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Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 101
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I agree.. "Single" means "Never married" but it could also mean "Widowed".

I think POF should include more categories of "Single" to clarify the true status of one's singleness.

For me, I am single(never married).. Ooops (red flag) !!! "Danger Will Robinson!"
So many rejections. Hard to put myself out there, just to be shot down every 6 years between falling head over heels for someone...

Well, for me being single is extra difficult because I am so loving and feel a part of me is missing. Also, because I always had hope of being a father and playing with my kids.

I was born disabled with Cerebral Palsy and do quite well physically and vocally. I studied electronics as a way to prove there were no cobbwebs in my head and give me some extra mental stimulation. Since then I have endeavored to advance myself intellectually through self study of many different technically oriented fields of study. The ONLY self improvement I regret never accomplishing was failing to get a driver's license so that I could get around on my own terms.

When I was 18, I decided that I love my future wife so much, I would remain a virgin until I got married, to honor said "future wife" who's name or vital statistics I did not know yet.

There were many contributing external factors that lead to me still being single at 51. A father with Alzheimer's disease, who set himself up as my "external brain", who knows how to run every one's life except his own...

I was just in a long distance relationship (8000 miles) with someone for 2.5 years, that ended with her telling me she was getting married, when I was almost about to buy her "the ring". I planned for 2 years how I would ask her...

Now, I feel like I have nothing left to give.. How do I tell someone I am single, when I lived the last 2.5 years planning for a wedding that never happened?

You may say, I set my standards too high, but I have seen other people's search criteria that also makes me wonder...

Like a girl who lists every possible good virtue a girl should have when lookinng for a mate.
Single, dont smoke, don't drink, etc. but when listing the guy she is looking for..
Says for every one of her virtues, she will accept a guy with none of the above.

I am not willing to throw away all of my standards just to get any girl that gives in...

My biggest failing on POF is in my introductions. I feel I should say something original to each person I meet, but that leads to a lot of awkward openings that don't always put my best foot forward. Then I get deleted before she really knows the good guy hiding inside.
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 102
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:26:54 PM

I have always wondered why women and men that get to this age have never married at least once.

Why do people remain single at all? Tuka

I wonder how people manage to get married. Think about it. First, you have to meet someone who is "available" and who you are attracted to. Then you ask her out and hope she says yes. Next, you have to like her and hope she likes you. Then it's time to ask for a second date and hope she says ok. Finally, you have to like each other enough that you want to see each other exclusively (a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship). Then it has to grow into love and then marriage. So that's a lot of things that have to go right. I'm amazed that it happens as often as it does!

I'm single, never married and in my mid 50's. Most people feel that if a guy my age has never married, they either are afraid of commitment, there's something wrong with them, or they just have no interest in getting married. Everyone seems to feel that if someone wants to eventually marry, there is no reason they can't. Not true! I've always wanted to marry and have a family, but I need to be in love with someone in order to marry them and know that they feel the same about me. This 2 way street has never happened. Perhaps some people just haven't met the right person. I know that I haven't. There's lots that can be done to increase the chance of meeting that special someone, but there's still no absolute guarantee that you will. I personally know a lot of people, both men and women in their 40's and 50's and even 60's who have never married and I KNOW that they've always wanted to. There are a lot of us out there. Fortunately, I have not been teased or taunted about being single. I go a lot of places alone where my interests lie and meet lots of people and make a lot of friends (single, married, young and old), and they always see me by myself but they never ask if I've ever been married. I guess I'm fortunate that I don't feel that I'm an outcast. Being single is, unfortunately, what life has dealt me (so far), but I have learned to enjoy a lot of other things that life has to offer and I still am willing to get married for the first time, at any age, if I meet someone and we fall in love.

Getting married is easy for some people, just as easy as meeting people and getting dates and into relationships. For others, these can be very difficult things and an awful lot has to go right for it to happen.
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 103
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:33:18 PM
Oh, and in case any of you are, I've never lived with a woman either.
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 104
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/20/2011 3:29:33 PM
Tinsmith, my opinion exactly. I was very shy when younger, and always felt that I was not mature enough and didn't want to raise defective kids.
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 105
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/20/2011 7:02:43 PM
well i'm the other side of the coin....i married with absolutely no intention of getting divorced. it took 22 years before i did with great anquish. my lawyer didn't get much...i just wanted out. you have to realize that many times people grow apart in long marriages. i am not the same person i was when i married, and he wasn't either. i just felt like i outgrew him...i'm not apologizing for getting divorced....ever.
Joined: 4/16/2011
Msg: 106
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/20/2011 10:41:57 PM
Marriage is not the answer to your relationship issues.It is a legal commitment that is very expensive to get out of if things go wrong.
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 107
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/21/2011 9:52:40 AM
I'm 58 and never have been married. I've never proposed, though I have wanted to twice (only once with a straight mind).

No abuse in my life. Some betrayal from a woman or two, but not enough to "make" me stay single. I want someone in my life and, finally, would like to be married. It just hasn't happened yet, but I believe it will.

Allowed me to spend much more time than most with my daughters as they grew up and as they are grown. I'm not a player or gay. I've thought about the "why" of it often, but find no reason that makes sense to me. Alone is not a bad life at all, until you've been with someone and have to return to it and adjust again. However, being with a mate is so much better than I can ever remember.
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 108
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/23/2011 11:15:05 AM
having two great sons out the marriage was the best, but really nowadays you don't need marriage for that. does make it easier tho.
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 109
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/24/2011 7:50:35 AM
at a very early age we are old that we have to be married at a certain age and i don,t buy into that.It is all about preference.
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 110
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/24/2011 10:45:39 AM
I will admit to being leery of men that have never been married and are say, over 40. But being that I have been divorced twice, I sure don't have the answer either.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 111
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/25/2011 7:00:00 PM
dont sweat the never married bit, its my life, not yours.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 112
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/27/2011 9:59:35 AM

I will admit to being leery of men that have never been married and are say, over 40. But being that I have been divorced twice, I sure don't have the answer either.

I think the latter part is what's missing when people scratch their heads over someone "too old not to have ever married". Many people see being married & divorced being better than never to married said person(s).

Many people want to be married for the sake of being married, and will assume there's something wrong with someone who doesn't see it that way, which can be found in some who ARE married, but found statistically easier in those who are older and who have not. Seeing that position as something wrong is just a point of view that is an old-school -cultural- taste, not a better one by any means.
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 113
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/27/2011 10:55:26 PM
I've never been married. I am committed to the notion that if I ever do get married, it will be to my soul mate. Yes, I believe in that mythical beast, even at the mature age of 46. And I'm sincerely hoping that one of the wonders of life is that we get to have more than one during the course of our lives; you know, like different soul mates for different periods of our lives.

Because if not, then I just don't see myself ever getting married. You see, the one and only soul mate I've ever had became, after four years of a very intense relationship (which ended over a decade ago, mind you), one of my best friends instead of my wife. Where did it go wrong, you might wonder? Well, she may have been my soul mate, but as it turned out, I was not hers.

My dearest wish is to meet someone that I click with so deeply and completely that I call her my soul mate. And ideally, she would think of me as hers as well. Until that happens, there is no way I am going to entertain the notion of marriage. I may very well go to my grave a life-long bachelor because of this. But I know all too well what it is like to spend years in a relationship that doesn't make my heart soar, and that is simply a compromise I won't make (again) just to avoid Being Alone.
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 114
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/28/2011 9:31:41 AM
I don,t think People should be married by a certain age just becouse society says so.the divorce rate is 50%.I never got married becouse i seen a lot of it and i havent found the right 1 yet.
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 115
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/28/2011 2:24:20 PM
Right on Jumbo Shrimp!!
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 116
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/1/2011 9:48:39 AM
Don't have to be "married", but by 45 or so they should at least have a "substantial" relationship somewhere along the way (lasting more than just a couple years). Otherwise, whether M or F, it's not a good sign.... kinda like having a really "spotty" job resume!
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 117
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/1/2011 11:33:55 AM
^^^^^I totally disagree, I would much rather date a man who had few relationships that were short term than date someone who had a relationship or two that lasted a long time that did not result in marriage, seems a waste of time to me.
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 118
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/1/2011 11:59:44 AM

I can assure you that there IS NO distinction to be made between 25 years of 'marriage', and 25 years of involvement in a committed relationship.

I'm pretty sure there is a distinction between the two, otherwise you would married.

I don't think one is any better than the other, but I think they are different... maybe not having gone through a divorce is a good thing. Many people are bitter because of the legal process of divorce.
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 119
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/1/2011 6:58:18 PM
I have never married thou I was with the same woman for 24 years faithful as a dog.I got sick and she left.Marriage would not have stopped her and made a layer rich.
I do NOT need a piece of paper to stay with the right woman when things get tough.No one leaves when thing are OK.
If she fells that strong about it I would con seed for my sole mate.
I have not found her yet.I hope she is here on POF.
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 120
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/22/2011 12:12:42 PM
I personally was never in a hurry and I didn't necessarily subscribe to the notion that one MUST get married, even eventually. I think marriage isn't what it used to be but of course how would I know since I never did it. Admittedly I was also afraid of it because literally everyone I know is divorced, and the majority of those were not pretty. I would ask myself why I would ever want to go through that? Now, I am not trying to say I'm not interested in a long-term relationship. I still hope to find Miss Right but she just hasn't materialized yet. I've frankly been through too many relationships, 2 of which almost resulted in marriage but again, not that one knows the future but it just didn't feel right. I hate to think I'm not relationship material but then next thing you know, I'm 52 and still looking. I will never know (not likely anyway) the experience of having children, nor do I think I want any at this point in my life but I often think I've missed out of a big part of life. Luckily there are lots of women out there in a similar boat, my age bracket, never married and no kids, the trick is finding the magic. We don't fit the norm, so perhaps it's more of a challenge for us.
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 121
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/24/2011 7:35:52 PM
Well, I'm over fifty and never been married. I lived with someone for four years after going out for three and considered it the equivalent of being married. We bought a house, did all the domestic stuff,took vacations and were generally a happy couple until she became bored with me. I had just turned 40 when I met her and I thought she was the one. Guess not.

So , I've been single for seven years and have my up and downs in dating. I've met some great women and some flakes.

Finally, after all these years I've come to the conclusion that I should have married my GF in college. But how the hell did I know? I was only 21 and thought I wanted more experience.
Joined: 4/8/2011
Msg: 122
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 8/29/2011 3:46:43 PM
OP, I am single. I was married, separated, and then divorced. If the stats-o-philes at the government demanded it, I'd list divorced for a year and the rest of the time single. When I signed on to this site, I listed single because that is what I am.

As to why men remain single after they've been married and gotten divorced, the reasons may be many, although I suspect that "varied" might get put to a challenge.
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 123
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 8/29/2011 8:26:33 PM
I have been told in other threads that not settling is a good and admirable thing; now not settling becomes one of POFs infamous "red flags?"

Not surprising. ~Grin~

What is it men in women do require
The lineaments of Gratified Desire

What I Desire, I have not found; at least, I have not found in someone who was available to keep.

Sex is not so rare as some would bemoan it; beauty is an illusion, and more fleeting in age than anyone on this board who values it will admit. I have loved for passion, and found that passion burns like Magnesium, in white-hot brilliance and far too quickly. I have loved compassionately, I have loved companionably. And I have never once been not alone in the center of it.

I desire someone who understands me. Someone I can talk to. Someone I can relate to, and can relate to me.
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 124
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/5/2011 2:14:35 PM
I must admit but when I read that a 45+ old man has never been married, it raises red flags. I know things are not black and white but in this instance, this becomes a serious concern to me.
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 125
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/5/2011 2:50:08 PM
Why should it raise red flags if a guy is over 45 and not married? Is this just another tool for you to use to eliminate a man because you think something is wrong with him? Why not give someone a chance and judge them by their actions and treatment of you instead of just dismissing them? I would rather date single women that have not been married. I have dated divorced women that I know are damaged goods but I start them all with a clean slate but they soon reveal themselves. I should put a red flag on all the divorced women here as there must be some reason they are divorced. Oh thats right, the men are the reason they are all divorced.

I am 46, never married and no kids. At least I never just spread my seed with multiple women not caring that I knocked someone up. I have had a few good relationships but I really want a wife so I keep on looking as I want total commitment. I have found most of the women I dated to not know what they want and they were all afraid of committing to one person.

I have kept the names of every woman I ever dated and have looked them all up online and have even chatted with a few of them. I found over 50 of them that I had at least a couple dates with as well as another 60 or so that was one date and guess what? All of them except for TWO are still single. So is that a red flag that something is wrong with me or is it that the women I have dated are all messed up? Maybe if some of you took the time to find out you would find a quality guy across the table from you.
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