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 mocha smooth
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 1
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Not honest in profilePage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Was it wrong of me to break it off with someone who wasn't honest on the profile.
The profile said no to drugs. But as I got to know him and hang out. This (pot) seemed to play a big role in his life. I am not a prude, but I have two kids and this is just not something I want as a constant in my life. But on the other hand I really like him as a person and we connected in a special way. So it hurt to have to make the chose to let him go. Is it wrong to say, if you change your mind about using you could be a part of my life. Or should I just cut and run? He says he wants to change. I am confused and hurt because he could of been the one.
 brawnydog
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 2
Not honest in profile
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:57:59 PM
Some people just don't think of pot as a drug, darlin.
Even though, legally it is.
Technically, "does not do drugs" should include pot.
Which would make the "do you drink?" redundant.
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 3
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Not honest in profile
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:16:52 PM
If someone is not honest in any way, then the best thing is to leave. I have done that. Still smoked, still married, wrong age, etc. If they lie about that kind of stuff, who knows what else they are liing about.
 mista ecks
Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 4
Not honest in profile
Posted: 4/11/2007 8:22:34 PM
First of all weed is not a drug...a drug is a substance that was created and treated with chemicals. Weed is an herb...but that's irrelevant. I agree, if he lied about something as petty as if he smokes, there's no telling what he lied about.
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 5
Not honest in profile
Posted: 4/12/2007 3:17:15 AM
There's simply NO WAY he could be "the one" since he wasn't honest with you from the beginning!!

Pot IS a drug of sorts especially when it's something used to alter ones state of consciousness for recreational purposes. Like mentioned however that is irrelevent since his use of that substance is contrary to your own comfort level and preferences.

I think you did what was best for yourself and your kids---looking back with regret isn't good. It's doubtful he'd give up using it in order to be with you---it seems most who are frequent users always have some rationalization why this shouldn't be an issue for non-users. Some even equate it to drinking alcohol occasionally. This is still YOUR choice and decision so please don't lament reacting to your own sensibilities.
 gentlegiantohio
Joined: 6/27/2005
Msg: 6
Not honest in profile
Posted: 4/12/2007 7:53:51 AM
Lack of Honesty on a Profile is a major "Dealbreaker" for me.
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 7
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Not honest in profile
Posted: 4/13/2007 10:10:08 PM
Yeah, mista ecks, pot is a drug. Well, actually it's the package that you have to burn to get to the drug (THC). The Free Dictionary (onlline) defines "drug" as
A chemical substance, such as a narcotic or hallucinogen, that affects the central nervous system, causing changes in behavior and often addiction.
THC is a chemical; if it wasn't, it wouldn't have the effect on the central nervous system that it does and you couldn't give it away, except maybe as an interesting garnish for your steak dinner. By your definition, psilocybin is also just a mushroom and mescaline is just part of a cactus.

To the OP, you were right to dismiss him. He was not honest with you. You have your values and he didn't match those values. Anyone who says "But I can change" probably knows he has a problem with the MJ. As a substance abuse counselor, I see that type of promise being made (and broken) all the time by people who want to have their cake and eat it too. The best case scenario: he will realize that his desire to smoke MJ got in the way of a potentially great relationship, and he will make the decision to quit for himself.

Whatever happens, please hold onto your values. That's good not only for you, but also for your children. I respect your decision a great deal.
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 8
Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/3/2007 8:19:37 PM
I met a woman once who smoked pot from the time she woke up till the time she crashed at night and he told me she didn't do drugs . I just drank more to not have to think about the deception.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 9
Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/29/2007 12:47:04 PM
OP, the fact is he lied in his profile and to you...he said he didn't do drugs and he does. So, what else might he have lied about, or lie about in the future? If you had met and he didn't look like his picture, meaning he lied about that, would you be asking this same question, or would you have walked away right then, knowing he was a liar? And considering he lied about something you have strong feelings about, and dont' want around your kids, do you want to deal with it and live with the fact that he may *not* ever stop smoking pot?

BTW, if he actually believes, as another poster suggested, that pot *isn't* a drug, do you really want someone that stupid in your life?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 10
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Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/29/2007 12:52:59 PM

If someone is not honest in any way, then the best thing is to leave. I have done that. Still smoked, still married, wrong age, etc. If they lie about that kind of stuff, who knows what else they are liing about.
How about including if they are a nice person? And asking them to leave if they are not? That would leave the genuine people a lot less problems, and the male and female jerks to date each other. Far more civilized.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 11
Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:07:40 PM

Was it wrong of me to break it off with someone who wasn't honest on the profile.


Oh goodness, I've been known to cut off all contact because of age-lying. Pot. Oh hell no. I want my date in a state other than semi-coma. Sorry, but that particular drug-of-choice doesn't sit well with me. Who wants to date someone that takes 20 minutes to get the joke punchline? And that rancid smell ~ ewwwwww ~ not for me. What others can live with is none of my business. I have absolutely NO interest in a stoner. JMO
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 12
Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:09:12 PM

Alcohol is a drug
Nicotine is a drug
Soooo, theoretically, whoever here smokes cigs/cigars or drinks also does drugs.
So anyone who drinks or smokes that doesn't put Yes to Does drugs, is also being dishonest.


Theoretical because it would only work if they hadn't asked if people also smoked or drank in the profiles...since they did, when they're asking about drugs, it's obvious they mean illegal drugs.
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 13
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Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/29/2007 10:41:40 PM
Agree with one poster who said that some people don't consider pot to be a drug...you're looking to protect yourself and your kids so you were absolutely right to not continue. I don't know as I'd be worried about the 'lying' on the profile, but you were right if you have an issue with the pot in general.
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 14
Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/30/2007 7:02:24 PM
While you certainly have the right to dump a guy who uses drugs, I will dissent about the whole "lying on a profile" stuff. These things are open to the public, including employers, and it would be pretty stupid to say you use drugs on a public website, or even "prefer not to say."
 GuitarGuy_
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 15
Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/30/2007 7:20:40 PM
It's one thing to be taller or shorter than your profile. Doing drugs is another. YOu were right to leave. If they say they do drugs, and you are fine with that then all is good. But you didn't sign up to be with someone that uses drugs. So I think you have done nothing wrong.
 phine_likker
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 16
Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/31/2007 2:47:49 PM

Some people just don't think of pot as a drug, darlin.
Even though, legally it is.
Technically, "does not do drugs" should include pot.
Which would make the "do you drink?" redundant.


Funny how many profiles I have seen where a person is adamantly "against drugs" but states that they are a 'frequent' alcohol or tobacco user.

those are both 'drugs'; the mere fact that they are legally obtainable in N. America, Europe, much of the world doesn't make it not so.

It wasn't until the 1960's that LSD was listed as a 'contolled substance' in North America.
Does that mean it wasn't a drug before that, but now it is?

Also during Prohibition, alcohol use was illegal in the USA. does that mean it was a 'dangerous drug' then, but isn't now ?

Alcohol is still a banned substance in many countries.

Simply becasue the alcohol producer's lobby is more powerful than that of other drug producers, resulting in government blessing, doesn't make alcohol "not a drug"..

ever seen the effects of long-term chronic alcohol use on a person? NOT a pretty sight!

I believe that stats still show that alcohol causes more deaths, family violence situations, police calls, etc. than all other drugs put together, in N. America.

Tobacco use also leads to more deaths..

so why so "anti-drug", but "pro-alcohol" ? (which IS a drug) ?

I personally don't support the use of any drugs.. (incl. alcohol/tobacco)..
 phine_likker
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 17
Not honest in profile
Posted: 5/31/2007 3:28:09 PM

"Funny how, if you have a glass of wine during dinner - you're labelled a drug user."


Funny how many people say they have 'one' or 'a' drink, or glass of wine, which turns out to be 3, or 4, or..12..

or the glass is a Jumbo-Super-Slurpy Cup that holds 126 oz..

So if you have 'one' toke after dinner does that make you a 'drug abuser' ?
 phine_likker
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 18
Not honest in profile
Posted: 6/3/2007 12:02:11 PM
"Seriously. I finally had to ask a doctor about the long term consquences of this habit. He said that if you are a type "A" personality it will make you much more of a type"A";
meaning more hyper and nuerotic; this was exactly the case. He had to smoke it in the morning to calm down and be functional. Mr. Honeywell executive; mind you!!! The
type "B" personalities will get much more layed back."


this is NOT to say that pot smoking is 'good'; but funnily, doesn't what you say also describe alcohol use pretty well perfectly?

the angry, sullen types get MORE angry & sullen (want to fight)..(and do.)

The happy types get more relaxed and happy.

also, Once a smoker, (or drinker) always one..
 1Fish2Fish RedFishNewFish
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 19
Not honest in profile
Posted: 6/24/2007 4:52:49 PM

First of all weed is not a drug...

That's a crock!
Does that mean that penicillin is not a drug? How about Belladonna? How about the heart meds made from Nightshade? How about Opium, it comes from poppies? Heroin? That too. Not a drug? Peyote? Sheesh...

I don't think you can expect someone to change. I tried to get my ex to change - she promised to quit smoking (cancer sticks) but, once we were married, had excuse after excuse not to quit. She still had not quit after 8 1/2 years when we split up. I say dump his lying wasted butt. Cut your losses now.
 bellazingara
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 20
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Not honest in profile
Posted: 9/16/2007 6:45:26 PM
He could have been but he clearly wasn't. "The One" would not be dishonest with you right off the bat. You did nothing wrong as you are protecting your children...you are right to put their well being first.
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