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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Asexuality: a different kind of orientation      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 31
Asexuality: a different kind of orientationPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Guess I would equate asexuality with a platonic relationship . I am not old enough to consider those options yet .
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 32
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Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 1/4/2014 6:34:35 PM

It's still nonsensical because it's not a sexual orientation, it's just a low libido. They could simply be on mediation or be depressed or have some other condition that affects their libido.


It is not your sexual orientation but the ones’ who are asexual. If their disinterest in sex was because they were on medication, depressed, or had some other condition that affects their libido they would miss sex and want it even though they can’t. Also, asexual individuals are just as entitled to feel depressed, take medication or have low libido just like any other person who identifies as non-asexual without being swept under the same carpet as the ones who are truly depressed or broken in some way.

What makes it an orientation is that asexual individuals can and do have a libido but do not feel they need someone else to satisfy these needs for them. They simply do not feel any sexual attraction to someone even if they feel a romantic, intellectual, or emotional attraction towards them.

Asexual does not mean no libido at all. It means NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION toward others. This is the reason why many do masturbate without feeling stimulated by outside factors. This is the reason a kiss or foreplay feels like holding hands to them.

Unfortunately there is no better word out there yet to describe this orientation. People who don’t understand asexuality but want but to understand it need to realize, ASEXUAL means no sexual attraction. It doesn’t mean “no libido”. This misunderstanding is the core of the entire controversy.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 33
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 1/4/2014 10:41:09 PM
If nothing turns you on enough to have sex of any kind, that is truly a sad life! having reproductive organs and refusing to use them is like being able to see but walking around blind folded. These people or either over thinking sex or under thinking it.
 Dobermonster
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 34
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 1/4/2014 10:47:16 PM
Or they just have no interest. If there's no "need", why would their lives be sad? It's not like there's nothing else to do in life. I'd probably get a lot more accomplished if I was asexual.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 35
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 1/4/2014 10:55:12 PM
^^^^^ sure.... because sex takes up that much time in a normal person's life. Like if you cut out sex you will then have time to learn Japanese and climb a mountain.
I will never understand a so called asexual person
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 36
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Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 1/5/2014 9:40:29 AM

If nothing turns you on enough to have sex of any kind, that is truly a sad life! having reproductive organs and refusing to use them is like being able to see but walking around blind folded. These people or either over thinking sex or under thinking it.


Many people don’t understand “a so called asexual person”. I don’t think one needs to understand something to respect it. It may be a sad life in your eyes, but it’s their life. I’ve researched this subject and met many of them. They were/are very happy with their lives.

Just because you have reproductive organs doesn’t mean you must use them. Refusing? All kinds of people regardless of sexual orientation have sex even though they may not be into it for many reasons, good or bad. Having children through pregnancy or by adoption is a choice for all sexual orientations. Are you saying everyone who choses not to have children is torturing themselves?

It is one thing to have your own preference but another to tell other people what they ought to be doing or feeling in order to qualify for happiness. Just something to think about. Maybe you feel threatened by the idea. This is the case with many so called non-asexual people who refuse to acknowledge the happiness of people who identify as asexual.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 37
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Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 1/5/2014 2:39:26 PM

It's good that this kind of person be given a named category, and as much respect as any other person.

Thank you. That is also my viewpoint. One must be able to have language in order for open dialog to happen.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 38
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Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 1/5/2014 3:54:26 PM
You seem to miss the point GJ, there's a lot more time spent on sex than just the few minutes it takes you to get off. There's the time it takes to find someone that you want to have sex with, and who wants to have sex with you, that alone takes up much of your life. Then there's the time it takes to find a place, get the other person in the mood, do the act, cuddle or whatever your partner might need so you can get in there again some time....there's a lot of time involved, this is the very short list.

A person who has no desire for sex would only be sad if they are in a relationship with someone they truly care about and that person is frustrated & unhappy at the lack of sexual desire in the asexual person. As for feeling sad about not feeling sexual, that's probably not the real problem, it would be like someone who doesn't care to eat chocolate being sad for not eating chocolate, why would they miss what they don't want? Most people like chocolate and often feel everyone does, but they don't. It does not make them wrong or flawed, just different than the norm.

There's really nothing to not understand, but it is true that if a person has sexual needs coursing through their body that they may not be able to know what not having that feels like. For some losing that feeling, after having known it, might bother them a lot, but for some losing that desire is a feeling of relief. To each his own. Not everyone is happy with the behaviors they have had because hormones were pushing them to have sex. To understand that, all you have to do is think of something you don't want to do, and that you don't do because you have no desire to do it, then see that that's how an asexual person would feel about sex. And being asexual, or someone with a low libido, doesn't mean they wouldn't want a partner in life, wouldn't mean they don't fall in love, some do some don't, it just means their desire for sexual satisfaction isn't there or is not often there.
 LACR32
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 39
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/9/2014 11:22:25 PM

you can't be truly asexual unless you can reproduce, it is more appropriate to term yourself as self-satisfying and non-sexual. But if you do somehow manage to get yourself pregnant, give me a call. I wanna feel the baby kick.


For the Record:

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines asexual not only in terms of reproduction but also as "devoid of sexuality". For many using the term asexual is easier than trying to explain where in the asexual spectrum they fall. I myself am Gray-A. Check your facts and the definition above and below before you start throwing around sarcasm about reproduction.

Asexuality and sexuality are not black and white; some people identify in the gray (spelled "grey" in some countries) area between them. People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to those who:
- do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes
- experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive
- experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them
- people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances
Similarly, some people who might technically belong to the gray area choose to identify as asexual because it is easier to explain. For example, if someone has experienced sexual attraction on one or two brief, fleeting occasions in their life, they might prefer to call themselves asexual because it is not worth the bother of having to explain these one or two occasions to everyone who asks about their orientation.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 40
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Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/10/2014 1:29:40 AM


Many people don’t understand “a so called asexual person”. I don’t think one needs to understand something to respect it. It may be a sad life in your eyes, but it’s their life. I’ve researched this subject and met many of them. They were/are very happy with their lives.

Just because you have reproductive organs doesn’t mean you must use them. Refusing? All kinds of people regardless of sexual orientation have sex even though they may not be into it for many reasons, good or bad. Having children through pregnancy or by adoption is a choice for all sexual orientations. Are you saying everyone who choses not to have children is torturing themselves?

It is one thing to have your own preference but another to tell other people what they ought to be doing or feeling in order to qualify for happiness. Just something to think about. Maybe you feel threatened by the idea. This is the case with many so called non-asexual people who refuse to acknowledge the happiness of people who identify as asexual.


I think his point is that we have penises and vaginas for a reason and we should use them, not to have babies but for sex. Sex when done right can be pretty fun and enjoyable. To each their own and people have the right to be happy but sex doesn't have to be an chore, nor does it have to be this time consuming ordeal and chore that some people are making it out to be. At least it shouldn't be, it seems like we're denigrating sex just to put over asexuality.
 Bentheredunthat
Joined: 1/9/2014
Msg: 41
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/10/2014 2:22:16 PM
Human beings are the only animal I can think of where sex is entirely optional. Everyone in the animal kingdom is compelled to have sex based purely on instinct.


Um...No.

Humans as a species are every bit as compelled to have sex purely based on instinct. This is the root cause of infidelity. Men are evolutionarily hard wired to try and have sex with as many females as possible, whereas women are wired to be selective as to which males they will share their DNA with. Our social codes regarding the virtues of monogamy were encouraged specifically to temper this instinct, just as our reliance on reciprocal altruism (the Golden Rule) is a social construct that serves to keep us from slaughtering each other over territory and who was first in line at Starbucks.

Sorry, just a pet peeve. It pisses me off when people assert that we as humans are somehow apart from nature.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 42
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/10/2014 2:49:49 PM
"Why haven't gay men and women been driven into extinction from an evolutionary standpoint if they aren't popping out carbon copies of themselves?"
Because humans build societies to protect individuals, and nature does not. How long would other animals and plant survive if they could not reproduce.?
 Bentheredunthat
Joined: 1/9/2014
Msg: 43
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/10/2014 3:09:55 PM

Because humans build societies to protect individuals, and nature does not.


All pack animals work cooperatively to protect their young, their injured, and each other. The reason homosexuality still exists is because heterosexuals continue to give birth to them. Homosexual behavior is found among mammals to the same extent that we see it in our species. Their are also evolutionary benefits to having a percentage of homosexuals in any population. Males that are not busy competing with other males for the most genetically attractive females are free to assist in tribal/social nurturing and other positive social functions.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 44
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/10/2014 6:01:14 PM
"All pack animals work cooperatively to protect their young, their injured, and each other."
If that's true then what happens when a pack meets a stray? Do they protect the stray?
I think it's all about survival - animals do what they do because that's the best way they survive. Humans being the physically weakest need to collectively protect each other, others survive because of enormous reproduction rates.
Is a wolf''s behavior learned or genetic? Is it programmed to be a pack animal? I don't think so, it is raised and schooled by it's group, and the misfits die young.
 Bentheredunthat
Joined: 1/9/2014
Msg: 45
Asexuality: a different kind of orientation
Posted: 6/11/2014 7:36:58 AM

If you think "instinct" is the root cause of infidelity, then you must think that humans don't have the capacity to behave in any manner other than what their instincts compel them to do. In which case, I feel sorry for you.


If you are too obtuse to understand that infidelity is a function of instinct AND that humans are capable of using their Reason to overcome those baser instincts, I feel sorry for you....


Let me state it differently for you since you seem to have a penchant for misinterpreting or over-interpreting things. Sex is OPTIONAL for humans; it isn't entirely INSTINCT.


Never said sex was entirely instinct. Why do you have to misrepresent things? Is this Strawman you created easier for you to deal with? Sex is optional for individual humans, not for humans as a species. Is there some relevant point you wished to make?


A lot of what has been observed as "homosexual behavior" in animals is just a bunch of anthropomorphizing, because some people demand to have a "natural" explanation for homosexuality in humans based on the underlying assumption that if it's "natural", then it excuses them from any guilt.


And those who live in denial of the objective scientific evidence of observed and documented homosexual activity among mammals and primates are often guilty of sticking their heads in the sand so they can pretend that humans are 'special' because some deity 'created' them, so they can excuse their insecure and hateful demonizing of homosexuals. That way, they get to spew the completely unevidenced view that homosexuality is a choice. But yes, I will grant that humans are much more creative and diverse in their sexual practices, as a result of having significantly higher brain function than other primates and other mammals.


Besides, if animals were as homosexual as some people want to think they are, then you'd have to show that these "homosexual" animals never engage in any heterosexual behavior, even in the presence of a receptive female at the height of the breeding season.


Yes, because homosexual humans never engage in heterosexual behavior (EYEROLL).
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