Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !![T      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Meface
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 401
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!Page 17 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
I think this whole coffee thing is kind of insensitive. In the first place, I can't even drink coffee. I get dehydrated for 3 days. I drink tea. In the second place, it's a way of saying you've got to be sort of a circus clown and jump through hoops to score with them. I'm not some tightrope walker. I mean, if a woman expects a $200 date on the first meeting, she's a golddigger, but I don't see the harm in a salad or a burger ( if you're not a vegetarian.) Why do guys need to announce to the world, I'm the biggest cheapskate in town, but I'm so hot, you'll tolerate it?
 Knittin Kitten
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 402
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 8/13/2007 7:25:40 PM
Have you seen the price of a STARBUCKS coffee these days? It definitely does NOT say "cheapskate!)

I don't even think it's a matter of coffee...or lunch..... To me, what is important is if two people want to meet and explore whether or not there are any possibilities of a relationship. As one poster already said, if you can't agree on getting together, then it's obviously not important enough to bother to even meet. ( You can be sure there will be a hell-of-a-lot of compromises in the future, if you want to maintain a good relationship!)

If you've met and you mutually want to extend the meeting, I cannot imagine either party demanding to be served...coffee....tea....lunch.....or whatever. It's just step one in learning to interact. I have never had a problem with it. So far, for me, coffee has often been extended into lunch and pleasant conversation....whether there was a second date or not. And, I have traveled half way on many occasions!

And, if you want lunch and the other party doesn't...order it...eat it....and if the other party doesn't want to pay for it...pay for it yourself. You already know you're not a match.

And, if it's THAT bad, and you didn't get either coffee OR lunch out of the deal....I'd either wait til the other party left, and order my own lunch....or I'd leave and stop for lunch along the way.

There are no right or wrong answers, it's all simply an investigation as to who is best suited to who. (Or is that whom?)

Just my thoughts...my last ones on THIS subject.

Fondly,
KNITTINKITTEN
Judy
 Dog Mommy
Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 403
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 8/13/2007 8:04:41 PM
What's wrong with coffee? I would think it would be a safe idea...if you had no interest in him, you could just finish the coffee and leave...if there was something more there, you could then both decide on lunch or dinner.
 AtHomeInTheWoods
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 404
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 8/13/2007 9:41:13 PM
Well I didnt read 20 pages of posts, but all I have to say is if I had to do all the driving (4 hour total in the OP example) then be kinda sporting if she took me to dinner at somewhere casual (I am not that picky, cheap is fine). If she was willing meet me half way, heck I'd spring for both our dinners somewhere casual as I hate driving long distances and it would be worth it in time saved. If she was super frugal (bless her heart) and just wanted to go dutch on coffee, tea, or any other non-alcoholic beverage and no dinner, fine. Dinner or coffee or other refreshment isnt really the main point of meeting anyhow. I'm thrifty, but not stupid or mean or that worried about spending for casual meal out once in a while nor worried about driving some extra miles if there is no place exactly half way.

Now if she wanted me to do all driving and pay for some fancy expensive dinner for first meeting, well we probably are wasting our time to begin with. I've never been much interested in expensive meals out and if thats her lifestyle, well as I say we probably just wouldnt be compatible. I'm not into high maintenence women. Also somebody unable to compromise in arranging a first meeting isnt worth the bother cause that person sure isnt going to be able to negotiate and compromise in a LTR. When somebody gives me an "all my way or the hiway" ultimatum, I will always choose the hiway. Thats the way my last relationship ended, she just couldnt negotiate and wanted it all her way. Really sad as I was very much in love. Guess she figured once she had me hooked, she didnt need to compromise. I am fairly easy going and laid back. Some people mistake that for weakness and try to push for an advantage. They get an unpleasant reality check when they push too far.

Also the OP was ****ing about having to get up early morning. I am a morning person, so I've found from experience it works best with another morning person. Heck I'd get up in wee hours and meet for breakfast or coffee at a Dennys or someplace if that worked best. Now if somebody tried to keep me up late night, I'd probably be totally uninteresting and might even go to sleep. I swear the first date with my ex, I fell asleep in the movie theater. I remember when I woke up, some kid sitting behind us was exclaiming in a loud voice, look mommy, that man is asleep!.. Luckily (or unluckily) my ex thought it was cute.
 beachchick
Joined: 6/27/2005
Msg: 405
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 8/14/2007 7:32:40 AM
"I would ride a riding lawnmower however many miles if I liked a women. (in the rain and snow )... "

Well that's nothing, would you push a push-mower that far for the woman of your dreams?
 nomadd77
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 406
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 8/14/2007 7:49:03 AM
No thats not cool, traveling takes time, money, and energy. I had a stuation like this where a lady was comming from out of state to play some pool. I set up a few other things for us considering that she was taking her time to come see me its only considerate.
 enszygirl44
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 407
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:33:08 PM
Yep, That's my kinda man! ,,, ...lol
 Translation
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 408
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:00:08 PM
Holy crappers! Is this thread still here?
 curveyone
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 409
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:42:44 PM
why didn't he offer to come to your town and meet you?? dump this loser asap.
 lalatina44
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 410
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:10:11 AM
Why would he even want to meet someone who lives so far away?
He can't make it to your place for a cup of coffee but he wants a long term relationship later on?
Are you going to get to know each other by pigeon messaging?
Does he have a private plane?
What is the thinking here?
If he is aproaching you and doesn't want to make the trip let him stay home.
I have on my profile "live close by"
I get e-mails from guys who live across town, in the LA traffic can be 3hrs, 80 miles away and the guy says "maybe you are into weekend trips" No, I'm not! Who is???

You are not being a princess or difficult, you are being practical.
Wow! 20 pages of this!!! Long Thread.

 MiPuertoRico
Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 411
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:28:19 AM
Sound's like a cheap scape...I guess the gas price's affect some more then other's.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 412
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:11:00 AM
This thread is a year old, and the OP appears to be long gone.

I enjoy, however, that some people call the guy an inconsiderate jerk, but then question why he didn't drive to her. Wouldn't a more sane response to be "Let's meet half way" which the OP seems to hint that the man asked for after some consideration?

I mean, the whole, "Well, if I'm driving this far, we should have lunch or dinner" argument is fine, but a first meet should be something that's easy to disengage from if you don't click. Not only that, if you aren't in to driving a long distance for something that might not last long, the sane thing is to limit your search area. (Or you could plan some kind of backup in the area... but that depends on where you live. I'm near a lot of free museums and entertainment.)
 Momarks
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 413
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:09:46 AM
msg 485 ensygirl44 486, 487, 489 and whoever else.

As so often happens, information that was somewhat important trickled out slowly from the OP.


1.Yep, That's my kinda man! ,,, ...lol


1. he may just well have been.. who knows? the story was never told completely. and his version has never come out. and she added so much later on that the story was more than it initially appeared.

This is yet another one of those threads that seem to be going in one direction then take a complete hairpin turn . people don't read the posts in which more explanation is given and in which the attitude of the original poster is revealed to be somewhat less than originally given. And whose previous posts ARE remembered as being of similar nature in tone as well as attitude. THe defenders ignore that fact of the OP on this specific issue yet point these same negative traits out in the people who are posting a dissenting opinion. Or apply that logic only in circumstances that suit their purpose. however, it is all good.



2. why didn't he offer to come to your town and meet you?? dump this loser asap.


2. They apparently live some distance apart. the 60 miles she had to drive was a portion of whatever the distance actually was.
THe distance she was asked to travel was a little short of being halfway. Although this was never made clear: was the distance 75 miles each so 150 mile round trip?. Did the guy initially offer to drive the 90 miles with her only driving 60.? Apparently he was also driving a substantial portion of the distance between the two. Although not insignificant, the distance was not the major factor in the argument as it was revealed later on that it might have been worthwhile had lunch been involved.


3. Why would he even want to meet someone who lives so far away?


3. I think that the question would best be applied to HER. not him as she is going on about the distance. It would make better sense to question her. You are asking for the motives and intentions / purposes/thoughts of a person who is not even on the thread. He doesn't have to explain to us how he factors in the distance travelled to meet anyone.
She later makes it quite clear that she wasn't ever going to meet anyone for such a token offering at such a distance on any weekend day. The question later became " why did you ever pretend to be interested in meeting the guy or posting this if it was never your intention on travelling anywhere. Your question would best be asked of the original poster.


4. He can't make it to your place for a cup of coffee but he wants a long term relationship later on?


4. THat was not discussed in the thread- at least not much if at all. She apparently wanted some sort of relationship with some guy who met her requirements. Later on in the thread she revealed that she didn't even find the guy attractive in an overall sense. She made some comments that some people took as being dismissive to him as a person- ver and above being a 'loser'. She also called him some sort of blue collar worker. Some people took offense to her calling him that as that sort of description often is stated with some degreee of contempt-as if "those people" are beneath the speake's status. If the speaker is not aware of how this could be perceived, then it likewise shows a blissful ignorance of some aspect of life that most of us are aware.


5. Are you going to get to know each other by pigeon messaging?


5. They spoke via email and apparently by phone. By some of her comments, it became clear to some of the readers here that each were 'testing' the other as to what the other person was like. The conclusion some here have made is that "he" failed her test and that "he" dodged a bullet. both were going to drive some distance to see each other. But each had different expectations- she wanted more than he was willing to oblige himself to having to keep.

6. Does he have a private plane?

6. no.. ..lol

7. What is the thinking here?

7. the thinking here is that two people who may have had something in common didn't share the same priorites on their time, money and weekend arrangements. The point of the thread is not obvious as it doesn't seem to have much to do with the title it was given. She was not the only person driving the distance. And she may not have understood that there could have been more to the day than just coffee: it just wasn't going to be an obligation on the part of the guy. He was not willing to confirm that he would buy her dinner after first meeting her. SHe EXPECTED to have at least lunch. HE may have done this but wasn't setting it in stone.


8. If he is aproaching you and doesn't want to make the trip let him stay home.

8. it sounded as if they both were initially interested in each other. However, as the thread progessed, the OP revealed that he really didn't meet her requirements. And that she wasn't about to meet him anyway. So initially it was the distance thing and /or combined with 'only a coffee" but not dinner. maybe the distance wouldn't have been so bad had it included lunch or something better than dinner. Yet again, as the thread progressed, the OP gave more reasons as to his unsuitability on other areas. So people wondered if there and/or what was the real but hidden point of the thread. They wondered if the OP had some other motive.


9. I have on my profile "live close by".

9. People flat out told the OP to put these requirements on her profile. Perhaps she has done this. If you are only willing to date within a 20 km radius or a 30 minutes driving time, then put that stipulation on your profile. If you expect to be treated to lunch then put that you require your first "meet and greet" to be dinner at a nice restaurant. This reveals what you are like ( there is no judgement in that comment ) and gives people reading your profile a chance to see if they are of similar mind.


10. I get e-mails from guys who live across town, in the LA traffic can be 3hrs, 80 miles away and the guy says "maybe you are into weekend trips" No, I'm not!


10. wow.. i wouldn't want to live in LA. nice place to visit. and even that may be a stretch.


11. Who is???



11. many people are up for many things in this dating game. it really is an eye-opener to discover what people have to do and what people have to put up with. I didn't know about this yet people do go to great lengths - in effort as well as distance to meet other people. HOpefull both people are nice.




12.You are not being a princess or difficult, you are being practical.


12. someone may or may not have called her a princess. however, eventually all agreed that this was a good enough term to describe someone with these expectations or demands. She said something to the effect of " if expecting this sort of thing makes me a princess then I am a princess " or whatever. it really doesn't matter as there is nothing wrong with being a princess.


AS someone else ( BT or Bike or countless other ) pointed out, it is the attitude that everyone must abide by that self-appointment as otherwise they are 'losers' that caused people to cringe.


13. Wow! 20 pages of this!!! Long Thread.



People took offense to the bristly manner in which people who agreed with her explained themselves. or defended themselves against a perceived attack.


This was also a thread in which one woman essentially defined her dating logistics as a financial transaction in which the likelihood of the man getting to have sex with her increases in direct proportion to the amount of money he spent on her. Her explanation was sadly disturbing yet sadly perhaps not uncommon-.
However, even though this is true- that many women do not achieve orgasm during sex- some of these same women still enjoy the act of becoming one with another person. I am not even sure if this was the thread as all these threads seem to be the same thing after a time. It was disappointing to read that but c'est la vie. it is what it is.
 Drackoe28
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 414
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:31:27 AM

A cup of coffee or a drink, with the potential for lunch, dinner or some other activity after if we mutually desire such is more likely to be the case, and I am sure others do this as well.


This is probably what the guy had in mind anyway. If you're upset with committing so much time to go see someone (which I agree, may be asking too much), why would you want to COMMIT to spending at least an hour with someone. Potentially a very awkward hour. If it goes good then you may well have spent the whole day, but if you know from the get-go its a no go then why waste the time?
 lalatina44
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 415
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:14:22 AM
You are right Moomarks: I didn't read the 20 pages, so I don't know if she wanted coffee, lunch, dinner or a trip to the Bahamas in exchange for driving there to meet him.

I just have this happening all the time. I haven't met one guy who lives close by yet.
Some of them do the math and say if you drive 45miles that is half way.
I'm like if you never sent me an e-mail and I didn't know about your existance, I would not have to drive ONE mile.

If I ever come across a profile that is so interesting I would like to meet the gentleman in it and I CONTACT him, I would think the right thing to do is (specially if he lives far away)to drive to him.
I'm interested, he didn't contact me, I made the inicial contact therefore I will drive.
I have contacted one guy who lives close by and I did ask what would be the most convenient place to meet for coffee and met him at lunch time one block from his job.

That coming from a woman.

What ever happened to the old fashioned men?

Now we are counting miles to part it exactly in the middle, even when he was the one wanting to meet her?

She is long gone but this problem still around.



 Momarks
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 416
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:45:12 AM
i smiled at some of the misunderstandings in the posts about how it is possible to extend a cup of coffee past 15 minutes. People commented that a cup of coffee only lasts a couple of minutes.

I am aware that it is the give and take of our common language separated by context and culture that give rise to that misunderstanding.

and yes, I am aware that they could have been sarcastic. It was fairly clear that some of these people were not being sarcastic but rather didn't understand the idea. For those people who do use ironic/sarcastic comments- they certainly must be aware that sarcasm is not always easily seen and is frequently misinterpretted itself as being completely serious. People who use sarcasm in these situations are showing themselves to be somewhat socially unaware. Perhaps a thread about the pros and cons of sarcasm could be started to see howpeople actually view this thing....

Some of the people not understanding what was meant were from Australia or the UK. So , as an explanation as to how a 'cup of coffee" could last past 15 minutes:

we are not talking about the actual cup of coffee.
we are not talking about huge/bottomless carafes of coffee.
we are not talking about getting refills of coffee.
we are not even talking about 'coffee'.

When it is said that the '15 minutes for a cup of coffee extending for hours " , we mean the date extending for the remainder of the day or whatever the time mentioned.

If the "let's meet for a cup of coffee" went well and both people enjoyed each other's company in the initial meeting , that 'cup of coffee' COULD be extended into shopping and meeting each other later for dinner/lunch/supper, racquetball or squash, showers then whatever else happens when two people enjoy each other's company.

So a meet for coffee could end up with the couple spending the rest of the day together given the distances travelled and time involved.

It could have been that this was on the guys' mind but he either didn't say it or Astreaa didn't mention that he said it. She may not have been aware that this is how things work if the people actually like each other.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 417
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 11:29:56 AM
^Exactly. I've had coffee turn into an all day event... but you don't say, "hey, let's get coffee and hang out all day" to someone that you don't know. You get coffee and see where things go. If you hate each other, 10 minutes might seem like too much...
 actualized
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 418
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 11:30:29 AM
what's the big deal? women drove over 100 miles to see me for the FIRST time, one even 250 miles. I drove 90 miles to meet someone once.

dwelling on the word "coffee" may be what's getting in the way. If enough was talked about to provide a reason to meet that goes beyond coffee, then drop the coffee and think of it as driving for the possibility of lots more than that.

seems as though there's resentment for something else to throw this into a forum thread.

by the way, i value a water rinsing of beans as no more than ten cents.
 Drackoe28
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 419
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:01:41 PM
I mean, yeah, I eat quickly and could easily end a lunch date in 15 minutes if I'm bored. I think you're setting yourself up for failure if you go into a date with the expectation you're 'owed' something for your time. You're just testing the waters on any first date. If a monsoon hits in 15 minutes, well yes, I'm turning around right away.

"seems as though there's resentment for something else to throw this into a forum thread."

Hah yeah. This sums up pretty much the entire forum.
 Momarks
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 420
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:18:37 PM
lalatina,

no worries. the thread was almost ridiculous in it's content.
however, your comment is valid: there are too many people out there who jus tmake it almost impossible to meet anyone. They discount all effort made by the other person and only count the pennies spent. And vice versa. People make up too many rules so that you can't even have a good time. The other person is left wondering if she/he is living up to the rules that the person has- the infamous list. or who had the side salad and who had french fries.
that sort of person is someone I don't need.

It doesn't have to be equal- each person just has to be happy with the situation.
and if they aren't happy to be able to talk about it with him/her.

If the woman is a princess- then she has to keep searching until she finds a man who will treat her accordingly.
If the guy is a king - then he has to keep searching until he finds a woman who will treat him accordingly.

The thing that is difficult to swallow for many of the rest of the peasants in the kingdom is when these same self-proclaimed kings and queens come on line to complain about how the serfs in the fiefdom didn't play up to their rules of the game.

It's kind of grinding.

Now , having said that, If I am ever in Santa MOnica, I will take you to Ko Ko's or is it Cuco's ( ?) - if it is still there- i heard that it closed - or to the restaurant close to the beach where I once had great boneless skinless chicken breasts in some delicious sauce.

My treat. limit 50 bucks. You can get thenext meal. just don't pick mcDonalds.

I don't like the firehouse- greasy french fries are not my cup of tea...lol..

If you know of a latino dance club- then at night, I'd take you dancing. If you don't know how to latin dance- that's okay. I am sure you'll do fine.

its probably a 10 buck cover- I'll spring for that. for both of us.
THe last time I was at a bar in California- drinks were about 8 bucks so we'll have a few there. I drink to enjoy the evening and quench my thirst- not to get drunk.. It's hard to dance when drunk..
we'd have a wonderful time and I'd have you back home by 4 am.
if at that time , you say to me " care to come in for coffee?" i will jump at the opportunity.
AS just about everyone knows that 'coffee" doesn't always mean " coffee"


of course all this hinges on whether you meet some or most of the requirements of my list and I meet some or most of yours... lol.

or the most important ones anyway..
 lalatina44
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 421
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:11:13 PM
Momarks:
See, now, that sounds like a date I would like to have.
Koko- roo is good stuff! $20.00 will cover it, I'll split it too! :-)

BUT OF COURSE......................you live in Canada!!

You sound like a nice, intelligent, elocuent man.

I'm sure the canadian ladies are fighting for you affection.
 actualized
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 422
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 2:55:30 PM

See, now, that sounds like a date I would like to have.
Koko- roo is good stuff! $20.00 will cover it, I'll split it too! :-)

BUT OF COURSE......................you live in Canada!!

You sound like a nice, intelligent, elocuent man.

I'm sure the canadian ladies are fighting for you affection.


throw the money around and women shall follow. MONEY&SEX are inseparable because people keep forcing a connection between the two.

"elocuent"? well we all make typos.
 BigA1224
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 423
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 3:03:20 PM
It's funny that I saw this today. I was in the same situation this afternoon. Naturally I declined.
 trailviews
Joined: 8/14/2006
Msg: 424
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 3:15:02 PM
Coffee / lunch, WTF is the difference?!? Isn't your goal to meet and have a conversation with the person? Would you be more or less offended if he asked you to meet at the library, or a park bench?
 Knittin Kitten
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 425
view profile
History
Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !!
Posted: 6/18/2008 3:23:35 PM
Yup, 21 pages, over a year old, are a lot to read. But, I think the same problems still exist today. I posted on Msg. 480, almost one year ago....After re-reading it, my thoughts have not changed.

Perhaps some of you may wish to go back to the page where Msg. 480 is and see what I had to say at that time. (If I can find the page, I will post it here.

Knittin Kitten


And, by the way, I traveled at least that amount of mileage, to spend a day with someone whom I had already met (I believe here on POF) and, ended up getting in the car and returning home, within less than an hour....why? because, even though it had been agreed upon prior to my taking the drive, I refused to get in bed with him.....

Ironically, he messaged me the other day, asking how I was....my reply to him was polite, but it was clear that I was doing fine without him.

Sincerely,

Knittin kitten
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !![Thread Closed]