Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why are people monogamous?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 terminallycute
Joined: 8/3/2005
Msg: 126
Why they run away?Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I just come here to see Nick's posts..

 sarahcohen882
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 127
Why they run away?
Posted: 4/8/2007 12:06:11 PM
It doesnt matter about history and the way things were done in the past. Geez..MONO-SYSTEMICS?!?!?! is that really a word..i think your problem is that its easier to be difficult and overthink than it is to be simple and happy/content.

You speak of evolving and then speak about the way things used to be . Its moronic.
Be happy! Be good! Life is too short....cheating on others is basically cheating yourself out of time . We only have so much time. Choose someone , ask for their commitement. If it doesnt work, end the reltionship. You cannot have both. You cannot have 'relations' without communication. otheriwise your all correct---- we are apes!
 rwcul
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 128
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 12:09:36 PM
i, myself wouldnt want to be a part of someones 22 other relationships. think about it.

if shes seeing 2 other guys, and these two other guys are seeing 2 other gals then do the math. how many have entered her before you do? sounds a little disgusting doesnt it?
 a bit nomadic
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 129
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 12:26:18 PM
Wanderer, the article you posted is, as you say, biased---I'm assuming (without visiting the site myself) that it's intended to advocate a release from the ideas about sexual morality and marriage usually associated with Christian teachings, by suggesting that those ideas were actually a post-apostolic invention. I'm interested neither in lauding nor attacking Christian teachings as such, but there are a couple of misrepresentations (and/or gaps) in the article itself.

A couple of these things are matters of interpretation. Was Constantine concerned solely with using the new religion to unite the empire, or was he a true convert? This is a matter of debate, but he was baptised before his death, which suggests some level of adherence. And he never imposed Christianity on the empire--he merely imposed TOLERATION of it. I'm not sure which armies this article thinks the Church stepped in to control after the actual "fall" of Rome (over a hundred years after Constantine's death), since it didn't exert the kind of control implied by the article. It was a unifying force in post-Roman Europe, but western Europe and its armies were "controlled" by heads of competing kingdoms, some of which embraced Christianity, and some of which did not.

As for Augustine and other Church Fathers advocating monogamy (and who tended, like Augustine, to be voluntary celibates), their ideas are riddled with an extreme form of misogyny. I don't think that Augustine ever said that the reason sex should only be performed for procreation was to do with a population crisis (and that would have actually been counterproductive)--but he DID believe that sex was a reflection of original sin and should be avoided as much as possible. Those who could not resist the temptation of sex were better off doing it within marriage than without, this based on St Paul's First Epistle to the Corinthians "it is better to marry than to burn." Following his own conversion, Augustine himself avoided women as much as he could, due to his own fear of giving in to temptation.

And the idea that clerical celibacy was invented in the eleventh and twelth centuries to preserve church property is an incredibly one-sided interpretation. While the question of celibacy for the secular priesthood (priests who are not monks) was a matter of debate for centuries, both within the western Church and between the eastern and western churches, celibacy as an IDEAL had been in practice for much longer (again, Augustine himself, along with Jerome--the two Big Daddies of the Church Fathers--are examples of this). One of the reasons (not the only reason, but one of them) it wasn't officially IMPOSED by Rome on the secular clergy until it was is due to the fact that the Eastern and Western Churches hadn't formally split until then, and the rule of celibacy for secular priests was rejected in the east. But that doesn't really matter--the RULE of celibacy HAD been imposed within monasticism since the Fifth century, when the first monastic Rule in the west was written by St Benedict. That in itself implies an acceptance of celibacy as an IDEAL for those devoting their lives to God.

And the idea that polygamy was a norm in western Europe following the fall of Rome, and even tolerated by the Church as a way of life, is just not true at all. Canon Law forbids it, and the example given by the article of this tolerance is completely misrepresented.



It was even common for Catholic priests to have multiple wives and mistresses. Pope Gregory II in a decretal in 726 said "when a man has a sick wife who cannot discharge the marital function, he may take a second one, provided he looks after the first one."


This was not a decision to allow the man a second wife IN ADDITION to keeping his first. It was a decision to allow the man a divorce (or rather, an annulment) so that he could remarry, based on the fact that his wife couldn't have sex with him. The Church forbade divorce, but it sometimes allowed annulments on the basis of a failure of sexual relations within marriage, not least because it considered the necessity of sexual relations to MOST people one of the chief bases for marriage (again, as enshrined by St Paul). This is a perfect example of the distortion of historical evidence for the sake of a particular agenda.

And Innocent II didn't randomnly impose celibacy on a clergy which had been happily marrying until then. As pope he was challenged by an "antipope", Anacletus II, who advocated clerical marriage (among other things), creating widespread division within the church and a body of clergy, following Anacletus, who had married. After Anacletus died, Innocent called a general council of the church which issued a canon of prietly conduct, including the requirement of celibacy among secular clergy. The idea that this was done for MONEY is incredicly simplistic and suggests that restraint from sex was never considered a desirable quality in itself at all--but you need only read the Pauline Epistles in the New Testament to discover how in error that is. It was NEVER suggested by those (within the Catholic Church during those centuries) who opposed the REQUIREMENT of celibacy within the priesthood that sex was great and free love should be had by all. Rather, they objected to the imposition of standards of behavior that they considered unattainable by most--and with Paul, argued that "it was better to marry than to burn." And the fact that many priests at whatever time in Catholic History might have had concubines does NOT mean that taking concubines was considered a legitimate activity for them. Augustine himself, prior to his conversion, had a long-term concubine, and if you want to get a sense of the emotional agony that later caused him (due to his Christian faith) have a look at his "Confessions."
 sarahcohen882
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 130
Why they run away?
Posted: 4/8/2007 12:26:44 PM
look and learn....you say.' too many' and ' lots of holes' and 'hard' so much.. you would think that ' too many' ...'lots of holes' and 'problems' and 'arguments' would have sunk in. ..the truth is..that you grew up.....the same as everyone has....differently.....the truth is...that in order to receive greatness from one...we must also offer greatness to one.

like most people....try to find greater meaning in issues we do not understand......we must understand that these issues obviously have greater meaning.

period.
 sarahcohen882
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 131
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 12:36:04 PM
a bit nomadic! if i were a lesbian...and thats a big IF...you would be my first internet date!!. what a knockout intelligent woman....gorgeous face to boot!!!...this is the kind of woman..that men cheat on...the ones they dont understand...and/or are not as intelligent as!........

( not a lesbian ).....but damn girl..why are you on this site!
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 132
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 1:40:30 PM
well MY GOD says that the liklihood of passing on STDs to one or more partners does harm, and that the liklihood of catching an STD to pass on is exponentially higher when a person has numerous partners. In our society when someone decides to be "non-monogamous" its usually without the knowlege of their "partner" and can lead to more harm, wether physical or emotional. But yes I do agree with your point taht certain people tend to assume that "your God" is "my God" when in reality people need to realize that just because its a different belief system does not mean that they have the right to A. be jugdmental, and B. invalidate it completely by not acknowleging that fact.
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 133
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 1:54:43 PM
k so im new at this and accidentally posted a reply to an earlier comment right down here at the very bottom and it totally looks like a goofy rambling. oh well, maybe ill figure out how to "cut and paste" a reply lol.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 134
view profile
History
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 1:54:45 PM

well MY GOD says that the liklihood of passing on STDs to one or more partners does harm, and that the liklihood of catching an STD to pass on is exponentially higher when a person has numerous partners. In our society when someone decides to be "non-monogamous" its usually without the knowlege of their "partner" and can lead to more harm, wether physical or emotional.


A non-monogamous person may not have numerous partners. They may have fewer lovers than a "monogomous" person. Cheating is different topic.
 Dany1180
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 135
view profile
History
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 2:33:02 PM
Personally, I think the concept of "Polyamory" is a load of bull. Just an excuse for swingers and those unfamiliar with true love to bring some meaning to the meaningless.

My 2 cents.
 Randominternetguy
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 136
view profile
History
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:03:13 PM
Boy, you leave a thread for a few days and see what happens!

When did this turn into a religious debate? Do the reasons for monogamy today differ from the reasons say, 4000 years ago? Does it really depend on what time period we are talking about to know why people are monogamous? If, for some reason, I don't believe in Christianity, does that change the reasons for monogamy?

I guess if you consider the reasons for monogamy to be based in religion, then this should be a religious debate. Does that mean people were not monogamous before organized religion? If so, is the reason for monogamy devoid of a biological basis?

I will say that to take words written thousands of years ago, and use today's definitions of those words produces apocryphal results. Not only that, but translation issues moving it into English. I mean, the Gay 90's, refering to the 1890's has a different context using todays meanings, and that's only a 100 years ago.

Reading over the posts, I feel there is still no agreement as to what monogamy means in today's definition, much less what it meant years ago. Can we take a vote?

A) Monogamy = 1 sexual partner for life
B) Monogamy = Sexual relations only with a spouse
C) Monogamy = Sexual relations only within a relationship
D) Monogamy = Sexual relations with only one person at a time
E) None of the above (Give your answer)
 SapphyreSkye
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 137
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:12:06 PM
To answer RandomInternetGuy's question, my definition is "D" (and no, I'm not talking about 'swinging')....however, (and this is the part that test-makers always hate about me) I view C&D as being pretty much the same thing and do not include one night stands as a part of "D", or I'd have to change my answer from D to C only.

Dontcha hate it when people like me answer (or try to) your question?
 Summer Teeth
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 138
Why they run away?
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:22:40 PM

"Summer" can inform and entertain you all by himself


Nice sarcasm!


Of course it should not surprise you, considering he who "has run away"/moved on freely admits he is "non-monogamous" (in general) and not into "LTRs" (of any kind), ie a "vagabond".


Nick, I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't think anyone who specifically addressed you wanted you to feel that way, and I don't think anyone resorted to name-calling even though some disagreed with you. For the POF forums, that's a feat in itself.

I still want to hear about the energy question, but if you were going to talk about it, you would have by now. What a bummer! Could you email your thoughts?
 a_sweet_fishy
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 139
Why they run away?
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:25:48 PM
Yes, but sapphyre, you can have a long term FB without a "relationship" so c and d are NOT the same.
 SUGARBABEBE
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 140
Why they run away?
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:29:26 PM
Being with him , Being with me, Pretty simple..... love that Banana icon....Lol
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 141
view profile
History
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:42:29 PM

I feel there is still no agreement as to what monogamy means in today's definition, much less what it meant years ago.

You're correct. There is no agreement. Nor is one likely.

Can we take a vote?
A) Monogamy = 1 sexual partner for life
B) Monogamy = Sexual relations only with a spouse
C) Monogamy = Sexual relations only within a relationship
D) Monogamy = Sexual relations with only one person at a time
E) None of the above (Give your answer)

My personal opinion is that can mean A through C. As can non-monogamy.
I'm an non-adherent to the philosophy/moral superiority of monogamy who has:
A) had one sexual partner for life
B) had sexual relations only with a spouse (when I had him).
C) has had sexual relations only within a relationship (friendship is a relationship).

I'm not sure what you mean by D. If you mean dating/having sex with one person, dumping them, doing the same with the next and the next and the next ... I tend to think that lots of people DO consider that monogamy. Personally, I don't. If you're talking about group sex, I'd put that into the non-monogamy category.
 singurheartout
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 142
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:09:53 PM

The only way I could ever feel fulfilled in any relationship, is knowing that we both belong to each other...


Msg 8 ....nice!
 Bright Girl
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 143
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:32:54 PM
Tee, I think you have a wonderful answer to this question
I think monogamy is the only way to go. Its very emotionally unhealthy to sleep around. I heard on a television program the other night that when two people have sexual relations that they release chemicals that enable them to bond with that person. I personally think thats the way God made us to be. The human body is awesome yall!
When the body releases those chemicals and then the person splits from the person its particularly awkward. Not to mention the risk you face of AIDS, herpes, hepatitis A, B, C, chlymidia, HPV, Gonnorhea, Trichomonas, Bacterial Vaginosis, there are more but you get the idea here.
Another thing to think about is that there is nothing like true love, and you cant have true love if youre sleeping with more than one person at a time.
 a_sweet_fishy
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 144
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:39:30 PM

Another thing to think about is that there is nothing like true love, and you cant have true love if youre sleeping with more than one person at a time.


That is such an uninformed statement. I truly love (and am loved by) my husband AND my lover. We have an unlimited capacity for love if we allow ourselves.
 *Mikael*
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 145
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:54:41 PM
We're being monogamous so that we don't lose our stuff !
 Quiet69
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 146
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 8:08:39 PM
R-E-S-P-E-C-T...
 2Sexy2BeAlone
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 147
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 8:14:59 PM
Good for U Ron. U are so right to stick to your values like that. If more people thought that way, we wouldn't need to have these online dating sites at all.

Monogamy seems to be a bad word these days for some. I'm still old fashioned too I guess.
 indrinita
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 148
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:28:30 PM
Monogamy seems to be a bad word these days for some. I'm still old fashioned too I guess.

I get the same feeling myself! The only way I'd answer the question, "why are people monogamous?", is to say that people aren't. And there seems to be something very "wrong" with you if you are, or if you want to be in a monogamous relationship (gasp!). Being monogamous now has almost the same stigma today that saying you were gay twenty years ago had.

Personally, I think the concept of "Polyamory" is a load of bull. Just an excuse for swingers and those unfamiliar with true love to bring some meaning to the meaningless.

I could not agree more. But to each their own, I guess.
 SuiteRockerBoy
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 149
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:31:36 PM
Were all a bunch of animals 4 christs sakes.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 150
view profile
History
Why are people monogamous?
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:40:52 PM
Personally, I think the concept of "Polyamory" is a load of bull. Just an excuse for swingers and those unfamiliar with true love to bring some meaning to the meaningless.


I could not agree more.

I could not disagree more. But that's what I like about this place, even while I'm being dismissed as someone "unfamiliar" with "true love." Because I understand, in a funny way, where people who say such things are coming from. And have to smile, as a non-monogamus monogamist, who knows EXACTLY what "true love" is. You all can't take it away from me with your words. And I wish it for you all.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why are people monogamous?