, there's not much hope for us, is there?

.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 194
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The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 6:17:21 AM
While I haven't had to deal with cheating if someone did something to me that hurt me, the last thing I'd want to do is do that to someone else. No matter what it was, I don't stand someone up on a date, I don't not return messages, I don't start talking to someone and suddenly disappear. I guess it is because I do think about and care about how other people feel in regards to the things that I do.
I think that's the biggest thing that most people who post are emphasizing the apparent lack of compassion for another person's feelings, especially when that person has been hurt in the same manner herself. I wonder about that myself, people who lack compassion or empathy just aren't individuals that I care to associate myself with and don't think very much of as a human being.
Mistakes, sure we do make mistakes and sometimes we may inadvertently do something that hurts someone without being aware of it. That's a totally different scenario. But if someone does something to hurt me, I wouldn't think of doing that same thing to someone else that I KNOW would be hurt ful.
I can't understand what someone has to shut off in their brain or their heart to be able to do that. Maybe some people have lost their compassion for their fellow human beings and that's the worst part of the whole situation IMO.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 196
The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:17:03 AM
If you can't live with sexual boredom, then don't make a marital commitment. Shack up.

OP: your rationalizations a ludicrous. Well before it progressed to the "affair" stage, you could have easily backed out. You selfishly chose not to. You were looking out only for yourself. Me, me, me. You got what you deserved.

Let's hopes the hapless wife finds out and then promptly discards her no good husband.
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