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 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 464
Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 25 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
In my younger days when most were chasing girls I was "busy" firefighting, hunting, fishing, etc.

Went out a few times in that time period, after being coerced or simply asked by a girl/woman. I always "ended it" on the first date though explaining I was not interested in dating.

Later, 30ish, I decided I didn't want to spend the time or resources that would have been required to find the right woman for me. I had accepted the reality that it was a very long shot to find what I wanted dating in a traditional way and decided to just stay happily single.

Then at the age of 38 I found on line dating by chance and reconsidered the possibilities.

I have been here, and on various other sites ever since.

My initial thinking that the chances of me finding what I am looking for dating traditionally were slim to nil have been proven correct in the last decade based on the experience here.

I am open to marriage, but can easily stay happily single as well.

Jerry
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 465
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/21/2014 11:35:45 AM
You've found the way to live alone. Occupy your free time with other interests. I did the same as you, in my teen years.
Now, I admit that I tried chasing girls. But, because I was living in a college town, and not going to college, that made dating almost impossible. I did marry, at age 35. Thought it was a good idea at the time. It wasn't. Now at my age, I feel handicapped in dating. Not being knowledgeable in that arena, I found out very few women are willing to understand inexperience. Add to it that OLD is convenient, easy to do, and seems like it would work. It doesn't.
I read in an article that the actual success rate of finding a woman that you would possibly meet and marry, online, is 2%. In my book, those odds really stink. Save yourself the grief and aggravation. You have managed to conquer living alone, happily. Don't screw up a good thing.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 466
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/21/2014 12:10:52 PM

You've found the way to live alone. Occupy your free time with other interests. I did the same as you, in my teen years.
Now, I admit that I tried chasing girls. But, because I was living in a college town, and not going to college, that made dating almost impossible. I did marry, at age 35. Thought it was a good idea at the time. It wasn't. Now at my age, I feel handicapped in dating. Not being knowledgeable in that arena, I found out very few women are willing to understand inexperience. Add to it that OLD is convenient, easy to do, and seems like it would work. It doesn't.
I read in an article that the actual success rate of finding a woman that you would possibly meet and marry, online, is 2%. In my book, those odds really stink. Save yourself the grief and aggravation. You have managed to conquer living alone, happily. Don't screw up a good thing.


I assume this was in reply to my post, no need to worry, I have no intention of screwing up a good thing, I am quite picky so to speak.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 467
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/21/2014 7:19:16 PM
After 3 years of intense OLD, I totally concur with the advice given.

Knowing the odds of finding a wife are against you, why bet big against the house?

Found a lot of dates, flings and 3-4 date $ex, but only 4 'girlfriends' with the longest lasting 4 months.

Yep. I know, my picker is broken.

I suppose I'm better off then some and I'm grateful for that:)

I just keep my expectations low...
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 468
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/22/2014 12:55:13 AM

As I have looked over personal ads for dating/friends/ whatever, I have seen many that have "single" in their profile. I have always wondered why women and men that get to this age have never married at least once. (I waited until I was 31 to marry hoping to be mature and find the right man.)


Some people get married and have kids because it's what you're "supposed" to do....In fact, probably more than you'd think!
Others, as in your case, wait until the right time...for whatever reason.
I myself have never been married partially because I had quite a few health issues over the years, that would have made me a LOT less than a "catch"! lol
The other reason is that I decided a LONG time ago, that when/if I ever got married, that I would have to mean what I said in my vows...|mostly the part about "'til Death do us part..."...I've just never found that person that I could be even reasonably confident that I would WANT to make that vow, to, so....time passes and one day you wake up and realize that yes, you may be older, but you're ALSO hopefully, wiser and maybe, just MAYBE the game really isn't over JUST YET!....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 469
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/22/2014 8:48:45 AM

The other reason is that I decided a LONG time ago, that when/if I ever got married, that I would have to mean what I said in my vows...|mostly the part about "'til Death do us part..."


I would imagine the majority of people who decide to get married say the same thing about the "til death do us part" bit. But about half of those people who say it still manage to break the vow and get divorced. Like the saying goes-actions speak louder than words. Since we live in a world of instant gratification and in instant disinterest, a more accurate marriage vow would be: "til death do us part or until I start to get bored with you. Whichever comes first."
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 470
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/22/2014 9:13:03 AM
@maleman...
I wasn't saying that other people take the vows and DON'T mean them...not at all!
What I meant, was that I've never been with anyone that I felt strongly enough about TO take those vows...bit of a difference there, as you can see...
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 471
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/22/2014 9:34:08 AM
I said the vows, meant them and did the "til death do part us".

I get that life happens, we move, we have careers, circumstances make life what it is or has been. I just find it a little sad that a person hasn't found, just once, that perfect for them partner. One that they give their entire being to and receive, in return, the gift of love of another. I had that and I always wish others had this joy of love in their life as well.

My sister has never been married but is in live-in relationship and has been for 23 years. She is committed, as is he, to the relationship and felt no need for a wedding. I fully accept this, to me, they are "married". My brother just married for the first time at 56, so yes, it does happen. I do wonder about those that are our age that haven't seemed to manage a relationship longer 5 or 8 years. I've had socks for longer than most relationships. But, to each their own. We all learn and grow from relationships no matter how short or long they are.

As for dating someone that has never been married, I look at it as a "non issue" and would get to know him first, just like any other guy, and make up my mind from there.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 472
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/22/2014 1:49:24 PM

I get that life happens, we move, we have careers, circumstances make life what it is or has been. I just find it a little sad that a person hasn't found, just once, that perfect for them partner. One that they give their entire being to and receive, in return, the gift of love of another. I had that and I always wish others had this joy of love in their life as well.


Never SAID that I hadn't experienced that, just haven't been married.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 473
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/22/2014 2:13:02 PM
My response was directed to the fora, not to anyone specific. Just a general comment. Our perfect for us partner...there are many on here that have had what I would term "a short term relationship" so to me, they have not found the perfect one for them. Many marry for a multitude of reasons, most of them wrong. But to find the right one to share your life with - it's awesome. So yes, I find it sad when someone hasn't found the perfect one for them.
 dallasdoer
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 474
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/25/2014 5:21:10 PM
To OP, some people probably just put single because they choose the first that fits, i.e., not married. Then again, I do not remember about this site. I will say that anybody who has not married once has something wrong with them, just like those who have been married three or more times. What it is exactly depends on the facts. But both situations are red flags and only fools rush in to find out why.
 Akitahun
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 475
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/23/2014 7:50:54 PM
I have learned to NOT date never married men. Those that I dated were set in their own ways/hours and not willing to compromise. NOOO I'm not getting up at 5:30 AM to go skating. They were pretty cheap too :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 476
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/24/2014 5:21:12 AM
I never wanted to get married or have kids so it's silly for me to use that as a screening factor. While someone else might see a guy who's never been married or cohabitated as inflexible - I see that as a guarantee that I'm not being pushed about my own space. The guy who won't do certain things with me would be preferable as I like a good amount of my own thing even when in a relationship.

However, a guy who can't/won't go do things by himself and expects me to accompany him on his schedule would be a deal breaker.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 477
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/24/2014 7:45:46 AM
I've never been married, and I'm always told that I'm about the most flexible and fun man around. And I know that I'm not unique...that many other never-married men are just like me.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 478
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/24/2014 8:38:06 AM
My next wife/victim will have to not only propose to me, but also pay me the cost of a divorce up front.

I don't see a wife happening anytime soon:(
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 479
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/24/2014 1:58:32 PM
awwww...Mr. Tutor!
I know people say there's a pot for every lid, there's someone for
everyone, etc. etc., and I pretty much agree. But what if the right
person lives in another state, country, planet even?

I think (in some ways) it takes courage and a giant leap of faith
to do again what has failed before...and I envy you your fortitude
and am in awe of your tenacity.

I've been divorced a while and had opportunities, but my fear of
failing again keeps me running away.

I say this without any sardonicism and I do you wish you well.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 480
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/24/2014 5:43:23 PM
^^^
You're a beautiful woman Boo:)

I speak in jest. I have room in my heart for one more trip down the red carpet...

Who wants to be #4? lmao

I'm no so worried about failing again, but being vulnerable to scrutiny for my past. I can laugh at myself, but it sure is embarrassing admitting it to someone.

I've met a few women that complain they're tired of meeting men that haven't been raked over the coals by ex's. I told her get used to it.

What exactly have you told the men you've turned down for marriage? Do they still want to see you or do they walk away?
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 481
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/27/2014 6:53:08 AM
I have learned to NOT date never married men. Those that I dated were set in their own ways/hours and not willing to compromise. NOOO I'm not getting up at 5:30 AM to go skating. They were pretty cheap too :)


^^I have found the opposite to be true, in my circumstances: they tend to be generous and willing to work around my weird schedule. The formerly married people have a number of children and strict schedules to which they must adhere, which leave little room for steady dating and spending outside of strict budgets, which is understandable given they're family people.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 482
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/27/2014 7:28:13 AM

What exactly have you told the men you've turned down for marriage? Do they still want to see you or do they walk away?


They gave me ultimatums. Of course they sounded reasonable, and they did make sense in a way, but they were
ultimatums. I was willing to keep things at the status quo, but it was either all or nothing, so I walked away. I have
to believe they really thought I could be persuaded, otherwise I'd have to believe their heart wasn't really in it. Either
way, not a basis for a long term relationship.

I want to get married again, but I've accepted the fact I probably won't. Of course, nowadays, I'm the one scaring
off the guys. I truly believe the right guy will see through my bullshit and call me on it...and that will be my happier
ever after.

I think a few years ago being #4 might have sounded scary, now it sounds like a challenge...ahahahahaha!
 dinorwicheartache
Joined: 10/12/2014
Msg: 483
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/2/2014 8:45:30 PM
I am 46, single, never married. Not for lack of trying. In my life experience, in my 20's women wouldn't get serious because they had to have their careers first, in my :0's I worked like a dog at jobs that kept my too busy to be available. I hurt my back 7 years ago and am not in a great financial situation. All these women that refused to get married in exchange for careers are now looking for virgin men the same age with a small fortune at minimum. I was bullied and beaten as a youth, come from a broken home and have wanted nothing more than to have a family to love. Constant rejection has left me severely depressed. Do, tell me, even though I am honest, caring, sincere and want nothing more than to love and be loved, being 46, injured, unemployed, never married, what woman would want to marry me now?
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 484
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/2/2014 8:58:02 PM
^^^^^^^^^
No offense, but your scenario is not gender specific.

I personally would not want to marry an unemployed woman.

Date and commit to an unemployed woman? Sure, if she's honest, caring, sincere and ATTRACTIVE.

I think some people sabotage their dating by assuming the other person is expecting husband/wife material to show up on the first date.

You've already assumed you're not husband material and therefore not date worthy.

Baby steps...

IMHO...let her decide what is too much baggage. I've met some classy women that were kind and accepted my baggage:)

That being said...you might be viewed as 'short term' material, but hey...at our age? Be grateful for some female compassion!

No need to divulge the gory details on the first date...

 dinorwicheartache
Joined: 10/12/2014
Msg: 485
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/3/2014 10:42:49 AM
My first reply didn't go through. I am busy so will be brief. How is a generation of women convinced by feminists to not get married to pursue a career not gender specific? Why do they have the mentality that you can't be married and have a career?
 usernonymous
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 486
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/9/2014 4:33:38 AM
I wonder op, if that could possibly be the case. Went out on a boys night out for a pal who just got divorced. For fun, I asked to wear his wedding ring as a joke (as I've never been married....inside joke). Kid you not, I had more flirty conversations with women than I've had in long time, so much so I actually was thinking of buying it off him!
 Countryheart1967
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 487
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/22/2014 5:17:05 AM
I would imagine the reasons are many and as unique as the individuals.
It's not always necessarily a bad thing.
My story...
I went into the service at eighteen and my career choice wasn't suited well for relationships. I spent a lot of time overseas and did two tours of duty during conflict that left me with a few emotional problems for couple of years afterward. I was with a woman, who couldn't have children, for many years. She never wanted to marry, always claiming that "It's just a piece of paper". It turned out she had a pretty bad drug problem. I tried hard to overlook this but it caused a lot of tension between us. She had cheated on me several times while I was at work, which caused even more friction. She was also horrible with money, having several credit cards in my name unbeknownst to me at the time. Eventually she ran off with another man permanently. I should have left the relationship but I clung on hoping it would get better, the heart wants what the heart wants. I eventually had to file bankruptcy due to this woman.
In my last relationship we were not married due to finances. She has Parkinson's, was on disability, and had a medical card. We had planned on getting married but after she had become ill it became apparent that the medical bills would have wiped us out as she would have lost her benefits after marriage. She too was unable to have children. Her condition caused a few mental problems to develop over the years and she started a Facebook romance. Once again I tried to make it work and held in there... to no avail.
It would seem that I either do not know when to quit, enjoy being abused, or just try too hard to make things right. :/

And now I find myself here at 47, still holding on to hope that the "right one" is still out there just waiting to be discovered.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 488
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/22/2014 11:19:50 AM
Countryheart
IMO, and I am sure that many here will agree-you are only TECHNICALLY a never-married person. If you were to list yourself as "divorced", that might be technically untrue, but it sounds to me like you've earned your battle scars, so to speak.
As for someone who genuinely never has been in a significant committed relationship, I suppose one has to make note of that fact, just as one might make note of someone who has been married &divorced 4 or 5 times. Circumstances might require more examination.
Countryheart, there is much to be said for living unpartnered. But do not let go of that hope. It's what makes life interesting.
Cindy O
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