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Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 76
Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 4 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
Dated a man for over 3 years... he's 45 and never married, never engaged, never even LIVED with a woman.

Here's my take:


my humble experience on the matter.
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 77
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:35:18 PM

Now when people see that I am "single" and "never married" they assume that I am some type of playboy or player. Or loser. They can't know the truth of course. But it is assumed that there is something wrong with me.

"I also want to reassure those that have NEVER been married that that is a valid choice."

Thank you. I'll sleep much better tonight knowing that the fact that I've never been married meets with your approval.

But the question was "Why do people remain single at all? " tuka
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 78
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/18/2007 2:07:45 PM
I'm a 45 yr old single female....single as in Never Been Married. This does make men think twice about me. I have remained single for a variety of reasons. The most prevelent reason....

I spent 19 yrs raising my daughter alone and she was my main concern during those years. I felt she had to come first...She is now 23 and a college graduate. I did a great job! During that time I thought I didn't have anything to offer someone because my daughter had to come first. I also found that a lot of men didn't want to date a single mom much less marry one.

Now, I would absolutely love to get married. If I do someday that would be great. If I don't...well that would be ok too. I am enjoying my life more than I ever have. I love my work and my friends...I have a lot to offer someone now because my priorities have changed.
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 79
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/18/2007 7:31:58 PM
Most people who have been married can't seem to understand why some people stay single.

Most people who want or have children can't seem to understand that some people do not.

All is good as long as we stick to what we basically want to do with our lives. Problems come some times for people who don't listen to their basic needs and allow someone else to get them to change their status.
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 81
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/20/2007 1:04:49 PM
I'm not "OLD" Or Wrinkly . . {Refuse to pass _35_ . . !!!}
but, I'd like to talk to '1lonely' . . !! . .
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 82
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 10:34:13 AM
I'd like to throw my $0.02 in. The question "why do people who have never married stay single?", have you considered it may not be by choice! - last time I checked you can't just walk into a shop and say can I have a marriage please? Marriage requires the commitment of TWO people.
I'm single - as in never married, I'm also originally from the U.K. where getting married is a poor second to having a career . The reasons why I am not married are varied.
I am shy and detest the club seen.
After high school I served 9 years in the RAF - marriage was the furthest thing from my mind.
After military service I was building my career, working long hours and traveling extensively.
I moved to the U.S. 10 years ago and basically started again with the career building.

I have dated women I could have married, they did not feel the same. It is certainly not a lack of commitment issue, that's why I on this site with 'relationship' listed as LTR - now I've just got to get some replies to my e-mails.
It seems marriage status is up there with smoking and drinking as far as peoples impressions of a person are.
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 83
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:56:20 AM
If men would accept email from women who do not have a picture posted and who lived more than 20 miles away they might get a lot of responses. Some have testimonials from women stating how great they are it makes me wonder why the men are not dating these women and if not, why these women feel inclined to post comments about how great they are.....
 Highplains Drifter
Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 84
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 12:43:05 PM
Anyone who is over 30 and is single, whether divorced or otherwise, has some explaining to do. Who is likely to be the better match (1) the person who has never married, or (2) the person who has been married and divorced?

The person who has never been married may have some very good reasons. If they are not particularly good looking, the answer may be perfectly obvious, literally. I know plenty of guys who have never married and are over 45. These men are engineers, lawyers, businessmen and professionals; they are stable and would be perfectly good husbands. However, they are not as exciting as a drunkard, philanderer, or psychopath.

By the same token the person who is divorced may not be as good a choice. Looking at the statistics, 1 out of 2 marriages will end in divorce. However 2 out of 3 second marriages will fail. That is, if one marries someone who has previously been married and divorced there is only a 30% chance that that marriage will work. Nice people keep spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends.

The real concern should be about someone who is (1) good looking, (2) over 30, and (3) single; what's wrong with them?
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 85
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 6:30:28 PM
I'm with you 'Ohio Lady', why should single over 45's explain why they are not married and someone who has divorced one or more times is determined to be the better person!!!! I personally am not particularly religious but as I remember the vow has something to do with a LIFETIME commitment, not until one or the is fed up and wants a change!
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 86
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 6:59:46 PM
Scarlet - I have to disagree most strongly with what you said, if you had read my post you would realise that all single men over 45 do have responsibilities, personally I want to share but cannot approach women in clubs or bars - OK I'm shy about that, that's why I'm on this site because I can e-mail someone without being rejected in public - we're not all movie stars who can fall in love and marry someone before lunch. I personally want to marry someone who will be with me for the rest of our lives. As I previously stated I have dated ladies who I could have married but they were not of the same opinion.
Personally speaking I find your comment both unjust and offensive, I will share with the right person, not someone I should just because it is something I should do.
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 87
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:54:26 PM
Scarlet, I do not think I agree with you, I am not upset and as an ex-brit I encourage differences of opinion!!!! I just don't see that the last line of my comment proves your point - I thought it counterpointed with your point - hey discussion of the English language is always good fun, especially as I I'm not that great.
 Highplains Drifter
Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 88
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/24/2007 4:28:07 PM

I see in your profile that you're 49 and single. Does this mean you think there's something wrong with you, and you feel you need to go through life explaining your status to everyone?

I think you missed the irony in my post. The original poster implied a view that something was wrong with someone who had never married (i.e. made the same mistake once). A sort of superiority is implied in this attitude.

I stated that I know many guys (myself included) who have never been married, but don't have any significant deficiencies (unless one counts being well educated, having a good job and being nice as defects).

An appropriate response to the attitude of the original post is to point out that someone who is divorced does not have a particularly good track record, and the odds of having a successful relationship with them are not good (about a 30% chance of success). People who live in glass houses, should not throw stones.

In my case, I simply have not met anyone I really wanted to marry. Perhaps after practicing law for 25 years and seeing so many bad relationships, I know the perils of a bad relationship.
Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 89
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/3/2007 1:51:55 PM
To people who wonder why many of us are single and over 40? Well my story? When I was in my 20's even into my thirties I was to busy hitting the bar scene on the weekends as that is the only real form of entertainment in the small town area where I live where you can meet people. I had the looks and build for awhile, but was butthead when i was drinking, and believe me news travels fast and tarnishes your reputation real quick when you do stuff like this, but i deserved it. Into my late thirties I went on to get a college degree, and stayed away from the alcohol, as I know it does not bring out my best side so i won't do bar scenes anymore. In college opportunities knocked but I devoted all of my time to my studies, I was very afraid that dating might bring on head games that might interfere with my future carreer success. I eventually graduated after a severe auto accident, and now work at a job where I am required to work all weekends. So here I find myself in the personals. As to questions regarding a single older person still living with parents? I must say this, it seems odd, but you know I lived by myself for quite sometime and it was lonely so I let people think what they want, and if they can't accept it thats thier problem not mine. All i can say is hold true to your values, be you not what people want you to be, or what you think they want you to be. I have spent 1/2 my life trying to be what I felt others wanted and that did not work so I am going to be me
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 90
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/3/2007 3:14:42 PM
This may be a little off topic, but does anyone know the history of marriage? From what I've read, marriage was invented to protect property (women, children and land) and then there's the religious aspects of it, which was what, back in the stone age sometime?

I've changed my mind about getting married. I used to think men that had never been married were affraid to commit. Same with women. And I know there're still out there. Frankly I don't blame them. Who wants to have to deal with a legal contract stating that you have to stay together FOREVER or else? This is the 21st century, the old ways don't work anymore. People don't have to get married to have children, buy a house or do anything else any more. Hell, in some states you don't even get a tax break. And if we were to get our act together in this country regarding health care, people probably wouldn't get married for that reason either.

When I find my last relationship, I'm going to have a spiritual ceremony. Nothing legal. And if either one of us wants out, then so be it. Better then spending your last dime on a lawyer.

Thanks for letting me vent.
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 91
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/3/2007 3:16:58 PM
No offense to any lawyers out there.
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 92
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 2:04:29 PM
I did meet a woman whome I asked to marry me. Situation's changed and we never got wed. A few year's later she left,taking only her clothe's and wed a friend ? across the street. A few year's later she left him taking half his house
In my case I had a lucky escape and put me off for a long,long while, still a wee bit cautious.
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 93
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 8:19:30 PM
I'm 52 year old woman who has never married. I thought I was going to have the "story book" life--marry at 20-something, a couple kids, white picket fence--the whole deal. I came close a couple times.

When I realized it wasn't going to work out that way, I had my ups and downs until I hit my 40's. And now, I truly think I dodged a bullet.

We all need to play the cards life deals us. Sometimes it's solitaire and other times it's strip poker. And I'm never going to play "old maid"!
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 94
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:04:40 PM
Well now since I am still single and now 52 I can honestly tell you why I am still single.
Until I find a woman I wish to spend the rest of my life with and she can show me she also wants me to share the rest of her life with me I will remain single.
And yeah I understand all of you who got married /thought you had a good one & boom your not married any more and want the perfect mate now and Us single never marrieds seem like bad news !LOL
Well as us never marrieds over 50 will tell you we have not changed at all other then in age & looks. But you who did get hitched & split have really changed in more ways then you realize. And now you expect us never married folks to take you no matter what and we should be greatfull too! LOL
Wel sorry I have not and will not change my views on whom I am willing to meet let alone date. And I can not see me Lowering my expectations or standards to just settle for any woman who wants me !LOL And I am not worried and never will be worried if I do or do not get married. Either you are what I seek or your not . And don't even think of asking me to change just to date you as I won't . If you don't like me then don't bother wasting your time. I'm not here for buddies or because I am bored !
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 95
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/10/2007 7:19:02 PM
You make it sound like there is something wrong with someone who has not been married. I see lots of people who marry just to say they are and are unhappy and looking for outside relationships. Personally its something I have always wanted but that ahs not happened for me for whatever reason and at this age I doubt it ever will.
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 96
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/11/2007 1:21:35 AM
It seems as if most people think there is something wrong with us who have not been married when we get to be a certain age (I noticed that when I was about 40 that men seemed to be wierd out when they found that I have not been married) I am now 50 and would love to meet a great guy, and yes, I have fairly high standards in some ways. Nothing more than I can offer.
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 97
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:03:35 AM
I am single, I never married! When I was younger I was never in a rush to get married and did not know whether I ever wanted to. I travelled the world over in my career and it wasn't fair to a man to be chained to me either. I've always had my own profession so I wasn't looking for a sugar daddy to "take care" of me.

It dosen't mean I've never had relationships. That being said a couple of men have wanted to marry me, but I wasn't ready at the time. I did live with a man once, for 9 years and did not want to get married/obtain the bill of sale either - and not because I wanted to play the field, I was faithful to him.

Finally after years in hibernation, I did consent to marry a man 4 years ago, but we both decided not to. With the divorce rate what it is .... is it all that important to marry anyway? If you find your soul mate you can show commitment without that ceremony. If you must have a ring on the finger - that in itself is a commitment. get engaged!
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 98
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:47:54 AM
I forgot to say I did neither
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 99
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/13/2008 7:31:06 AM
Thanks, fellow Fishies, I will make sure my profile is clear about being never-married. Only once have I ever learned that a woman said of me, "If he's never been married, what's wrong with him?"

From childhood, I have always known that marriage was something I would never want to do to someone I loved and cared about. Born in 1953, I didn't have much by the way of positive role models for marriage - all the ones in my family and among the kids I knew were torture and disaster. Back then, before the sexual revolution and slightly more progress in the emancipation of women, marriage was a very explicit deal: pay for ****.

The man got secure access to sex, and the woman was promised financial support for herself and her kids. And a lot of abuse, probably. We all know how that turned out.
In dictionaries of the time - and well into the eighties - rape was defined as "forced sex with a woman OTHER THAN A MAN'S WIFE!" A woman's success in life was determined by her ability to land a man to support her. When rape laws started changing in the eighties and nineties, churches in the US went to court to defend marriage, openly arguing that women and chldren would never be able to get the support the needed (remember, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle!) without the bribe of sex.

Laws have changed, and attitudes have changed, and marriages come and go as serial monogamy, but I still want my loved one to always be with me because she WANTS to be. And if not, I don't want her to become an unhappy caged animal. I've had relationships lasting as long as ten years, always exclusive, and have lived with some, too, but I still think marriage isn't something you do to someone you like.

(Unless you need a green card or have kids to raise, which gives them certain legal rights.)

Not that I often get to talking about marriage with women, in case anyone's getting ready to tell me that my conclusions on the matter are scaring them away... mind you, I've just told everyone in the pond! Oh-oh... NOW I'm screwed....

Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 100
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 3/16/2009 11:27:45 AM
I agree.. "Single" means "Never married" but it could also mean "Widowed".

I think POF should include more categories of "Single" to clarify the true status of one's singleness.

For me, I am single(never married).. Ooops (red flag) !!! "Danger Will Robinson!"
So many rejections. Hard to put myself out there, just to be shot down every 6 years between falling head over heels for someone...

Well, for me being single is extra difficult because I am so loving and feel a part of me is missing. Also, because I always had hope of being a father and playing with my kids.

I was born disabled with Cerebral Palsy and do quite well physically and vocally. I studied electronics as a way to prove there were no cobbwebs in my head and give me some extra mental stimulation. Since then I have endeavored to advance myself intellectually through self study of many different technically oriented fields of study. The ONLY self improvement I regret never accomplishing was failing to get a driver's license so that I could get around on my own terms.

When I was 18, I decided that I love my future wife so much, I would remain a virgin until I got married, to honor said "future wife" who's name or vital statistics I did not know yet.

There were many contributing external factors that lead to me still being single at 51. A father with Alzheimer's disease, who set himself up as my "external brain", who knows how to run every one's life except his own...

I was just in a long distance relationship (8000 miles) with someone for 2.5 years, that ended with her telling me she was getting married, when I was almost about to buy her "the ring". I planned for 2 years how I would ask her...

Now, I feel like I have nothing left to give.. How do I tell someone I am single, when I lived the last 2.5 years planning for a wedding that never happened?

You may say, I set my standards too high, but I have seen other people's search criteria that also makes me wonder...

Like a girl who lists every possible good virtue a girl should have when lookinng for a mate.
Single, dont smoke, don't drink, etc. but when listing the guy she is looking for..
Says for every one of her virtues, she will accept a guy with none of the above.

I am not willing to thow away all of my standards just to get any girl that gives in...

My biggest failing on POF is in my introductions. I feel I should say something original to each person I meet, but that leads to a lot of awkward openings that don't always put my best foot forward. Then I get deleted fore she really knows the good guy hiding inside.
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