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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?      Home login  
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 Hipkit
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 1
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I've been a member of this site for about a year now. I'm also a member of other sites. I get a fair amount of response and exchange messages for a while. The moment I suggest actually meeting, I don't hear a thing from the guy again. Why?

Is it because there are so many married guys who are just titillating themselves by chatting to women other than their wife?

How many others have the same experience? Is it just me?
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 2
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/14/2007 7:39:49 AM
I'm curious what you mean by so many guys, What percentage?, I'm always up for a meeting, only way you will truly know if your interested.
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 3
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/14/2007 8:04:12 AM
Well I myself are in that boat.... I am in a 3 month stable relationship with my BF, Al..... I am just here to answer forums and read them.... I am chatting with ppl but meeting them in person is OUT OF THE QUESTION.... I am inlove with my BF, Al and i respect my relationship with him..... meeting someone else OFFLINE would be Disrespect to him and our relationship..... And same goes with me telling my friends that I am involved is something I am PROUD to tell my friends too..... I dont hide anything when it comes to MY BF, AL & Our relationship--- when i make a Commitment I am honouring my Commitment to just one person & that is my BF, AL.... no one else!!!

Same goes with some other men in here that are Committed like I am..... No its not just you.... its a general Observation.....

 Hipkit
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 4
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:18:01 AM
I agree with you, Ranger. If people are here for chat only, they should be fair and make it plain. Many of the guys (about 99% of those I've had contact with) have in their profiles that they're up for some kind of relationship, usually dating or longterm. I don't approach the 'meeting up' until I'm getting kind of tired of the endless exchange of messages. (Don't do msn either, bores me stupid and wastes so much time.) I'll usually say something like: "we've been chatting for sometime now, what do you think of meeting up?". Then I don't hear from the guy again. If I get in touch with him, he usually ignores me.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 5
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/14/2007 1:20:23 PM
yep ^^^^ i agree with pazoozoo.... those are a few good factors involved, unless the 'guys' can dispute that calmly & civily.. (along with "testing the waters"...inexperience...fear of rejection...(actually i dont blame them on that one..) but *sigh* SOMEBODY needs to take a 'First' step hugs to all.....
 azspenpal
Joined: 5/1/2006
Msg: 6
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/14/2007 2:46:06 PM
i think , online and behind a screen, you can be anyone you want and work anywhere you want, and when reality comes in to play it gets scary so they go on to the next one
 DiffusionTensor
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 7
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/14/2007 3:19:06 PM
I can't believe a WOMAN complaining that men want only to chat, but never meet! My experience of most women on this and other dating sites mirrors that exactly, namely that of women, even those who contact me first, seem to want to email endlessly, but never to meet me. Very often they say "Tell me about yourself" so I write about two paragraphs (as if they couldn't read my damn profile) and they write a single line back. If, after an exchange of about four emails (sometimes sexual, sometimes chaste) back and forth, I suggest a meeting or even a phone call, it is as if somebody had rubbed a magic lamp, because their genies disappear pretty damn quickly. To me it seems that most women on this and other sites want only the boost to their egos of having men write to them. If people want only to email, fine, but they should say so on their profiles and stop wasting the time of folk who want to actually date.
 RAZ49
Joined: 2/10/2004
Msg: 8
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/14/2007 3:25:35 PM
I don't know about the other guys here but I am here hopefully to meet some one.
 Reenie999
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 9
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/14/2007 4:11:43 PM
I don't do Chat/IM and tell them so as soon as they ask.

Rarely do they continue the correspondance. That type of thing does not meet my needs so why waste each others' time??

I state quite clearly that I expect a meeting within a reasonable length of time and that's that.
 ny_lady_13601
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 11
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/20/2007 10:45:38 AM
Or it could be they're only looking to get laid and they know they're not going to get that from you first thing therefor they see no reason to waste their time meeting you.

And yes, there are way too many married people on DATING sites. These people need to grow up. If they're not happy being married, they need to step up to reality, be mature and head for a lawyer and draw up divorce papers rather then cheat, hurt and humiliate their familes.
 Vancer
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 12
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 4/27/2007 9:45:51 PM
It is hard for me to meet people in person because I am a floating head in cyber space.

/me floats around de internets

Woooooooo! <-my ghostly head
 1KindHeart
Joined: 2/22/2015
Msg: 13
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/16/2015 1:34:36 PM
I've had this kind of issue as well. It is actually seem to get worse over the past six months or so.
 WillyT990
Joined: 7/11/2015
Msg: 14
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/16/2015 1:55:49 PM
When I first used this site just after my divorce, the second woman I spoke to and met up with was still married when we got together, but didn't reveal that to me until we were sitting across from each other in a coffee shop. That makes for a funny feeling in the pit of the stomach, like checking myself to make sure there wasn't a laser sight centered on my chest or something. Also, I didn't want to knowingly enter into a third-party arrangement. Maybe it was naive to assume that someone on here was as free as I was, and as it turned out, there was no danger cause soon-to-be-ex husband was out frying his own fish, so to speak.

Shortly after, I got into what seemed like a very nice conversation with a woman who looked absolutely adorable in her pictures. She lived about an hour from me, but there was a smallish town at the halfway point between us that had an ice cream and coffee shop that looked good for a meet-up, so after a week of chatting, I suggested that we get together and meet there. Seemed like a decent plan and a reasonable amount of time. Well, she didn't react well to that and said that she would have to vet my background and get one of her state trooper friends to verify my employment and that I was telling the truth about my divorce, mode of living, etc. I didn't have anything to hide, but that seemed a bit much for a meet-up in a public place on a Saturday afternoon. After she said all that, she quit responding to my messages and disappeared from the site shortly thereafter.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 15
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/16/2015 3:05:42 PM
WillyT990...there are "background check whackadoodles" like that from both genders on POF.
Her disappearance is the best thing that could have happened because those personalities are painful to endure.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 16
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/16/2015 3:48:04 PM
Well, she didn't react well to that and said that she would have to vet my background and get one of her state trooper friends to verify my employment and that I was telling the truth about my divorce, mode of living, etc.
-------------
The answer to that should always be no. There is no reason anyone needs to know more than your first name before meeting a second time in person.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 17
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/16/2015 4:23:24 PM

Well, she didn't react well to that and said that she would have to vet my background and get one of her state trooper friends to verify my employment and that I was telling the truth about my divorce, mode of living, etc.


What, no blood sample?


I didn't have anything to hide, but that seemed a bit much for a meet-up in a public place on a Saturday afternoon.


It was, of course.




I've had this kind of issue as well. It is actually seem to get worse over the past six months or so.


Online dating has been going downhill for the last few years now.

Those of us who were around during the glory years keep hoping for a renaissance, but nothing so far.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 18
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/16/2015 6:10:47 PM
From what I've seen over the past four years, I'd say OLD is pretty much a bust.

Actually, I find that dating in general is almost not worth it. I used to have a vague idea what women were looking for. Now, not at all. When did the rules change? I decided to worry more about myself.

I got fed up with writing messages that probably didn't get read. About 10 responses over a period of four years, isn't what I call being whopping success. If women wanted to prove to me that they are cold and rude- they've done an admirable job of it. But then, I was taught that by my sister when I was six, so what's new?


Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?


I can counter that, by asking why don't women want to set up a face to face meeting?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 19
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Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/16/2015 11:08:22 PM
Because they are married, lying on their profile or want a guarantee of sure sex before they bother to meet you. Who knows? I hear the same complaint from men about women. They are just playing games, time wasters and I would just move on. In my limited experience the men wanted to meet as soon as and were not into chatting for any length of time.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 20
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/17/2015 2:01:35 AM
^^^ Yep.

I think it has gotten worse.
Insist on a meet within a week or so, if no..... then you decide if you want a pen pal.

NOTHING IS REAL UNTIL YOU MEET.

 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 21
Why are so many guys only into chatting and not dating?
Posted: 8/17/2015 8:10:43 AM
Even if a first meet is arranged and the person appears to be who they say they are, the trick (at least for me) is to not revert back into a text buddy, pen pal situation. It seems like so many are addicted to texting or waiting for texts all day, every day, and would agree to an initial first meet just to satisfy another person's urge to have the meet, but have no real intention of sacrificing any texting time and live in the real world afterwards. Either that, or they have something to hide, like having a spouse, so it's easier to sneak off a text every so often instead of having to meet in real life more often, and increasing the chance of being caught. I have no desire to receive or send 10 or 20 messages a day. If somebody has something to say to me, do it in person, or at least the occasional phone call. I'm resisting the pull by society to become a cell phone zombie.
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