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 lifesshort03
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 9
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Interesting Observation On Online Dating.Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
On sites like POF, which are completely free, I'm sure that is the mentality. But what about sites where you have to pay a substantial fee. Match and Yahoo are relatively cheap. I'm not sure how much E-harmony is, Chemistry was $50/mo. I am thinking that as you go up in price, you are also weeding out the "riff raft" habitutial serial dater from the serious "I wanna find a partner" person. I'm not sure that same mentality holds true for your premium pay sites. Just a thought.
 tmreed1
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 22
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:43:13 AM
I think htis is an interesting subject and was going to reply in person but found since I am not in your age range I was not allowed. I found this interesting.

I am looking for a great guy that takes good care of himself and his girl. I will know when I meet him, it is difficult to decide what you are looking for and I think Internet dating increases the access but it also increases the chances of a person being more dishonest. Doesn't really matter though. The truth comes out eventually now doesn't it.
Soem folk just can't be honest and it is a shame they may hurt me for a min but in the end it is them

Just my thoughts

Tracy
 preshuz one
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 29
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:23:00 AM
All I can say is I wish I lived closer to FL....

sigh its like throwing meat to the wolves here.....
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 34
Do you think courtship today is worse than it used to be?
Posted: 4/20/2007 7:10:30 AM


Msg: 19 -- just keep some faith and honesty in your pursuits, please.


The honesty is easy to maintain. The faith, however, is diminishing rapidly.
 Dreamerxoxoxo
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 35
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:47:18 AM

I think it's more like a kid in the candy store. . Some just can't decide which one to pick. I believe there are a lot of good people on sites like this being honest about what they are looking for, but unfortunately there is a lot that's just looking for a good time, and pretend they want more to get it.


I agree with the analogy of dating sites being one and the same as candy stores. I've been on this site for a year now but have only gone on a few "meet and greets" that actually led to a date. It's not that I feel like a kid in a candy store, it's because for one reason or another, I didn't feel a "connection" with that person or think there could ever be a potential connection. The chemical attraction thing is most important to me.

I also agree that some people on dating sites are just looking for a "good time" with no intentions of finding an SO or at least give that impression. I can usually see through that person on the first meeting, but if I'm having good conversation and some laughs, I would still consider dating him again. I don't think every guy I agree to go out with necessarily has to be the epitome of who I would consider sharing my life with. A lot of the times, I will meet someone who is fun to just hang-out with. ie: out-door concerts, the beach - that sort of thing. I can enjoy spending some time with someone knowing full well it's not going to lead to anything more. It doesn't mean that I can't decide which one to pick.

If you really think about it, the one for you is rare so there's only one way to find that person and that's to meet/date a lot of people to find the one who fits your life style and feels for you with the intensity you feel for them. I experienced that once, so I know what it takes. Until I that happens, I'm enjoying my single life and won't rush into making any changes.

I've taken a sabbatical from dating for a while to make time for other people and things that are important to me, but I'm still here on PoF because I enjoy the forums and want to stay in touch with the friends I've made here.

However, if and when the time comes that the universe smiles on me again and places that special person in my life just once more, I will certainly remove myself from PoF or any other site I might be on at the time and if that special person is really the one for me, he'll do the same without me having to suggest it.
 preshuz one
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 36
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:57:23 PM
i dont think of BBW as morbidly obese...my two cents...i think of myself as a BBW.....& "thick"...
 lifesshort03
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 39
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Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:10:19 PM
Kool,
I have been in this gig for about a year and a half now. The day I started, I saw this one "featured" profile of a lady in my area. She was an attractive lady and I sent her a couple of e-mails. Heard nothing from her. So she's not interested. No problem. I have seen her profile off and on for the past year and a half. Recently, I saw her profile on POF. I e-mailed her and asked her why she she could not find a guy. She was an attractive lady and I thought she could have found a steady by now. Her response was, "it was so hard to find a good guy. They think that women are a dime a dozen on these sites. They treat us like such garbage. Even the nice guys are corrupted."

The "they think women are a dime a dozen" comment took me back. Most of the guys experiences on here are just the opposite. They cannot find a lady to respond back to them to save their lives. I think she was just going for that GQ, I make over 100k guy. The one in a 100 dude that gets all the ladies while us average guys get 2 dates a year.

As for internet dating, I think that the majority of people on here are just window shopping, not really serious about finding someone. I think a lot are already in committed relationships or marriages and are looking to see if the grass is greener. The minority in these sites are honestly single and serious about finding the right person, and are realistic about what is out there in the real world. I hear so many women that say, "I would rather be single for the right reasons than married for the wrong ones." Great, but don't **** because you can't find the right guy. I think for the majority of men and women, they are single because their expectations are not in line with reality. But whats the saying, you always want what you can't have.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 42
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/2/2007 11:36:54 PM
I have come to find out that by the 'standards' of internet daters in *my* area, I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough. And as much as I was, at one time, driven to try and do something to change those two things, it hit me that once I 'fixed' those, it would be something else that left me not quite up to par. Like... getting old/being older. In the last year the 'reasons' men have handed me for their not being interested have shifted from my weight, my looks and my hair (yup, they've let me know they dislike my hair!), to... my age. In less than two weeks, I've had more men than I care to have, refer to me as "old" and one refer to me as "not a spring chicken anymore" ...

... so these days, I don't know WHAT to make of it.

*SHRUG*
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 44
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/3/2007 2:49:51 AM
OP I feel the internet is a tool and can be either used well or badly... according to the operator using it.
 preshuz one
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 45
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/3/2007 8:02:05 PM
[I have come to find out that by the 'standards' of internet daters in *my* area, I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough. And as much as I was, at one time, driven to try and do something to change those two things, it hit me that once I 'fixed' those, it would be something else that left me not quite up to par. Like... getting old/being older. In the last year the 'reasons' men have handed me for their not being interested have shifted from my weight, my looks and my hair (yup, they've let me know they dislike my hair!), to... my age. In less than two weeks, I've had more men than I care to have, refer to me as "old" and one refer to me as "not a spring chicken anymore" ...

... so these days, I don't know WHAT to make of it. ]

I'll tell you what to make of it....'EFF 'EM if they don't like you.....you will find someone who likes you for YOU...not for what their perception of you should be. I found a great guy on here and we have so much in common. Im 37 and I was so ready to give up but didn't. Lo and behold, we are inseparable and laugh all the time. I really feel like I have found my best friend. He and I wouldnt change a thing about the other.

So, its THEIR problem, not yours! Just be yourself, open and honest, and the right one for you will come along, mine did!

 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 46
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/3/2007 10:55:32 PM
Wow! I guess I must be the chicken in winter. . . .

 Dreamerxoxoxo
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 51
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/5/2007 11:03:39 AM
msg 45:

- and I will add, is willing to show it and put forth the effort to make it
known...

msg 59:

People can be the best actors in the world on a date and you go home feeling it was a very nice date and hopefully another will follow, nothing is more hurtful then to find them back online again within hours or days of meeting you. I just wish people men /women could be totally honest with some degree of taste and tell the person,you aren;t my type or something alone those lines. Why give people false hope and make them think something that isn;t there. It really makes you think ,,Why date....


Yes, showing someone how much you care in a budding relationship would be the ideal. I dislike having to play the guessing game or having to "read between the lines", so to speak. My philosophy is .... If you feel it - show it... If you don't - voice it. It's simple as that. Feeling it but not showing it is game playing. Not feeling it and not saying so is cruel if you are aware the other person is feeling more than you want them to. It takes good character to consider the other person's feelings above your own in having to tell them something that might make you feel uncomfortable but, at least you're being honest - there's comfort in honesty. Chemistry is something you can't control. It's there or it isn't.

The only way to avoid unrealistic expectations is to have that conversation before meeting. Have the understanding that you will tell each other if there is or isn't an interest in continuing to getting to know each other before the meeting ends. It leaves no room for having to guess or misunderstanding each other's feelings.
 ttawny
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 62
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/6/2007 7:57:01 AM
Can somebody tell me what's so interesting about this?
 Dreamerxoxoxo
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 64
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/7/2007 8:43:03 PM

We must first be happy and content with who we are before we can fully enjoy what another person brings into our life. Focus on the good things in the relationship and stop dwelling on the minro imperfections of others and relationships would be much better.


I agree, with this statement. When I became a widow, it was the first time I'd ever lived alone. During my 4 yr self imposed isolation, I had no choice but finally get to know the real me. I'd only known the wife-me, the mommy-me and the daughter-me. My daughters were grown and on their own so I had more time than I cared to have to get to know the original me.

I found that happiness comes from within. No one can "make" me happy. Happiness is a
choice. I learned that liking myself is a choice, also. It took a lot of soul searching, but once I made the decision to choose what is important in my life and what is not, everything started falling into place. I was able to be genuinely content with who I am and what I was able to accomplish on my own.

Happiness, being able to laugh at yourself as well as with others makes one more attractive to others. I don't mean physical attractiveness - I mean attractive as in people like to be around you because your joy is contagious. I can always tell when someone has a happy spirit. They're like people magnets.

The method of meeting people online can be very disappointing at times, but for the most part the people I've met were all genuine. There was an analogy on another thread that pretty much hit the nail on the head, so to speak. Meeting people online is actually like fishing.... some fish you decide are keepers. But, some after meeting them you know within the first half hour there's no potential at all for one reason or another so you throw them back in the pond.

I use the analogy of shopping - there are some shopping trips that are very successful, you find what you went shopping for and other times you go shopping and come home empty handed because you don't want to settle for something just for the sake of buying it.

My mini rant:
I just don't understand why anyone would upload photos that are 5 or more yrs old - that might be ok if you have no intention of meeting anyone face-to-face, but to show up and not look anything like the photo that's posted is embarrassing for both parties. It's no different than a retail bait and switch. Are they that confident their personality would make you over look the fact that they are 5-10 yrs older than their photo? I just want to turn around and walk out, but can't bring myself do it. Thank goodness that only happened once. I hope it never happens again!
 Cutepid
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 68
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Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:59:27 PM
I think it's wonderful he was honest and upfront..trying to explain what's attractive to someone, to really describe chemistry, magic, that something special, even for me as a writer I get lost. I would rather someone tell me right off the bat that there's no chemistry instead of waiting till later on when my heart is invested and blow up my chemical lab with a bomb. Consideration is definitely something people on internet lack. I know both men and women who do not respond to e-mails due to the fact they are "overwhelmed" with e-mails..Since when did common manners dictate that you ignore courtesy?..if you read an email..then you were interested..even for a fraction of a second..someone spoke to you on the internet street..Accountability...the internet is the fast food of relationships.
 GuitarGuy_
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 70
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/11/2007 3:31:52 PM
This post is so wordy.


 supragurl
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 71
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 5/11/2007 3:44:16 PM
I don't think it fosters the 'grass is greener' mentality. I get many messages a day (not to say im attractive, because that's purely subjective in and of itself.....) but most are by men who may seem attractive upon first look at their pictures but......i either have nothing in common with them, or theyre just not at my level on a few things after a few messages.

I don't feel that there are a lot of people out there that i'll connect with or will be able to connect with because of that. So no, there is no grass is greener mentality...whenever I find a guy i'm interested in (usually this is in real life not the net) I tend to stick with them knowing there ARE many people out there but chances are theyre NOT better.....at least when the relationship is going well :P

I think this would go for anyone....attractive or not....man or woman.

we all are looking for different things, and only a few people satisfy that.....a large number of men i'm not interested in contactin me is annoying rather than complimentary or reassuring.

Then again, i'm on here to make friends...
 robfish
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 72
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 7/12/2007 8:42:54 AM
^^ I agree! I have been a member for a couple of months now and I can't believe how rude people can be online. I have come across very few decent people and it took so much effort and weeding to get to that point. The sad reality to dating sites is that they are meat markets, a couple of decent ones in a pond full of shallow fish!
 koolmate42
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 74
Interesting Observation On Online Dating.
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:47:49 AM
she is right dont worry about the ones that dont like you look for the ones that do. find that person that likes the same things you do by doing them. i have never had any luck on here but i still meet people as far as age gose, I dont see where that matters. i look for people my own age to go out with, not someone alot younger than I am the few i have dated outside of here have been older than me not younger. I dont know how old your daughter is but if your like me all my kids are gone and im looking to have fun now not raise a family this is the time of your life you should be enjoying your self and looking for that one that wants the same. Worry about you and the rest will fall into place when you least expect it. Dont worry about what the rest say there not the ones that have to put up with you for the next 75 years.
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