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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 265
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?Page 12 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Gina, Gina, Gina! Where did you go?! ;( Since you're not here anymore, I'll just do a non-point-by-point response due to respect & your liking, but just a summary.

Pof had a clean up but before they did most messages where asking to have sex really quick

Again, regardless of the topic, the concept is simple & common sense: If your results askew are WAY off average -- there's something 'you' are doing wrong, and you should bear some of the responsibility of bad results coming your way. If virtually EVERY guy you've been an item with couldn't lay on the couch or curl up on a recliner with you on a Tuesday afternoon without trying to get into insta-sex right then and there -- that's outside of general expectations in boy-girl scenarios (way off average) -- and it's something you're attracting/doing to bring them in. Having A guy like that, or a few in a long history of many guys you've gone steady with since your mid-20s -- that's considered more normal. But EVERY guy? There's something one should correct in what they themselves are doing, what types of guys/girls they go for, etc -- for their own best interests. Refusing to take that into consideration when it comes to things they don't like only expresses a "me me me" mentality and will keep running into less than ideal situations at best.

My basic screening is pretty basic, I like to keep things efficient. If he has a job (not necessarily made it yet but with prospects), has friends (decent ones) and a family (decent ones) around him anything else is a workable situation really, providing he is also seeking a relationship.

Again, this is about wanting a Relationship With Him at that point -- not wanting to Date him to Potentially form a Relationship if things work out. I wasn't questioning a screening process. My concern was about people wanting a Relationship First, then picking someone to fill that void Second, where the focal point is "being in a Relationship". Much like the concept of being in love with being in love -- and finding someone to fill that void. It should be wanting to date in general, opening the road where that can happen -- but being 100% content & happy NOT being in love or in a set Relationship, in and of itself.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 266
Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 12/19/2015 1:59:21 PM

Gina, Gina, Gina! Where did you go?! ;(


Maybe you should have cuddled with her.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 267
apparently, Gina's time was time-to-go
Posted: 12/19/2015 3:29:07 PM
I suspect some men cuddle b/c they think its going to lead to sex. last wedding I went to, the bride told a joke:

why does the bride smile at a wedding? b/c she believes she's done with bj's

why does the groom smile at a wedding? b/c he's not aware of her plan yet
 lazurm
Joined: 4/26/2015
Msg: 268
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 12/21/2015 8:19:06 AM
More than half the time, maybe much more than half, I'd prefer to cuddle without it having to lead to sex. Sometimes a cuddle is all that's needed.
To think otherwise makes it more like a job than an expression of closeness, safety, care and, yes, even love.
 hawkins-kennedy
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 269
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 1/5/2016 9:21:31 PM
Cuddling to me is a form of intimacy that I couldn't/wouldn't perform with someone who I wasn't intimate with. It's partly because it would turn me on and get me thinking about this person in a way that is not healthy. I think girls are able to cuddle without it being intimate more so than I am. My GF likes to cuddle all the time, and it leads to sex probably less than 50% of the time. Sex is probably on my mind 100% of the time when we cuddle, I don't always act on it but it's always on my mind.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 270
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 1/7/2016 9:56:51 PM

Thing is, it didn't bother me as a younger woman, didn't really bother me most of my marriage. Its only really looking back and thinking, wow that's a long time to go with out a cuddle on the settee just for a cuddle.

Yeah, you rolled with it, wasn't a big deal, etc. Cuddling when you don't cuddle a lot is a form of foreplay if it's date-time or winding-down-time. Have you ever watched a movie with a guy you're seeing without sitting on other ends of the couch or sitting straight up? Ever watch a movie with a guy you're seeing -- and seeing the WHOLE movie without making out during it? Sure, that's harder with someone on the first few dates if you're curled up on a couch -- and it's likely going to be at night with said guy. But with a BF -- watching a movie the whole way thru without having sex is quite common... with curling/cuddling up on the couch together included, too.

You still date even if the sex is early in the relationship. Who on earth would try to make a relationship out of just having sex?

These two statements conflict a bit. If you have sex upon first meet of an otherwise stranger, no, there is no obligation to date. There is an obligation to, say, open things up for dating IF there's a mutual attraction that's date-worthy, but that's about it. Not everyone reaches out to date the person right afterwards because that person was in-the-moment, and not someone, after everything's said and done and digested, date-worthy/compatible. The conflict in the statements is -- just as it's crazy to expect a relationship to formulate out of just having sex -- expecting to start dating (as you say it) is essentially the same thing! It's the process of making a relationship! :)

nor would I settle for 'just sex'

A lot of guys and gals who have sex right off the bat of a meet-n-greet aren't thinking "I JUST want sex, that's it ever with this person," at the time. They flow with things, are thinking about it, etc -- and afterwards aren't caught in the moment anymore and THEN assess that person -- which may turn into apathetic interest shortly thereafter. They're not thinking about that. They're going with the moment. Even guys going out to "find some action" at the bar and hook up -- they aren't necessarily going to not want to see the gal again. Plus, many times when someone's out to "find some action", they're not thinking thru it as an agenda; it' just how they unfold. Especially for gals. So if/when they do, it's not a pre-emptive decision to just bang-n-disappear at all.
 oneofzillion
Joined: 6/17/2015
Msg: 271
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 2/25/2016 11:09:48 AM
When you know it's not going to lead to sex you can relax and cuddle in comfort.

For those of us that have slept with someone without having sex know how wonderful it can be.

Most people are afraid to get that close... but that is where I begin.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 272
Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 2/25/2016 5:50:11 PM
What about kissing? Is there or is there not any kissing as well? What kind of relationship is it where the only contact is cuddling (and maybe kissing-to be determined)? I wouldn't call it friends with no benefits, because I don't cuddle with platonic friends.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 273
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 2/27/2016 11:11:26 AM

What about kissing? Is there or is there not any kissing as well?

Nope! :) As the OP clarifies:

Say you are interested in this girl, but she only wants to be friends? Do you cuddle?

The title of this thread is misleading, as the OP clarifies that it's not about leading to sex in that instance, but EVER -- and not just sex, but it being a situation where the friends-only line is drawn.

What kind of relationship is it where the only contact is cuddling (and maybe kissing-to be determined)?

A really really weird platonic-but-not-purely-platonic one. With the friends-only line drawn, I think if the guy really likes the gal, he'll take a stab at it -- as it's kind of an oxymoron to cuddle with someone for the sake of enjoy cuddling up on the couch together when you draw a friends-only line. A guy will typically take that to mean that she likes him to some extent, and wants to role-play as being friends (title and expectations) and take things slow in terms of feeling out the potential of being more-than-just-friends. But the guy is going to capitalize on the cuddling, it being a more-than-platonic endeavor. He won't put up with it more than a few times at most before getting frustrated as all hell if she won't let that lead to more.
 oneofzillion
Joined: 6/17/2015
Msg: 274
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 3/22/2016 7:34:39 AM
I just applied to be "professional" cuddler...

I see why it's needed!

I have slept with lots of women and not had sex. I have a friend that comes just to sleep with me, no sex... she complains about he husband!
 albertafor51st
Joined: 3/8/2016
Msg: 275
Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 3/22/2016 11:37:04 AM
^^^
This is not a good sign.Women go to bed with you and decide not to have sex...
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 276
Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 3/22/2016 11:59:21 AM
If cuddling is the objective, then sex is just a bonus if it follows.
 2016summer2016
Joined: 3/18/2016
Msg: 277
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 3/28/2016 12:02:54 AM
Probably not OP. I sleep better alone lol
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 278
Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 3/28/2016 10:31:02 AM
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Just made me dizzy, His pic upside down!
Cuddle is cuddle, with anyone, no sex required.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 279
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 3/28/2016 11:27:21 AM

I have slept with lots of women and not had sex.

But not having sex isn't the issue. It's whether or not it's merely platonic or more than merely platonic.

I have a friend that comes just to sleep with me, no sex... she complains about he husband!

Would he be cool with that? Would you cuddle and fall asleep with another dude who's complaining about his wife? Then it's not platonic. Good luck trying to convince the guy, when wanting to do that, that you're not bi/gay, right? :)

Women go to bed with you and decide not to have sex...

It's not a good sign, but in different ways. Best not to have sexual relations beyond that if they're taken and b!tching about the husband/BF -- even though cuddling and sleeping over is crossing the line. But if single gals want to sleep over and cuddle and Never do anything more than that with you? Unless it's just a temporary thing you'd understandably like to do with a hot model, both are being weirdos.

Cuddle is cuddle, with anyone, no sex required.

I agree that sex isn't required. But cuddling is more-than-platonic, unless some very unusual+understandable circumstances are in the mix. Some gals who like guy-attention will want to believe it's just platonic and they're not getting guy-attention, even though their BFs certainly wouldn't like that. But I agree, it doesn't mean sex is required anymore than if you kiss someone, sex isn't required either.
 dwmitch
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 280
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/9/2016 10:46:25 PM
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I think non-sexual cuddling goes further with me than carnal relations.

Growing up I had some things working against me. Every winter my scalp would dry out, itch 24 hours a day no matter what kind of shampoo I used, my constant scratching caused numerous head lice checks throughout the year in addition to the two scheduled ones (I'm sure the unscheduled ones were to check me specifically but they did the entire elementary section of the school to keep from singling me out), and while I was always louse free, the nurse would always say "this is the worst case of dry scalp I've ever seen and that includes the last time I checked you."

Because of my constant scratching even the school nurse publicly announcing that no cases had been found in the entire school didn't dispel the rumor that I had lice. As a consequence coming in contact with me was the worst thing that could happen to a kid as far as they were concerned.

If the teacher had me pass out papers, or we had a teacher that put a stack on the first desk of each column to pass back, people would actually pay attention to where I touched the papers and go out of their way to avoid touching that spot. If I touched a spot they had to write on they would write as normal, then they would take a tissue out of their desk to wrap around the pencil lead while they broke it before going to the pencil sharpener (every one of the girls did it other than my cousin, who had the assurance of her aunt (my other cousin) who cut my hair that the scratching was caused by the same thing that caused her feet to constantly itch between the toes, but some of the guys did it as well).

My scalp issues ended in high school but the treatment didn't. Same thing with the papers and now the added risk of accidentally bumping into me in the hall between classes. When that happened a lot of girls would actually run to the bathroom as though they had an emergency and change into their gym clothes for the rest of the day. If they bumped into me in gym (coed classes with no gender segregation beyond the locker rooms) they would run to the locker room and change back into their "street clothes." They would rather go through the rest of the day stinking of sweat than to have the slightest contact with me.

If my cousin tapped me on the shoulder she was cut off until one of the girls supervised a thorough hand washing regimen. This continued on until graduation, where despite the tradition of going out in alphabetical order (which would have put me at the halfway point) they put me at the end. The kids who would have gone after me literally threatened to riot if they had to shake hands with someone who shook hands with me first.

Because of my experiences I've always equated physical touch with acceptance. That's why I loved family reunions, because my cousins, one of my sister-in-laws, my paternal aunt, and nieces would always hug me. My eldest niece use to climb up on chairs to get things off of the top shelf of her closet then hold on to my shoulder to step down. Most kids measure acceptance by whether or not they're allowed to play with the other kids or join in on their conversations. If someone put a hand on my shoulder or a cashier accidentally touched my hand while handing me change without freaking out that meant as much to me as an invitation to wrestle or go down to the swimming hole or sit around a bonfire and shoot the bull.

A woman willing to lie next to you for an undetermined period of time with her body pressed against yours is nothing to some guys, frustrating to others, but it means everything to me. You can go out and pay some random hooker for sex, but cuddling is something that's harder to get. It's more intimate, if you and a female friend are both single you can safely do it with them without all of the headaches of a friends with benefits setup, and as someone who was treated like a tuberculosis infected rabid leper for 13 of the first 18 years of his life even a friend who would never have a desire to date me using me as a pillow during a movie is like God himself giving me a warm hug.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 4/24/2016
Msg: 281
Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/12/2016 7:34:29 PM
I wouldn't cuddle with a female friend. To me, I'd question the friendship, if a female friend wanted to, to begin with. It would be awkward to me, as I genuinely consider my female friends, to being just that--platonic friends.

Once you're a buddy, a hug is as far as it goes with me. Maybe a fist bump.

Cuddling to me, is something that comes with a relationship, so to me--being sexually active, is already implied.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 282
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/12/2016 8:39:48 PM

You can go out and pay some random hooker for sex, but cuddling is something that's harder to get. It's more intimate ...

... which is why it's Clearly not platonic.

... if you and a female friend are both single you can safely do it with them without all of the headaches of a friends with benefits setup

I disagree with that. It will bring headaches. For you in the less than 0.01% of people, you'll be happy just to get that and it won't be a hassle for you. Well, at first anyway because it's a YUGE accomplishment for you. If a single girl is doing this with you tho repeatedly, you're going to fall for her -- and there's going to be headaches when she doesn't like you in-that-way, and you'll begin to see the conflict.

Litmus test on whether X is platonic or not:
- If you can do X with another guy with no questions about being gay coming up, and other guys in general are totally cool about it and see it as such -- then it's platonic.
- If you can do X with another girl and you'd bet $1,000 that a serious GF would have absolutely no problems with it -- then it's platonic.

- Are straight guys going to be wanting/willing to sleep in your bed cuddling with you the whole night, and thinking it's platonic? No.
- Are you going to bet $1,000 that a serious GF isn't going to be upset if you spent the night in a female "friend"'s bed, cuddling the whole night? No.
 dwmitch
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 283
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/13/2016 4:05:19 PM

- Are straight guys going to be wanting/willing to sleep in your bed cuddling with you the whole night, and thinking it's platonic? No.
- Are you going to bet $1,000 that a serious GF isn't going to be upset if you spent the night in a female "friend"'s bed, cuddling the whole night? No.


Who said it had to be all night in bed? I wouldn't share a bed with a strictly platonic friend, but there's a world of difference between that and her leaning up against you during a movie.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 284
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/13/2016 5:54:04 PM

Who said it had to be all night in bed? I wouldn't share a bed with a strictly platonic friend, but there's a world of difference between that and her leaning up against you during a movie.

Leaning up against someone during a movie, although toes on the platonic line -- isn't cuddling. Cuddling is curling up together, wrapped up together laying on the couch or bed. It's not merely having a little body contact. That's just sitting together. Cuddling up together is as intimate as laying down on the couch together or in bed together. Who said it had to be all night? It's just an example -- it doesn't have to be. But if it's wrong during the day, it's wrong at night. It puts it in perspective.

If you clearly can't do X with another gal while you have a girlfriend -- it's not platonic. Pretty simple. You can't do something with another girl that's understandably banned by girlfriends, then when single claim what you're doing is just platonic.
 dwmitch
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 285
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/14/2016 2:59:58 PM

Leaning up against someone during a movie, although toes on the platonic line -- isn't cuddling.


I guess we have different definitions or everyone in my area defines it too broadly. Where I come from everything from a child laying on his mother's lap while watching TV to sitting on the couch with your arm around someone to laying in bed with your limbs all tangled up with each others' (provided there's no penetration) is considered cuddling. Basically it's any contact that goes on longer than a hug and doesn't include sexual components such as necking or genital stimulation.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 286
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/14/2016 6:14:46 PM

Basically it's any contact that goes on longer than a hug and doesn't include sexual components such as necking or genital stimulation.

Cuddling is holding close in one's arms. Basically like a hug, positioned that way, curling up together, 1-on-1 -- indefinitely. It doesn't require kissing, although, between two adults, it many times will with no surprise.

What would your reaction be if you had a GF, and she was gone all night, and you ask "Where have ya been?" and she says "I was over at my friend Rick's place. We cuddled together for hours on his couch watching movies."? Would you honestly think that was a platonic endeavor?

What if a guy asked to cuddle up with you on his couch for hours, watching movies? Would you want to do that -- and would you want to do that more or less VS doing the same thing with a cute gal while you and she were single?

I'm just saying that even though it's not close to being R-rated, and many times wholesome -- it's not at all a platonic exercise between a guy & gal adults.
 LittleDreamGirl
Joined: 4/27/2016
Msg: 287
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Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/14/2016 10:16:46 PM
I love cuddling and am a very physical/ affectionate person. Cuddling with someone you're in love with or in a relationship with is heaven to me and that's the ideal situation. But when I was younger (in my 20s) there were a few times that I cuddled with some platonic male friends. I truly had no sexual feelings for them but felt emotionally close to them so enjoyed the cuddling for what it was. But in one instance my best guy friend at the time started to get turned on, so I realized after that, that for guys it's much harder to enjoy cuddling and not feel aroused. Once I realized that, I never cuddled with a platonic male friend again.

However I do at the moment have a platonic male friend who by exception, I would cuddle with if the opportunity came up. I AM attracted to him but don't want a relationship with him because he would be a horrible boyfriend long-term (he's basically a hermit and somewhat anti-social), but he's a great friend, we are very emotionally close, and we are both single. I watched a movie with him at his house a few months ago and we didn't cuddle or anything. But the next time we do, I might suggest it...I just love cuddling and can do it without feeling aroused.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 288
Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/15/2016 12:39:11 AM
You people do realize that this is a troll topic don't you? The OP only started this because he wanted to see all of the loving cuddle buddies drop their pants and expose themselves for the contemptible simps that they are.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 289
Would you cuddle if it NEVER lead to sex?
Posted: 6/15/2016 1:57:53 AM
LOL OP hasn't been seen since 2007
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