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 joe1727
Joined: 4/28/2010
Msg: 401
Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 17 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
Just because I have never been married does not mean I haven't been involved. It does mean I am one of the lucky ones that didn't marry just to marry and regretted it forever. I do know how to treat a lady and I have all the qualities that go along with that as well. For those who think we are losers and not worth it all I can say is YOUR LOSS. BTW kids are not a problem with me as they seem to come to me and I have some great relationships with kids because they see someone that actually has a life and isn't ****ing about his ex because she took him for everything. Take for what its worth
 NOjadedones
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 402
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/20/2012 8:06:16 AM
Because they never met the right one or knew the difference between lust (or honeymoon stage) and love or there totally content.
 mbloof
Joined: 3/23/2010
Msg: 403
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:20:15 AM
I was a bit out of place where I grew up - poor folks in a rich town. Most of the gals did not want to walk, ride a bike or take a bus on a date - you were expected to have a car and pay for everything. I was 22 by the time I could drive and have a car - and had moved away from that place - since I did not know anyone or met anyone, I focused on my work and trying to get ahead in life.

I dated a few times in my 20's, 30's and 40's. Was even engaged once.

Somewhere along the way I ether simply gave up looking for someone to 'complete me' or realized that getting married and having kids might not be the 'wholly grail' of life paths it might of been for our parents, grand parents and great grand parents.

So why am I here on POF?

I'm likely not going to find a partner at work or while shopping and unless I'm expecting "miss right" to magically appear on my doorstep, (which I'm not) I need dating sites like POF to help in the search.

Partnering with someone to enjoy adventures and life with can be fun and rewarding.
 AgentSpectre
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 404
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:55:40 PM
Sometimes that's just the way it works out. I was engaged long ago and found out the ho was cheating the whole time. Since then haven't really met anyone that can be serious about a LTR.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 405
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/23/2012 12:38:58 AM
Responding to the OP, after my ex came out as gay, I was separated for 4 years before filing for divorce, then waited another 2.5 years while the divorce was finalized. That was 3 years ago. I have not been in a marital relationship for more than 9 years and divorced has negative connotations so I do consider myself single.

Would I ever date anyone my age that has not been married. Absolutely not.. Would I ever date someone my age whose longest relationship was less than 10 years long? Huh-uh. But do I care if they put themselves as Single rather than Divorced? Not one bit.
 Dan0777
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 406
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/23/2012 1:04:44 AM
I never found the right one.

The prejudice around this is a bit silly.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 407
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/23/2012 4:04:21 AM
II have a good friend that was 47, never married and hadn't dated a lot. He is tall, thin, but an introvert. He also has crohn's which is under control but may have also made him a little shy. And he didn't really know the type of person he was lookng for.

But at 47 he met a nice lady that is thin, about his age and that had been divorced for a couple of year, they got marred, that was 5 years ago, they are quite happy.

IMO PoF is a dating / hookup site that mainly caters to those under 35, so if you are just here out of kicks it's ok, but if you are in the category of this thread and are serious, then I suggest a paid dating site.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 408
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/23/2012 2:58:40 PM
^^ have done the paid dating site thing and had about the same amount of luck as I have had here. It depends on location, appearance, other attributes, and if someone is willing to accept a never married status without being negative about it.
 Dan0777
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 409
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/23/2012 3:34:14 PM

]I disagree... I am 47. I divorced almost 7 years ago and separated ten years ago. I decided to pursue my career options and attend college. I dated during this time but to say I didn't find anyone "good enough" is such a simply explanation for our complex society. I being a single mom needed to survive. After being married for 23 years giving my all, I had dreams. I did not want to feel selfish and not give enough to that special someone while I was building me. I of course needed to be able to surrender to love emotionally physically and mentally. However, attending college full-time and working plus caring for a child didn't allow for much time to have a full time committed relationship. It is simply not an easy explanation as to why people stay single, but never over assume.


Over assume. That's it. Never do that. It's all too common in so many places.

Things aren't simple unless you live in simple circumstances.
 StellarCHt
Joined: 1/4/2012
Msg: 410
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/23/2012 4:38:39 PM
I never even thought about it... I put single on my profile not to be decietful, but because I have been divorced for a very long time. It didn't even occur to me that single meant NEVER married.

Now that I think about it though, I don't like divorce, don't like the word, and have many negative associations with that word. I will remain single on my profile, but have no problem letting people know I was married before. And anyone I have ever spoken to who has listed themselves as single were infact divorced also. I never thought twice about it. But I may have to rethink that..... LOL
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 411
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/23/2012 6:50:26 PM
Before I started reading some threads here I thought Single was single/never married and wondered why there were so many Singles on POF. Never would have dreamed of not listing my true state. The more I think about it, if you're not honest about that, what else are you hiding.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 412
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/29/2012 7:19:05 AM
My only previous post in this thread was #275, something like two years ago, but the issue is fresh. Check that post if you want to. With more experience, here's a bit more:

First of all, Markus should consider REMOVING "Single" from the Marital Status options and offer "Never Married" to clearly distinguish from "Divorced," "Widowed" and "Separated."

Then - if someone is looking to get married and have kids, or raise kids they already have, they probably will think badly of someone who's never married or had kids. Fine. Someone who doesn't want to have kids - or get married - probably won't be a good fit for them.

But there's nothing wrong with the many people who don't want to have kids or get married. Are we "damaged goods?" That term originated as a slur against people who HAD been previously married, or already had kids! And it was used, in fact, on just about anyone who wasn't a virgin. My favourite aunt was treated that way by some in our family because she'd fallen for a guy who turned out to be already married, which she found out when their application for a marriage license was refused. He'd not expected Canadian officials to find his Chicago wife. She married another guy and stayed with him until her death. She was still a decent human who made that man a devoted wife, though she proved unable to have kids.

I've always wanted a stable, loving relationship without kids, marriage or religion. One lasted for nearly ten years; others for one to three years. And, yes, I have cohabited. Am I not a good bet for someone wanting kids or marriage? No - and they would not be a good fit for me, so I'm not going to try to trick them or coerce them into bed.

[NOTE: Here at PoF today, I'm looking for friends. Markus won't let me change the part that says, "looking for a relationship."]

It's all in what you want, and if someone isn't what you want nobody's forcing you to love them. If you WANT kids and marriage, and HAVE managed to fall in love with someone who doesn't want kids or marriage, you do have a problem. I won't pretend authority to assign blame or tragedy.

My older brother married, for the first time, at the age of 48; he's now 60 and still married to the same woman. He'd never cohabited with anyone before that, but something like seven years of long-distance relationship (just a nice day's motorcycle ride, and they met at a lot of conventions too) led them to decide to live together, and that meant marriage because of the international border between them. No kids last I looked.

Not everyone is aiming at marriage, and not everyone is aiming at kids, and the two factors are not perfectly correlated either. Is a guy a "loser" for not wanting to dance, just because a woman who needs dance in her life won't want him? Would he be happy married to an obsessive dancer?

ED BEAR

Veteran of a two-year relationship with a lovely lady who loved dancing and would happily dance with men other than me. (Though some of them refused to dance with her because of my existence.)
 Stevenin2012
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 413
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/29/2012 9:22:00 PM
You have two questions in one here: what's up with older and single guys who never married and why do people choose singledom.

I only chose marriage because I'd met someone I could see myself with for the rest of my life, otherwise I'd never had married and just continued serial monogomy and moved from one to the next.

Maybe these guys where smart enough to not settle for less and stayed single?
 senica
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 414
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/1/2012 11:37:16 AM
In my case My x after 23yrs Had a son whom she wanted to keep her 1st married name so he wasn"t the only one with that last name. Also for me i would always understand she was a single female. And it propbly helped me never take her for granite. And not become complacent And it really worked
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 415
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/2/2012 7:47:30 AM
Society says that we have to be married by a certain age,have a home 2.5 kids and a car and money. I dont buy into any of that b#llsh#t. I am never married becouse i haven,t found her yet.I am not getting married becouse someone thinks i should be.
 LastSunset
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 416
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/18/2012 2:33:48 PM
Change your status to widower who was married for many years. That will look more attractive to women. It will make you sound capable of a long term commitment, and indicate that you are already housebroke,.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 417
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/18/2012 10:50:57 PM
for all you on here that been married and had kids. How did that work out for you??? Oh wait it didnt. How many of you are still thinking the world of the love of your life??? Dont tell me you dont love them no more.. I wont judge others for the mistakes they made if they dont judge me.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 418
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/18/2012 11:06:03 PM

lagoodguy:
for all you on here that been married and had kids. How did that work out for you??? Oh wait it didnt. How many of you are still thinking the world of the love of your life??? Dont tell me you dont love them no more.. I wont judge others for the mistakes they made if they dont judge me.


It worked fine, even during the 7 year fight with Cancer. I wouldn't give up the pain and heartache that the cancer caused, because that would be giving up the 28+ years we had too. Marriage or long term relationships are hard work, and you don't always get everything your way. But IMHO they're worth the pain and trouble. Keep looking forever for Mister or Miss perfect, you won't find them, because there are no perfect people.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 419
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/19/2012 8:23:31 PM
Blue eyes im sorry about that but im sure you know that i meant for the ones that been divorced and say that there must be something wrong with us that never been married.. I see nothing is wrong with me, Think I'm more normal then some of the ones I meet over time.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 420
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:32:41 PM
lAgoodguy, I didn't mean it personally, more the general you never met someone who has everything you're looking for. Some posters sound like they didn't stay because of some imperfection in their SO, so they didn't marry them. I'm just saying, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good enough. Because you'll never meet the perfect one, they don't exist. On the other hand if you don't want to put the work into a marriage to make it work, you're better off not getting married.

 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 421
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/21/2012 12:52:05 PM
Many of us never married are not looking for the perfect person, as we are well aware that we are all perfectly imperfect. We are also capable of putting the work into a marriage. I look at it as meeting the right person ( man or woman) is kind of like winning the lottery, or a combination of luck, chance, fate or divine intervention. Factor in the facts that many people will not date middle aged people who have not been married, a certain appearance seems to be of utmost importance to many (some of us do not have that appearance), location seems to play a part, and to some a certain personality does matter. I suppose it is difficult for men over 45 to get married, seems more difficult for women over 45. ( speaking as a woman in her 50s)
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 422
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/21/2012 4:47:11 PM
Why a man over 45 never married?

1. Because he didn't have to. Plenty of independent liberated women friends.

2. Because he didn't like what happened to his married friends. Wiped out financially by divorce. Get the kids every 2nd weekend.

3. Rapidly changing definition of marriage due to femminism and other influences on social legislation.

4. Too discouraged about the human condition to bring kids into the world.

5. Too busy travelling.

6. Devoted to a career or a cause.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 423
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/21/2012 6:20:46 PM

Fifi47:
I look at it as meeting the right person ( man or woman) is kind of like winning the lottery, or a combination of luck, chance, fate or divine intervention.


Fifi, I fully understand, after my disastrous short 1st marriage I could have stayed single/divorced the rest of my life. and to be honest I don't know if it was luck, chance, fate or divine intervention that put me in the time/place when I met my late wife. I told the story in another thread, about being 'stood up'.

One Saturday night I had a date, went to meet her and she didn't show up. Waited 45 minutes to an hour and then went over to my normal hangout/bar that had live music most nights. After I got there, about half an hour later my 'date' walked in. She looked my way, but looked right through me, as if I wasn't there. That told me where I stood with her. A little while later my future wife walked in with a group of friends. They weren't regulars at this bar. I screwed up my courage and asked her to dance. Shen invited me back to her group and we were together till the cancer took her from me.

I may never know why those events happened like they did, but I'm glad they did.



 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 424
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/21/2012 6:32:17 PM
I have a brother and sister who never married or had children. They are both loners and have difficulty with small kids. While they don't dislike my kids and grandkids they are ill at ease around them.I can't say this is true for all "never marrieds" but I've know a few who were just like this. Marriage and kids causes one to learn how to give and take in life.
 Mercedes_48
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 425
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/22/2012 7:41:05 AM
Hi,

I post single....well becuase I've never been married. I'm 48......I didn't choose to be single, I just never found the right guy for me. I also believe, considering practically half of marriages end in divorce, may mean, that people are marrying, for the sake of being married, because society thinks they should, and their age, and then realizing later that they married the wrong person.

People should not judge someone if they have never been married. Becuase maybe its as simple as......they never found the right one.
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